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 Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 10:15 pm
*hugs*... someone else needs to come into your life and distract your for a while...
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Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 10:44 pm
JoeEuphonium *hugs*... someone else needs to come into your life and distract your for a while... Yes I have to agree with that one a little distraction would be nice. That means I would have to leave the house wouldn't it . Looks outside and sees snow. Yes in another life I was a bear.
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Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 8:53 am
Zercia if you do miss him so much send him an Email or call him. It doesn't mean you are going to be best friends again...
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Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 6:33 pm
i am actually semi friendly with most of my ex's
just go out and enjoy single life again... being able to flirt without consequences...
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Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 10:20 am
*glomp/hugs Z*
Hey Queeny.. Hope you are doing okay... Sheesh.. seems like forever since I graced this thread with my presence...
Got a question for all the parentally-divorced types out there...
How do you learn to accept other adults being an influential part of your childs life? As some of you know my hubby and I are in the middle of a divorce and we both have significant others in our lives already. Accepting the fact that his g/f will have a big part in raising my children seems impossible some days.. she's nice and all.. I just.. I dunno.. feel like someone is stealing my job from me.. Make sense? And the worst part is it's not just her.. I have a hard time letting my significant other play a big role in the kids upbringing.. Everytime he goes to punish or scold them I feel like a cat arching her back and hissing.. lol... At least I try to keep the hissing down to a minimum.. but still.. Looking for any advice you might have... Thankies...
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Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 5:43 pm
ErinsChaos *glomp/hugs Z* Hey Queeny.. Hope you are doing okay... Sheesh.. seems like forever since I graced this thread with my presence... Got a question for all the parentally-divorced types out there... How do you learn to accept other adults being an influential part of your childs life? As some of you know my hubby and I are in the middle of a divorce and we both have significant others in our lives already. Accepting the fact that his g/f will have a big part in raising my children seems impossible some days.. she's nice and all.. I just.. I dunno.. feel like someone is stealing my job from me.. Make sense? And the worst part is it's not just her.. I have a hard time letting my significant other play a big role in the kids upbringing.. Everytime he goes to punish or scold them I feel like a cat arching her back and hissing.. lol... At least I try to keep the hissing down to a minimum.. but still.. Looking for any advice you might have... Thankies... your lacking communication with each other in the brining up of your children. You need to sit down.. all four of you and talk about what is and what isnt acceptable... you need to have a single constant reward/punishment system that way no one raiser can influence unfairly... examples ... if the girls do something good like i dunno make there bed or say please and thank you all day... you should ALL be on the same page what the reward is... ie if you give them an extra cookie for dessert .. every one does.. not oh mommy gives me a cookie but Morgan gives me a dollar! Also the same goes with punishment ... if one of the girls breaks a rule (there needs to be set established rules and boundaries the girls are aware of) then you have a consistent punishment. Not ooh Morgan gets mad and corrects me and daddy just says its ok. try time out or take away there privileges ie. tv or coloring or what not. Just you all need to sit at the table and make sure ALL FOUR OF YOU are on the same page. Communication *winks* *huggles*
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Posted: Sat Jan 26, 2008 3:20 am
Joe, these are just some thoughts of mine. It seems that your wife has some problems of her own that she needs to address. If your not happy, then it seems likely she isn't either. Nobody wants to live that way. I think toadies_soarys has an idea there about counseling. The people that are close to you can see that there's a problem, maybe broach the subject about seeing someone together as well as separately, that way she can work on her issues privately as well.
When I was a child, my mum was always the one to be aggressive with my father, whereas dad was the peacemaker, trying to keep us all together. He stayed through all the rage and mood swings and they managed to work through it. They are still together.
