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| Family Guy!! |
| HALARIOUS!! |
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95% |
[ 45 ] |
| SUCKS!! |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| So/So |
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4% |
[ 2 ] |
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| Total Votes : 47 |
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 Posted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 12:44 pm
Peter: Aww man! I hate Trivial Pursuit, it always makes me feel so stupid.
Brian: More stupid then that time you locked your keys out of the car?
(Cut to Peter inside the car with his keys lying outside his car door.)
Peter: Damn it! Hey! Hey! Somebody! Hey! Sir! Sir! Sir! You see those keys there? Sir! Si-! (man walks away) Screw you! (Sticks a bent straight hanger out of his window and trys to catch the keys on the hanger. The keys fall.) Oh waahhaahaaa!
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Posted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 12:46 pm
Cleveland: Quagmire slept with Loretta?
Lois: Oh my God, Cleveland! I am so sorry! I can only imagine what your going through right now.
Cleveland: Its okay.
Brian: It's ok? It's okay to be betrayed by your wife and best friend?
Cleveland: Better that it's Quagmire than someone who she could get a disease from.
Lois: Cleveland, don't you see this is why your wife left you. You don't have enough passion. Sometimes a woman wants to see a man be a man. You gotta push back a little. (Lois starts shaking.) You gotta get a little rough. OH GOD!!!!!! (Pulls down pants and lois bends over.) Peter HIT ME!
Brian: YEEAHH! (Slaps Lois' butt.)
(Awkward silence.)
Brian: So...yeah...
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Posted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 12:47 pm
Judge: I'm sentencing you to 24 months in prison.
Lois: Oh no!
Brian: Oh no!
Chris: Oh no!
Meg: Oh no!
Kool Aid Guy: OOOOOOOH YA!
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Posted: Mon Aug 07, 2006 12:42 pm
Guy: JACKLE! JACKLE IT'S A JACKLE!! JACKLE!! JACKLE IT'S A JACKLE!! JACKLE!! JACKLE IT'S A JACKLE!!
Woman: Time!
Stewie: (throws down pen) IF IT WASN'T JACKLE THE FIRST 20 TIMES WHY THE HELL WHOULD IT BE THE LAST 10!!?
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Posted: Mon Aug 07, 2006 12:45 pm
Chris: Dad, what's the blow-hole for?
Peter: I'll tell you what it's not for, son. And when I do, you'll understand why I can never go back to Sea World.
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Posted: Mon Aug 07, 2006 12:46 pm
Lois: And you know what? I'm gonna take that chance my father never let me take when I was younger. I'm gonna become a model!
Peter: Hey, that's fantastic, Lois! And I'll pleasure myself to your photos.
Chris: Me too!
Meg: Me too!
Peter: Oh! Oh! God! Meg! That's sick! That's your mother!
Meg (shrugs): I'm just trying to fit in.
Peter: Get out! Get out of this house!
(Meg doesn't move. Peter punches wall.)
Peter: I SAID GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE NOW!
(Meg runs out and Peter closes the door.)
Peter: That's a good about your modeling, Lois
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Posted: Mon Aug 07, 2006 12:47 pm
Security Guard: Alright son, we're gonna need those two hams back.
Chris: Huh? I don't have any hams.
Guard: Lift up your shirt, son.
Chris: I need an adult! I need an adult!
Guard: You're not a shoplifter, you're just a fat kid. Sorry about that fatty fat fatty. Hey Tom he's just a fat kid! Aren't you, fatty? You're just a big ol' fat kid. Here's some chocolate fatso.
Chris: Thanks.
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Posted: Mon Aug 07, 2006 12:48 pm
Peter: Hey Lois, can you grab me a beer?...Lois?
Chris: Dad, I think she went out.
Peter: Alright then you be Lois.
Chris: Okay.
Peter: Hey Lois, can you get me a be...oh my God, you've really let yourself go!
Chris: Well maybe if you bought me some nice clothes once in a while!
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Posted: Mon Aug 07, 2006 12:49 pm
Petern: Chris is not as smart as you think he is...
(Peter slaps Chris in the back of the head)
Chris: HEY!
