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Cobra_X
Captain

Aged Gaian

PostPosted: Fri Jul 15, 2011 6:13 am


Deil: Moss

Okay, so I don't have a problem with the Moss... moss is good, Moss is APPROVED.

...it's just the helmet that concerns me. I mean, it looks bulky, and from what I can understand Daichi is all that muscular. It's just strange... are you walking around casually with that all day? I mean yeah, Komamura in Bleach did it, but it was a basket... not a large steel helmet that looks like it belongs in a Sci-fi movie.

...it just seems strangely bulky. I know you want to submit the helmet itself as a custom at some point, but is there anyway we can find something more realistic as something Dachi would casually walk around with?

When danger strikes, I'd be willing to say you can just spend a chakra point or something to activate it and then steel plates can form off of a necklace, or whatever to form an air-tight mask with that Moss inside... but just having an enormous helmet on your head at all times is tacky. (And honestly a pretty far cry from the technologies of Naruto)
PostPosted: Fri Jul 15, 2011 6:40 am


well, what if it is made out of leather instead, and the at chuunin I upgrade it to have a hardening effect and the flashbang effect by paying chakra? I don't think having it as leather and wearing a big cloak would make it tacky in the naruto world. People hide all sorts of stuff under cloaks.

Deil Grist
Vice Captain


Cobra_X
Captain

Aged Gaian

PostPosted: Fri Jul 15, 2011 7:00 am


Kaze: Mekajiki

There are a couple of points I'd like to make here:

1. You can correct me if I am wrong, but your character has the weapon... therefore there must be some kind of story as to how he got it, where it was found, or where it came from. All of those details belong in the "Where it was found" section. A response of 'Unknown' is simply unacceptable. Truth exists for all things, and seeing as you created the weapon, you can create the truth for this weapon. Sure, maybe your RPC doesn't know the truth, but as the sword's creator... YOU do.

2. When you say 'Directly Struck' by a Fuuton technique... to what degree are you speaking? Many Fuuton techniques hit in a wide range, since it's air.

3. When you describe the weapon, you counter yourself. You say it's like Samehada, but with smaller scales and a slimmer frame... but how small, and how slim? Then you say it looks like a Swordfish's Sword... but a Swordfish's sword is much smoother, thinner, and more pointed.

4. There is no mention of the sword's dimensions (hilt and blade)

5. Range of a sword cannot be mid-long. It's still a melee weapon at base... maybe a reach weapon when extended, but that doesn't make it a long range weapon by any stretch of the imagination.

6. I don't understand how it can have a streamlined physique, yet resemble Samehada. Samehada had scales meant to shave... not cut, and it was heavy. Yeah, you mentioned the scales are smaller and the blade thinner, but even so... if it's 1/10 the size of Samehada, it's STILL not going to be efficient at CUTTING THROUGH PEOPLE. Sure, I can understand cutting through Suiton techniques (But only up to the User's rank... and it's going to cost something)

7. So the word 'Cleave' does what? Makes the scales come out? Makes it so the other abilities can be used?

8. If the range extended 5 feet, it would make the weapon incredibly unwieldy... I mean that's longer then Sephiroth's sword. Not sure what you plan to do with it at that point as it wouldn't be incredibly accurate... and it doesn't give an advantage to long-range combat... all it does is extend the range of the blade by 5 feet. Technically, that would make you WEAKER to long range combat, as it would be harder to deflect or slice through things with it's large size as compared to a shorter, more mobile blade like a kodachi.

9. The Raiton ability.. I don't mind, but if it's elemental weakness is Fuuton... why is the element it is most effective against Suiton? Raiton is most effective against Doton. is the Raiton just there because you want it to be because it's your RPCs proposed element, or is it simply a mechanic so that only you can wiled it?... or does it have a greater purpose?
PostPosted: Fri Jul 15, 2011 7:16 am


Reynard: Nebilim

I do understand what you mean by a 'free action', but just like in D&D, you can only realistically be allowed so many free actions per turn. I like the concept though.

- I would say that transitioning between the bow and the blades needs a cost though. Not something huge, maybe 1 chakra point. this could initiate some form of glowing ninja magic which transforms the blades into a bow with a bowstring, etc... and then the bow back to the blades.

- I'm okay with the transformation acting as a Free action, but there should only be one transformation allowed per post (either into a bow, or into the blades).

What do you think of that?

Cobra_X
Captain

Aged Gaian


Cobra_X
Captain

Aged Gaian

PostPosted: Fri Jul 15, 2011 7:19 am


Deil Grist
well, what if it is made out of leather instead, and the at chuunin I upgrade it to have a hardening effect and the flashbang effect by paying chakra? I don't think having it as leather and wearing a big cloak would make it tacky in the naruto world. People hide all sorts of stuff under cloaks.

