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 Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 3:52 pm
  Aiiamii had been up since before dawn, working herself as hard as she could. She was sprawled out on the ground, sweating, the sweat glistening on her body with the sun's rays. She pulled down her mask a bit, breathing a bit easier. Her white hair laid around her as her light purple eyes looked upwards before closing. She had cuts on her body in various places, with some her clothing was ripped just a bit, but what else could you expect with training?
After finally catching her breath, Aiiamii finally sat up, wincing a bit and held her abdominal area. She slowly got up and stretched out, trying to prevent all the expected pain to only being a minimal amount of pain. Luckily for her, there was a stream near by. She made her way over and walked into the stream slowly and slowly lowered herself down to cool off, clean off the sweat that had gathered on her body from the hours of training she had been doing. She slowly got out of the water and rung out her hair and some of her clothes and her mask before replacing her mask over her face and looked around.
Soon, Aiiamii left the spot and found a flat rock in the sun, laying down on it and closed her eyes, stretched out to let her clothes sun dry, thinking a bit, smiling as she started to relax. TH3 GR3AT!! ((I have not yet chosen a village. Correction, I have chosen The Hidden Leaf Village and have been accepted into it.))
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Posted: Sat Mar 29, 2008 6:06 pm
Ceras Ryushi Aiiamii had been up since before dawn, working herself as hard as she could. She was sprawled out on the ground, sweating, the sweat glistening on her body with the sun's rays. She pulled down her mask a bit, breathing a bit easier. Her white hair laid around her as her light purple eyes looked upwards before closing. She had cuts on her body in various places, with some her clothing was ripped just a bit, but what else could you expect with training?
After finally catching her breath, Aiiamii finally sat up, wincing a bit and held her abdominal area. She slowly got up and stretched out, trying to prevent all the expected pain to only being a minimal amount of pain. Luckily for her, there was a stream near by. She made her way over and walked into the stream slowly and slowly lowered herself down to cool off, clean off the sweat that had gathered on her body from the hours of training she had been doing. She slowly got out of the water and rung out her hair and some of her clothes and her mask before replacing her mask over her face and looked around.
Soon, Aiiamii left the spot and found a flat rock in the sun, laying down on it and closed her eyes, stretched out to let her clothes sun dry, thinking a bit, smiling as she started to relax. TH3 GR3AT!! ((I have not yet chosen a village. Correction, I have chosen The Hidden Leaf Village and have been accepted into it.))
Soon, Aiiamii left the spot and found a flat rock in the sun, laying down on it and closed her eyes, stretched out to let her clothes sun dry, thinking a bit, smiling as she started to relax.
A way to make that better would be to turn it into two sentences and using a little different aproach.
Soon, Aiiamii left the spot and found a flat rock in the sun that would be a good place to let her clothes sun dry. Laying down on it she closed her eyes and relaxed. It was then a smile crept into her face as she thought on the day she'd had.
See? Just a few changes will make it seem a bit more professional and not a run-on : D Just advice from a fellow RPer though ^_^ PASS~!
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Posted: Sat Mar 29, 2008 8:08 pm
ill give it my best.
RP sample:
Jazoa walking through the dusty city streets, sudenly he feels somingthing in the pit of his stomach and the a loud growling sound comes upon him "well now i must be hungery" as he talks to him self in his head checks his pockets for some lose change but his pockets are bare *sigh* i guess its time to get a job as Jazoa wispers under his breath.
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Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2008 11:21 am
here goes...
The boy ran down the road, sweat streaming from his brow. "One day I'll be able to protect those I love," he thought bitterly, thinking of his deceased parents. "One day..." he muttered. Then suddenly a tree came into view and the boy smashed into the tree. He fell back, his head thudding on the ground. "Uggh... one day..." he whispered as he passed out.
hopefully that's good enough...
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Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2008 1:08 pm
RP Sample: GO!
Soft footfalls keep him moving. Passing between the towering trees. His yutaka flowing in the passing air. A kick to one of the aforementioned trees alters his course. Now moving angular in relation to his previous direction. A decision made quickly, followed by another kick. Now moving backward, along his previous path. Backtracking. Indeed, it paid off. A persuing shadow crossing his peripheral alerts him. Coming to a stop upon a branch, the lone shinobi knows he is a target. Now he awaits the assailants next move.
