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 Posted: Sun Dec 25, 2005 5:00 pm
Posted: Fri Jul 23, 2004 1:35 am Lenore Slytherin-Natenhar July 18, 2004. (Before news of Arlath.)
I have become quite the juggler. Ever since Eirnae gave me those books, and I know how much she treasures them, I have been reading them non-stop.
Of course, me not knowing how to read elvish has been a bit tricky. I have been looking at the words and saying them aloud, hoping to get the translations correct. I must look so funny to some around the house, walking around with Damien in the baby sling when I am feeding him, one breast out, as I hold a book up, going around one-handed and doing other things around the house.
It seems I have no shame. I was so preoccupied in the market today when I was buying some groceries that I merely unbottoned my shirt and allowed Damien to feed when he started crying. Of course, it was not until I heard snickering next to me that I looked up from the book and saw three teen-age boys, not much younger than my 20 years might I add, staring at me. I blushed, but more in fury than embarassment, and asked them if they had never seen a woman feeding their baby before. Then, they used a term I am not entirely familiar with. Something about a milf? Of course, when I looked puzzled, they merely laughed and walked away, shaking their heads.
It is moments like those that I see why I fell for a woman.
Something troubles me, though. If I am translating the books correctly, I am still a child in the elves eyes! It must not bother my love, though. I mean, I know she is a bit older than I, but would she feel badly? A sort of "robbing the craddle" type thing? If we were ever to go into elvish land, would our engagement, or marriage is we are married by then, be frowned upon by them?
More questions for me to ask Eirnae.
Lucius has been wanting to be more involved in Damien's early years, not that he didn't want to be before. And, he and Alimus have been spending a lot of time fawning over Damien as well. When Damien starts screaming, it is a sure bet one of them, if they are around, asks if they can be of assistance.
I can't say that I don't appreciate the help, not only does it allow Eirnae and I some rest, but more time together. But, I am starting to get a little protective again.
Also, does Lucius think me too young to care for my own child? Does he think I will fall with Damien in my arms, or in the baby sling? Does he think I will harm him?
And, it just really hit me today, Lucius moved from the couch to Alimus' room. It is interesting, but I can see some advantages, at least if I look through Lucius' eyes. The room is closer to where Damien sleeps with Eirnae and I than the couch in the living room, so he could get to us quicker, and it is easier to hear if any danger is in the room with our Little Prince as well, should there ever be.
I don't know why I am devoting so much space of this journal to them. They are just acting strangely, and I can't place my finger on it. Oh well, I will leave it to him, he can take care of himself. . . .
Anyway, when Damien is not with Lucius or Alimus, Vinyn is usually trying to occupy his time, as usual. She keeps him amused with her mile-a-minute speech, and I am sure he catches some meanings. Either that, or he is just plain amused, because I hear his baby laughter when they are together quite often. It seems everyone in the house, even Nyoka - despite him always sucking on her hair - has fallen in love with Damien. And, who could not? He really is a little prince. He seems to have this charm about him that is hard to explain.
Of course, this might just be a mother's foolishness speaking. . . .
heart Lenore Slytherin-Natenhar.
~*~*~***~*~*~
July 18, 2004. (After News of Arlath)
When I returned home from the market, and a bit of shopping for Damien, my love was acting strange. First, she was being overly affectionate, which I did not mind at all mind you. Then, she was in the linen closet, grabbing fresh sheets and dressing some spare pillows. I didn't ask why she was doing this, I simply went back to unloading my packages.
It wasn't until later I finally asked her why she was acting so peculiar. You see, I was going to our bathroom, so that I could take another bath (Dezdemona this time offered to watch Damien as I relaxed for a bit), and I found that Eirnae was already drawing me one. She had added vanilla bubble bath, with a hint of my trademark lavender. She had also lit candles all around the bathroom and our bedroom, and brought me orcids from her outing.
Then, once in the bath, she started massaging my feet. It was here that I stopped her, laid my hands on her shoulders, and asked what she had done. It is not that she doesn't do this sort of thing for me often. She does it very often. It was something in her eyes that made me very suspicious.
At that moment, she told me what she did, she told me about bringing home another child. She told me about Arlath. Now, I am not ungrateful, mind you. The gods sent Arlath to us for a reason, and I understand that. It is just that. . . . Don't we have enough on our plate? Two teenage daughters, Vinyn who seems as though, the poor dear, will never grow, and an infant screaming at all hours of the night, and whenever he feels he needs or wants something. Not to mention all of the pets around the house, and the construction of the new home we are overseeing. Do the gods not know when to just stop?
I fear the cottage is a bit too small, and now we have an extra body in it. And the money! Yes, my parents left me a sizeable fortune when they were killed, one I did not even know they had, and my wand shop seems to be doing wonderfully. But, I still worry. We also have a wedding that, when we set a date, needs to be planned!
Maybe I shouldn't, right? Maybe I should accept this as another blessing, and just move on. I just wish that Eirnae had consulted with me first. Isn't that what you are supposed to do when you are getting married? Even before that, when you know you are going to be living with a person for the rest of your life?
Maybe that is what is bothering me the most, that my love didn't consult me. I don't know, I just need some time to think. Alone.
I sadly say that, going with this thought, I told Eirnae either I was sleeping on the couch tonight, or she. Is that overreacting? I feel horribly, but I am also a little hurt, and worried for our future. All of these people and animals under one roof is straining. . . .
heart Lenore Slytherin-Natenhar.
