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What improvements do you think we could use? :/
  A more defined plot
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  We're fine as we are <3
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Consistent Spontaneity
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PostPosted: Sat May 22, 2010 4:02 pm
"I'm fine," Aura managed, still clutching the edge of the wall with one hand and her side with another. A full minute of agony passed before she straightened, a little pale, but otherwise seeming fine. "Are the others still back there?"  
PostPosted: Sat May 22, 2010 4:07 pm
Alex looked at her wearily. "Ok...if you say so. Yea I think they are. We can't really go and get them." She said.  

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PostPosted: Sat May 22, 2010 4:19 pm
Aura slumped against the wall, hearing this. She had a numbing headache, and a tingling burning sensation was spreading from her side and shoulder--where she'd been hit earlier.

"We'll just wait for them here then?" she managed to say weakly, staggering towards the couch in the room.  
PostPosted: Sat May 22, 2010 4:26 pm
Alex nodded helping her over to the couch. "We have no choice." Alex said. "Unless I can go in there again and get them out."  

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PostPosted: Sat May 22, 2010 4:32 pm
"No," Aura stuttered, moving slowly. "They'll be--"

Her words faded into gibberish and Aurasine fell on the couch, unconscious to the world. Her mind blocked out the tangible world and slipped away into memories.  
PostPosted: Sat May 22, 2010 4:38 pm
"Aura! Aura! What's wrong! Aura! Wake up!" Alex screamed.  

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PostPosted: Sat May 22, 2010 5:18 pm
Midnight, outside the theater by the harbour.

"Elisa, we're not supposed to do this!" a little Aura cried, running after her and trying to work with her red and black dress.

"It's ok, Aura. Dad's going to be busy signing autographs and he'll have to talk to Adam after anyways."

"Who?"

"Adam Printz. The lead actor?"

"oh, right. Oi!"she called, as Ellasyn dashed off again. "Oi! Wait up!"

They wove though the human traffic and stopped on a dark, quiet dock. Awed, they took off their shoes and hung their stockinged feet off the edge, inches from the surface of the water.

Elisa broke the silence: "Elias showed me this place. His friends and he used to sneak out here during the productions and play poker."

"What?"

"My brother," Elisa said with a scolding glance.

"I know that," Aura replied, rolling her eyes. "What's poker?"

"Dunno. He said it was a card game."

They sat on the edge of the dock for a long time until a voice boomed out, "ELLASYN!"

The two girls looked embarrassedly at each other and put their shoes back on and ran back to the theater, where Mr. Gilfax chided them both briefly, before resuming conversation with someone else.


Aura shifted but didn't awake. The poison from the bullets was still in her system, keeping her senses entrenched in the past.  
PostPosted: Sat May 22, 2010 5:32 pm
Alex ran into a near by bathroom and got a first aid kit. She applied rubbing achohol and water to clean the wound. She grabbed some soap too. After she thought the wound was clean she added gauze and bandages to it.  

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PostPosted: Sat May 22, 2010 5:56 pm
A flicker of light as sound registered in Aura's mind, but still she remained in her past.

"Aurasine, you have to be nice to Elijah," her mother said strictly. "Even if he's your friend, he's still the son of your father's boss."

"But, Mum...I'm always nice to him."

"I know. I'm just reminding you. Now run along."

Aura rejoined Elisa and the two escaped to Elisa's room. "What'd your mum want?"

"She told me to be nice to Elias."

"But you are nice!"

"I know. I told her that and she let me go."

Elisa sighed, irritated. "Let me guess. He blamed you on something else again."

Aura nodded.

"I still don't understand how you can like him after everything he does to you." Elisa looked at her friend with an expression between disbelief and irritation. "Actually, don't explain." She laughed and assembled her flute deftly. After tuning, she broke into a melody improvised on the spot.

Aura waited a moment, to get the general tune of the song and then searched the giant room for inspiration. Her eye caught the dozens of dolls--71 of them last time they checked--hanging on the walls and she sang along, making up random lyrics and occasionally dancing around.
 
PostPosted: Sat May 22, 2010 6:02 pm
Alex sat waiting and hoping. "Maybe I should go get the others...." She thought aloud.  

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PostPosted: Sat May 22, 2010 6:06 pm
Flickers of light and sound. The brush of something soft and the taste of saliva in her mouth.

Aura blinked a few times before sitting up. "oh, hello," she said to Alex. "Ahh...sorry, sorry. Did I just pass out or something?"

There must have been something in the bullet! We have to warn the others!  
PostPosted: Sat May 22, 2010 6:09 pm
"Yea you did, I took care of the wound, and you shouldn't move just yet. I'll go get the others. I'm not swiss cheese yet." Alex said pulling out her gun again and leaveing.  

Your_Last_Wish_For_Death
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PostPosted: Sat May 22, 2010 6:11 pm
Aura started to laugh but stopped when it hurt. "Thanks! And stay safe!" she murmured and leaned back against the couch. Don't I feel useless.  
PostPosted: Sat May 22, 2010 6:19 pm
Alex went back to the top of the stairs. "Maybe if I draw him or her out it'll be better...." She thought taking a step back from stairs. "HEY! YOU! IDIOT WITH THE GUN!" Alex yelled out. "I'D APPRICIATE IT IF YOU'D SHOOT ME FACE TO FACE COWARD!"  

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PostPosted: Sat May 22, 2010 6:28 pm
Idiot with the gun, Aura mused, giggling to herself. She attempted to stand, but quickly collapsed back down on the couch. Gah!  
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