It came soon enough. A kunai thrown with the utmost accuracy, silently. The shinobi had less than a second to pull his shoulder back, evading said projectile. He hadn't seen it. The kunai had been thrown with its path obstructed by a falling leaf, block the weapon from his vision for that crucial split-second. Clearly this man was an expert. The shinobi was in trouble.
But he had an ace up his sleeve. Mere seconds were taken to form the proper handsigns.
'Secret Technique: Binding Boa Jutsu!'
Without warning, a blood-curdling scream filled the forest. Upon closer inspection the shinobi witnessed the assailant tied up in an Anaconda like serpent. The low cracks of bones breaking all that could be heard now. There were no thoughts of mercy. Would this assassin have given him such a luxery?
'How unfortunate..'
[ ]
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Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 9:50 am
Faust passes, ninja passes-ish although that is a little weak, can the rest do another sample?
Izuke I really like your sample, but it needs to be a lil longer and fix your grammar/spelling mixtures xD
Joker longer please. And asterisks are frowned upon...
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kouri-chan_xx Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 3:34 pm
Arashi heaved and panted heavily, after hours of training. He wiped a sweatdrop, and sat down to do some breathing exercises.He sat against a tall oak tree. Breathing in, He thought, and did so. Hold for 10 seconds.... Release.... He did it as he thought it. But right before his last breath:
"Hello, Arashi!" A face popped in front of his, making him jump, and hit his head against the tree. He groaned, holding the back of his head in pain.
"What the hell, Sana!" He yelled, teeth clenched. Sana dropped down, flipping as she fell in the air, and landed lightly on her feet.
"I wanted to tell about some good news!" She said. "I got a 'B' in ninjutsu! I finally understand it, now!"
"Really?" His anger subsided, his expression glowed. "That's wonderful! Keep working hard, and you're sure to get an 'A'!" He smiled at her, and stood up. "Well, I gotta catch dinner, so I'll see you in class tommorrow!"
"Ok! See you tommorrow, then!" Sana replied. He walked the distance to his small little house.
"Sister, I'm sure I did a good thing by tutoring her. We've become such great friends... Please continue to watch over me...." He kissed his necklace, and walked inside.
---------------------------------
Was that good enough?
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Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 2:18 pm
Joker_Kong ill give it my best. RP sample: Jazoa walking through the dusty city streets, sudenly he feels somingthing in the pit of his stomach and the a loud growling sound comes upon him "well now i must be hungery" as he talks to him self in his head checks his pockets for some lose change but his pockets are bare *sigh* i guess its time to get a job as Jazoa wispers under his breath. as Jazoa walks through the village streets looking for a job he spots a few friends being a lonsome lazy man he goes up and asks for change. His friends search there pockets for even a little bit of change luckly the had enough for noodles so Jazoa thank them and ran off in a huff seeing how hungery he was but Jazoa be overwlemed with excitement triped over gis own feet. He was about 3 feet away from the ramen shop Jazoa looks you "ouch where did my change go?!" as he said then he crawls around looking for the change but no kuck then he gives up gets on his knees " why me?!" he says in a loud booming voice and he starts to cry alittle bit then falls over from hunger.
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Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 4:44 pm
Ok, you said to make it longer.......So here is the same thing with more added to it. XD
Izuke stood up from where he had been drawing and glanced over his shoulder, what he saw highly disturbed him, it was a tree with a blood smear on it. Out of nowhere he started to get a massive headache. This had happened before, since he was little he would always pass out whenever he saw blood.Then he woke up, he was on a rooftop in a pool of blood...He frantacly looked for a cut somewhere on his body, after searching for a good 5 minutes, he realized, the blood wasent his......the first thought that came to mind was that he had to somehow get any trace of the blood off of his body, then his worst fear came to life, the entrance to the roof started to slowly open, Izuke looked for a way to make sure that whoever it was would not see him........he had no option, the roof was flat with nothing to hide behind, the only opening was that of the door to get on the roof, but he knew that he could not go there for obvious reasons...he looked and looked, and then he found it. There was a ledge on the side of the building about 6 feet down, he had to jump...after about 20 minutes of waiting on that narrow ledge, he could finally get back up. Then, as he knelt there on that roof, he looked at that pool of blood and wondered how anybody could have missed it. Then he noticed it, laying there on that dried patch of pavement, a single piece of paper. upon closer examination the note read: "I know about your special gift, Izuke. and I'm coming to get you." Izuke read the note over and over again. and every time it made less sense, "special gift", what could that mean? Izuke thought and thought, and finally, he sighed and said; "i've tried to elude you for so long, but finally, you caught up to me....ninja academy, here i come!
