Welcome to Gaia! ::

You're thinking that you'd be doing some great thing for the rest of the world if you offed yourself. That makes you pretty self righteous in my book.

My point is you WOULDN'T be doing anyone a favor. In fact you'd be hurting a lot of people. Myself included.

We accept the world in which we are presented. Saying that there are people in the world in more suffering than another person (Baka to Dream, mainly), is a terrible arguement. Dream isn't a starving Ethiopian--never has been, never will be. She doesn't know what any of that is like. Therefore, her strength involving what she deals with and how she deals with it will be vastly different than those others around the world. We look at the rich being upset about not getting something they want as being spoiled, but do you know what? They don't know any different. It's just the world they grew up in, and you should NOT blame them, as that is just their ascribed status in life, not their achieved status.

I know there are people out there in worse situations than all of us, here, but that doesn't mean our lives are a walk in the park. We weren't raised in poverty (...well, most of us). We weren't raised in starvation. We weren't raised in famine, disease, war, etc. Therefore, what we struggle with will be different. I'm coming off like nothing can get to me, right now, but do you know why none of this is affecting me? Well, to know that, why don't I explain a little about my childhood?

I am the youngest of two. I was conceived as an accident, and my parents have despised me my entire life for that sole reason. From as far back as I can remember, I have been physically and emotionally abused--beaten and told I'm hated/worthless. I wouldn't go swimming with friends because I was embarassed by the marks and bruises all over my torso and upper arms. There were many, many occassions where I would be absent from school because there were marks I couldn't hide that they didn't want questioned. I remember a time that I got lost in the forest while camping when I was nine. Want to know how long I was lost? Six days. Six DAYS. I didn't know where I was going, and I had no idea where I was, either, being in an unfamiliar area. Well, I finally made it back to the campsite to find that my parents were gone. Thankfully, the people who had taken there place were nice enough to give me a ride home. I got home and guess what! MY PARENTS DIDN'T MAKE ANY EFFORT TO FIND ME. They were going to ******** LEAVE ME TO DIE. Do you have ANY ******** idea what that does to the mind of a nine year old?!

Not a single person in my family has ever been there for me. I've had to look outward, and that hasn't been a picnic, either. All through elementary, I had about two friends, because I was constantly the target of bullying and crap (I was under average, size-wise, so I was an easy target). Around fifth grade, I had a mental breakdown. I became horribly depressed without anyone to go to. I had nothing to do but eat and play games. Well, of course that led to some weight issues. This lasted a few years, and it wasn't until my freshman year that I finally got back to a normal weight. That didn't do anything positive for me, though, while I was overweight. God damn, that felt like s**t going through that period in life like that.

Relationships? The only girlfriend I've ever had that didn't cheat on me went after my best friend a week after we broke up, so she might as well have. As you all know, my fiance of three years cheated on me, recently. My fiance, for Christ's sake!

I didn't gain any height until my Junior year. It was then that my parents stopped ******** with me, because they now know I can overpower them (I'm 6'2" and still growing).

Practically everything I own in life I've had to work for myself. I'm lucky enough to be in college solely on scholarships (otherwise, I wouldn't even be there, because they wouldn't pay for it). I'm basically on my own, in life.

Does this all bother me? s**t, you bet it ******** bothers me, but life goes on. If you don't get out there and make a difference in your own life, nobody is going to do it for you. This is the lesson that I have learned. Don't sit idly by and cry about your life while not making any effort to fix it. Complain if you want, we all do it--heck, it's emotionally healthy to do so every once in a while--but do not expect someone to help you if you can't at least try to help yourself.

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I'M A GLOCKSTAR!


...Gina Glocksen is the sex, thank you and goodnight.

I'm glad you and your girlfriend can have more time together, Tulip!

I hope you two have a lot of fun together. ^^

I learned, today, that there is a river in Thailand called the "Mai Kok" river. It totally gave me an immature little chuckle, so I thought I'd share.

And yay Akurei!

>.<
I learned today you can get high off of nutmeg,
3nodding xd blaugh xp

omfg.

everything IS right in the world today. today was a good day guys.

which is weird because i haven't even gotten laid and i still feel good... biggrin

hmm
that reminds me of last week or so my friend and i were making smores and drinking coconut rum and strawberry vodka

It was fine until the alcohol started reacting the the medication i was taking for my poison oak i had the week before (prednisone, a serious steroid...)

after about 7 shots i was muttering to myself and raving about things and all sorts of crazy stuff.

I was basically insane... like i went crazy.
and i don't remember hardly any of it.
eek

________________yay!________________________
We are remodeling out kitchen and we haven't had a sink for a week... just finished doing dished in out NEW sink!!!!!
it's very exciting.
you don't realize until after a week of draining your pasta in the bathroom how much you really love your kitchen sink