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 Posted: Wed Nov 28, 2007 9:02 pm
XxXSmexyXxXNinjaXxX She licked her lips wetting them so that the light shimmered off them just right and then she teased the man across from her by running a strabery in the same path her tounge just went before slipping the strawberry into her mouth and sucking on it as she pulled it back out. She knew she had the mans attention now and he was as good as hers. Slowly she leaned forward and began to slide up him before sitting on his lap and droping a little somthing into his drink. (probably one of the worst examples I have ever done but hey. redface )
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Posted: Wed Nov 28, 2007 9:30 pm
.(.Kitsune_Masakazu.). Zikaru94 My Turn. Zikaru walked through the streets with his hands in his pockets *I think I'm going to train at the training grounds* He then walked quietly to the training grounds.
Zikaru arrived at the training grounds and sees some dummys. Zikaru does the hand signs, Snake... Sheep... Monkey... Boar... Horse... Tiger. Stopping at Tiger, Zikaru sucked in chakra to his chest "Goukakyuu no Jutsu!" Zikaru released the fire from his mouth releasing all the chakra in his chest. The fire then burns down some dummys.Alright... Sorry... Pretty new at RPing. Lets try again Zikaru walks through the streets with his hands in his pockets *I think I'm going to train at the training grounds* He then walks quietly to the training grounds.
Zikaru arrives at the training grounds and sees some dummys. Zikaru does the hand signs, Snake... Sheep... Monkey... Boar... Horse... Tiger. Stopping at Tiger, Zikaru sucked in chakra to his chest "Goukakyuu no Jutsu!" Zikaru releases the fire from his mouth trying to releasing all the chakra in his chest. The fire then burns down the dummies.
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Posted: Thu Nov 29, 2007 4:28 pm
XxXSmexyXxXNinjaXxX She licked her lips wetting them so that the light shimmered off them just right. Then she teased the man across from her by running a strawberry in the same path her tongue just went before slipping the strawberry into her mouth and sucking on it as she pulled it back out. She knew she had the mans attention now and he was as good as hers. Slowly she leaned forward and began to slide up him before sitting on his lap and dropping a little something into his drink obscure from his notice. (Sorry. Didn't mean to make it so terrible. Is this better?)
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Posted: Thu Nov 29, 2007 5:12 pm
Zikaru94 .(.Kitsune_Masakazu.). Zikaru94 My Turn. Zikaru walked through the streets with his hands in his pockets *I think I'm going to train at the training grounds* He then walked quietly to the training grounds.
Zikaru arrived at the training grounds and sees some dummys. Zikaru does the hand signs, Snake... Sheep... Monkey... Boar... Horse... Tiger. Stopping at Tiger, Zikaru sucked in chakra to his chest "Goukakyuu no Jutsu!" Zikaru released the fire from his mouth releasing all the chakra in his chest. The fire then burns down some dummys.Alright... Sorry... Pretty new at RPing. Lets try again Zikaru walks through the streets with his hands in his pockets *I think I'm going to train at the training grounds* He then walks quietly to the training grounds.
Zikaru arrives at the training grounds and sees some dummys. Zikaru does the hand signs, Snake... Sheep... Monkey... Boar... Horse... Tiger. Stopping at Tiger, Zikaru sucked in chakra to his chest "Goukakyuu no Jutsu!" Zikaru releases the fire from his mouth trying to releasing all the chakra in his chest. The fire then burns down the dummies.Just so you can fix some things for when they get back so you don't have to wait again... You still have things in present tense. I would tell you what but I don't think I am allowed.
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Posted: Fri Nov 30, 2007 11:27 am
Zikaru94 Alright... Sorry... Pretty new at RPing. Lets try again Zikaru walks through the streets with his hands in his pockets *I think I'm going to train at the training grounds* He then walks quietly to the training grounds.
Zikaru arrives at the training grounds and sees some dummys. Zikaru does the hand signs, Snake... Sheep... Monkey... Boar... Horse... Tiger. Stopping at Tiger, Zikaru sucked in chakra to his chest "Goukakyuu no Jutsu!" Zikaru releases the fire from his mouth trying to releasing all the chakra in his chest. The fire then burns down the dummies.As said before, you have things in the present tense, all RPing should be in past tense. Instead of Zikaru arrives, it should be Zikaru arrived. That kind of thing. Also you have a lot happening in this example. That's fine but not too many things happen all at once when you're Roleplaying. So you're going to have to add in some more descriptive content in order to keep things a proper length. You're getting there but I'm going to need to see another example.
