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 Posted: Wed Dec 29, 2004 4:45 pm
Cern There's not much to talk about, Shi. He winced and held his head steady, ignoring its attempts to run away without him. I was just kind of tired and thought a bit of alcohol would help me relax again is all. It usually does.
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Posted: Wed Dec 29, 2004 4:46 pm
Shiva *Shall I make you some tea, instead?* she inquired, kneeling down calmly on the floor at his knees and staring up at him with cool concern. Tea was the fix-it-all, the great salve to whatever ailed someone. It was not just a drink, but a state of soul and love to her.
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Posted: Wed Dec 29, 2004 4:48 pm
Cern Cern looked at her, then nodded, instantly regretting it. Tea would help. Somethin' nice and mild 'n no sugar. And bread. We have bread somewhere. For...*hic*get where.
He stared at her, still slighly confused. Why ya helping me? 'm I that drunk? Great, words were getting difficult again. That was one of the things he hated, that he could speak fine one moment and confuse himself completely the next.
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Posted: Wed Dec 29, 2004 4:49 pm
Shiva *No.* she answered gently *You are not "that drunk". But you are that in need of being tended to. That is what friends do, Cern.* She crinkled her eyes at him in a smile *We seem to spend more of our time together like this though. But you're eating this time, that's good.*
Getting to her feet, she began to rummage around through the supplies. Honey would be good to replace the sugar, it was mild and slightly fruity. But she wasn't even sure ED HAD honey. She certainly did NOT have a proper tea set here. Shi wished good ones came in pocket size sometimes. But sadly not...and she wouldn't be able to get Cern home...if they were even welcome.
Firmly setting the worry aside, she focused on what she was doing. Calm, controlled movements. Easy, flowing, graceful. Stirring the tea, she had found the bread, and some light butter and jam. Setting those to the side, she carried them out.
*Tea.* she announced with quiet cheerfulness, kneeling back down before him. *Shall I pour?*
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Posted: Wed Dec 29, 2004 4:50 pm
Cern He held up a shaking hand and chuckled. Maybe you better. I ruin our clothes if I do it. The scent of the tea wafted towards him, oddly calming considering the rebellion his stomach was waging. Grante, he hadn't had quite this much to drink in a long time. And the last time he had, tea was the furthest thing on the cure list he could think of.
Do you usually wind up being the nurse now Shi? He adjusted his kilt, aware for the first time of his own disarray. The haze was retreating now. It had to be Shi's calmness. Ed was always worried and frantic when she found him drunk, it made it feel worse. The hitch in his gut changed his mind on that. It just wasn't as bad, was all.
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Posted: Wed Dec 29, 2004 4:56 pm
Shiva *I haven't had the chance, thankfully.* she replied, setting the cup on the small table beside him. *I like to keep busy, feel useful. And I like to be there for people I care about, when they will let me be.* The last was a little bit too painfully close, and she disengaged with a toss of her head. *A little pampering never hurt, now did it?*
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Posted: Wed Dec 29, 2004 4:57 pm
Cern Cern put his hand on his knee and leaned towards Shi. Not BLIND you know. Spit't out. Leaning back, he fumbled for the cup. If'm going to be spilling what bugs me you better too. Forget the cup, he couldn't find it. He put his hands back in his lap and watched her. What was making her wince when she talked about people she cared about?
Mrf. Hope Io doesn't come back looking for me. Trying again, Cern's fingers found the smooth sides of the cup and captured it. Dun think she'd do that though. Who'll look for you? Tell'm where you were going?
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Posted: Wed Dec 29, 2004 5:00 pm
Shiva She deflty rescued his cup and handed it to him, containing her wince. She thought she had hid it better than that. *Noone.* She admitted quietly. *I've spoken to Chae maybe three times since I grew, and have argued with Nika more than I haven't. I stay away from the others, because what they feel becomes worse around me. I don't know why, or how...only that it's true. I'm probably making you feel worse just by being around.* the thought was sudden and piercing. *Not probably...I am making it worse. That seems to be what I do well. It explains why I was always alone.*
She shrugged. *I don't think you are blind, or stupid. But I think you are the one naseuous and ill.*
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Posted: Wed Dec 29, 2004 5:01 pm
Quote: Nika? NIKA? So I wasn't imagining it! Cern took a drink of the tea cautiously. Should have tol' 'em, he said as he lowered it. Poor kid really did think she made people feel bad. Chae, Auntie? I can't see someone not getting 'long with her. She nice as buttons. Turning his head, he set the cup down gingerly, pleased to see his hand didn't shake nearly as bad.
