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all of your percussionists have a tendency to lean on the bass drum while playing it so my band teacher said:
"IF YOU DONT STOP LAYING ON THAT IM GONNA PUT SPIKES ON IT, SO THAT WHEN YOU DO IT WILL HURT AND YOU'LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN!!"

haha Mr. E he was trying to describe how to plat stiacto notes (this was back in like 7th grade ish) and he was like "you have to imagine its like a penguine farting ok! the stacato notes are like small farts and then that accented whole note is like huge giant loooong fart ok!!!"

And then this wasnt from our band director but part from our sub he was like "Sop i talked to your band director and i asked him 'so will is the 6th period freshman band?' and he was like 'Yah!' and then i asked 'and will they be able to handle a substitute?' and he was like 'yah!' and then i asked if we were going to do an actual practice and if we were going to get things done and he was like 'Yah!' so are we going to get things done today?" and then one of the drumers was like "YAH!"

There was a thing for the drumline and of course they were all talking so to get their attention our Director just yelled "Boner!" and they all paid attention.

One time Ethan was playing symbols and had to stop them right after the crash so our director told him "Squish them against your man boobs."

Well, we were having brass sectionals and the trumpets left the room.
so our teacher at the time said "well, i guess you've worked hard enough. I think you all need a breast...*a lot of laughter from all* i mean rest...HaHA cant tell whats on my mind" god that was a great day

We were playing Chase... with the best songs in the world
*Get it on (its a song about doing it in the morning)~never heard it in class
so, we listened to it in sectionals...on the same day listed above. and its a song about doin it in the morning and takin drugs..."okay at measure 69 in the real song he says extesy and the light music is like the fantasy...haha measure 69, hahahahahaha 69 XD"-Mr.B
*Open up wide (now this song was just musical)~listened to in class
Mrs. A-"Okay everyone. *part in songs* This is a great spot...so open up wide, now PARK AND BLOW" WHAT????
*Handbags and gladrags (LIKE OH EM GEE)~listened to in class
*CORNY* Mrs. A- " put down those handbags and gladrags, open up wide and lets GET IT ON" that was said right before our first competition...hahaha we sucked

one time our director told us to play the song conected-like through clear jello biggrin

The secret to playing real good is by pracrticing mouth positions by overpronuncing the word TESTICLE eek

At the end of one of our colorguard routines, we were supposed to snap our head up and look at the judges. Whenever we would practice, she would tell us 'SNAP!' and to stare them down. She almost said 'Give 'em head, ladies!' right before a competition wihout realizing what else it could mean sweatdrop

One day during jazz band, our director was getting really into the music, gesturing wildly from his stool on the podium. Well, one minute he was there; the band looked up the next measure, and he was gone. Turns out his chair had collapsed underneath him lol

Our director is pretty fond of a book called 'Rare birds of the band shell', and quotes it often. One of his favorites is "How do trumpet players greet each other?... *sticks out hand for handshake* Hi, I can play higher than you!"

In eighth grade, we played 'The Nutcracker' for our holiday concert. Our middle school director was/is a pretty scary guy, but the way he 'danced' while conducting that piece, he looked as though he'd burst into a ballet routine at any moment xd

About two weeks ago, our director was talking about the importance of double tounging. Some of the freshmen (and some of the more immature) in the group thought it extremely dirty; we could hardly play the rest of the song after he said "I was never taught to double tonuge; I had to learn and practice it myself in college."