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 Posted: Mon Nov 17, 2008 8:26 pm
CP: 12/15
Surprise. And then acceptance. Hitomi closed her eyes to the welcoming warmth of the embrace, trying to soak up as much of the feeling that she knew was going to be numbingly gone as soon as it ended. And it did. She accepted the familiar cold reluctantly, at the least. "I'm... Stretched thin... I guess I just want too much... I feel like I've worked all this time... And I'm still just as weak and alone as I've ever been." She really was needy... She had..... A lot... of questions, but once again her poise was interfering with her desires. Her right hand dropped down to her waist, in an everyday motion. As she spoke, she ran her finger along the lines of her tattoo that she knew so well. As always, she traced the line to a small spiral on her left side, near her waist as she sat. As she did so, subconsciously, she spoke: "I guess I'm just really nervous... I am walking a very thin line here..."
She was walking many very thin lines, here. They ran closely together, but there was a growing gap in them as time progressed, until finally, like instinctual navigational lines, they all met again, at the exact same place. Only two remained, after that point. One, bright red, fiery and paved in blood, stretched on forever in its solitude. The other, a pale, golden road made of water, air, fire and earth, represented everything and nothing: The very essence of life... And that's just what it was. But as Hitomi watched, the line began to waver, millions of smaller paths emerging and rippling around it. As she watched, trying to find the damage in the cord, she traced the line back to a point in her past... She saw the break in the line, and it faded away as she watched. She would never allow herself to walk the other. She was running close to a large divergence in navigable paths... And she had to either shape them to her will, or choose.
A choice will need to be made, or the choice will make her.
Worse than that... The choice will make me either way. It's merely whether I cooperate or not... She felt the familiar pain as she put her finger to that spot again. That was another path she couldn't take herself down. She would ignore signs like that rather than be told she has no control over her destiny.
"Once again, it seems, you've caught me in one of my moods." Hitomi smiled, referring to the time in the canyon when Keiko had slapped her for having a 'pity party' "Although it's not so much a party anymore, it's more of the hangover in the morning... You don't know what happened, why it happened, or where to go. Hell, I woke up and I didn't even need to gnaw my arm off, saved myself the trouble." This was familiar territory again. She slipped back behind the mask. She tried to keep the mask from crumbling again. She thought of how Navalie made her feel. "We have to have something, right? It's another beautiful day in the middle of nowhere. The earth is green, the grass is blue, and the sky is round, everything is as it should be."
Hitomi waved her hand while forming half of the tiger seal, watching a wispy clone of Chisaki appear beside her. With a moments glance and a sigh, Hitomi waved her hand the other direction and let the clone fade out of sight. She looked out the window. She felt... Nothing. It was a tangible thing, nothing. It wasn't the absence of all else, it was a black, infectious tar that oozed over everything else, milking everything of all its desire and substance. There were few things to fight Nothing, but they were there. She sighed, putting her hand on the wall by the window, leaning on it for support. Strong, permanent. A wall. Until Gig decided to blow it down again. The smile didn't come. She looked through the window. Until the Nothing void bled its intoxicating way into her mind. At first, there was a small resistance, but then, Nothing. All thought ceased, and she looked through the world. Nothing. That was it. Nothing was Everything, just in a different color. She couldn't fight her way out of it. She could stare out the window all day, just letting her mind lock itself in to escape the damnable absence of emotions.
She would wait. She could wait for a long time, like this. Unfortunately... There were many Somethings to be done. She brought herself back to the world and began to look at it once again. But she didn't move. If she moved, it would require a choice. And she couldn't make one of those. She made one now. "I need to go to the hospital." It wasn't a statement, nor a command or a request... It was a realization, and a commitment. It was quiet, in disbelief, but it was there. She placed her hand on her stomach, standing straight.
She turned, looking at the door like it was the passageway to the first day of her death. She cast an understanding look to Keiko. "I understand." She knew Keiko wouldn't want to go. For several reasons. One of which was still learning to henge. But Hitomi needed to go before she lost her nerve. Again. She needed to know if it was true.