I guess I can buy that... it'd be nice to have an accurate visual representation if possible though. The polarized lens would still be there too?
PostPosted: Fri Jul 15, 2011 8:26 am


Cobra_X
Reynard: Nebilim





-Edit- Done

Reynard the Wanderer

2,400 Points
  • Person of Interest 200
  • Risky Lifestyle 100
  • Gender Swap 100

Cobra_X
Captain

Aged Gaian

PostPosted: Fri Jul 15, 2011 9:38 am


Reynard: Nebilim

I would suggest you spruce up the description of what the weapon looks like as it transforms, but aside from that...

YOU ARE APPROVED!
PostPosted: Fri Jul 15, 2011 1:19 pm


Cobra_X
Deil Grist
well, what if it is made out of leather instead, and the at chuunin I upgrade it to have a hardening effect and the flashbang effect by paying chakra? I don't think having it as leather and wearing a big cloak would make it tacky in the naruto world. People hide all sorts of stuff under cloaks.

I guess I can buy that... it'd be nice to have an accurate visual representation if possible though. The polarized lens would still be there too?

it will kinda have to look like the picture I gave since only that design could slip on and off while still providing protection to the neck and allowing enough space for the moss. I guess I could change the lense to be a 6x6 inch square lense or 3 inch radius circle instead of that fancy shape (i prefer the circle).

So ya I still want the lense. I know sunglasses exist because Bee uses them.

Deil Grist
Vice Captain


Cobra_X
Captain

Aged Gaian

PostPosted: Fri Jul 15, 2011 1:41 pm


I still think it's going to look awkward and weird, but if that's what you want, then that's fine.
PostPosted: Fri Jul 15, 2011 2:38 pm


Cobra_X
I still think it's going to look awkward and weird, but if that's what you want, then that's fine.

if it causes some stares and wtf moments, I'm all for that. It would actually benefit his squad if he attracts the attention of enemies when in combat. So I'll submit my other custom weapon and Daichi's profile when I get back from my trip.

Deil Grist
Vice Captain


Boku_ha_Ronnel

Shirtless Shapeshifter

PostPosted: Sat Jul 16, 2011 1:43 pm


User Image

Name of Weapon: Ren'aishin
Who Owns the Weapon: Namaewa Wangetsu
Where it Was Found? Namaewa had just finished a visit to his family in one of the small villages outside of Sunagakure, and was traveling back to the main village. While still on his family’s land, the sand dune that he was walking on top of gave away, collapsing underneath him and dropping the young shinobi down into a cavern of some kind. While trying to figure out a way out, the young man found a strange wooden staff with metal caps and a metal band around the center, laying on a pedestal. Next to it on the stone pedestal was a scroll with writing that he recognized from his family’s histories. He took it out of the cavern after he figured out how to escape, then eventually translated the inscriptions into techniques that could be used in conjunction with the staff.

Range: General reach is four feet, maximum is six.

Weakness: Each of the abilities has a specific downside. The Infligo Inflixi Inflictum for example, has the downside of that if it is used and hits something other than your target, any attack based off of it will hit that item instead of your opponent. Each attack has a similar downside.


Weapon Description: The Ren'aishen staff is a six foot long pole made of a dark wood with seals engraved into it. The wood itself is coated with a slick hard resin that makes gripping it a hard task. To deal with this problem an etched metal grip was placed on the center of the staff, and is about one and a half feet long, made of a polished silverish metal. At either end of the staff is a polished metal knob of that same silverish metal.

Special Properties/Abilites: This bo-staff was created with special seals engraved into it and sealed over with a hard resin so that there isn’t much chance for the seals to be damaged. These seals each contain a special technique.
Infligo Inflixi Inflictum:
Chakra Cost: Equivalent to a D-rank ninjutsu, must be at least Genin to use.
Description: This technique, while incredibly basic, is useful for the next techniques. This strike does not increase damage or change anything, all it does is insure that the next attack used by through this staff connects. The downside is that if the Infligo Inflixi Inflictum strike does not discriminate between targets – it hits whatever it hits. So if the target dodges and this strike hits the ground, then the next used technique also strikes the ground in that same spot. If the attack is deflected or blocked by another weapon, such as a shuriken on kunai, then the next attack will hit that same item. Meaning blocking with a kunai then throwing that kunai will cause the next attack to follow the kunai, no matter what the user tries doing.
Fulgur Secundus:
Chakra Cost: 2 Chakra Points
Description: This is also a simple technique. All it does is build a minor electrical charge in what it strikes. If three Fulgur Secundus strike the same target, it causes a powerful discharge that can debilitate an opponent with at least a C-rank’s worth of lightning chakra. The second strategy calls for hitting an opponent with one or two Fulgur Secundus strikes, then follow with a Fulgur Tertius – an attack that pulls all of the latent lightning built up in the first two attacks and concentrates it on a single point. A third possible way to activate the electricity building up in the target is to hit them with something metal, which will cause the lectricity to burst into the target. The reason this method is not as widely used as the first two is that the amount of damage it can do is weak – barely an E-rank’s worth of electricity will burrow into the target at this point, if only a single Fulgur Secundus was used. Two would cause a D-rank of pain. The downside to this technique is being countered with a wind shield of some kind – that will cause even a single Fulgur Secundus to return to the user of the technique with the force of a Fulgur Tertius – a C-rank of damage concentrated on a single point.
Damage Chart:
1 Strike = E rank Damage
2 Strike = D rank Damage
3 Strike = C rank Damage

