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 Posted: Mon Dec 18, 2006 11:10 pm
Elle knew that Luna had a good reason to not reply the very second she'd sent the second letter. She understood perfectly, and didn't blame Luna at all, but that didn't stop her sudden anxiety from consuming her for a few hours. She paced and paced and paced and then when she couldn't stand it anymore, paced out the door of her little hut and went all the way to her mother's home. The walk seemed to take a long time. Maybe that was because Elle was so occupied in her mind, maybe it was because the entire route was stretched out to her like a big long elastic band, maybe it was because she was aware of what she had to do at the end of this stretched out path. She had to tell her mum. It was funny how an hour ago Elle had been so convinced it was a mistake that she'd just returned from running all the way to Aekea on foot to prove that the others were flukes. An hour ago she was convinced there was no pregnancy. No baby. All just big mistakes. And now she couldn't deny it. It was like it'd finally lodged itself in her brain. A thorn, a 'Pregnant!' thorn, and there just wasn't any use trying to deny it was there. Baby. Elle. Mum to baby. She hadn't even been sure if she wanted to have children! Elle had the feeling that she might not have had them if she didn't have a partner desperate on the idea, if she'd had the whole say in the matter. Funny how life just took choice out of your hands. "Mum is going to kill me." But what choice did Elle have? she had to do it now. Now and not after Christmas... because after Christmas, no one could guilt her mother with 'But it's Christmas, you can't just leave her alone!' and her mum always seemed to be in a good mood before Christmas. Besides, Elle knew that if she didn't do it now... well, she'd be too afraid to. She'd turn up with a baby and no warning. Finally she came to the cleared field. Changes had happened over the past half year. More elves had moved here, for one, giving the original elves more pairs of hands. Some trees had been cut down, a thing Elle knew pained most elves, but most of the trees had been dying. Or rotting. Or all fighting for sunlight in the over grown field. Some trees were simply built around, the strong ones, the ones that weren't likely to fall in a storm. And the tents that used to occupy this field were now almost gone. That wasn't surprising as it was well and truly winter by now- tents weren't very practical in snow. There were some wagons that were inspired by Gypsies scattered around under the trees. They were obviously long term wagons, most of them had patches of dirt around them that could only be dormant garden beds. Also around were buildings. Most of them weren't spectacular- stone and logs. But were shelter enough till Winter was over. Some of the buildings were more impressive. The Inn was one of those buildings as it was one of the main priorities. Elves loved to eat together, to sing together, to dance together, and where better than a warm inn? It was designed after the traditional 'inn' look. Neith had told Elle that it had rooms for rent to guests to the estate. Probably more likely used as a place to put a drunk guest who accidentally got intoxicated on Elf wine and had to stay for a night more than they thought they would. Paths were also around. They weren't spectacular paths, mostly cleared of grass and covered in gravel, but they were obviously well used. All the snow was trampled off them. Elle sighed and turned her attention to where her mother would be. The cottage. The cottage was also once run down and derelict but it was nearly finished in renovation and looked much much better than Elle could remember. It was used for a 'hospital', not that it was really needed, and it was really just more of an emergency accommodation place. A place to put someone sick till they could go to a doctor or a real hospital. Elle shuddered as she stared at it. Her mum would probably want her to stay there if she went into labour. Labour. Now that was a thought Elle wasn't ready for. At least it didn't look like it'd blow over in a gale like it used to. Maybe she could go home. She didn't have to tell her mum just yet- Elle could wait for Luna's letter first and then ask Luna how she did it. But she had to do it now. Elle was already chickening out! She wrapped her arms around herself and went into the cottage. Well, Elle thought as she stared at her Mum at the kitchen table, maybe now was as good as time as ever- Mum was sitting there slightly tipsy on good elven wine. Yep. She was going to tell her right now. Right now. Today. Good time to. Mum sitting there a little tipsy but not so much she'd forget and she was full of Christmas cheer... "Anytime now." Elle muttered. She stared across the table at her mother who was preoccupied with a stack of books. Probably browsing for food. "Anytime for what, Elle?" Neith asked without looking up, flicking through '100 Best Vegetarian Recipes!'. "Oh... I thought I felt a burp." Elle quickly responded, her heart suddenly fluttering, anxiety building up in her chest. A burp? More like another betrayal from her less than reliable stomach! "Ah." Neith didn't even spend a moment thinking about that. "Get some cold air from outside for a moment then." Elle stood up and went to the door. She opened it and tried to relax. 