((*looks at post* *jaw drops* burning_eyes I'm sorry.... sweatdrop ))
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Posted: Tue Nov 18, 2008 5:43 pm
((HOLY s**t EMILY! >.> tomorrow I'll post to this.))
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Stu-Stu13 rolled 1 20-sided dice:
14
Total: 14 (1-20)
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Posted: Thu Nov 20, 2008 2:18 pm
Niame watched, uninterested. He tore his gaze away and began thinking through what he had to do for his assignment. Niame glanced at the rock again, trying to cut his connection with the outside world. He managed to push away the conversation, the noises outside, the smell of the overused desk he was seated in, and the feel of the slight breeze comming from the vent in the room. He performed the appropriate hand seals, not a finger out of place and activated the jutsu. Smoke came in a puff and clouded his vision. By the time the smoke cleared, Niame could see that he had once again, sucessfully completed the jutsu. Three more times, and he'd be a step closer to leaving this academy.
2/5
CP:1/3
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Posted: Thu Nov 20, 2008 7:12 pm
Keiko smiled, she sensed that Hitomi missed touch, and she knew the feeling. She took a minute to reflect on her thoughts, "Have you ever..." Keiko stopped, "felt that you should take the chance with someone?" She paused again, "It's like being on a high every time you're with them. It feels like your body is light, flying, and you feel like everything is complete." Keiko looked down, trying to figure out if she should tell her how she felt when she was with Giglamesh, but too many hard feelings. She couldn't bare to talk about it, not now, maybe another time when Hitomi need help. "When you are with that someone that makes you feel complete, there is nothing you can do then go for it. Tell them." She looked at Hitomi with loving warm eyes, "Even if you fall, it will be ten times easier picking yourself up and moving on. You won't be dragging on the "what if" part of it."
Keiko moved back to her seat, and took a few minutes thinking, thoughts raced through her head, "I know what happened to you and Giglamesh." She played with her weeding ring, "He told me." She looked out the window, "Most people have something, I have nothing right now. I have blackness." The words just spilled out of her mouth, she didn't realize what she was saying until she said it. She turned red, turning to Hitomi, realizing what she just said. Hospital. "Haven't you..." She broke off, realizing some of Giglamesh's story was wrong, possibly all made up, "You should go, get some help. Life will become easier over time if you get your arm fixed."
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Posted: Thu Nov 20, 2008 8:08 pm
Hitomi knew all too well the pictures painted by Keiko's words. "I did take the chance... That's why I feel so dirty..." Hitomi remembered the exact order emotions had flashed through Navalie's eyes, her breath, her entire being... And remembered collapsing in on herself to avoid any foolishness provoked by the whiplash of her hopes and fears being split down the middle. She watched as Keiko played with her wedding ring. Hitomi knew she may never have one. But something concerned her even more deeply than losing her arm to one of her two loves. She feared losing something much more precious than life or limb.
She stepped closer to Keiko, not daring to embrace her. "You have a new life. You have your love. You have Mai." A wisdom sparked into Hitomi's eye, one that told of the countless, sleepless hours she had pored over the subject she was addressing, more than many people in their lifetimes. "Cherish them. Hold them tight to your bosom and never let them go... There is no greater joy than knowing that you can make new memories, that you can share them, and that they will be remembered long after you are gone... And count yourself among those who has been blessed by the Winged Ones to be given the chance to pass your love, your life through time. I fear that there are those who walk among us that have been denied such rights. Please, whatever happens, never willingly let go of what you have. You have, by all appearances, a loving marriage to the only man I've seen fit to trust in many a winter moon...You have a body that serves you well, that I have never seen fail you... A small grin played across her lips "Nor do I have any reason to believe it ever has... And you have a nestling who shall someday spread her wings and go out into the world, changing the course of fate with every breath that you've given her. The past is nothing but a leaf upon the wind. All that remains is the present and the future...
Hitomi's right hand to seemed to press against itself at some inhuman effort within her breast every time she mentioned the future of Keiko and the impact that her children could have on the world. She realized she ahd been whispering. "I apologize... I seem to have lost myself for a moment... But I feel what I have said is true... Whether what I said holds any weight or not, I don't know..." Hitomi's resolve was quickly faltering. If she went, she would have to accept her fate... If she didn't, she could never be sure if the future she could paint in her mind of what value children have could ever truly be experienced. She needed to be sure, but she didn't want to be.
