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samanthaualani Vice Captain
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 Posted: Tue Mar 09, 2010 8:37 pm
samanthaualani 
Annah was going to fight back, and push him away. But she needed this. She needed him to hold her tightly and just tell her it was going to be okay.
Even though, "No it won't. This ******** changes every damned thing. It makes every ******** thing even more complicated."
Her face was plastered against his shoulder and she was sobbing, harder and harder. She couldn't do this. She was pissed off at the world. "Why the hell did this happen? Why?"
There were so many people out there that wanted kids that couldn't have them. She didn't want a kid! At all! Never had!
Starting a family? Ha, right. So it could turn out like she did?
Then there was a knock at the door. She sniffled, really? ******** really?
The doctor, held out little pieces of folded paper to them. Brandon took them, she didn't even want to look at them. There would be pictures of cute little babies and everything.
"No. I want an abortion. I don't want to look at any of those. We'll scrape the money together. I can't ******** do this." She stated, very matter-of-factly.
"Where do I schedule that? Can you make that happen, like soon?" If there was one thing she knew, there was a time limit on abortions. They couldn't just do it at any time. Once you were too far along, you were too far along.
[i loooove these two! and nahh i understand love<3 no worries. im busy as well -.- i hate school. OH AND GUESS WHAT? i feel like poop, stupid girl s**t. ]
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Posted: Tue Mar 09, 2010 11:04 pm
t h e
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l o n e r Brandon sighed quietly and placed the leaflets back on the table, looking at the doctor with a sort of apologetic look. In any sort of stressful situation, Annah would take care of the being angry part. He wanted to be angry right now, it felt like the right thing to be in this situation. To curse the world for doing this to his girl. But he wasn't. He couldn't.
The doctor looked at Annah and seemed to be perfectly understanding of how insistent she was.
"Well. I still think it's something you ought to think about. After we schedule and do scans, we can see how far along you are, but since you aren't really showing yet, I'd say you still have a good month to make your decision.." he could tell that his patient wouldn't take to that idea, so he carried on. "but if you're sure it's what you want," he said, looking at both of them, "then you can make an appointment with the nurse at the desk."
Brandon nodded quietly and looked at the doctor's name-tag, Dr. Farraway, he must've missed the introductions. But he wondered how Dr. Farraway was acting so calm. Sure it was his job. And he probably had kids too. He looked about 10 or so years older. Would he be scared if he was in their position? Mind you. He didn't seem the type to get himself into a situation like this. He didn't seem like a fool.
The doc stood up off the table and spoke again. "I'm afraid however anything you want done can only happen by next week at the earliest, I've got to go into theatre in a few, so I'll have to leave you two for now." he said glancing at his watch. "Whatever you decide to do, we'll help you out with, so try not to worry so much." he said again before offering his hand out to two of them before leaving.
Brandon blinked and took it giving it a steady shake.
He stood there in silence for a bit, his arms crossed and lips pursed. "Let's get out of here." he said, looking at Annah and nodding his head towards the door. He was tired of this clinical look and smell of this room.
[[me toooooooo biggrin cheers. but i will get it all done at some point this week. i HATE school too. its such a ******** drag. though, thankfully, i only have a month, give or take a week, of it left. EVER. omg. scary thought. feel like such an old hag. n'awh ;( whats up babycakes?]]
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samanthaualani Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 5:16 pm
"No." She stated, when the doctor said he thought they should still think about it. She wanted this thing out of her now, like today.
"Okay," She stood up, but he was still talking. Next week? That wasn't soon enough! "No, there has to be something earlier. I'll talk to the nurse." She tried to step around the doctor, but he stepped to the side, not really allowing her the space to leave. "Try not to worry? Are you ******** kidding me?"
Annah scoffed. "What do you know? You-" She stopped, he was shaking Brandons hand then leaving. "Yeah, after we make that appointment." She threw the door open and headed straight for the nurses desk.
[ hahaha b***h. i still have like two ******** months or so. BUT aprils gonna kick a**!! (= you're not an old hag razz and hm. lots is up actually haha im HAPPY for once. Shocking, i know i know. what about youuu? ]
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Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 11:09 pm
t h e
r a n d o m
l o n e r Brandon followed as she stormed out, and by the time he reached her at the front desk she was already giving the receptionist hell.
"I'm sorry ma'am, but we just can't fit you in anywhere today. The earliest we can book you in is next tuesday."