Peter: He did it.
(Peter points to a nearby floor lamp, and Chris attacks it and starts fighting with it.)
Peter: See what I mean?
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Posted: Mon Aug 07, 2006 12:50 pm
Chris: Doctor, I need you to get rid of this zit!
Doug (Chris's Zit): You traitor!
Doctor: Whoa, that's a doosie! I bet some of those awful kids at school call you Zit Face?
Chris: No
Doctor: Papa Zit?
Chris: No
Doctor: Pus Peak?
Chris: No
Doctor: Fat a**?
Chris: Well..yeah..
Doctor: TSk, tsk..oh, that's terrible
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Posted: Mon Aug 07, 2006 12:51 pm
Chris: I don't want to get rid of my pimple, I like him. He's my friend. His name is Doug.
Brian: I just wish I didn't have to look at it.
Chris: Well, we have to look at your a**s all day!
Stewie:Thank you!
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Posted: Mon Aug 07, 2006 12:52 pm
Peter (watching tv with Meg): Who needs Brian? I have you to hang with me. (Starts talking to Meg like a dog as he's pointing at the tv.) Who that? Who that? Is that a dog, is it? Is that a dog right there? Look, see, see, Meg? Go get it! See? See the dog on tv? Who's the dog on tv?
Meg (yells at Peter): I'm not a dog, you fat bastrad!!!
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Posted: Mon Aug 07, 2006 12:53 pm
Peter: Boy, I haven't been this creeped out since I saw that episode of Star Trek.
(Cut to shot of USS Enterprise-D orbiting some planet, then cut to bridge of Enterprise)
Captain Picard: Number One.
Commander Riker: Yes, Captain.
Captain Picard: Let me ask you something. If I whispered in your ear that Commander Worf's head looks like a fanny, would you join me in a laugh?
Commander Riker: Yeah, I could get in on that.
Captain Picard: All right! Here it comes! (Shouting despite using a whispering gesture) Commander Worf's head looks like a fanny!
(Everyone laughs)
Commander Worf: You can both suck my ridges.
Captain Picard: Oh, get a sense of humour, Rocky Dennis
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Posted: Mon Aug 07, 2006 12:55 pm
Lois: So doctor, is Peter healthy?
Doctor: My goodness, you'll be dead within a month.
Peter: What?
Doctor (revealing comic he was reading): Oh, Hagar the Horrible, if you keep up that lifestyle of pillaging and eating giant turkey legs, you'll be dead within a month. Now, onto you.
Peter: So, what do you think? Pretty healthy, eh?
Doctor: Well, Mr. Griffin, let's take a look at your physical results. Argh! There's a spider in here. Now, here we go. Mr Griffin, you're going to expire in a month.
Peter/Lois: Argh!
Doctor: This is your driver's licence, isn't it? Now, unfortunately, I'm afraid you're going to die...
Peter: Argh!
Doctor: ...when you watch these Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts.
Lois: Will you just tell us how Peter's health is?!
Doctor: Ah, Mr. Griffin, I'm not quite sure how to say this. Kim Bassinger? Bass singer? Bassinger? But now, onto the cancer.
Lois: Oh my goodness!
Doctor: You are a Cancer, right? You were born in July? Now onto these test results. My, they're much worse than I thought.
Peter/Lois: Oh!
Doctor: My son got a D minus on his history test. Now Mr Griffin, that liver's got to come out.
Lois: What?!
Doctor: It's been in the microwave for three minutes, it'll get dry. Now-
Lois: Please, please, we can't take any more schtick.. Please just tell us, is Peter healthy?
Doctor: Oh, yeah, he's fine, he's just really fat.
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Posted: Mon Aug 07, 2006 12:57 pm
Bob Barker: Alright now, let's start the bidding. Jennifer? How much do you bid on the dinette set?
Jennifer: Uh...$675 Bob.
Bob Barker: $675. Steven?
Steven: $780.
Bob Barker: Tammy?
Tammy: How much did he bid?
Bob Barker: $780
Tammy: Alright, $781
Steven (to Tammy): F**k you!
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