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Posted: Sun Dec 25, 2005 5:03 pm
Posted: Fri Jul 23, 2004 1:37 am Eirnae Slytherin-Natenhar July 18, 2004 I was afraid of this... Lenore didn't find out about Arlath until today, and her acceptance of my...our adoption of her wasn't as positive as I had hoped. I cannot believe I didn't inform her of it first and foremost. I had to go about trying to get her in a good mood first, which had seemed like a good plan at the time. I didn't think she would be able to read my mood so well, as everything I did for her wasn't out of the oridinary. Had she seen my nervousness in my eyes? Possibly, as that seems to be the one facet of myself that I cannot keep my emotions from reflecting, but only around my Lenore. I just cannot bring myself to lie to her, or even put anything off from her knowledge. I'm not even sure if I should wish for the ability to be able to shut it off, because if I CAN hide things from her...why would I even be with her in the first place? Where would our trust go? Looks like it is the couch for me this upcoming morning. Lenore said one of us would have to rest there, and it ought to be me. I'm the one who started this issue in the first place, anyway. I don't want Arlath to realize what is going on, but I think that wish has already been blown. She has a quick mind, I can tell just by watching how she studies things and situations. All she had to do earlier was take one look at me and my pillows heading for the couch, and she frowned. Now the child has yet another issue to pile onto her stack. Lovely. Shina is being a true gem about this, as is Vinyn. Both of them volunteered to stay out in the living room with me, but I shooed them off. No sense in them playing favorites with their parents. I won't let such a habit start up. Lenore and I make decisions and handle mistakes as a team now, that's what a family unit does. I won't let the girls choose sides. Pardon me for now, time to get dinner ready. Even if Lenore isn't talking to me right now, I plan on making her favorite dishes tonight as a means of apology. Hey, it might work. ~ Eirnae Slytherin-Natenhar
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Posted: Sun Dec 25, 2005 5:05 pm
Posted: Fri Jul 23, 2004 1:42 am Lenore Slytherin-Natenhar July 19, 2004. (Before Fe, yes, Time warping is FUN!)
I didn't sleep well last night. Even with Damien in the bed with me, I couldn't sleep with Eirnae not there.
I feel so horrible! How could I do that to her? She was only following her heart! I'll have to make it up to her somehow. . . .
She made dinner, an Italian-themed dinner. Italian is my favorite. I saw it, and I burst into tears. It seems the hormones are still acting up a bit. I clung to her neck and appologized, and told her not to let me act so stupid again. I didn't just hurt her feelings, but that lovely girl's she brought home, I know I did. I think she might think I don't want her here.
Which is untrue! I have had time to think, and think I did as I lay awake all night last night. We are very fortunate, in our wealth and our family's capacity for love. Why not share it?
Speaking of, I walked by this lovely nursery today, as I left to get away from my guilt. It is an orphanage of sorts, for reborn angels. I saw the loveliest snowy owl girl, and my heart went out to her. She reminded me so much of Shina! As soon as I can, I am dragging my love over there, so that she may see her, and we can discuss whether we want another infant living with us. And, if her heart goes out to one or more of them, so be it. We shall open our homes and hearts for the little one.
I won't make the same mistake as I did yesterday.
Speaking of, I need to grab her now before she comes to bed. . . .
heart Lenore Slytherin-Natenhar.
~*~*~***~*~*~
July 19, 2004 (After Fe)
I heard a knock on the door late at night. When I went to see who it was, it was my dear friend Fe. She came to give a blessing to Damien, and to give him a statue carved in turquois. He was sleeping, and my love was trancing. She is so thoughtful!
And, here, I am uneasy about all of the protection given to Damien. Do my friends feel the same thing that I feel. Something is going to happen soon, I know it. . . .
heart L.S-N.
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Posted: Sun Dec 25, 2005 5:25 pm
Posted: Mon Jul 26, 2004 3:36 am - Mon Jul 26, 2004 2:39 pm Fe Fe knocks on the door of the house. "Lenore? Is this where you got off too?" Fe waits to make sure that she was in the right place. Lenore Slytherin-Natenhar A sleepy Lenore answers the door, empty-handed this time. Damien is sleeping, cuddled with one of his plushies, in the bed Eirnae and she share, Eirnae deep in trance. "Hullo Fe," she says, managing a smile. "Come in. Can I get you anything?" Fe "Oh, no thank you Lenore. I'm embarrased that I caught you so late. But I seem to be missing you all over the place. And I have something I wanted to do for you and your family." Fe steps through the front door. Lenore Slytherin-Natenhar "I don't sleep much these days, don't feel embarassed," Lenore smiles again and closes the door behind Fe. "I assume you want to see the Little Prince?" she asks, blinking and running a hand through her green hair. "Just follow me. Try to be quiet as possible. My love used to be a deep trancer, but now I think that Damien has trained her to be more alert," she says, some amusement in her voice. Fe "Yes I would love to see him, and before we go in I will ask you if it is okay if I give him something. A piece of turquoise. Too large for him to swallow. Or I can give it to you, as it ment for your family. I don't need to see him for the blessing to have meaning. But I would like to see him of course." Lenore Slytherin-Natenhar "No, please, come see him," Lenore says, still smiling. "I trust you, you can give him the turquois," she says, softly, before quietly opening the door to her and Eirnae's room. She creeps in, motioning for Fe to follow, and grabs her wand up, only for the second time since she cast it away from her, and lights the tip.
Damien is sleeping, his thumb in his mouth and one of his arms around the teddy bear Ahlian gave him. Lenore's smile widens and she looks over at Fe. Fe Fe can't help but let a wide grin come accross her face. She places the large peice of turquoise in his hand. And brushes the back of her fingers accross his cheek. She whispers something in Elvyn, then kisses him on the forehead. Quietly she says. " He is beautiful. Truely beautiful. You and Eirnae are blessed." Looking towards the sleeping Eirnae she smiles and then moves towards the door. Lenore Slytherin-Natenhar Lenore follows her. "Thank you, dear friend," she says, bowing to her. "I will pass this along to Eirnae. She will be most flattered," she says, chuckling a bit. Fe  (( this is the image I intended to give. Edit in the correct image. )) "My pleasure Lenore." she smiles. " Turquoise has been sacred to many cultures. Above all it is protective. It has the gift of sustaining the peace and contentment of the spirit against all hurt and peril. The spell I placed upon it is to bring contentment and protection to your family. I chose this stone for that reason. Also because it is green." " I think that your family would value such a thing. It was deffinately given from my heart with a lot of thought. " Fe hugs Lenore. "Now, why aren't you sleeping well? " Lenore Slytherin-Natenhar Lenore chuckles. "It seems most people think that Damien needs protecting," she says, good-humor in her voice.