It was Friday today right? Man that wasn't long. But Annah seemed to disagree. This was all too much. "..I'll be in the car." he said, almost unnoticed, before leaving the hospital and unlocking the car. He pulled at the door, but it was jammed slightly. After attempting to pull it open he stopped, feeling his patience just go. Watching Annah failing to get herself what she wanted, and just getting angry because of it. This was so shitty. He let out his anger on the car, kicking the hell out of its side. After he had dented it and smashed the wing mirror he yanked to door open and got it, before slamming it shut again. People in the car park around him gave him crazy looks and made a point of going the long way around to avoid with way. Yeah. ******** right.
Brandon clenched his teeth together and held onto the steering wheel for dear life as he dropped his head done against the top of it and forced his anger and tears away. It was painful. And stressful. And he wanted out. He hadn't wanted to kill himself like this since Aspens. It wasn't healthy. He opened the dashboard and the pillbox inside was practically calling out to him, but now wasn't the time.
Annah was approaching ahead, so quickly closing it shut again he leant over and unlocked her door and started the engine, waiting silently for her to get in.
[[Ahah good! sudden change of mood! but i like it. I'm alright. just trying to get through school work, and normal work and all that s**t. not really gonna start living until school's out. but ah well, am getting by (: ]]
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samanthaualani Vice Captain
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Posted: Fri Mar 12, 2010 1:49 pm
"Next Tuesday? You don't understand do you? I have a living child in my ******** stomach. I don't know if you know, but I've attempted to kill myself before and its pretty damned likely to happen again if I don't get this fixed!"
She hardly noticed Brandons abscence as the not-so-shocked receptionist sighed loudly. "Miss if you don't calm down I'm going to have to call security."
"Just ******** do it!" The lady reached for the phone, "Do you want that Tuesday appointment? Its not going to be any less booked anywhere else." There was another abortion every six minutes in the U.S. alone.
"Fine." She cursed under her breath and started to leave. But she was just so upset! And when Annah was upset everyone just had to know. She whipped around to shout something but the guards were already grabbing her by the arm to escort her out of the building.
"I don't suggest coming back in here acting like this." They shoved her out the sliding doors and watched as she stormed off to her car, but not without flipping them the bird.
When she finally hit the passengers seat she broke down into a new rush of tears. "Are you gonna drive or what?" She wasn't thinking when she snapped at Brandon. She just wanted out.
"You could probably drive us off a bridge while you're at it. Our lives are as good as over anyway," She muttered, turning to stare out the window and bite back tears.
[ imma taking a trip to TN to see.. my boyfriend.. razz actually.. heh. hes such a sweetie too! gahh. razz but yeah, i know wahtcha meannn man. ]
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Posted: Fri Mar 12, 2010 4:37 pm
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l o n e r Brandon clenched his teeth together as she snapped at him and cried quietly to herself, hating everything and everyone in the world right now.
Immediately, he drove out of the car park and back to what they called 'home'. Ha.
The drive home was quiet, awkward and uncomfortably long. A ten minute drive tops felt like hours, and you could get the atmosphere with a knife.
As soon as they got to their apartment, Brandon pulled up and killed the engine, getting out of the car and walking up to their apartment and unlocking the door. He went all the way up the stairs, missing one with every step until he got to their door, pushing the key in, and the door open he left it open and walked straight on over to the fire escape and sat on the step, dying for something to come to him. To help solve this ******** of a situation. Times like these made him wish he smoked. Or gave him the idea to start.
Brandon had a rough, but (probably) accurate prediction of what would happen next. Annah would come up, and the two would ignore each other. Or rather, she'd be bad mouthing the world for the next two hours, and he'd be dismissing it. They'd either get a take out, or just eat whatever they had then go to bed. And the one night they actually get to be together, they'd sleep on far sides of the bed, backs to each other, both awake but pretending to be asleep.
The two rarely fought, since they were never around each other long enough to fight, but at the beginning of their relationship, after they had found a place and had started job hunting, they had had their fair share of disagreements, and for whatever situation, Annah always took the role of the hot head, and Brandon learned it was best he leave her be until the 'storm passes' as it were.
[[Nawh! Awesome! Do tell!? Am so happy for you girlie (: ]]
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samanthaualani Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Mar 14, 2010 5:42 pm
Annah watched as Brandon left. She didn't move, she had no reason to. Her eyes followed him up the broken steps until she couldn't see him anymore.