Hitomi's arm was coming along as well as anyone could hope... She was at least grateful of that... She could feel the constant soreness ebbing away as Time moved her hands forward... Life was beginning to go back to the way it used to be, as she slipped back into her old habits, finding her food and never outliving her welcome in anyone's alley.
Hitomi could live with pain. She did, every day, --for whatever cause-- but she felt a fear that a pain much deeper than any she had ever experienced would cut its way through her stomach, and that she would have to work hard, else it may carry her heart with it. It was unfair to ask Keiko to go. It was unfair to ask her to fight her stomach to go to the only place Hitomi knew she despised. And so Hitomi held her tongue.She didn't trust her mouth to speak...
She would bow softly, she would back away, and she would turn to leave with a strange expression on her face. It seemed as if the lower half of her face was carved in granite, but her eyes in empty glass. It was the face one might wear to an execution, as they watched the crowd before them. Before she would leave, she would cast a smile to Keiko. If Keiko recalled, or reflected on it, she would notice it was the same smile Hitomi had cast her direction on the day of the last genin exams. She would remember one of the Hermit's old good-byes... "May the Winds carry you true, and the Ground never take you."
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Posted: Fri Nov 21, 2008 11:10 am
Taking a chance. Diving off a cliff into the unknown. Wasn't that the way life was? Emotions overwhelmed Hitomi. Sadness. Happiness. The wanting of being embraced by someone you trust and love.
A new life? Oh, if only she could. She would change every minute of it. If she could. Being 19 and screwing up so much, how could someone live with that? She took her ring off, maybe it was time to forget the past. Everyone needs to move on, right?
Many things in her world had failed her and many times she had failed the people around her. Kinami. Giglamesh. Her Genin team. She was becoming just as she did before she meant Gig. She put a front out, making sure no one knew the real her, thinking that people would fear her. She did not know love anymore.
Mai. Oh, little Mai, how she would love to sleep beside her once again. Her eyes memorized Keiko's memory. Why? Why did it have to be this way?
Her eyes, filled with tears. Sparking water fell from her face. It was time to let go. Let go of everything and everyone. Start over. Blackness as she closed her eyes. The ring dropped on the floor. It echoed through out the academy. "Wait." She whispered. She opened her eyes to the harsh light walking towards Hitomi, "I'll take you."
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Posted: Fri Nov 21, 2008 2:07 pm
Niame listened intently, slowly fitting the peices together, figuring out their pasts. Although he may be listening as hard as he possibly could, to the point where he could hear the smallest gasp, He did not dare to shift his gaze toward them. He'd let them have their moment. God knows he would want the same. Wait, did I just think that? No, I am without emotion. It is a burden carried by all, one most won't leash up like it is meant to be........I will not be like all the other idiots who let their emotions control them. I will be the ideal ninja. I'll judge not based on love, but on facts.....the way it should be.Niame strained to hear Hitomi whispering, he could pick out the gist of it. The future......who knows what it will hold. But people who let their emotions control their actions like these two......probably won't make it too far.
2/5
CP: 3/3
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Posted: Fri Nov 21, 2008 4:18 pm
Hitomi knew what had just happened, and she chided herself at her lack of insight. She had not anticipated that Keiko and Gig had suffered that much... So be it. Hitomi waited at her friend's request, and Hitomi turned to face her. She knew everything that was going to be said to Keiko, so she kept her mouth shut. Silently, she stepped forward and gave her a hug. With no one else watching, Hitomi was able to at least shed some of her ceremony. "Thank you."
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Posted: Fri Nov 21, 2008 4:52 pm
Keiko smiled, the warm embrace of a friend is all she needed. She smiled. She dried her eyes and then put her heels on as she looked over to Niame. "I'll be back in a few, if you need anything just find one of the genin. They will help you. Keep going! I know you can do it."