Then, she sighs. "Damien wakes up twice every night. Once for feeding, and once for changing. I am sleeping lighter than ever, in case something else happens and he wakes up screaming. But, it is nothing to be worried about. It comes with motherhood. And, Lucius and Alimus, and the rest of the family, are being very helpful with Damien."
(( EDIT::: Fe, can we pick this up tomorrow? I am dead tired *hug* )) Fe "My friend, people believe all babies need protection. This piece is for the entire family. And I do wish for happiness and contentment for you. I wish I could stay longer. But I do need to be going. If you ever need anything, no matter how small or how large. Please call on me." (( goodnight 3nodding )) Lenore Slytherin-Natenhar "I will bear that in mind, Fe," Lenore smiles and walks her to the door. Once she is sure Fe is safely on her way, she closes the door, locks it, and hurries back to bed.
(( Thanks so much, Fe heart ))
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Posted: Sun Dec 25, 2005 6:41 pm
Posted: Mon Jul 26, 2004 8:23 pm Eirnae Slytherin-Natenhar July 19, 2004 (Evening) Lo and behold, Lenore forgave me. I didn't expect her to take her apology to such an emotional high, but perhaps it was due to her leftover hormonal imbalances from the pregnancy? Maybe. Anyway, I'm sitting here on the edge of our bed, VERY glad to be welcomed back into it. Of course I'm writing this after the fact of Lenore and I...sealing our apologies to each other. I must get that book of Italian recipes from the book shop I saw yesterday. I have a feeling that it will come in handy during the years to come. Presumptious of me? I sure as hells hope so! Arlath seems to be having trouble fitting into our family, but that wasn't completely unexpected. She has the mark of a thief and a loner on her, but hopefully with time I can encourage her to crumble the walls of the fortress around her heart. She at least smiled at Shina today, something that Shina reported to me later on with a sense of pride about her. A teenager that takes pride in making others smile? Yes, that's my Shina for you. Damien is proving to be a sweetheart, if a demanding one. I caught Vinyn sneaking him part of a chocolate chip cookie today, and I had to give her the 'he's too young to eat solids' speech, along with the 'he had enough sweets while he was inside of Lenore' speech. Unfortunately for me, Shina caught the last one and gave ME a talking to. How ironic is that? Damien proceeded to giggle at the whole thing, earning a beaming smile from Shina and a piggyback ride. Seeing Damien cling to Shina's hair while she hopped around the living room was a heart warming sight. Even Arlath seemed to be affected, peeking out from the dark corner she had claimed for herself earlier in the afternoon. Now for Shina and I to go and start our combat practice. After that is our first dance of the morning. Busy, busy, busy! ~ Eirnae Slytherin-Natenhar
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Posted: Sun Dec 25, 2005 6:43 pm
Posted: Mon Jul 26, 2004 8:37 pm Lenore Slytherin-Natenhar July 21, 2004.
I took Eirnae to the shop, finally. She and I both agreed that we had room for another child, as the house is almost complete.
A beautiful little gray leopard girl caught her heart. I think she reminds her of Alimus. So, two more children to add to our growing family! We are just waiting for the adoption to go through!
Now, onto unhappier news. I have been keeping something from my love for two days now. I know that she knows something is wrong, but I don't know how to tell her! I don't want to tell her. I know she will become angry, and do something rash. I worry for her, and I don't want to lose her. I just need to figure out how to sit her down and tell her everything.
Added to this, Nyoka broke her arm. So, I actually brought my wand back out to do what I could, as she refused to go see a Healer at St. Mungos.
Damien is learning so quickly! He seems to love piggy-back rides now, and they are amusing to watch! His laughter is some of the sweetest mucis I have ever heard! It warms my heart to see the love in the home.
Even toward Arlath. Her intovercy worries me. None of my other children are very intorverted, so I don't know how to handle this. I tried talking to her earlier today, but she just looked at me with those sea green eyes (so like my loves! But, somehow lacking their warmth), and said nothing. So, after a few minutes of that, I gave up.
I only hope she starts to open up more. At least she joins us, somewhat, for dinner at night. She still sits off by herself, but she is in the same room. That is something, right?
heart Lenore Slytherin-Natenhar. Posted: Mon Aug 02, 2004 7:31 pm Eirnae Slytherin-Natenhar July 21, 2004 Call me insane if you wish, but I think there is enough room and love in this family for a few more members. I'm just grateful that Lenore agrees with me on that now... if she hadn't, Itzel and Ernia would not be able to join us once the paperwork is completed. I just hope that we can provide the same loving environment for these two girls as we have for other other children. Speaking of children, the intermingling of all of ours is a bit rocky right now. Arlath is more of a loner than I thought she would be, though not a violent one, thank the Lady. She simply likes to be left alone, keeping to the shadows of the house so she can watch the rest of us warily. I don't blame her for not trusting after less than a week, but I didn't expect her to remain quite this distant. What happened in her past to make her this way? Perhaps one day she will be willing to share that with us. Nyoka managed to get her arm broken, and Lenore fixed it with her magic before Shina could interfere. That is the second time she's used her wand in some time. I can only imagine what the Ring of the Ancients has done during this time... I worried for her, for Damien, as she wore it through the pregnancy, but I knew it to be too dangerous to remove once she put it on. Now I see the change in her, how she is so reluctant to use her magic even for the littliest of things. Is the ring to blame? Am I, the gifter of the ring, to blame? Such are my trancing visions... Lenore has been distant with me today. Not intentionally, but I know she is hiding something. Should I ask what is bothering her, or even mention anything at all? For now I wait to see if she comes to me first, as I know that eventually, when she finds the right words, she will want to talk eventually. ~ Eirnae Slytherin-Natenhar
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Posted: Sun Dec 25, 2005 6:47 pm
Posted: Mon Aug 02, 2004 7:39 pm Eirnae Slytherin-Natenhar July 21, 2004 (Evening) I must write of this now, before the moment passes! Vinyn has grown! She has GROWN! I did not even touch a page of research, and she grew into a beautiful young woman! I.. I must go, else this page will be tear-streaked and unreadable. ~ Eirnae Slytherin-NatenharPosted: Mon Aug 02, 2004 7:54 pm Lenore Slytherin-Natenhar July 23, 2004.