She followed up into herself. But before she fell into her deep, dark depression mode she threw herself out of the car and charged up the stairs.
She blew into the apartment, slammed the door, and headed straight for the bathroom. She locked herself inside the tiny room and fell back to the cold tile floor.
Her back rested against the frame while her mind ran at a thousand miles an hour. Her heart was racing, her body aching, and her head was spinning. She crawled over to the shower and reached inside, grabbing the razor that was sitting out for Brandon.
She hadn't had this urge since that night at Lindsays..There hadn't been a reason for this until now. But she quietly ran her thumb over the blade. It cut, but just barely.
Annah pressed the blade to her inner wrist. She wasn't thinking as soon as the cold metal touched her skin. She ran it over her skin, cutting a little deeper than she had on her thumb.
But it wasn't satisfying until the red liquid seeped out of her body and pooled on her arm. She closed her eyes, the razor fell to the floor with a clank, and she rested her head back as her arm bled on for a bit. But it soon closed up and she found herself sobbing again.
"I ******** hate this. I hate everyone. Why the hell would this happen to me?! ME of all people!" She stood up, wobbling on her knees as she looked into the mirror.
Annahs eye twitched and she swallowed hard. "WHY THE ******** DID THIS HAPPEN!" She shook her head. "Cause you're a dumbass b***h and you ******** just had to go and ******** everything up. You're worthless. Just like everyones always told you, you can't do a damned thing right."
That that began the self-loathing process all over again.
She hooked her hand back and her fist went flying into the mirror, cutting open her knuckles.
Jarred pieces of the glass were stuck in her skin and she fell back to the floor with a loud screech of pain. She was shaking and screaming. The pain was so great, it flowed through her body and caused that stimulation that she hadn't felt in ages it seemed.
welllllllllll. see. he and i actually met on here. but hes so cool. like, i cant even explain him. Hes a nerd, because he loves chemistry. but he writes like a God. No joke. His words are gorgeous. and he plays guitar. STRIKE THAt. he SHREDS guitar haha. its hot. :p he calls every single night. and when he can at work, when hes on break. he has a kid. shes about a year old. baby mama is NOT in the picture, at all. which is the big complication. buut..yeah.... heh....
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Posted: Mon Mar 15, 2010 1:35 am
t h e
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l o n e r Brandon held his face up in his hands and stared idly down at the metal grate under him. Time almost stood still, but then came back to the shattering reality with a loud smash, followed by a thump and something of a screech.
A sickening feeling in his stomach immediately took over and he jolted up, running from the fire escape to the bathroom. "No, no, no, no.-" he muttered to himself as he fumbled about, trying to open the door. He already knew what to find on the other side.
How could she do this to herself? To him?
An alien feeling in the pit of his stomach was brewing up, and he'd never felt so overwhelmed by emotion, or rather, fear, in his entire life.
That emotion taking over him he slammed his full weight against the door and it broke free, revealing the bloody mess she had made of herself. He dropped down to his knees and picked her up, holding her up off the ground. Glass was all of the place, even in her, and a small, thin pool of blood was quickly forming on the bathroom floor.
"Why would you do this Annah!? Why?!" he said, almost shaking her, and not caring that tears were rolling effortlessly down his face.
"God.." he said, looking around and knowing he had to call help, or just DO something. She'd kick and scream and never let paramedics take her back into a hospital. Bets is that they would recommend she go straight back to where they came. And he wouldn't have that.
He looked down at the bigger shards of glass in her knuckles and arms and he clenched his jaw as he pulled them out, ignoring her screams of pain completely. He then grabbed at the nearest towel and held it firmly against her open wounds, and then held her close to him, taking whatever physical or verbal abuse she felt like hurling at him right then until she calmed down.
Brandon looked at her and shook his head, confused, angry, upset.
"Why would you do that?" he asked, looking down at her arms, his voice quietly wavering.
"Don't you know how much you mean to me?" he said, moving her hair from her face and looking dead into her eyes. "Don't you know what I'd do if I lost you?!" he shouted through his tears now, looking away and throwing his head back against the wall behind him in frustration. "...Don't you know that I love you?" he said quieter, looking down at her with his head leaning on the wall behind him
He'd never cried in front of anyone. The most she'd seem him was with a light glazing, with maybe the threat of a falling drop or two. But this.. well. He'd never felt so pathetic. So weak, and completely unhelpful.
