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 Posted: Thu Dec 31, 2020 4:49 am
Something in Jace's heart twisted, a longing tug that he used to feel but had gotten so good at burying away over the years that he forgot what it was like to really want something--just for him. Something he hadn't been told to want.
In the span of thirty seconds, he wanted three things.
He wanted to learn how to bake, to make delicacies Holden could only dream of. He wanted to cook with Holden, wanted to make things with him.
And he wanted to hold him.
It was like there was some secret world that unlocked when Holden was in his arms, and Jace wondered if he'd always known how Holden's eyes lit up when he was excited or if this was something he'd just discovered now that they were in such close proximity.
He wanted to protect Holden from everything bad in the world. He didn't think there was anyone who would seriously mess with him, and if they did they making a mistake. Resting b***h Face was usually enough of a deterrent to keep most people at bay, but 'completely unbridled frustration barely hidden beneath a thin layer of professionalism' was a loose cannon ready to blow. He could deliver harsh words and insults with ease, and he was ready to throw fists for Xander's sake--even if Xander started it, Jace would always have his back.
But Holden? He might kill for Holden. For lesser slights than he'd let Xander take.
He didn't want the world or its hardships to tarnish Holden, who was perfect in every way that mattered, and maybe Jace only just realized it now or maybe he'd been ignoring it because no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't be perfect himself.
The silence after Holden's last words was not long, but Jace didn't to let it drag out. Didn't want to worry about giving off an awkward silence, even if the pause was only him relishing every last word and clinging to the lightness in his heart. His stomach was in knots, but it didn't feel uncomfortable. It wasn't like the pause before knowing he was going to get scolded and actually receiving the verbal lashing, or the seconds before you started a test you felt completely unprepared for.
It was warm, like a blanket wrapped tightly around you on a cold night.
'Yes to all of that' didn't seem like it encompassed how much he wanted it, and if Jace had been any lesser in his resolve he might have even plead for it.
Instead, he said, "You have marshmallow on your lip."
There was no marshmallow.
"Come closer and let me get it for you."
Their hands were full after all. And their faces were already so close. And Holden had done it before.
It was only fair.
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Posted: Thu Dec 31, 2020 7:22 am
Marshmallow? On his lip? His hand dropped away and for half a heartbeat there was confusion, because he’d just touched his face, and had felt nothing. Which was when he realized… Perhaps they had just made a little game, a small language that was theirs and theirs alone. “Oh..
he said almost breathless. “Thank you…” But god he was still talking too much wasn’t he. He leaned in cautiously…carefully like the moment might break like a soap bubble.
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Posted: Thu Dec 31, 2020 7:44 am
His heart was pounding. Holden was close. Getting closer. Jace wanted to berate himself for saying anything, for doing this, for not just keeping things simple. How was he supposed to ever study again when he was going to be pining for this?
...He could bury it. He would bury it. And go back to business, back to studying, back to work. Just, not now.
His heart felt like an earthquake in his chest, like if it beat any harder he'd fall to pieces. He felt like any second he could squeeze Holden too hard and break him, too, but he didn't.
He closed the distance between them, slight as it was, and pressed his lips to the corner of Holden's.
He didn't know what to call this. It wasn't a kiss, it wasn't lips on lips.
It was just cleaning up.
...Even if it was making a mess in his heart and his head.
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Posted: Thu Dec 31, 2020 8:05 am
Ok, it was a little off-center… but my gosh if it wasn’t the sweetest thing. Better even than hot chocolate. The moments of being wrapped in Jace’s arms and carefully, oh so carefully kissed like they might both break apart. It was precious like a baby bird, like the one fluttering so fervently behind his ribs. He knew he made a sound, a soft pleased thing, his fingers curling to hold Jace like he could prolong the moment, forever. Would it be too much if he… the moment the first gentle kiss broke, he turned his own head slightly and brushed a light one a little more centered, though not quite against Jace’s mouth. Warm, and soft…and- he hoped desperately, accepted. “J-just in case, I wouldn’t want to have any….smeared on you.” He murmured, reluctant, or refusing to move back from this just yet.