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Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 5:00 pm
can you please tell e how to get into a village. i need one, any will do
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Posted: Sat Apr 05, 2008 12:47 pm
k heres mine umm i have a character but i dont now where to post it i jus started yesterday so im like reading everything but here it is
RP sample - as tsurada walks threw the outskirts of the sand village he hears someone dragging there feet along, the man is wearing a long black cloak around his shoulders and a airy dark aura "tis is a great way to start my day"he turns his head trying to catch him out the corner of his eye the man disappears tsurada stops dead in his tracks and starts walking again but this timehe turns right being different from his early rutine of getting a nice walk before lunch he heads north taking the long way towards the leaf village instead of taking 3days its going to take 5 *sigh*
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Posted: Sun Apr 06, 2008 10:20 am
OOC: Okay, even though my character isn't completely done yet (Although it is partially) I'm going to post this up anyways... Lol.. Haven't even decided what village yet, but I'm leaning towards Cloud.
IC:
Bright and fresh was the day, the sun baking down around the young female as she strolled, casually, down the street. Her eyes flitted this way and that, back and forth between people walking, observing each of them - some were shinobi, as were she, but most were simple villagers. Her long cyan-blue hair fluttered in the gentle breeze, fluttering behind her with the black cloak she was clad in, the hood pulled up over her head as usual.
It was not an unusual day for Sakuraiyu, although she did, as usual, get a few fairly strange looks from those around her - either from the shade of her hair or the strange, unique eyes she possessed - was it strange to have slate-blue eyes with dark slate pupils? Not certainly for someone of her clan, not for a Riyuu. She was tempted to begin whistling casually, but decided against it.
It was midday now, and Sakuraiyu leaned against a building, resting for a moment - her feet were getting somewhat sore. There was nothing for her to do today, nothing at all - not that it was bothersome, anyways. Was there a training ground nearby? No, she had decided against that. Sitting around was out of the question. Then, besides those, what else was there to do? Walking? Perfect. Her stomach growled and churned hungrily, the noise almost startling Sakuraiyu. Realizing her hunger, she decided it would fit to eat out today - not like she didn't have the money for it. Strolling towards the ramen stand, she could smell the flavourful fumes wafting off of the food, and it drew her even closer. Sitting down, she proposed her order once the owner had turned to her and asked.
"One medium bowl, please," She said politely. The owner smiled and nodded. "Plain, please, if you don't mind." The owner nodded again, turning to make her food. She leaned against the counter, and a short sigh escaped her lips. Now, to find something to do for the afternoon, she thought to herself boringly.
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kouri-chan_xx Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Apr 07, 2008 2:51 am
Sorry for the wait guys.
Al: Yes, it was!
Joker: Better, but there are still a few annoying errors... fix those and it'll pass.
Izuke: Lol that's better. xD Pass. And check the newbie thread.
Kurau: No asterisks please, sorry about not replying your PMs I will reply them now! >.< Another sample please?
Yukimi: PASSSSSSSSSSSS and um... Cloud is destroyed by an avalanche <_<;
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Posted: Mon Apr 07, 2008 6:24 am
Zique sat down on a grassy area beneath a shady tree. He took an apple from his pocket an wiped it on his shirt. He grasped it with his left hand and slowly took a bite. The apple tasted quite sweet yet it both quenched his thirst and satisfied his hunger. He glanced at his silver watch only to see that it was already 5:30pm "He said he'd be here by 4pm." he stated with an annoyed face, he then lied down and watched the sunset.
A few minutes later someone appeared before him and it happened to be the person he was waiting for. "You're quite early Agi.." he said sarcastically. "Sorry Zique! I had some matters to attend to, eheh" Agi responded nervously. "Well then let's get going now!" Zique said as he wore a smile on his face. The two seemed very excited about their new mission. Zique put on his trench coat and the twins took off to their destination.
((I'm not quite good at this..I hope this isn't too short though sweatdrop ))
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