I still haven't told Eirnae, I can't figure out how. I talked to Krista, though. I think we have things sorted out. I just have to get Eirnae's thoughts on everything before I even begin to tell Krista we should go ahead.
Better news! Vinyn grew! She seems so happy, and I am happy as well!
I have to go, Damien is screaming.
heart Lenore Slytherin-Natenhar. Posted: Mon Aug 02, 2004 9:15 pm Eirnae Slytherin-Natenhar July 23, 2004 Still no word from Lenore on what she has been keeping from me, and still I wait. Why? Ever tried to back the woman or man that you love into a corner and proceed to pry something they've been hiding from you for days from them? Yeah, painful picture, isn't it? I wish to avoid that, if I can. Shina agrees with me, as does Ahlian and Alimus. I cannot hide how I feel from them, so I am glad that they have agreed to be silent on the matter as well. Vinyn's new form seems even more comforting to Damien than before, and to think I was afraid that he would feel his 'playmate' had outgrown him. Vinyn has not stopped thinking up games to play with Damien and Eira, the three of them often go outside to play in the pool with Sum and Koeh. Already I caught Vinyn trying to teach him how to swim. I would have interjected, but she was being so careful and gentle...and I know that in a mere moment she could have taken all of that water out of the situation should things have gotten dire. I trust my daughter, even with my little son. It feels good to write that down here, to know that trust is as strong as it is. Damien is slowly showing us glimmers of what is within that mind of his. He is drawn to water like a fish, but of course I think that may be because of Vinyn's influence, and he loves soft surfaces like Shina did at his age. He wants to be constantly busy, getting bored easily, which isn't unexpected at his age. He loves to be the center of attention, but seems content as long as someone is paying some attention to him, especially Lenore, Vinyn, Nyoka, or myself. Of course the one person whose arms he can be in and he will never cry are Shina's. My dear daughter usually has a calming effect on those around her, and Damien seems to not be an exception. The only sounds I hear when she is by him are soft coos and the occansional giggle. Arlath has even softened up to him, as he is the only one who can approach her thus far and she will actually smile at. Even Shina has not cracked that shield, so it is an impressive feat indeed. Perhaps our Little Prince will be the one to open the door for the rest of us to enter Arlath's heart? I am curious over the pulse of warmth I felt coming from Alimus today when he looked over to Lucius at dinner. It was very similar to the way I feel when I...look at Lenore. Perhaps a discussion is in order? Yes, I will do so later this evening. ~ Eirnae Slytherin-NatenharPosted: Mon Aug 02, 2004 9:50 pm Lenore Slytherin-Natenhar July 25, 2004.
Damien has become quite the character. Today, he was screaming his little head off and I couldn't, for the life of me, figure out what it was he wanted. Then, Vinyn came over and asked if she could try. At the end of my rope, I handed him to her. She took the baby tub from under the sink and filled it with water, singing to him all the while she did, to try and calm his screams. Then, the moment she put him in the water, he started giggling and splashing the best a baby can do. I was shocked! He wanted a bath!
I felt a little bad. I mean, I am his mother, I should be able to know the difference between his screams, right? I guess I am tired. Damien has been a little more active in his sleep, and I have not gotten much because of it.
Well, that and the fact there is this dark cloud over my head. I am talking to Eirnae tonight, there is nothing for it.
When I mentioned this to Lucius, he got very helpful. He said that he and Alimus would be very glad to take Damien for the night again. I spied the two of them talking on the couch. I don't know . . . I am no body-language expert, and I know NOTHING of love, I never loved before Eirnae (unless you count my school-girl crush on Professor Snape), but something in how they were seated, and how they were talking. Lucius seemed . . . different. He usually seems so . . . . strong . . . masculine even. But, he seemed a bit flirtacious . . . girly-flirtacious - but SOMEHOW managing to be masculine at the same time. I am so confused right now.
And, Daedrymm came home again. I don't know WHERE that girl ran off to, but as Lucius didn't seem too worried ('Drymm IS his daughter after all), I did not worry too much. That, and Damien has been taking most of time these days. She held Damien, and played games with he and Vinyn most of the day.
It seems 'Drymm has found someone else to shadow. It used to be Nyoka, but now I think it is Arlath. Everytime she saw Arlath, she would ask her questions a mile a minute. She got a sentence from her though. Granted, it was "Go away." but, at least I know, now, that Arlath can speak. . . .
Speaking of Arlath . . . I caught her today. At first I thought it was Eirnae, but I took a closer look and saw it was, indeed, Arlath. She was sitting on mine and Eirnae's bed as Damien was down for his nap. She was looking down at him, almost lovingly, like an older sister might. When I passed later, Damien was awake, and she was playing with him. She had the plushie Drac gave him in her hand and she was making dragon-like noises, and Damien was giggling away. It was really sweet, and I ran off to tell Eirnae at once. I hope Arlath doesn't know I saw her. . . .
Nyoka finally gave in. She went to St. Mungo's without my knowledge just after I told her she would have to keep the cast on another week. Well, apparently she couldn't wait that long. And, once she was back and she found that her arm was, in fact, better, she dragged Dezdemona outside to help her train. She has been at it all day. . . . So, I have left her out there. She has been cooped up at home all these days. I know how she hates to stay inside too much. . . .
I still have my wand locked up. I haven't used it for days now, and Muggle work is damn hard. Especially after years of cleaning (or having it cleaned) your kitchens and bathrooms with magic. How do Muggles do it? I mean, I was sweaty! And i felt so disgusted that I had to take a shower. And those aweful chemicals! Gods, my eyes are still burning. It is enough to make me want to get that wand back out again. And, I just might. . . . I just have to give it time. . . .
That, and seeing my father without my wand is not something I want a repeat of. I need it with me, in case I see him again. I have to be able to protect myself, and whoever is with me.