I think that it is an epiphany for you, and to identify that there is a problem is the first step to solving it. Whatever happens though Joe, I hope it works out for the best. *hugs*
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Posted: Sat Jan 26, 2008 4:41 am
JoeEuphonium O.K...... Someone very close to me straight out and told me...."You know that your in an abusive relationship don't you?" I laughed at the fact because .. well I'm not getting beaten... and Im not being verbally abused all the time. Soooo what kind of abuse could it be. BUT THEN.... I started to think... for about a week actually .... am I like one of those women who get battered all the time but they still stay because they think it was there fault or like those women who's husbands cheat on them and they stay because they love him or because they made him go out and do it....... Soooo.... I asked my two close friends tony and richard and they immediately said yes and that they've been telling me for a very long time already. I thought about it .. and its true... they've been telling be for about two years already that things that Angie does isn't right or that I'm not being treated right. I followed up with a talk with my aunt the next day... she's only four years older than me so she's more like a big sister. And she asked me "Well JC, are you happy?" My answer to that was no. We talked how that she sees how sometimes I can be happy and then after talking to angie my whole mood changes. We talked about how I'm like my Uncle (its not even funny how similar we really are) and that how after thirty years of marriage to a not so nice wife she goes and tells everyone that she was really never happy being married to him. And Deena *aunt* tells me she doesnt want to see me end up like that. I finally talked to my mom about it. To my surprise I think she was glad to see I was asking about it. I think she too does not like the relationship I'm in. My mom's stance on it though is that i need to do something to fix it. After realizing this...I felt extremely good. I'm not sure what I'm going to do now. Obviously I need to talk to my wife about it. Here is my thing though....my kids are my life. I can not lose them. I'm afraid that if we were to split... i would not get custody, and that I can not live with. I'm not sure what advice I'm asking for here... or if I'm just venting.... but I put it here because i do value all of your opinions because i know you guys really care about me. *huggles* Don't be sad for me guys. I'm not sad at all...more like I've had an epiphany that has opened my eyes and helped me to shed issues that have been bogging me down. Luv ya all! you know how much you are loved by us, joe. we feel for you. i hope things like these could be resolved easily. and because i know they can't, just know that i'll be saying a prayer for you and everyone involved, especially tori and johnny. heart heart heart
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Posted: Sat Jan 26, 2008 4:45 am
Zercia Can someone tell me how to stop thinking about someone? Maybe I am kicking myself too hard because a friend who never really knew the guy in real life still cries over the guy. I knew his touch, I knew his kiss eventhough we were never couple just friends. If people saw us togather they would say we had something togather. I left to get away from him so he wouldn't be able to see me. I wonder what is going on with him if he is ok or is he doing something dum. I know I can e-mail or phone but I don't because I want to not have that connection. I don't wish anything bad on him but if he wasn't around at least I would not worry about him. Knock on wood nothing bad ever happens to him after I said that. We are still friends didn't leave on bad a note. Just parted and he knew how much I wanted to part from him. He knew I though it would be a good idea for the both of us. We were hurting each other with his confustion of how he felt about me. He couldn't understand his feeling about me. I told him I would never turn him away I will stay ture to that if he wants to find me he can. I never stopped that alot of people walked out of his life. They all had good reason. He is someone who needs help and you get to a point with you can't help him. I just want to stop worrying and wondering it been 8 months ok I know him since I was 12 years old. I am his longest friend. Trust me we have a weird and long story. In the Soap he is Astar I figure if I write about I could maybe get to stop having him in my mind. The way Astar and Zercia interact is me and him totally. Astar outside I will put a bit but I will have to make Astar more evil then my big pain in the a**. sweatdrop xd to "not think of someone" means you wouldn't wonder how to stop thinking about him.^^ not easy to say, and harder to do. but i've heard from somewhere (not necessarily from medical school) that the subconscious sometimes omits the "don't" in commands like "don't think about him" "don't fall for him," etc.