So'f you make others feel bad, how d'ya know you're not making yo'self feel badly too? He waggled a finger in front of her face, probably entirely too close. Makes sense, dun it? Talent eating you up. Hate fighting but if I don't kickbox I'm bitchier than Ed when Aunt Flo visits. Gotta get out somehow. A chuckle filled his mouth and escaped, leaving a taste of sour and fuzz. Dun tell Ed about that Aunt Flo crack.
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Posted: Wed Dec 29, 2004 5:13 pm
Shiva *Chae is very nice.* she agreed. *And patient with me, and kind. But that was before...and I* she hesitated *I told her that we weren't a family. She has no reason to feel beholden now that I can care for myself. I will not force myself on her charity any longer. It is not right. She ended up staying because *I* chose her. But that was selfish and wrong and I took advantage of her just by existing. I will NOT do that to another being.* she lowered her eyes to her own teacup and swirled it absently. *I won't.* she repeated.
*What about ED?* she asked, mindfully steering the conversation away. Shaking her head she didn't want to dwell on it. Making herself worse? How? By being honest?
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Posted: Wed Dec 29, 2004 5:16 pm
Cern Cern stared at her, first his finger, then his forehead drooping. That is the BIGGEST load of bullshit've ever heard. It hurt to breathe as he stared at her. What about Ed? I'll tell you. She left. She wouldn't stay no matter how I begged her and she told me to choose her or the planet because she was leavin'. She knew I was happy here and wanted to stay and wanted to be here and would be miserable elsewhere and she left anyways. Not that she doesn't love me, that's just her.
Did Auntie Chae do that? No, she'nt. Know why? Cuz I'll bet she loves you. She could'a left when she wanted 'gardless of you. Coulda taken you with her. So stop that bull. Just stop it. It's dumb and we both know it. Would if you'd 'mit it. If Auntie Chae's stayed it's cuz she wants to. He was practically panting now, had to stop so he could hold his head again. Hurts more t'seal yourself up. Then you've just got you, and if there's nothin' worthwhile inside you, everything in y'heart echoes louder. You'll hear all'f it again and again an' wish you weren' susha coward. The tears in his eyes made them gleam brighter as he stared at her. Ya sound like _me_, Shi. One of us's bad enough. So jus', he waved with one hand, breath hitching as he banished the moisture back to the ducts, jus' stop that bull and lishen to yerself.
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Posted: Wed Dec 29, 2004 5:18 pm
Shiva There was a slight ruffle as she sat near him and hugged him. *Don't do that to yourself.* she chided. *You forget that Im an empath, I know what she's feeling, Cern. And I know that last time we spoke, she was very uncomfortable with me there. I'd rather keep the fond memories than despoil them by pushing. There's no shame in holding on to what you have.*
She hugged him again. His tears had pushed her sympathetic buttons. *I want Chae to have her freedom. I *want* her to leave if that's what she wants. I don't want her hanging on here because she feels like she owes it as some unwanted debt she inherited. I would not be happy elsewhere either...but I...I won't force her to make that choice for us.*
It was a safe...sterile end to things.
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Posted: Wed Dec 29, 2004 5:19 pm
Cern He put a hand up, holding onto her arm and closing his own eyes. Y'do what you feels right Shi. Were always good at doing that. Falling silent, he watches fragments of old memories dart across his eyelids, listening to the small moments he would have changed. Sometimes wonder if any of us know what we're going to do at the end, y'know? He opened his eyes and looked at her. Like the path is there, but the glitters on the side are just as pretty. Worse, the path is burned and the grass is calling. Grass. Lettuce. Water. Shi? Can y'get me some ice water? The look he gave her was imploring, a throwback to being tiny and cute and no one telling him no.
That reminded him...what had he done with his mallet?
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Posted: Wed Dec 29, 2004 5:21 pm
Shiva Do what she had felt right ? What good it had done any of them now. Closing her own eyes for a moment, she nodded.
when he asked for some water, she nearly bounded to her feet, happy to be doing something again. When she came back, she felt more composed. Handing him the glass, she knelt back down. *You never did tell me why you came back here instead of the town.* she pressed softly.
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Posted: Wed Dec 29, 2004 5:22 pm
Cern Cern took the water gratefully, remembering not to gulp it. Coul'nt face Io. He shrugged. Never can. She's so... He took another swallow of water, taking the end of his sentence with it. 'Membered we had booze here, gift from Ed's brothers. Ed forgot to lock the cabinet.
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