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wrong... you can move on. I'm of the firm beleif that if you're dating someone and they say that they don't need a relationship and just want a freind then you should end the relationship and leave them to thier friends. They shouldn't get to dump you and keep you. If they want you back when they're balanced then cool... but otherwise... it's unfair for them to still collect all your affections without having to give anything back.

No it's a realistic one. I've seen a lot of relationships end. Some were mine, most were not. Wanna know how many times I've seen them break up and remain friends immediately after with no space between and have it work? twice. Wanna know how many times I've seen the person who got dumped torture themselves for months as they try to cope with thier pain of being dumped along side with the hope of getting back together while trying to act plutonically? All the rest of the times. Wanna know how many times I've seen them get back together? maybe 1/3 of the time. Wanna know how many of them stayed together for longer than 6 months after that? None.

Wanna know the psychological reasons why?

People are selfish in nature. It is absolutely natural for someone to do as little work as possible to gain. However humans are also scrappers, so if the chips are down and they feel like they're sliding they'll scramble like hell to climb and forget that it would be easier to brace yourself and move to the side.

Once one person ends a relationship for a reason. Whatever that reason is it ends. If the other person sticks around and continues giving the same affections and supports now that they are getting nothing in return opens themself up to be used. Most dumpers will rationalize that they are being kind to the dumped by staying friends with them so as to hurt them less. They don't see however that the damage is more severe over time. Then after a while they get used to it. They then know that whenever they want they can turn to that ex who's still throwing all thier heart at them and get an instant ego boost. Instant compassion or caring. They also know they never have to return the favor. This lack of equivilant exchange causes a vacuum. The dumper gets emotionally stronger while the dumpee goes through the emotional ringer with the ups and downs of acceptance and rejection on a daily basis. That persons instability almost ensures that the dumpee will never reconsider thier decision to dump the person and if they do take the person back they've already lost so much respect for the dumpee as they've become a push over and are likely just to use the person knowing they can get away with it.

Almost all of this happens subconsciously. But that is the psychological progression of the "lovers to friends" scenario. And just because it's not the happy bubbly outlook doesn't make it any less true. In all reality the happy bubbly perspective is almost always and illusion. The same that the infinite evil perspective is. This is just reality. A muddy grey of good intentions and idealistic hope eating away at each other because the people involved are to blind by what they want to do to see what they're actually doing.

yeah, I've had the same experience a few times xp
hopefully I've learned my lesson and I won't let it happen again sweatdrop

*gives ny a big friendly supporting loving hug*

Well, in case any of you were wondering. I've decided to try to get over Cody, but I'm going to stay his friend. I know that we'll probably never get back together, but if that's the way things are supposed to happen, then I guess that's the way they will happen. End of story.

And if by some freak miracle we do get back together and stay together, then I'll consider myself lucky. But until now, I can't really see myself cutting him out of my mind. We've staying this close for a month since we broke up, and I don't see the point ruining a friendship just because I have a hard time getting over a break up from a relationship that only lasted two months.

There, I said it.

But it was my fault for getting involved with Chris, even if it did only last a short amount of time.

Although, Cody said he was completely fine if stuff happened with Chris... Stuff did, he said he was fine with it, but then later admitted that he was very jealous about the whole situation, then afterwards said that nothing could happen with us for a while, especially because of how I seemed all interested in Chris and not him for a while.

I guess maybe its his fault for saying it was okay, because the reason I asked him if it was okay in the first place was so I wouldn't mess anything up.

Now he's talking about getting a girlfriend, I think. But I'm pretty sure if I tried to get a boyfriend he'd get all jealous again. But noooo, if I get jealous of him and a girl he tells me I shouldn't get jealous.

neutral

Why are mothers so bitchy..
I mean..
My mum does not care that my bf stays over at my place during the week...she only wants to know..
but my bf/s mum hates it...get mad and yells at him..
She does not allow it..and I just wonder why?
He helps her more than his brothers do...
And she says that his brothers are also not allowed to do it, but his oldest brother lives very near to his gf and his younger brother sees her at school every day...and we just can not have that, and she knows it..
I often feel its my fault...
she just does not like me...

Perhaps its cos she does love anyone anymore...
cos she divorced a few years ago..
And I know it is not easy for her...
cos her mum died recently..
but we have alwats been supportive..
but it does not seem to matter

*pokes gently* she's a woman, and a teenager. you're gonna make her cry...