'Don't think about it,' she tried to convince herself, 'Don't panic. Don't freak out now! You've been so calm about all of this, don't panic! Think about something else, anything else...' She stared at the outside, at the estate of elves, watching the only two elf children throw snow at each other. Elves were obsessive about children. Probably because they so rarely bothered having a child of their own. They weren't immune from birth either and with a long life and lots of chance to enjoy it, why rush such a thing? Neith had been an oddity in her desire to raise children, but then, she wasn't a full blood elf. Humans liked children more. And with that attitude to having their own children, Elves tended to be obsessive over other people's children. Gifts, babysitting (Although kid hijacking was probably a better way of describing the babysitting), endless advice and food and... it made Elle's head spin. Neith had avoided it by not living near elves when she had Elle and Winny. Maybe Elle could run off after she told her Mum. Run off and live where no elves could find her! For a moment Elle thought about just not telling Mum. Just walking away and dealing with it on her own. Mum had all of these people to think about. But that thought was dismissed quickly. Elle was afraid. She didn't like that thought but it was a little scary to think that there was something growing inside her. She imagined a woman of any age would be a little scared if they'd gotten pregnant the same way Elle had... and she thought that it was perfectly normal for a pregnant woman to want her mum. No. She couldn't do that. Even if it seemed easier than telling her mum. She glanced over her shoulder at Neith. It wasn't like Elle was the youngest in the family to be pregnant, Kia had gotten pregnant as a teenager, and Elle was just a bit older than teenager. So now or never, and she could remind her mum if she needed to... "I'm pregnant." The words came out. But not from Elle's mouth. Her 'I'm pregnant hung at the edge of her tongue for just a moment before a louder, "Mum?!" burst out. Neith shut the book and stared levelly at her daughter. "Yes. Pregnant. There, I said it. I presume you guessed? Lying about a burp." "I...um.' "I've got every right to choose when I'm pregnant and when I'm not, Elle, and when to tell people..." Neith went to go on but was interrupted by Elle's blurted out, "But I'm pregnant!" "...people when. Uh. Wait, you're wh... Elle?! What do you mean, you're pregnant?" Elle shut the door and stared at the wood. She was kind of afraid to look at her mother. "Probably exactly what you meant." If Neith had expected a response from Elle about her own pregnancy, this was defiantly not it. "Are you sure?" "Are yoU?" "Of course I am!" "Well, so am I. Six pregnancy tests don't lie. I need to go to the GMFC." "And they agreed to see you without telling me?" That irritated Neith, and she had half a mind to go pick the phone up. "Mum, I'm old enough now to see doctors without mummy's permission, okay? Besides. I was just thinking about it. I didn't make an appointment or anything." "It's not okay! Who did this to you?" Elle didn't answer. Did this to her? Now, if this had been a normal 'we just got pregnant when we had sex!' thing, she might have been more annoyed. She was tempted to pretend it was just a normal accident thing. But then the baby would be born with seven tentacles and green skin and then what? So she just pointed at the sky. "Elle?" "Them! Up there!" Elle jabbed at the sky. "You remember, the UFOs? We think that's who did it. No possible way of it happening any other way." Neith was speechless. Just what did you say to that? Sit down please, Elle, I'm afraid you're taking drugs?! Or even worse, 'Oh what a coincidence, because I think I got pregnant the same way!' ?! So she decided a quiet "Okay." would do. "Just ok?" "Okay, you're pregnant, I'm pregnant. I'm guessing we'll stay that way for a few months, if you were to have an abortion you'd have done it... or at least you wouldn't have checked to see i it was all right. Right?" The idea of an abortion hadn't really crossed Elle's mind. But as scared as she was, the idea of one of those things just gave her the creeps. So she nodded. "Sit down." Elle sat down in front of her Mum. For a few moments they just stared at each other. "Cravings?" Neith queried. Elle shook her head. "You?" "Not yet. Sick?" "A lot." "So am I." They both fell quiet again. The sound of a wind picking up outside whistled through a partially open window, blowing in snow and ice. Neith got up to shut it. "What about shelter?" Neith asked. "I've seen that hut thing. It's cold out there, and even with a fire I don't think it's right. At least not now." "I was fixing it, Mum. It's really good. Better than it looks. Really warm inside." "But how many rooms are in there? One? You can't share that space with a baby, you don't even have running water, do you." "Well... no. But I like it out there." "Or a bathroom." Elle just shook her head helplessly. "And you carry water you need yourself." Elle nodded. "Elle, you know you can't stay there now? Carrying water is bad for you right now, it's starting to get cold and dark, you don't have any sort of living space. It's not the right place for a family, even two. You know that." With a defeated sort of sigh, Elle nodded again and stared