In fact, he felt the blame. He was to blame. He wasn't good for her. This had to stop, which meant he had to go.
The feeling in the pit of his stomach was a mixture of fear and guilt, and his heart felt as though it was literally being severed from his body and ripped to pieces.
[[Damn girl. Sounds like you got it good (y) great for you (: just be careful till you meet him right, don't want to get your hopes super up to be let down ): but sure sounds promising, and so exciting! yeah bet its complicated bout the baby mama. but tbh, unless you let it get to you, it shouldnt be a problem heh. How old is he?]]
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samanthaualani Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Mar 15, 2010 7:15 pm
Annah suddenly felt the door smashing into her back. She whipped around to see a flash of Brandon lifting her up and out of her own pool of blood. He was yelling, asking her why. But she couldn't form words.
Her heart was racing. She hadn't felt so alive in this way, in so long. Such a long long time..
But when her eyes caught with his she only saw anger. Fear. Remorse even? Guilt?
She was yelling and hadn't realized it. She was in such pain, such great pain. And when he started to pull the glass from her skin, it all hit her. This pain, this rush she used to get from being the cause of her pain, no longer felt the same. She shook with fear. Her stomach was hurling around in circles, she felt dizzy and sick.
But it didn't stop her from screaming and trying to pull herself away from Brandon. "Stop it! Please, just let me go. It'll solve it all. It'll be okay."
Now Brandon was just holding her to him, trying to stop the bleeding. He was shouting at her, looking straight into her eyes. She could hardly see him through the mass amount of tears in her eyes. "You'd be ******** fine Brandon! You would. This would fix it all, don't you understand?"
She was crying, touching his face with her uncut hand. "You know I love you. You know that, but what if we just... just hit me in the stomach or something? We can't afford the abortion and... and..."
Annah bit her bottom lip, trying to supress her fear.
"I don't want that.." She sighed as she attempted to ignore her pain.
haha i do for now. but yeah, like you said. not getting my hopes up too high. been there, done that. never turns out so good heh. but yeah. and right. shes not around, and wont be. dumb crack slut. and hes 18. graduated last year. hes thinkin about moving up to Saint Louis (which is like 15min from me) and everything.
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Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 1:01 am
t h e
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l o n e r Brandon couldn't believe she thought he'd be fine.
How the ********, in any situation without her would he be fine? He was a social retard around anyone else. He'd wind up in Aspens, with no desire to leave. She wasn't stupid, but it was such a ******** stupid thing to say he had to think about it.
He was looking at her and she was now sort of sitting in front of him, touching his face. Still hurt, he pulled back from her touch and looked away.
"It wouldn't fix a ******** thing. It would kill us both. Is that what you want?" he snapped bluntly, staring at the blade on the floor, drowned in her blood.
If he had learned something the past couple of months, it was that fear got you nowhere.
"I'm sorry." he said quickly. Immediately regretting his attitude in the last sentence. -for everything." he said apologetically, pausing a little. "I really am." he said, almost in a whimper, feeling as though he might cry again. God he felt so ******** pathetic.
"And I'm scared too, alright? But this," he said, looking around at the scene in the bathroom and holding back his tears, "-this doesn't help you, or me get any less scared, or out of this situation." Brandon sighed and looked at Annah, before looking down at her arm and gently pulling the towel back to check her cuts, before pressing the cloth lightly back onto them.
"I know you want to do something about it now, but we can't okay? We have to think, properly, about this stuff." he said quietly, staring down at his hand on the towel and the little dots of blood that had soaked through slightly. He glancing at her for a moment before checking her cuts again. They had stopped bleeding for the most part, so he let go of the towel and got to his feet.
As Brandon walked the glass crunched under his feet. He picked up the blade from her little pool of blood and grabbed a load of tissue paper, and dropped it on the ground to soak it up. He didn't want to bloody another towel. They only had 4 anyway. He knelt down and mopped her liquid grief up, then left the room to throw it all in the bin, including the blade. He grabbed the first aid box and took out the whole roll of bandage as well as some antiseptic wipes, and walked back into the bathroom. He got down to his knees in front of Annah and took the towel off of her arm and dropped it only the stained floor before checking her arm for any more bits of glass.
"Promise me you won't do anything like this again," he said, beginning to wrap her up, and breaking the silence. "Please." he added quietly, finishing with her arm, then taking the wipes gently to her knuckles.