Alright, it is time to go find my love. She has to know this. . . . I have already given Damien to Lucius and Alimus. I just have to find the words. . . .
heart Lenore Slytherin-Natenhar.
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Posted: Sun Dec 25, 2005 6:52 pm
Posted: Mon Aug 02, 2004 10:52 pm Eirnae Slytherin-Natenhar July 25, 2004 Today I have conquered one of my greatest weaknesses...at least for a time. I chose to stay home and protect my family instead of going off and tracking that b*****d that dares to call himself my Lenore's father. The process was going through my head and adding complexities as Lenore told me about what he did, what he said, what he wanted. I would take Alimus and Ahlian with me, leaving my other companions to watch over my family as we took to the skies and the shadows. I would hunt him down, every piece of information wasn't to be disregarded unless it proved to be fantasy. As a team we would find him and kill him...slowly. The pleasure caused by the image of his flesh being carefully peeled from his bones coursed through me, a feeling I thought I had left behind me forever. I am no longer a butcher of men, my hands have been washed clean by the light that is my children. He will not take me back to that point. However, I will not let him drag myself or my family into looking over our shoulders everywhere we go, and I'll be damned before I let him take our son! The solution Lenore brought up will work, but only as long as the secret is kept. The slightest slip, and the 'jig is up'. I almost want him to be drawn here, despite what Lenore says, so we could try to end this permanetly, but the life of the child who is to kill him one day could be ended prematurely if we did so. I won't be responisible for that child's death, even if it would mean our freedom. On a lighter note, Lenore and I made up after I scared her with my show of 'drama'. I don't ever want to see that frightened look on her face again. Not ever. I made it up to her, right there on the couch while Sitha curled up on her kitty tower and tried to convince me she wasn't paying attention. I swear, that feather-tail must have been taking mental notes! Did I care? Not really. She's got to learn sometime. Of course having Nyoka and Shina walk inside the front entrance when they were supposed to be out practicing with Calavel was a bit surprising. I had Lenore in a rather compromising postion, and neither of us were wearing much of anything at that point, so you can only imagine the look on Nyoka AND Lenore's faces. Nyoka's was deep, deep green while Lenore's was beginning to resemble a tomato. Shina, bless her heart, wasn't phased at all, and grabbed hold of Nyoka's arm to lead her back outside and close the door after them. I had to coax Lenore out of her 'OMLWTF'* stage and back into the mood, which took some doing, but eventually we were too far gone to worry over having anyone walk in on us again. We promptly went to our bedroom after our heads cleared a bit, out of respect for the girls who were likely waiting for us to relocate before coming back inside. We had to pass by Alimus and Lucius's room on the way, and what I saw made me pause despite my eagerness to continue ravaging Lenore. Alimus was sitting by Lucius's bed, gazing down at the Tae's face as he napped with Damien nestled in his arms. The look on Alimus's face still haunts me, and the stab of longing hit my heart like a well aimed kunai. My companion, my friend, is in love. I knew it, deep down in my heart I knew it, and that belief as yet to leave. The more distrubing thing is that I knew because that very longing is one I had felt prior to then, before I realized my attraction to Lenore. It had come from him, and it had been because of me. Did Alimus love me once? I considered it, flashes of emotion that I couldn't explain before, memories of dismissing his looks and devotion as true friendship, all came pouring back. He still loves me, I can feel it now that I'm not pushing it out of my mind. Yet he's developing feelings for Lucius as well? I had tried to talk to him about this two days ago, and he brushed it aside as his love towards the baby, as Lucius had been feeding Damien at the time. Now I know the truth, Alimus, and we will talk about this again tonight. ~ Eirnae Slytherin-Natenhar* Oh my Lady, what the f--k!Posted: Mon Aug 02, 2004 11:07 pm Lenore Slytherin-Natenhar July 25, 2004 (Evening)
Gods, oh gods, oh GODS! How could we have been so careless?! We have never been before!
Now that the aftermath of wonderful hours with my love has worn off, I don't know how I will ever be able to look at Shina and Nyoka again. Nyoka . . . bless her. She looked petrified! Just like Kia did after Nyoka turned her to stone. Save, she was not gray . . . she was dark green from the tips of her ears straight down her throat, and even inching to her bare chest. She stood there, her mouth wide open and her eyes wider than ever (which is no small feat, mind you). I don't think she ever would have had the ability to leave had Shina not pulled her back out the door.
Ok, now that I have gotten that out of my system . . . I did talk to Eirnae. She scared me, she really did. I have never been scared of her before, but the fire in her eyes, the anger in her movements, and the flat tone in her voice was frightening. I didn't think she would hurt me, mind you. I was more worried about the arm of the couch being splintered than her ever laying a hand on me. But . . . she got scary for a moment. I think I brough her back. I know I looked frightened. I know I shied away from her and got into a defensive position. She seemed to melt, but that was not my intention.
I asked her to stay here, with us, where she was really needed, and she is. She agreed to the plan Krista and I tentatively formed the other night. I know there are risks, and those risks could put our very lives at stake, but I don't want my love to run off and get killed. I need her with me. I know this now. I don't think I could ever live without her if she died. I don't know how I could go on. Yes, I have the children that would push me to it, but it would be hard, and I might not ever be able to.
Anyway . . . when Eirnae and I were walking back to our room, she stopped in her tracks. When I looked to try and see what would have stopped her, she ushered me on. But, I know where we stopped. It was outside of Lucius' and Alimus' room. I would say she was checking on Damien, but after seeing how Lucius was acting with Alimus earlier, I don't know. Did she see something?
I think that I need to talk to Lucius . . . I want to know what is going on . . . Am I nosy, perhaps. But, Lucius is like an older brother to me, and I want him to be as happy as I am. . . .
heart Lenore Slytherin-Natenhar.