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Posted: Fri Nov 30, 2007 11:35 am
XxXSmexyXxXNinjaXxX XxXSmexyXxXNinjaXxX She licked her lips wetting them so that the light shimmered off them just right. Then she teased the man across from her by running a strawberry in the same path her tongue just went before slipping the strawberry into her mouth and sucking on it as she pulled it back out. She knew she had the mans attention now and he was as good as hers. Slowly she leaned forward and began to slide up him before sitting on his lap and dropping a little something into his drink obscure from his notice. (Sorry. Didn't mean to make it so terrible. Is this better?) Don't worry, spelling errors are fine as long as they aren't too numerous or happen too often. Firefox has a good spell check built into it. Anyway, I'm going to go ahead and pass you. Pass!
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Posted: Fri Nov 30, 2007 3:50 pm
Name: Kolby
Kolby looked around at the destroyed village he was passing through on his way to the academy. He sees an old man and ask's him what happened. The old man answered, "Our village was attacked by a missin-nin from the village of the mist". Kolby look in anger and said "i will get revenge on the people who did this to your village". Kolby set out and seen an unusual trail of watter on the ground. Out of the water sprang a ninja hidden from the mist. Kolby jumped up in the air quickly then covered his body with sand.
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Posted: Fri Nov 30, 2007 4:22 pm
Sand Ninja Kolby- Name: Kolby Kolby looked around at the destroyed village he was passing through on his way to the academy. He sees an old man and ask's him what happened. The old man answered, "Our village was attacked by a missin-nin from the village of the mist". Kolby look in anger and said "i will get revenge on the people who did this to your village". Kolby set out and seen an unusual trail of watter on the ground. Out of the water sprang a ninja hidden from the mist. Kolby jumped up in the air quickly then covered his body with sand. Theres a couple things wrong with this. For one thing, you switch a bit between past and present tense. Secondly, you're choosing what other people do, god-modding basically. Try an example with only your character in it.
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Posted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 9:52 am
lol yea i just realized that just now.......lol.......i like wrote the first part then i just got back then i wrote the second part and i looked and it made no since......
lol
kk
While walking through the village hidden in the sand kolby sees a figure in the outskirts of town. He starts to walk after the figure but it keeps walking away from him. He follows the figure to an abandoned house which has been there since the town was build. Kolby walk in not suspecting a thing.
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Posted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 11:17 am
Sand Ninja Kolby- lol yea i just realized that just now.......lol.......i like wrote the first part then i just got back then i wrote the second part and i looked and it made no since...... lol kk While walking through the village hidden in the sand kolby sees a merchant selling puppets. He walks up to the merchant and sees that he is smuggling weapons from the village hidden in the clouds. Kolby walks away in big disappointment. You're getting there but you're going to want to add more. Shouldn't be too hard, just add some more description, what Kolby is thinking, etc.
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Posted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 11:31 am
lmao i just fixed b4 you posted lol......... wow......lol >.<
kk lol.........
While walking through the village hidden in the sand kolby sees a merchant selling puppets. He walks up to the merchant and sees that he is smuggling weapons from the village hidden in the clouds. Kolby walks away in big disappointment. Kolby thinks to himself *why would he be smuggling cloud village weapons, and why to the sand village*. Later that day he overhears a merchant say that the weapons from the cloud village wernt for the sand village they where for the village hidden in the mist.Kolby gathers his belongings and quickly sets a journey to the village hidden in the clouds to deliver the news.
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Posted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 11:49 am
Sand Ninja Kolby- lmao i just fixed b4 you posted lol......... wow......lol >.< kk lol......... While walking through the village hidden in the sand kolby sees a merchant selling puppets. He walks up to the merchant and sees that he is smuggling weapons from the village hidden in the clouds. Kolby walks away in big disappointment. Kolby thinks to himself *why would he be smuggling cloud village weapons, and why to the sand village*. Later that day he overhears a merchant say that the weapons from the cloud village wernt for the sand village they where for the village hidden in the mist.Kolby gathers his belongings and quickly sets a journey to the village hidden in the clouds to deliver the news. You're still in present tense there, boyo. Switch to past and you should be good.