[[ah right, so does he look after the little'un? ahh nice one, that'd be cool. gosh. good luck with all of that (:]]
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samanthaualani Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 5:53 pm
am at my aunts. will post later on tonight.
BUT. yeah. he looks after her(= and all that jazzy snazzy stuffs.
anymore preguntas para mi senorita?(=
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Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 7:27 pm
Annah flinched when Brandon snapped. She looked up at him, blinking slowly. She inhaled slowly, closed her eyes, and then slowly exhaled again. She wasn't used to him yelling back, he was usually a wall. Everything she said just bounced off of him. She felt bad, like she was hurting him. But she still had so much anger built up inside of her.
But he soon apologized, saying that they didn't need this. It wasn't going to fix anything. And he was right. It wasn't. Her being a dramatic idiot wasn't going to solve a damned thing. He was observing her cuts, checking for glass and he continued to talk through the silence.
Annah fell from his lap when he got up and moved back towards the bathroom. He began to clean up and she pulled her knees to her chest.
"I'm sorry." She was all choked up. But he was soon back by her, removing the towel from her arm and looking it over. She looked up at him through fogged eyes as he asked her to promise to never do this again.
"I can't promise you that Brandon. You know I can't." She sighed. "I just... I wanted the easy way out. Don't tell me you didn't think about falling back into your old ways. You can't honestly tell me that."
Annah bit her bottom lip. "I just... I'm ******** scared shitless and I just want this to be over."
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samanthaualani Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Mar 17, 2010 12:39 pm
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l o n e r Brandon didn't say anything when she said that she couldn't promise even that.
He cleaned up her knuckles best he could, before getting up again and throwing the bloodied wipes into the bin and washing his hands. He shut off the tap and wiped his hands briefly off on his shirt. "I wouldn't do that to you." he replied.
Brandon leant on the wall with his arms cross and looked at Annah for a bit. She wanted this to be over? Fine.
"I get it." he said quietly.
"I'll get the money. Don't do anything like this again." he said, the coldness still evident in his voice. If he was honest, it was only there to attempt to hide his fear. He leant up off the wall and walked out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, pulling off his shirt and searching their closet for a clean one.
This was ******** brilliant. All of this. Nothing could go right with them. Why would it. By the looks of it they were destined to be unhappy. Constantly screwed over by the big man up there. There was no ******** point in even daring to mention that he would quite love to have a child with her.
Yeah sure. It was sudden. It was a surprise, and with their current financial state, not great timing. But this was their fault. And things happened for a reason... but what the hell. That was just his philosophical mind nagging. Reality was telling him that he needed to get the money for an abortion. And that's what he do.
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Posted: Wed Mar 17, 2010 8:15 pm
Annah remained on the floor. "I wasn't thinking Brandon.." She had never felt so damned guilty in her entire life. Nobody could ever ever make her feel this bad.
Brandon cleaned up and said he'd get the money. It wasn't until much later that she scrambled to her feet and went after him into the bedroom. He was looking for a shirt when she got there, in the closet.
Instead, she reached into the drawers and pulled out a plain white shirt and set it on his shoulder. "There ya go," She mumbled before climbing into bed.
Annah pulled the covers to her chin and laid there, barely breathing. Finally, to break the silence she muttered, "I don't want an abortion.." But she wasn't even sure if it came out right. And she wasn't sure if Brandon would hear her.
Her hands rested on her stomach. There was a baby inside her. Fingernails, head, arms, legs, the whole nine yards. A living human being was growing in her. She knew what the right thing to do was.
Abortion
or
Adoption.
However, it wasn't exactly what she felt like doing.
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samanthaualani Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Mar 18, 2010 12:30 am
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l o n e r Brandon felt something soft get draped on his shoulder and he looked round. He took the shirt off his shoulder and watched as she crawled into bed and pulled the sheets up to her chin.
Okay, now he felt bad. He pulled the shirt on over his head and grabbed his worn leather jacket off the back of the door and slipped it on. He was about to leave the room when she muttered something that sounded like her saying she didn't want an abortion.
He can't have heard that right. Since the doctor's office she had been so damned adamant and convinced that she wanted to get rid of it asap.
Brandon sat down on the end of the bed and looked at her, putting his hands into his pockets. "What do you want?" he asked quietly looking from her to the ground in front of him. Seeing her this sad just made him feel like the worst person ever, he was supposed to be all good for her and protective and such, but he just seemed to be the complete opposite at the moment.
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