at her hands. "So I have to move back here?" "Unless the UFOs have a house for you, that's the best idea. Even a job is a bad idea right now. They won't want to hire someone who'll need maternity leave soon." "I know. I didn't plan this, you know!" "I know, Ellette! But you need to plan now. We can easily give you a room in the inn." Elle groaned. Middle of Elf-central. She'd never sneak out at night. The elves were crazy when it came to pregnancy and kids, worse than her mother, and to be suck in the middle of two dozen doting, fussing, obsessive elves... "Just for a while! Perhaps we can come to an arrangement about your own house, a payment plan for you after you find a job, something along those lines." "Mum? I... I don't know. I suppose thanks for not freaking out?" Elle went a bit red, but she did appreciate that. She'd half expected Neith to lock her in the top of the tallest tower- or the lowest cave- and leave her there. True, she was now agreeing to live in the Inn, not the nicest prospect when it came to wanting privacy, and she lost her independence she'd had in her hut. But she wasn't as scared. "I'll tell the elves that you just wanted a place to stay for winter, if that helps." Neith was glad tht Elle couldn't see inside her. She wasn't 'freaking out'. She was livid. Neith was amazed she wasn't trembling and grinding teeth, or running off to go throw grenades at the first UFO she saw. Liking Flarn or not! "No, I suppose they may as well know. They'd notice soon anyway." Elle shook her head and rested against the back of the chair. "I guess I should get my stuff while you tell them?" "No. I can go with som... or if you'd like, I can send a woman elf to get it." Neith had started to say she would, but she saw Elle start guiltily. "I won't ask what you own, if that makes you feel better." "I'm sorry- I don't mind you knowing, and nothing's really bad or ...I just... I just like privacy." "If you're old enough to have a baby, I suppose I have to accept you're old enough to want that too. Good luck with doctors though, they don't know the word 'privacy'... I suppose we can try and respect it. Yes. I know, some elves can go with you. You stick things in boxes and they'll use a cart to bring them here. Okay? Okay." Neith and Elle just stared at each other for a few minutes. Then Neith went to pull on a jacket. She was shaking her head slightly. Elle watched her walk towards the inn through the window, sat down and let out a long relieved sigh. Now all she had to do was wait for Luna's letter. Neith, although she'd appeared calm, wasn't off to the inn first. No. First she was going to the deepest most isolated part of the forest to scream and attack a snow-UFO.
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Posted: Sat Dec 23, 2006 5:15 am
A day after telling her mother the ugly truth, Elle had found herself sitting inside a nice cosy room. The door was ajar and she could hear the crowd of elves downstairs. Discussing babies, and pregnancy, and labo...
She got up and shut the door. Elle didn't want to hear it yet! At least, with thanks to the elf keen sense of hearing and need for quiet sometimes, the room was soundproof. She could shut the noise out.
The letter from Luna hadn't come either. At least, Elle didn't think it had, the moving had really thrown her organizational skills. And maybe she was avoiding going to check. Just a little bit. Oh, she cared about what Luna had to say! That was the problem. If Luna said 'Go to GMFC!' then Elle would go, because she respected what Luna thought and ...well, she would be right.
"Urgh." Elle muttered. "Think about other things. Like unpacking."
The room she'd been given was actully one she liked. Purple walls and a huge empty bookshelf waiting for her books. The bed was a white canopy bed, not exactly the color she'd pick, but at least it was a double bed. Elle hated her tail hanging over the edge of beds. Near the bed was a computer desk with her unassembled computer on top. She was glad- she'd half expected the elves to not know computer even existed. Elle been proven wrong when she'd passed a little library that came complete with some computers. But the thing that made her breath catch was a crib. Sitting at the end of her bed. It was so tiny. And it reminded her of why she was here.
There was a baby inside of her.
Elle touched her stomach. It was hard to imagine. Was she really going to be putting a real living breathing baby in that thing?
SHe turned away and decided to think about it later. She had to unpack her things.
Unpacking took a while. She had a habit of liking her books in their exact order and on top of that Elle had to hide the ones she didn't want seen. There weren't many, thankfully, but the ones she'd 'collected' weren't exactly books she wanted people to know she had. They went behind other books or placed in boxes under the bed that were marked 'old school assignments'.
Those ones had been pushed behind other books or put in folders marked 'old school assignments'. Some of them were rather odd. She collected odd books. How often did one come across a book on phoniex or dragon sexual behavior? Elle hadn't read it, she just liked to own it.
Then it was the computer. It took longer to set up, Elle was never good at wires, but once it was she was relieved to see it turn on normally. And then the internet seemed to work fine too.