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Posted: Sun Dec 25, 2005 6:54 pm
Posted: Mon Aug 02, 2004 11:43 pm Eirnae Slytherin-Natenhar July 26, 2004 (Early Morning) Revelations abound over the last day, I swear. I had my talk with Alimus, and it was a long conversation indeed. Not to mention one I never envisioned having with him in the first place. I decided to not skirt about the issue this time around and straight out pinned him with a direct question. What did I ask? "Have you ever loved me?" I've never seen Alimus squirm before, at least not as much or as well as he did right then. Finally I got an answer, after much pestering and wearing him down. Yes, he did. Still does. Then it was my turn to squirm. This had been going on for YEARS, and I never noticed! What kind of a moron am I?!? I had to excuse myself from the room, but he didn't let me go. He held me as I cried, telling me it wasn't my fault, that he wanted me to be happy. I felt, still feel, rotten inside. He loved me back when married Saki, he loved me after Saki's death, damnit he loves me even NOW! He watched me fall in love twice in my lifetime, and hid his own feelings for my sake... I don't deserve him. I don't deserve him, Lenore, my children, my companions, none of them. I used Alimus, there is no excuse for it! I knew it the whole damn time, but I pushed it away! I need to go outside, cause this air in here is getting stuffy. I need a clear sky, with my Lady's moon to comfort me. I need to dance. ~ Eirnae Slytherin-NatenharPosted: Mon Aug 02, 2004 11:57 pm Lenore Slytherin-Natenhar July 26, 2004.
I didn't sleep. It wasn't because of Damien this time.
First, let me say, I did talk to Lucius. I asked him, straight out, if he had feelings for Alimus. He blinked and sunk into the couch. He turned red, and he opened his mouth several times to speak, but I guess he couldn't find the words.
So, I sat with him and took his hand and smiled at him. I told him it was alright if he did, that there was no shame in it. Finally, he nodded. He admitted he felt something for Alimus, but he didn't know what. I left it at that, and told him just to follow his heart.
Now, why couldn't I sleep? Eirnae did not come to bed last night. When I finally did see her, around mid-day, she stumbled past me to our room. I don't know what to do. I left Damien with Vinyn and the rest of the girls, and went to be with her, but she was sleeping. So, I took a bath and waited for her to wake. She is still sleeping. When she wakes up, and if she wants to talk, I will be here for her.
heart Lenore Slytherin-Natenhar.
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Posted: Sun Dec 25, 2005 6:58 pm
Posted: Tue Aug 03, 2004 12:42 am Eirnae Slytherin-Natenhar July 26, 2004 (Late Evening) My Beloved Eirnae,
I'm writing this down for you to read, because you can't keep doing this. It's not just us any more, and you know that. You are a mother now, and your children need you. Lenore needs you. I'm also not against saying that I want my friend back.
I should have told you long ago about this, but the words never left my mind. I was a coward who hid behind my summoning to your side as a means to never be with you. Now it is too late. I should have known that me being undead would never have stopped you from caring for me, but it became yet another excuse. One piled on top of another, till any resolve was buried entirely for years.
I am grateful to you for helping me to realize the wonder of feeling anything beyond distrust. If I was never summoned by you, if I had never come to be at your side, I would still be in the Shadow Plane plotting the death of the Shadow one rank above me. I owe my humanity to you. Yes, that's right, my humanity. Call it what you will, but it is the humans of your home world as well as this one that truly show us all how to shine brightly throughout our lives before the flame is snuffed out.
Yes, I still love you, Eirnae, but it has been tamed by my own cowardice for so long that it has fallen into the realm of what you would call 'a doting brother'. You are my family, my Beloved, and always will be. I may have a chance at happiness now, but I'm going to take it slow. I'm counting on you to be here for me to clunk me upside the head if I do the wrong thing. Without you, how will I know?
Now get yourself back into this family, before I have to spank you silly.
Faithfully Yours,
AlimusPosted: Tue Aug 03, 2004 1:40 am Eirnae Slytherin-Natenhar July 26, 2004 (Even Later in the Evening, AKA 'Being Dragged Indoors and Being Made to Lay Down in Bed') To put it bluntly, I think I may be blessed. Or cursed. It's really a toss up right now. I'm laying here writing in my diary on the bed, because I have two 'guards' that won't let me leave its soft confines. To think I once asked to 'never have to leave my bed'. Can I take that back, please? I was picked up and hauled in here by a very insistant Alimus, who proceeded to dump me on the still made bed and ordered me to rest. Later I'm going to tell him that I don't trance on command, damnit, no matter how scary he tries to make himself look. Of course I forgot to curse his origins after reading what he wrote in here. How do you tell someone you wish they would leave you alone when you also want to get up and hug them? More confusing than dimensional travel, I tell you... So here I am, under the watchful eyes of Ahlian and Alimus, waiting for my parole. Maybe Lenore will bribe them with some cookies to let us have some quiet time, so I can talk to her about what I confirmed...and why I've been the way I've been the last day or so? I guess I have to wait out my 'jailors', or pray that Shina prods Lenore into a baking frenzy. ~ Eirnae Slytherin-NatenharPosted: Tue Aug 03, 2004 1:54 am Lenore Slytherin-Natenhar July 26, 2004 (Very late night).
Godsdammit. Well, I stayed up most of the night baking. Apparently, fresh-baked cookies are Ahlian's and Alimus' weak spots.
So, I made two dozen, JUST so I could get back into my own damn room.
No, I am not very happy. And, Eirnae got the glare of her life when I was finally permitted entrance.
I am currently figuring out a way to beat some answers out of her. . . . .
LATER
Well, Eirnae told me what happened, why she has been so distant this day. I feel a little bad about glaring at her, but how was I to know?
And, I don't like being locked out of my room.
So, I gave her some "medicine" - yes, you know what I mean. In the form of silk ties and other various fun things. She is sleeping now.
I am worried for her though. What if she does this to herself again? I shall just have to keep a closer eye on her. . . .
I checked on Damien while I was baking. He was cuddled up to Vinyn in our big recliner, so I left a note, and a bottle with some milk in it for when he woke her up later. I didn't want to disturb them, it was the cutest little picture!
And now, I need rest. I am so drained. . . .
heart Lenore Slytherin-Natenhar.