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Posted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 11:57 am
Level_one Sand Ninja Kolby- lmao i just fixed b4 you posted lol......... wow......lol >.< kk lol......... While walking through the village hidden in the sand kolby sees a merchant selling puppets. He walks up to the merchant and sees that he is smuggling weapons from the village hidden in the clouds. Kolby walks away in big disappointment. Kolby thinks to himself *why would he be smuggling cloud village weapons, and why to the sand village*. Later that day he overhears a merchant say that the weapons from the cloud village wernt for the sand village they where for the village hidden in the mist.Kolby gathers his belongings and quickly sets a journey to the village hidden in the clouds to deliver the news. You're still in present tense there, boyo. Switch to past and you should be good. kk here it is While walking through the village hidden in the sand kolby sees a merchant selling puppets. He walked up to the merchant and sees that he is smuggling weapons from the village hidden in the clouds. Kolby walks away in big disappointment. Kolby thinks to himself *why would he be smuggling cloud village weapons, and why to the sand village*. Later that day he overheard a merchant say that the weapons from the cloud village wernt for the sand village they where for the village hidden in the mist.Kolby gathered his belongings and quickly set of on a journey to the village hidden in the clouds to deliver the news. When he got there the village leader asked him why he was trespassing on cloud village land and kolby said "the village hidden in the mist are planning on attacking you". The village leader believed him and got all his ninja prepared for battle.
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Posted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 12:04 pm
Sand Ninja Kolby- kk here it is While walking through the village hidden in the sand kolby sees a merchant selling puppets. He walked up to the merchant and sees that he is smuggling weapons from the village hidden in the clouds. Kolby walks away in big disappointment. Kolby thinks to himself *why would he be smuggling cloud village weapons, and why to the sand village*. Later that day he overheard a merchant say that the weapons from the cloud village wernt for the sand village they where for the village hidden in the mist.Kolby gathered his belongings and quickly set of on a journey to the village hidden in the clouds to deliver the news. When he got there the village leader asked him why he was trespassing on cloud village land and kolby said "the village hidden in the mist are planning on attacking you". The village leader believed him and got all his ninja prepared for battle. ...That's still present tense. You just switched a couple of the words into past. Have to do it for all of them. Like instead of "Kolby thinks to himself" It should be "Kolby thought to himself."
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Posted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 12:19 pm
Level_one Sand Ninja Kolby- kk here it is While walking through the village hidden in the sand kolby sees a merchant selling puppets. He walked up to the merchant and sees that he is smuggling weapons from the village hidden in the clouds. Kolby walks away in big disappointment. Kolby thinks to himself *why would he be smuggling cloud village weapons, and why to the sand village*. Later that day he overheard a merchant say that the weapons from the cloud village wernt for the sand village they where for the village hidden in the mist.Kolby gathered his belongings and quickly set of on a journey to the village hidden in the clouds to deliver the news. When he got there the village leader asked him why he was trespassing on cloud village land and kolby said "the village hidden in the mist are planning on attacking you". The village leader believed him and got all his ninja prepared for battle. ...That's still present tense. You just switched a couple of the words into past. Have to do it for all of them. Like instead of "Kolby thinks to himself" It should be "Kolby thought to himself." lol whoops sweatdrop While walking through the village hidden in the sand kolby seen a merchant selling puppets. He walked up to the merchant and saw that he is smuggling weapons from the village hidden in the clouds. Kolby walked away in big disappointment. Kolby thought to himself *why would he be smuggling cloud village weapons, and why to the sand village*. Later that day he overheard a merchant say that the weapons from the cloud village wernt for the sand village they where for the village hidden in the mist. Kolby gathered his belongings and quickly set of on a journey to the village hidden in the clouds to deliver the news. When he got there the village leader asked him why he was trespassing on cloud village land and kolby said "the village hidden in the mist are planning on attacking you". The village leader believed him and got all his ninja prepared for battle.
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