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******** you, December 2011. What is this, some kind of cruel joke?

In fact, never mind December. ******** ALL of 2011. After all the pain and the grief it's packed into the last few months, weeks, AND days, I'm not sorry to see it go. I am so sick and tired of having my heart ripped out and stomped on over and over and over again. If it's not my personal pain, it's the pain of someone who matters to me - and because it hurts them, it hurts me. I've spent so much time hurting that I don't remember how it feels to not have grief lurking in the back of my mind.

So many people I know are so freaked out about 2012. If 2012 means the end of 2011 (which it does) and the Mayan 'end of the calendar' is the price that has to be paid to end 2011, then bring on the ******** apocalypse. That is all.

I started to rant, but then I forgot what I was going to say. Basically, I hate certain band members of mine, and am currently strangling them with their lanyards right now....with my mind of course. evil

Dad is going back to the other province on Monday. Things got screwed up there... What was supposed to happen.. Well, didn't. AND IF THAT ******** SUPERVISOR THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO GET FIRED TRIES ANY OF HIS s**t AGAIN, I WILL PERSONALLY TAKE A PLANE THERE MYSELF, HUNT HIM DOWN, AND BEAT THE LIVING HELL OUT OF HIM. I DON'T CARE HOW BIG THE GUY IS, EITHER. I'LL FIND A HAMMER.

...*deep, relieved sigh* That does help. o.o *clapsies*

********. I am seriously having a mental breakdown right now and I can't burst into tears and curl up into a ball because I'm at work. I have a stage check today, no big deal ordinarily... Okay, so maybe I'd usually be a little nervous, but nothing a few expletives couldn't assuage. But no, I get stuck with doing a ******** STAGE ONE CHECK with the ******** FAA and it's not fair, I was supposed to do this weeks ago but it kept getting pushed back and now I feel like I'm going to fail and I am freaking the ******** out and I just want to crawl under a huge rock and die.

And my stupid b***h of a uterus decided that today of all days would be the perfect day to feel like someone's stabbing me in the gut.

I'm sad. My fish died just a few moments ago. He was a good fish- his name was Buckles. He always knew when it was time to eat and when I got home and he had gone through so much with me for a year and a half. He was beautiful too, a brilliant maroon. I flushed him down the toliet; so he could keep flowing with the water. I'm really sad and I most likely won't get another fish. I loved him. Goodbye Buckles- I'll miss you. sad


PS: I don't want any feedback- I just needed to make it solid and put it in writing.

My show closed last night, and, while it was a beautiful and fun experience, one jerk*** of an actor thought that it'd be funny to, on closing night, change a line of the show that I wrote so that it'd be, "funnier." He did this without even telling the actress working across from him, so it threw her off. And after all of that **** he had the ****ing balls to try and give me a half-***ed apology! AGH! I Hate having to deal with people like that!! It just pisses me off! You work together in theatre, and you don't pull stupid stunts like that because it just ****s with everyone else's performance! How can someone be so ignorant, self, and conceited?!

In other rant-like news, I have a ton of work to do. I have college auditions for the next two weeks, a Japanese test tomorrow, a calc test on Tuesday that I need an A on, two essays to write for my Comp Lit class, a packet in my Government class, and my room looks like a bomb hit it. D: Not pleased.

So not all rants have to be bad, right? Here is my rant about how my math professor is the nicest human being in the world.

First, a little bit of background. I AM NOT A MATHY PERSON. I struggled throughout high school, barely made it through Grade 12 math, and came to university with the intention of never ever taking math again. Then I decided that I wanted the pre-vet academic track, and as luck would have it, I needed two classes of math for that. So I signed up for Math 100 - it was either that or 102, and while I should have taken and wanted to take 102 since it's easier, a bunch of misunderstandings led me to sign up for 100 instead. I didn't have pre-Calculus, again because I thought I'd never be taking Math again. As it turned out, though no one TOLD you so until you'd signed up and gone to your first class, pre-Calculus was a 'technical' prerequisite for the course.

Flash-forward to my first midterm. I left it in tears because I'd had such a hard time with it. There was no 'maybe' about this - I KNEW I had failed it. So I got up my courage and went to see my professor. I explained to him my situation - that I didn't have pre-Calc, that I was not a math person, that I was studying for three hours a night and I had STILL failed the midterm. Then I asked him what I should do.

He went through my entire midterm with me, question by question, and he said several things:
One: I was not hopeless. I clearly knew my calculus, at least the basics of it - it was my lack of pre-calculus and the fact that I'd panicked halfway through the midterm that had tripped me up.
Two: I did not actually need Math 100 for my aims in life - 102 would be a lot easier on me, if I was studying for three hours a night and still struggling.
Three: I didn't need Math 120 - which is pre-Calculus - desperately; if I bought the textbook and worked on it myself, I would probably be fine.

Then he made a suggestion. Why didn't I drop the course officially, but continue to go to classes and tutorials anyway? That way, I would get all the notes and the practice I could possibly have, and if I bought the pre-Calc textbook and worked through it over the summer, I'd arrive in 102 knowing more than would be expected of me - and just sail right through. I took the suggestion and went with it.

So now I'm unofficially auditing the course: this means I'm not officially in Math 100 and my grades will not be recorded. So I'm going to the lectures, handing in the homework assignments, and I can even sit the second midterm if I'd like to - all for practice, and with absolutely no effect on my GPA.

Note that this is NOT something he had to do, or was asked to do, or was even expected to do. In fact, he could probably get into a lot of s**t if people found out about it - since I dropped the course before the no-money-back date, I'll technically be taking the course for free. But he did it anyway because even though he barely knows me, he wants me to succeed.

And that is why my math professor is awesome. This man deserves cookies, and if I have anything to say about it, he's going to get an entire box of them.

What is the lesson from this? Talk to your professors, guys! They are here and teaching for a reason - they want you to succeed. Some of them will go above and beyond for a student who just comes to ask for help. It never, ever hurts to go visit during office hours.