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Posted: Thu Dec 31, 2020 9:20 am
Briefly, Jace registered the sound, and he was worried he'd done something wrong until Holden moved closer. Until Holden mopped up whatever marshmallow residue must have been on his own lips.
"...Yeah," he agreed. "...Would have been awkward if I'd just smeared it. Thanks."
Should he do it again? ...To make sure he hadn't smeared any marshmallow back? ...There weren't, he could see that clearly.
He let out a little sigh, like he was just finally able to relax.
The moment would end at some point in time. He knew that. He knew that before the doorbell rang, making him stiffen and grip Holden a little tighter for a split second. Like he was preparing to protect him from some horrible intrusion.
...HIs mother wouldn't have rung the doorbell.
"Oh. That's probably the pizza. Do you--You know, we got a lot. We should just go get it together."
He didn't want to let him out of his sight in case he disappeared, in case this was some trick--just a dream where he'd wake up, hunched over his computer, alone.
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Posted: Thu Dec 31, 2020 9:29 am
“T-together sounds good.” He murmured, pleased with that idea when he’d been about to plot to curse through his teeth. “We could… probably shuffle there so we don’t lose the blanket warmth. It’d be a little awkward though. “ He admitted. And it would mean someone saw them like this, which might be too much. “We should probably not leave them waiting too long though, we’ll all end up cold, including the pizza.”
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Posted: Thu Dec 31, 2020 9:37 am
Jace made a noise but nodded; he took the cocoa from Holden so he could set it on the bedside table, and in a brief moment of having no idea what he should be doing, he lifted himself up off the bed and just carried Holden with him. One hand at his back, one under his knees. "Whatever," he said, and walked like he might as well have just wrapped himself in a blanket. "This is warmer."
He carried him to the door and set him down just off to the side before opening the door, clearly prepared to see his mother in a pizza delivery outfit with daggers in her eyes.
It wasn't. Jace took the pizzas and tipped well before closing and locking the door.
He didn't even look like he was embarrassed about carrying Holden, and he was trying to figure out how to get him back in his arms with the pizzas.
"...If you carry these, I'll carry you. Then there's no way you'll be cold."
Thanks, logic.
Logic, that ignored the fact that they could both probably walk to the bedroom and get back in bed, under the blankets, and get their first slice of pizza in as much time as it would take to adhere to Jace's plan.
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Posted: Thu Dec 31, 2020 10:42 am
“I mean, that’s… really smart. It’s probably a lot faster than shuffling?” He was absolutely blushing again as they opened the door. He even gave the pizza guy a very small wave as though they did this…all the time. He made no protest at all because he absolutely reserved the right to be the ‘best princess’, this utterly felt like one of those moments and he was going to take it. He leaned his head against Jace’s chest as they made their way back to the room. He wasn’t sure what smelled better… Jace, or Pizza, and after months of healthy food that was a heck of a thing. “I can always count on you for smart solutions,” he murmured.
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Posted: Thu Dec 31, 2020 5:33 pm
"Wouldn't offer a suggestion if it was stupid," he said easily. "I'm not Xander. The thought actually goes through my brain before it comes out of my mouth."
He maneuvered carefully into the bed; Holden wasn't heavy by any means, but the prolonged carrying made him think that maybe he should go watch some of Callan's videos to build up a little extra strength.
...Just incase he wanted to do this again.
He wanted to do this again.
Getting into bed while carrying Holden and not dropping anything was not particularly easy, but it was worth the effort. He settled into the bed, in a slightly different position this time. This time, he was in it for the long wrong. No crossed ankles to bruise, no legs to strain. He placed Holden down and climbed in behind him, drawing his knees up either side of him.
He'd protect him on all sides from whatever monsters existed to scare him in this show they'd picked out.
And when they were done eating, they could just lay back. Jace had enough pillows to prop himself up on, and if Holden wanted to lean back against him...
Well, that would be practical. And warm.
"You good like this?" he asked when he was comfortable, holding his breathe as he waited.