Fulgur Tertius:
Chakra Cost: Take 5 Chakra 3 Stamina to use. Must be a Chuunin to use.
Description: The culmination of the Fulgur branch of this weapon. This can only be used after a Fulgur Secundus hits a target. It pulls all of the electrical energy that has built up in the target and causes it to erupt similar to a powerful lightning strike. This attack focuses as a thin bolt of white=-that shoots out from the end of the staff in the direction it’s pointing. The downside to this technique – if it hits ANY kind of an elemental shield, it will rebound on the user with an A-rank of power, and stun the user for five posts.
Damage Chart
After 1 F.S. = D rank Damage
After 2 F.S. = C rank Damage
After 3 F.S. = B rank Damage


Fulgur Procella
Chakra Cost: Equivalent to C-rank ninjutsu. Must be at least a Chuunin to use.
Description:
This technique is similar to, but different, from the previous Fulgur techniques. This one instead focuses electric chakra into one end of the Ren'aishen staff. The user then slams that end of the staff into the ground, causing the electric charge in that end of the staff to ripple outwards in a wave of energy that covers all of the ground within approximately fifteen feet of the user. If this electric wave encounters anything it jumps up to that object, meaning it can jump up from the ground into a living body and shock it for C-rank damage. The downside to this technique is that it does not discriminate in who it attacks - if the user is not wearing rubber soles, and is in contact with the ground, then he or she will also be struck by the attack.
This technique is also different from the other Fulgur techniques in that it can be enhanced for additional stamina/chakra cost to do more damage.

Lunae Lux:
Chakra Cost: Equivalent to a B-rank ninjutsut. Must be at least a Special Jounin to use.
Description: This technique is not an attack like the previous techniques of the Ren’aishen staff. Instead, it is one that is usable at nearly any time, but only truly benefits members of the Wangetsu Lunar clan. What this technique does is create a silver moon to hang above the place where the user activated this technique. The user then has two options: The first is to thrust the Ren’aishen staff towards a target: This causes a thin beam of moonlight to lash out from the moon hanging above and slam into the target. This does not damage the target, instead it forces them back. The second option is only viable for Wangetsu Lunar clan members: Leaving the moon in place will cause the next two bloodline techniques to be powered up slightly. However, this technique does have a downside: The first common usage will also work if another blunt weapon is thrust at something: Meaning if someone is holding a club or a staff they too can thrust it forward and cause the moonbeam to lash out. The second downside is that if the Wangetsu Lunar tries using the Lunae Lux to empower an offensive bloodline attack as opposed to a defensive or healing technique, they will find themselves temporarily incapable of using ANY bloodline techniques. (Four days IRL)



Rp Sample:
Namaewa spun his staff end over end as he faced off against a bandit. The rest of his squad was trying to rescue the bandit group’s captives and his squad leader was taking down the bandit leader. Things were looking up for the squad, but there was only one problem facing him now. The medic had not focused overly much on combative techniques before today, and here he was facing off against someone while the rest of his squad was busy taking apart the bandits. Things were not looking up for the medic as he tightened his grasp around his staff. It was that that gave him his clue – his finger slid on the resin that coated the majority of his staff and reminded him of what he had read on that scroll when he found the object months ago.

Then the bandit was on the medic, giving him no more time to think. The man was wielding a wickedly curved blade with jagged teeth, meant for ripping flesh. The blade came in a fast strike at Namaewa’s side, barely giving him time to get his staff in the way. The knife caught onto the resin of the staff, making the bandit pause in confusion. The medic jerked his staff away, tearing the blade out of the man’s hand. Then his staff darted in and the tip slammed against the bandit’s knee just as the shinobi was muttering something under his breath.