Before Elle knew it she was in a website about pregnancy, babies, toddlers, children. But it wasn't as intimidating. In fact, she rather liked it, Elle had always been one who felt better when she thought she could understand what was happening.
But pregnancy turned out to be a little more detailed than she was expecting. Elle fell quiet as she stared at the pregnancy page. It was packed with articles. What family bed was right. When to call the doctor. Sex questions, sleep questions, travel questions, fitness, food and drink, work, home, labour, kid's asthma death rate?!
"Apparently there is more than just growing you." Elle said to the baby, although she had no idea if it could hear her, as she tried to decide on what to read. Fetal devolopment. That sounded like a good place to start. She could find out what was happening in there. "Well, if you are in there, you probably look weird. There's no belly so you are very early on. I think. I hope. Wow... if this is how weird human babies look, what the hell do you look like?!"
Again Elle went quiet. She was still having trouble connecting the images on the screen to herself. The tests said she was pregnant. Elle knew logically that it was right, you didn't fluke that often.
But Elle didn't feel pregnant. Or did she? She was sick and tired. And she was reading things in this week by week development guide like 'By now you can hear the heartbeat!' or 'Think about exercise now!' which was totally surreal... but at the same time, it wasn't.
One of the things Elle really wanted to know was when she'd look pregnant. Maybe she felt pregnant? Maybe her clothes were tighter, maybe she was gaining weight, but maybe she was just imagining things too. Elle knew the only way to really know what stage she was at was an ultrasound. That meant GMFC appointment.
"Okay. So people start showing around fifteen weeks. Hear that? You need to let me know around then. But at twelve weeks I'd know if you're a little man or a little lady."
A poll online caught Elle's eye. 'What do you call your baby-on-the-way?' She just called it baby. A name for it? "Spock. Wait... what? Where the hell did Spock come from?"
Elle had no idea why she was suddenly remembering Star Trek names. Baby Spock?! Baby did have alien involvement, didn't it? Spock was kind of ...out there. Like the baby. And she couldn't be bothered to think of anything better. Besides, sometimes instinct was best.
"Okay, baby Spock. Boy or girl, you are now Spock till birth."
The TV distracted her, and she turned her attention to the interview. One of the aliens was on TV and ...a cow?
"what the fuc...erm. Fook. ********. Do I have to really stop my swearing? I don't do it that often! Surely you wouldn't be offended, Spock. Pay attention, Elle."
It was quite strange. A Zurg and a Cow, who was apparently Santa, trying to say they'd help Christmas. But the cow wasn't like Santa. He didn't act like Santa. Elle had always presumed that Santa would love help, or something, but he was angry and hateful at them? Ha! He wasn't pregnant because of them. Besides she liked that Zurg on TV. It was very odd looking but it was nice. She had no idea what it was saying half the time but it seemed nice. It reassured Elle too- the Zurg on TV wasn't as bad as her imagination had been making them out to be. Or what her mum had been saying.
"So Spock, if that is your ...um. Aunt? Uncle? I can't tell what it is. But if that's it, maybe you aren't so bad off. And you have me. I know what it's like to be so full of genes that you don't know what side you are."
More pregnancy sites flashed before Elle's eyes. Guides, money, health, diets, pain free births... wait. What was that last one?!
"What the hell." Elle muttered as she came across a site about a painfree birth. "Dr. Harold Renshaw describes the case of a young primipara whose confinement was almost "instantaneous". She told her mother she "felt queer", then "stepped across the room and leaned on the mantelshelf, when, without warning, the baby fell on the floor". She made an uninterrupted recovery. ...okay, someone needs to stop smelling the happy gas?"
Although Elle was sceptical, she went quiet and started to read it, the idea of not being afraid of birth starting to penetrate the fear she had had.
By the end of it she was starting to think maybe she could face the clinic... just maybe. Elle wanted to wait and see what Luna said.
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Posted: Thu Jan 04, 2007 9:13 am
"Surprise!"
Elle stared. And stared. She was standing in the adjoining inn room. It wasn't, as they had claimed, occuiped by a guest. It was, in fact, filled with baby stuff. A cot in the corner, presents piled up, a rocking chair, a book case with books for children...
"The crib can be made into a toddler's bed, see? And we all got you presents for the baby. Toys mostly, some blankets, some other things we think you'll need. We thought you'd want this for Christmas more. We know you have no money. It can't stay in this room but it's all yours.."
"But... I..." Elle tried to prevent tears. Hormones be damned, she didn't cry, damnit, she didn't. "...you can't keep spending money on me. Any of you! It's not like you're rich, you know, stop it."
"We can and already have, as far as we are all concerned. And there's another thing."