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Posted: Sun Dec 25, 2005 7:00 pm
Posted: Tue Aug 03, 2004 2:47 am Eirnae Slytherin-Natenhar July 27, 2004 You would think that with all of my companions that are often woken up just because someone sneezed, an empath, a shadow that never sleeps, etc that Nyoka would not be able to sneak out at night. I guess that girl has some tricks up her sleeves that I never dared to dream of. Or she figured out how to make Improved Invisibility potions... Now the whole household is in an uproar looking for her, because we all love her in our own way. Come to think of it, I also could not find Arlath anywhere today, either. Hmm... Well, time for me to decide just how to handle this guilt that wells up inside of me every time I look at either Lenore or Alimus. Those that can sense these feelings, a group which unforunately includes Alimus, have been very supportive and advise that I handle it in my own way. Ever been told by your own teenage daughter to 'handle it your own way'? If not, try it some day. It's damn humbling. I'll just keep taking this day by day, with my family to remind me of why I shouldn't find a creative way to disappear for a time. I had some good plans cooking while I was confined to the room, too. What a waste of imagination. So now I'm holding Damien in one arm and writing with the other, as he keeps trying to grab for my locket. That would make an intriquing death, wouldn't it? Strangulation by infant? I don't even think the coroner could keep a straight face reading that. At any rate, Damien wants his bottle now, so best I write later. ~ Eirnae Slytherin-NatenharPosted: Tue Aug 03, 2004 2:55 am Lenore Slytherin-Natenhar July 27, 2004.
She's gone again. As if I didn't have enough to worry about. She always does this.
Damn that strong-willed girl!
Lucius is taking this as a personal offense. He had a talk with her when she woke up from the Cruciatus Curse, and he thought he had gotten through to her. . . .
Nyoka is just a stubborn girl!
But, I know she is alright. She is worried, but alright. I checked our link. I should have kept it open, honestly. I curse myself for figuring out how to close it. But, it will remain open until she returns.
I have stopped the search in the home, she isn't here. The link is weak, so she is very far away.
Eirnae is worrying me as well. I can see guilt in her eyes. I don't know how to help her, so I am leaving her to it. She would know how to handle it better than anyone else. I don't want to be a nagging wife either. I am confident that, if she doesn't get over it, she will find a way to live with it. That guilt cuts her deep, I know it does.
But, it makes me insecure, honestly. Is she guilty because she loves Alimus back? Does she feel guilt because she wants to be with him?
I don't want to think about it. So, I am going to busy myself the rest of the day. Between Damien and the rest of our children, I am sure I can find something to do, to work myself into exhaustion and just fall into bed.
heart Lenore Slytherin-Natenhar.
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Posted: Sun Dec 25, 2005 7:02 pm
Posted: Fri Aug 06, 2004 1:31 pm Kinari A small, yet feathery purple bird can be seen flapping and gliding towards the Slytherin-Natenhar household, with a somewhat large package in tow. The package is so big that the little bird appears to have some difficulty in carrying it as it flies through the air. Once reaching its destination, the bird carefully drops its burden down on the doorstep and perches beside it, chirping happily. The package is wrapped in shiny dark green paper, with a golden bow resting on its top. Attached to the bow is a small gift tag, with a message written in dark blue ink on its flipside. Gift Tag Lenore and Eirnae: Hello! I hope that you two and your children are all doing well. I was out shopping today when I came across this parcel. I felt that it was just perfect for Damien. It is fragile, however, so it may be best to keep this away from him until he's older - you wouldn't want him to drop it! I hope to see you both sometime soon! Take care. With love, Kinari P.S. -- My adopted daughter, Penelope, thought that it would be creative to send this package to you via "air mail." That's what the little bird is for! She picked him out herself, and you are welcome to keep him as a pet, should you wish to. Enclosed in the package is a large, yet magnificent emerald orb. The orb seems to glow brightly with a mysterious power.
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Posted: Sun Dec 25, 2005 7:08 pm
Posted: Sun Aug 08, 2004 12:29 am Eirnae Slytherin-Natenhar August 1, 2004 Well, the last few days have passed rather grudgingly. So much so that I haven't had the inclination to write in this journal for fear of sounding just as morose as I was. I think I've managed to mostly clear my head about Alimus, and just get on with life. Again I find myself grateful for the constant activity in our family, as with its many members there is never a dull moment. That isn't entirely right, is it, to use your family as a distraction from your heart's concerns? I try to think I'm taking the healthy route, instead of holing up in the bedroom and refusing to leave. Worse yet, I could walk out the front door and not stop walking, leaving all that I know and the emotions that go with them behind. You don't really leave anything behind but those you love, right? The thoughts of them stay with you, rendering the entire process a practice in futility. Have I thought about it? Once or twice, when Alimus was in the same room with both myself and Lenore. I couldn't help but wonder if my absence would erase the pain in my friend's heart, or the glimmer of distrust and echoing guilt in Lenore's eyes. What do I do now to clean up this mess? Why did I start to write again? I came up with an idea, a plan to redeem myself in Lenore's eyes that will also hopefully help my love come to terms with her magic again. I will craft her a wand, and one like no other. I will find the perfect materials, ones that will call to me to be included in the wand's creation, and present it to her along with another truth, a truth from my soul. She now is suspicious, though she tries to hide it. I can read it in her body posture, how we haven't been together for the last few days. The very air between us becomes thick with the tension we both try to hide from our children, though I know it is impossible to hide any emotion from Shina. My fa'e daughter approached me yesterday, handing me a bouquet of her precious blue roses wrapped in twine. She told me I had to find a way to heal, or the family would be forever divided, if a family remained at all. She was, as always, right in her words. I spent the rest of that afternoon with the children, which I continue to call all of them despite both Shina and Vinyn blossoming beyond such a term. Lenore kept herself busy and away from me in the study, likely reading on the Norse culture she's become so fascinated with. Calavel went to join her in her studies once she arrived home, which makes me wonder if there is something both of them have neglected to tell me about. I dare not ask right now, with the way things are, but perhaps after I create the wand... ~ Eirnae Slytherin-NatenharPosted: Sun Aug 08, 2004 12:45 am Lenore Slytherin-Natenhar August 1, 2004.
