[[heeheehee... it is.]]
The television screens and intercoms all across Fracture were hijacked by a reporter's card listing 'VAL'S SWINGIN' REPORT SHOW' [in odd orange font], and then flashed by to show a disgruntled man with black fox ears, and a teenage girl with long blonde hair and white fox ears.
"Hey there, space cats!", she started. "Valentine here with your Featured Fighter Brief, and a special offer from the folks of Midgard!"
"Val," the man said, "this is our first broadcast. Don't seem so
friendly."
"Shut up Reynard."
Valentine held up a card showing the photo of Dimitri.
"Our first featured contestant! As this is our first round-up, I'll only give you
basic information."
She scrunched up her face.
"Okaaaaay. Dimitri Sanatov-- no, not
Maximoff-- is a sad, apocalyptic war soldier. Baaaaaaaaw. He's a Slovit from Reatheria! Whatever that means. He fights with army stuff, and often pistolwhips people because they're his b***h! Yeah, go Dimitri!"
Reynard sighed.
"His weakness is that he is only human, but he has very thick armor. The only thing guarenteed to kill him is time."
Valentine was having fun with this.
"About his clothes... I gueeeess they're okay. They wouldn't be great in Florida in the summer, for one thing. Also, he never takes off his mask, except when he eats. Even then, he looks like a burglar!"
"You can't blame him for not wanting to die, you idiot."
Valentine ignored him.
"Now that the Brief is over, let's talk about the Midgard offer!
As you folks know, a girl's best friend is diamonds! And boy oh boy, do diamonds mean
money. What I'm saying, is, basically, the victor of each fight can recieve, if they wish, a satchel of genuine precious jewels, high quality. If you make a combo of wins, said satchel will increase to a bag, and so forth. If you want, said jewels can also be converted to your homeworld's currency. We're giving away money, like in the original tournament!
I could go into why we don't need them, but we treat them like you treat dirt or plastic*! They're still very pretty, though."
She grinned at the camera.
"For the rewards of any battles already won, please see Azrael about it! You know, the owner dude. Staaaay tuned!"
The transmission flicked off.
[[Opening line, name of the report show, and ending line are based off of Space Channel 5.
*The joke with the whole 'dirt or plastic' thing is that what is deemed stupid/wasted over here is horribly precious over there.
The stupid first leader of Nifl [their main nation], Cirruleic, made a spell that made all soil into unending mines for precious stones and metals, thinking it'd level out the class system.
As a result, they treat such things over there with the same covetuousness that we do towards styrofoam or dirt [if you're not the Mole guy from the Atlantis movie]. They can't create such things over there [and they have to artifically make food], so soil and plastic are million-dollar investments.]]
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