Welcome to Gaia! ::

.............o.o

Hi guys, it's been a while.

I want to die.

And these people have some rather crazy habits/behavior.

So yeah, i'm glad to be around them.

'Cause maybe they'll help me ******** my life up further.

Oh my god. Moo. Dream. Listening to your pity fest is just ridiculous. This coming from the girl who has been having her own damned pity fest but at least I know I'm talking bullshit. I've been sitting around my room thinking I'm a waste of resources and a whole lotta food and space and energy feeling worthless and I know in reality I'm not it's just really hard to think of reasons why the latter is true when you feel so miserable you can do nothing but sit and cry.

But hurting yourself isn't gonna help. In fact it's gonna do jack s**t. In fact it's gonna do worse than jack s**t because it's just gonna ******** things up more. And goddamn giving peptalks when suicide's been on your mind is a real pain in the a**. Look at what the hell I'm doing for you people. Now in situations like this it's best to not speak in commands because I know I wanna smack people across their ******** faces when they do that.

But I can say definitively this s**t will end and other s**t will come to pass. It's the circle of s**t people. It's life. But here's the sitch. You got life. And whether or not you don't think it, if you die it's gonna hurt people. You can lie to yourself all you want, that no one will care if you put it a bullet in your brain or whatnot, but that's exactly what it is. A lie. And if you think there really isn't anyone who'll care- think about me and how much worse I'm gonna feel about myself for knowing I couldn't help you. Goddammit if there's only one thing I can do it's help out once in a while. Why do you think I made this guild in the first place?

And just to get my Buffy nerd quota in for the day, lemme give you this advice from the wonderful (ha!) Cordelia Chase:
"Whatever is causing the Joan Collins 'tude, deal with it. Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet, whatever, but get over it."

Hey guess what. Just 'cause your ******** problems went away doesn't mean I will. Just cause the ******** pain you suffered through was something rediculous doesn't mean my pain is.


I'm diabetic, i've got an alcoholic father, my mother's ill with lupis, and i've got friends that abuse me. DO YOU HONESTLY THINK THOSE ******** PROBLEMS WILL JUST DISAPPEAR? And if you say yes you're ******** crazy.



AND NO ONE ASKED YOU TO COMMENT ON MY PROBLEM, G-DDAMNIT. IF ME EXPRESSING THE PAIN I SUFFER EVERY WAKING MOMENT IT TOO MUCH FOR YOU THAN I'M SORRY. BUT YOU'VE NO GOOD REASON TO BE RUDE ABOUT IT.


Sure. A lot of the stuff I deal with is temporary. But suffering from a disease and having to test my blood sugar five-six times a day, doing shots three or four times a day, going to the DR.'s every three months and getting a s**t load of blood drawn, and taking four pills a day, watching my mother slowly die and knowing there's no ******** way I could possibly help, and watching my father slowly die of his own volition and listening to his G-d awful empty promises about how he's gonna stop drinking and how he's gonna get help. Yeah. Those problems will go away. Right. Totally ******** right.

Now I apologize for being rude to you BT, 'cause I know you can ban me for all of this. But I don't like being told my problems are bullshit and I don't have a right to complain.

And sorry if scratching the ******** out of my arm (and as of last night, my legs too) makes me feel better. I can't help it. It just does.

Not that anyone knew I did that until right now. But whatever. I don't care. You're gonna ban me so I might as well say it now. Yup.


I'm too much of a coward to use a knife. I know I am. I want to die but i'm too afraid. So i'll continue to live in complete misery.
Okay.

G'day for real.

How the hell am I self righteous. That's BS. Sorry I freaking misunderstood but I am sure as hell not ******** self-righteous. And no I don't think I'm the only ******** person in the world with problems.

And I know people have things that are worse.

People have cancer.
People are abused.
People have other diseases.
I ******** get it, okay?

Just 'cause they're strong enough to deal doesn't mean I am.

And besides, I'm a miserable human being. I'm weak. The world doesn't need a downer like me.

It's much better off.

Everyone would be better off.

Okay. ******** this s**t. Im not going to deal with people screaming at me again.

Have a really nice ******** life.

=_=