I think Eirnae and I are fighting. I don't know. . . . I have heard of such things, loves fighting, but I have never dealt with it myself. As I have writen before, there has been no one before Eirnae.
I have to say, I do not like this fighting. It is not fun. I miss her, but I cannot look at her without thinking . . . does she wish to be with Alimus and not me?
As a way to keep myself from thinking that, I have been holed up in the study, making good on my promise to Nyoka. Norse mythology has been my distraction as of late.
I found some interesting information. And, the names that Nyoka seemed to remember from some of Aadil's manifestations have jumped out at me. I am alarmed by my suspicions, and have said such to Calavel when she came to help me study. I have an idea about who, or what I should say, Aadil was in his past life, and I am scared for Nyoka, and everyone else. . . .
She has not contacted me. Nyoka has been silent these past days, and that makes me worry more. Has something happened to her? She said she would contact me soon, and she hasn't . . . she needed me to find this information, it was very important to her, and now. . . .
I cannot think of it anymore. Calavel came to me with ulterior motives, I think. When she started speaking to me of Eirnae, I tried to close her out, to hide any hurt, or guilt, or any other emotion from my eyes, but that Drow is very shrewd. She caught them, and tried to assure me that Eirnae has never looked at anyone, besides her past husband/wife, the way she looks at me. I don't believe her. Eirnae and Alimus have been together for so long, before Eirnae was married for the first time.
I know Calavel would have no reason to lie, but something nags at me, and I cannot get it to leave me alone. Am I going to lose my love?
Enough of this. Damien is growing so beautifully. His neck seems stronger now, and he is using his newly-found neck muscles to turn his head, so that his curious eyes can take in all around him. When I placed him on the bed today as I was changing out the towels in our bathrooms, he had pushed himself up a little, to keep his eyes on me. He was grinning with his new accoplishment. I praised him, and then he let himself fall back on his stomach again. He promptly started screaming, wanting to be held.
I better go. He wants to be fed again. As he is on a schedule, and now is not one of his feeding times, I need to find a way to amuse Damien until the time comes.
heart Lenore Slytherin-Natenhar.
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Posted: Sun Dec 25, 2005 7:10 pm
Posted: Thu Aug 12, 2004 1:12 pm Kaioto_Katsuma Kaioto double checks the directions on the slip of paper she had gotten from the GMFC directories as she flies closer to a magnificent stone house surrounded by trees and water. ' This is Lenore's house.' she thinks to herself in awe. ' It's beautiful...'. Looking for a place to land, she spots a stone bridge and carefully touches down on it. After walking across it, she spots a door. ' Well, I don't know if it's the main door, but I'm sure this'll get to them eventually.' she thinks to herself. "This" was the gift which had brought her to this place to begin with; a little snake plushie she thought would be perfect for Damien. It's wrapped in a cloth bundle to keep it clean, and she places it in front of the door. Though she is reluctant to leave this beautiful home, she has to get back to the twins, so she takes one last look around before flying off again.
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Posted: Sun Dec 25, 2005 7:12 pm
Posted: Wed Aug 18, 2004 12:18 am Eirnae Slytherin-Natenhar August 3, 2004 The cold spell is still on, and I know it is my fault this still continues. Normally I have no trouble speaking my mind to those I love, but in this case my guilt wells up inside of me and chokes out whatever I wished to say. I'm making this wand for Lenore as a means to strengthen my resolve, to have something tangible to present to her along with my words, as suddenly whatever I have to say seems to mean nothing to my ears. Shina, bless her heart, is helping me with this project, as is my mentor, Calavel. We have been out searching for the right ingrediants, and after all of yesterday and a good portion of this morning, we have all of them together and ready to be worked. Lenore's new wand will be crafted from cherry wood, the eye of a mana rifter, a scale of a basilisk, and the melted remants of a silver necklace my father gave me when I was young. I do not know how long this will take, but I'm in it for the long haul, just like my relationship with Lenore. I do have to admit that my heart was lightened of its troubles upon the discovery of a sweet gift from a new friend of Lenore's and an acquintance of mine. Kinari left us a beautiful green orb for Damien, which I immediately squirreled away in the storage trunk devoted to the things he cannot touch till he gets older, and a cute little volet bird that flew up and perched on my extended finger without coaxing. After a semi-tense conversation between Lenore and I in the study it was decided that we would wait till Damien was old enough to name the bird himself. Being reminded of Lenore's current feelings towards me put a damper on my good mood, but it inspired me to start work on her wand tonight. Arlath was watching me curiously from a dark corner as I gathered all of the necessary things in the workshop. Perhaps she would like to learn the craft? I shall ask her immediately, as I need to find a way to get to know my adopted daughter better. ~ Eirnae Slytherin-NatenharPosted: Wed Aug 18, 2004 12:27 am Lenore Slytherin-Natenhar August 3, 2004.
(( No need to worry, Kai, we are slowly making our way to the date of your lovely present heart ))
Kinari, bless her, she left some lovely gifts for Damien. It seems that she and Penny were out shopping.
The orb, which I could tell from the moment my hands were around it, has magic in it. I have not used my wand in so long, and certainly not around my new friend, it makes me wonder . . . I think she got an idea that I was a witch, and Damien has that blood in him. I thank her for that gift.
Soon after, I locked myself in mine and Eirnae's room. I opened the drawer in the nightstand by my side of the bed and stared at my wand. I wanted to bring myself to pull it out, but I couldn't. So, I slammed the drawer so hard in my frustration, I startled Bellatrix, Nyoka's russian blue cat. She hissed at me and hid under the bed.
So, I threw myself into taking care of Damien, and cleaning the home again, though it is spotless.
I can't talk to Eirnae. I hardly ever speak to her anymore. It saddens me. I can't even look at her without thinking if she wants to leave.
I won't think on it more. Besides, it is Damien's feeding time. . . .
heart Lenore Slytherin-Natenhar.
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