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Posted: Thu Dec 31, 2020 5:54 pm
“The.... most comfortable.” Holden replied, and he meant it. “Very warm, cozy, comfortable and safe. Well prepared for creepy things! Thank you... you are wonderful! Ah! You’re comfortable too yes?” He added. He adjusted the pizzas and checked the top box to see the contents. “Would you like your first slice?” He offered, still basking in the joy of everything that had happened so far. “Or should I find the remote? - O-or both!”
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Posted: Thu Dec 31, 2020 6:08 pm
He was able to breathe and found himself immediately relaxing with Holden's confirmation. "I have the remote," he said, and finally pressed the play button.
"Pass me a slice, yeah. I'm comfortable. I'll just tell you when I want another one." He wasn't sure when his arm had wound itself around Holden's waist, but it did, and it felt so natural that he didn't even notice.
"If it gets too scary, let me know. We can put on something nicer."
He didn't care. He'd watch the Kardashians right now if it made Holden happy.
He already had everything he wanted, anyway; this was perfect.
Even if he didn't know what this was.
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Posted: Thu Dec 31, 2020 7:03 pm
“If it gets scary I am hiding against you. It’s ... horror movie etiquette to warn you about that.” He fetched himself a piece of pizza and leaned comfortably against Jace’s warm chest feeling very secure and well prepared for scary movies now. “Do... you want to do the show? Or would you like a shorter movie for now?” He added just to be sure. “Just because I know you have limited times sometimes.”
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Posted: Thu Dec 31, 2020 7:24 pm
"No, this is fine," he said, and Holden relaxing in his arms was everything he thought it would be, and he wondered why they'd never done this before. He took a bite of the pizza, chewed, and swallowed. It was warm, and chased away the last bit of snowflake tickle.
"Besides. If we start a show and don't finish it now, we have a commitment. We'll have to finish it together. Unless it's bad. Or too scary for you. But, I'll protect you. If you want me to turn it off, just say so."
He honestly couldn't care less what was on the screen; all he could think about was Holden, and how strange it was to feel so nice.
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Posted: Thu Dec 31, 2020 7:41 pm
“With you here to protect me, I can face -anything-“ He said confidently. He wasn’t strictly sure that was true. He might be hiding under a pile of stuffed animals if things made their way into his dreams tonight. But… he might also try and dream Jace into his dreams too. That…sounded like the best of both worlds really. “This is…this is really nice. I like the idea of this being a commitment. Let's do that… let’s commit to things like this…if that’s ok, even after we finish this. Is… is that okay?” “Not that we haven’t done things like it before but… this, I… I very much like, what we’re doing now.”
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Posted: Sat Jan 02, 2021 10:37 am
There was something different about this, but Jace couldn't really place it. They'd had pizza before. They'd watched movies before. They'd shared drinks before. They'd been in his bed before.
Certainly, they'd cleaned up after each other, too.
"Yeah, I like this too," he said, not quite absentmindedly, but perhaps just not quite able to put his finger on what it was that was different, that made this better than before.
"We can do more of this. When I can squeeze it in. Things are only going to pick up from here on out, but." He took another bite of his pizza, almost done with his first piece. "...If things go well in February, I should have more free time. I'll have eight weeks before we get results back. And if I pass, I'll just have to focus on my work at DCU, and then summer break."
If he passed the test, there wouldn't be any excuse to do anything but adjust to a new lifestyle. If he passed his classes this semester at DCU, he'd have the Bachelor's degree he needed.
"I don't know if Mom wants me to take more classes afterwards, if I need to get another degree or get a Masters or something, but. If not, I'll have no classes, no tests. I'll just have work. And I don't think I'll have a ton of cases up front. So, I mean. I'll still have to study and keep on top of everything. But," he looked at Holden, optimistic that if he reached this milestone he'd actually have more free time.
It escaped him that every time he reached a milestone a new, harder one was in front of him instantly. There was never any time for celebration, for relaxation.
If he passed, his mother would put another obstacle up for him to overcome.
But, the thought didn't cross his mind, not when he was looking at Holden, thinking about how maybe they could do this more than once in a while. Maybe once a week. Maybe sometimes he could even stay over.
Maybe...
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