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Posted: Sat Jan 26, 2008 8:18 am
xp
for raising the kids together...
my hubby's parents divorced and re-married different ppl... and he explained it best.... NO ONE WILL EVER BE MOM!...
it's strange cause there has always been some question to weather his dad is his blood dad....
when that was explained to me i asked... "so he might not be your dad?"
he told me that regardless of blood, his dad is is dad...
just communicate with the other 1/2 3nodding sometimes easier said then done.. and please remember, don't nag about the other parent to the kids...
i hate when my in-laws do the digs on each other...
now for joe...
again... councling is what i would suggest... and maybe parenting classes... FOR BOTH OF YOU... regardless of weather you are a good dad or not... it's a support thing... and have you brought up how you are feeling to her? she might not realized how she is acting.
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Posted: Sun Jan 27, 2008 8:16 am
thanks toadie and leela *huggles*
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Posted: Sun Jan 27, 2008 8:21 am
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Posted: Sun Feb 03, 2008 2:07 pm
My dearest Joe...
Wow I've missed alot around here lately... And though it looks like you have already been given great advice I felt the need to toss in my two cents.. so if nothing else you would know I actually care lol.
I too think the first step is talking to your wife. Just remember a few things okay? You can't start the conversation with big expectations. She probably isn't going to go "Oh man.. I'm sorry" and then have things suddenly fixed. But if you are lucky you will be able to at least state what you need to state. Get it out there, let her know how you are feeling. If you want to try counseling then tell her so. Make sure you tell her everything you have to tell her though.. Don't just say you aren't happy and then let her draw her own conclusions as to why or think that by saying you are unhappy you are really asking for a divorce or something okay? And don't put all the blame on her.. she may just get angry or resentful and then tune out everything else you say or just start putting all the blame right back on you and then never be able to see her own faults in this.
Keep in mind too that if you two do agree on counseling you may have to try a few different counselors. You don't want one that only sees things from your side or hers. That was my problem, the counselor Adam and I went to basically told me everything I wanted from the relationship either didn't exist or I was going about getting it the wrong way. And right then and there I gave up on the counseling...
And though I know you aren't there yet.. If you two did get a divorce I'm curious as to why you think you wouldn't be able to get custody of your children? I know that was one of my biggest fears as well when I finally made the decision to ask for a divorce. I didn't have a job that would really support myself let alone my kids, so I was terrified I'd loose them. But eventually I had my own epiphany.
My parents were divorced basically my entire life and I grew up over 800 miles away from my mom. But she was still the only person I could talk to and we are best friends now. I realized that even if I didn't get custody of them that didn't mean I wasn't going to be a good mother to them. And that alone gave me enough peace of mind to do what I had to do. I was very lucky that Adam didn't hate me and try to take them from me.. I'm still pretty sure he could have.. but we agreed a long time ago that unless one of us was actually hurting our kids (emotionally or physically) that we would never try to take them away from the other. And so we agreed on joint physical and legal custody.
Well I'll leave you with that for now... Please keep us informed and know that we are here if you need us. *hugs*
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Posted: Sun Feb 03, 2008 11:39 pm
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Posted: Mon Feb 04, 2008 12:07 pm
toadies_soarys xp for raising the kids together... my hubby's parents divorced and re-married different ppl... and he explained it best.... NO ONE WILL EVER BE MOM!... it's strange cause there has always been some question to weather his dad is his blood dad.... when that was explained to me i asked... "so he might not be your dad?" he told me that regardless of blood, his dad is is dad... just communicate with the other 1/2 3nodding sometimes easier said then done.. and please remember, don't nag about the other parent to the kids... i hate when my in-laws do the digs on each other... Thankies for the advice Toadies.. And no worries on the bashing. That is another one of our agreements. As both of our parents were divorced as well we know exactly what type of behavior we want to keep from inflicting on our kids. As proof of this when he (the soon-to-be-ex) chose to go and spend christmas with his G.f. and her family in N.C. and leave the kids I made him explain to them why, because I knew there was no way I could do it with out it sounding like I was bashing him. And he actually understood where I was coming from when I said that.
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