It had seemed that nothing had happen. The academy was quiet and still, that is until she walked over to Hitomi. The clicking of her heels made the academy come alive, and color finally returned to her face. Somehow, someway she felt better. There wasn't a weight on her shoulders and she could breath. Thoughts weren't racing through her mind. She was clam. Pure.
She took Hitomi's hand and started walking. "It's my pleasure."
The ring ceased to exist.
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Posted: Fri Nov 21, 2008 5:14 pm
Hitomi smiled, squeezing softly on Keiko's hand as they walked out of the academy. She gave three short whistles as she stepped outside, each of a different duration and pitch. The signal to Kon that she had leave to be anywhere she wanted, but that Hitomi was fine on her own. The strong beat of wings was heard as Kon lifted off and flew towards the canyon, for the moisture, vegetation, and the hunting. Hitomi was glad she had human contact... She was making way too much use of bunshin to fill those voids. But she forgot about all of that. She was here. Now. And that's what mattered. She even managed to forget --temporarily-- why she had been worried about the hospital in the first place.
[[exit iwagakure]]
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Posted: Fri Nov 21, 2008 5:44 pm
Keiko eyes sparkled up to Hitmoi, "Thank you." She looked back down, feeling free. Maybe it was time to break apart. Or maybe it was the idea of breaking apart. "Thank you for everything."
Now to focus on Hitomi and get her well.
((Exit))
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Stu-Stu13 rolled 1 20-sided dice:
17
Total: 17 (1-20)
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Posted: Mon Nov 24, 2008 4:44 pm
Niame watched the corny ending to the soap opera, almost throwing up due to the sappiness. He stood thinking he would have a much better edge at on his assignment if he did, and thought of the parents he never knew. His depression was portrayed on his face as he let down emotional barrier. He shook his head and got back to the task at hand. He stared intently on the rock, as if he could destroy it with just the fierceness of his stare. He brought his hands up to bear preparing to perform the jutsu. He began slowly, concentrating on his finger placement, and gradually sped up, until he had completed the jutsu. He them released the required amount of chakra and closed his eyes as the resulting smoke engulfed him. He opened his eyes to see that once again, he had perfected the jutsu. He held in his glee, and sat to rest for the next go.  ((picture is by Scrouton)) 3/5 CP: 1/3
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Posted: Mon Nov 24, 2008 6:34 pm
Kon~kou was perched outside, tilting her head to watch the boy henge over and over again. He's perfecting it... Hitomi always hated that jutsu... Kon chuckled, flapping her wings to land on top of the academy, over the doorway. She still wasn't ever able to perform the jutsu... She was never going to stop trying. If she could prove that she could do it, then she could perform others. If she could perform jutsu, she could become a ninja. It was an impossible goal, most likely, but at least she had something to work at. She stared out over the village, taking a moment to relax.
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Posted: Mon Nov 24, 2008 6:39 pm
Keiko quickly walked through the village and straight to academy, her mind wild with thoughts. She saw Kon~kou, her thoughts stopped, she jumped up to where she was settled and she bowed. "Hitomi wanted me to give this too you. Sorry to bother you." Keiko jumped back down and walked into the academy.
She walked into her room, Niame right as he was before. If only he knew what was coming for him, if only she could tell him, but she couldn't. She couldn't read the future therefore couldn't tell him. She walked over to the desk she was sitting on her earlier and got on her hands and knees looking for the ring that bonded her to Giglamesh.
Keiko's eyes sparkled and the sight of the ring, it still gave her shivers every time she looked and touched it. She looked back over Niame, "Eh, I want you training, not sitting around doing nothing."
As she was walking out the door she looked over to Niame, "I'm watching you."
((Exit))
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Posted: Mon Nov 24, 2008 6:58 pm
Konpeki looked down at the headband, nodded, and cooed softly, thanking Keiko. Reaching down with her beak, she opened her pouch and placed Hitomi's headband into the sack and closed it. Kon knew the procedure from here. Hitomi was safe, and didn't need her. Kon waited a moment, leaped into the air, opening her wings and scanned for anywhere to go for a while to distract herself. She decided that the village was as good a place as any. She bore left and took off towards the village.
[[exit to village]]
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