Infligo Inflixi Inflictum.” Underneath the resin of the staff, a seal etched into the wood began glowing faintly. The bandit ignored what he had said – the words were nothing like what the ninja he had seen before said when they were using one of their semi-magical ninjutsu, so he didn’t feel threatened by it. Then his thoughts changed as Namaewa dodged backwards and pointed his staff at the man, a sad look filtering through his eyes. A second seal began glowing on the staff as Namaewa focused chakra through the staff. The seal began glowing brighter as it took his natural chakra and forced an affinity into it. The tip of the staff pointed at the man began glowing a faint bluish-green, the glow covering all of the metal knob on that end. Before the bandit could figure out what the glow meant, the glow focused onto a single point.

Ventas Servitas.” A thin beam of wind, condensed into a single, visible trail, shot out from the tip. It lanced through the air, arrowing towards the man. Instead of impacting the man’s chest, which the end of the staff had been pointed towards, the trail of wind bent at an angle and slammed into the bandit’s knee, right at the spot where the staff had hit him before. He cried out in pain as his flesh was torn into, then fell to the side as his knee gave out. Before he could recover from the attack he felt the tip of Namaewa’s staff on his temple, and heard those words again.

Infligo Inflixi Inflictum.” This time he knew that those words meant something, though what exactly had happened he didn’t understand. “You really should have chosen a different path for your life. Then you wouldn’t be in these circumstances. Fulgur Secundus.” Electricity crackled from the end of the staff into the bandit’s body, then the staff touched him. The electric discharge stunned the man into unconsciousness, leaving the medical shinobi available to look after the captives who had been rescued by the rest of his squad.  
PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2011 5:48 am


Exquisite Entropy

A few things:

1. You keep referring to D-rank cost, or C-rank cost... but does that mean the same cost as a D-rank ninjutsu technique? (3 chakra, 2 stamina)... or just chakra?

2. Fulgur Secondus seems a little strong to deliver C-ranked lightning on a D-rank cost for any hit. Perhaps, on the first strike it delivers D-rank damage for D-rank cost but the second hit delivers C-rank damage for D-rank cost... then Fulgur Tertius can be implemented for B-rank damage on a C-rank cost.

3. Ventas Servitas seems to be randomly inserted. Its a effect, if an effect at all and it seems counter-intuitive for a staff which is largely lightning based to suddenly channel wind (lightning's major weakness).

Cobra_X
Captain

Aged Gaian


Boku_ha_Ronnel

Shirtless Shapeshifter

PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2011 1:38 pm


Cobra_X



1: It would be the same as using an equivalent ninjutsu technique of that rank, both stamina and chakra cost, not just pure chakra.

2: Actually, the Fulgur Secundus can only cause E-rank damage if it only strikes once and is then activated. Two strikes create a D-rank, with three strikes creating C-rank damage as a cumulative effect. Fulgur Tertius is used after two Fulgur Secundus' have struck a target, and that does result in the B-rank of damage you mentioned.

3: Well, actually the staff was going to be a wind/lightning staff, with three techniques pulled from each element, not counting the Lunae Lux technique.. But as I was working on it I realized that even with putting rank restrictions on the techniques that it could create the staff would probably be viewed as too powerful for a new member of the guild to have, so I had to stop working on the rest of the techniques.
PostPosted: Tue Jul 19, 2011 6:04 am


Exquisite Entropy
2: Actually, the Fulgur Secundus can only cause E-rank damage if it only strikes once and is then activated. Two strikes create a D-rank, with three strikes creating C-rank damage as a cumulative effect. Fulgur Tertius is used after two Fulgur Secundus' have struck a target, and that does result in the B-rank of damage you mentioned.

So even if it's just the E-rank and D-rank hits... you receive B-rank damage from the Fulgur Tertius?... that seems like an unfair jump.

...at that point, why would anyone ever attempt Fulgur Secondus three times? Its inefficient.


Exquisite Entropy
3: Well, actually the staff was going to be a wind/lightning staff, with three techniques pulled from each element, not counting the Lunae Lux technique.. But as I was working on it I realized that even with putting rank restrictions on the techniques that it could create the staff would probably be viewed as too powerful for a new member of the guild to have, so I had to stop working on the rest of the techniques.

You tenure in the guild has nothing to do with how powerful a weapon you can have... its all about balance. The Wind technique just seems oddly placed and doesn't flow with the rest of the weapon. You should probably just remove it.

Cobra_X
Captain

Aged Gaian


Boku_ha_Ronnel

Shirtless Shapeshifter

PostPosted: Tue Jul 19, 2011 7:13 pm


Cobra_X


Modified
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