"What?! There better not be." Elle choaked, the dam she'd put up to stop the tears broke down and a fresh wave went flowing down her cheeks. She grabbed at a wad of tissues out of a pocket and tried to blow her nose.
"There is. Here..." Neith waited till Elle had calmed down and thrown the tissues out, then held out a key.
"What?!" Elle took the key.
"To a house. The house isn't really that big but it's down the road..."
"Mum! No! I can't take one of those too." Elle knew of those cottages. She'd seen them being built in a row near the edge of the forest. "No... I can't even pay for an inn room and I feel bad enough about that. How the hell did you afford it?"
"Well. It's a gift, Elle, don't question it." Neith hadn't meant to hesitate. It wasn't that it had put them out terribly- the profit from the other houses was very nice indeed- but this house in this location had been worth quite a bit. Three of the council memebers and Neith had agreed to go two to a house in the main estate instead of getting their own homes. But they had all done so quite gladly, agreeing that they would do that for any child born to the estate. Neith grinned a bit as she added, "The only condition is that you allow the nine of us one night of babysitting a week."
"What kind of condition is that? Of course!"
"And... to agree to work in the estate. Full time work. You'd be paid, of course, but not the best wages in the world. But enough for what you need and then some. We didn't think we should choose a job for you but we all agree that if we give you a choice of jobs you might find one right."
"...um." That did make Elle hesitate. She had kind of wanted to be a bit independant. Find a job out of the estate, escape for a few hours a day, get paid really well and get promoted and all of that. "I don't know. I kind of wanted to go look for work in Duram."
"You have no training, no experiance, no education they care about out there." Neith ignored the look on Elle's face and continued, "We can train you and we'll accept that training. And quite a bit of knowlage that we like in here. I saw the books you own, Elle, even the ones you tried to hide. I don't think you should teach those hidden ones (or even own them but whatever you choose) but there'll be children on the estate soon as these houses fill. You could teach a class on something. Magic. Or ...well, you're smart. You can come up with something. Or if you don't want to spend time with children, teach adults to use computers, or help run the small grocery store we're opening soon, or work in the library, or help build houses. You can renovate. You don't even have to do one thing- we agreed you could do part time in several things."
"Yea, all of that sounds good..."
"But?"
"But I don't want to spend all my time with you, mum! No offense but I need time alone? To relax? I can't relax with you and the elves at my job and you and the elves here all the time, you say once a week but I know it'll be more, and with a baby it'll be stressfull enough to learn about baby raising. I like spending time here but not all the time. You guys make it sound like this estate's the entire world but my entire world is mostly outside the walls."
"Elle, this is a huge estate!" Neith was a bit hurt. "Just to drive here from our little village is a good ten or fifteen minutes. And if you want, we'll only visit once a week, maybe twice a week... but we can leave you alone. And jobs aren't all day every day. You'll get peace if you want. And you need money. We gave you as much as we could. You'll be fully supported by us through the pregnancy, if you agree to the conditions, a home, food, clothing, doctors, and for a few months after you'd be allowed to rest and relax but it's not a lot. You'd need a job and a home in any case, why not near support?"
Now Elle was starting to get annoyed. Had her mum just hinted that if Elle didn't agree she wouldn't be supported? Helped? Her own mum would abandon her?! She should just say 'I choose my own life!' and walk away. But she was emotional and scared and really didn't want to do this without someone there. Luna was a girlfriend but it wasn't like they were engaged. Elle hated to admit her mum was right. She did need a job. And a home. And it was a huge estate. If she really wanted, she could run off to a corner and hide there for a month before being found. ...well, maybe that was a bit exaggarated but still.
"Oh. Whatever. Okay. But two nights a week here unless I say so, only call me during certian times like... six pm to nine pm and I pick the job. Or jobs. I might want to do several in part time instead of one. I don't know. I have't thought about it. But if I agree to the conditions, you let me decide things. And you don't question my clothing, my books, my food, my transport, and ask before giving advice because sometimes I don't need to hear it. Okay?"
"Jobs is something you have a long time to think about. We'll give you a list, hours, all of that. We won't both you on your clothing, books, food or transport, and I'll ask before giving advice." Neith was grinning. Elle hadn't said 'Don't talk about baby's clothing, books, food or transport'. Neith wasn't planning on nitpicking but she was very good at hinting or suggesting.
"And call me during those times?" Elle felt a bit like she'd been trapped into something. But oh well. It was the best offer she had for now.
"Yes, and call you in those times. Unless there's an emeragancy."
"Okay. Emergancies are okay."
"But you can call me any time, day or night, okay?"
"Okay." Elle sighed. She relaxed her grip on the curtians, she hadn't even noticed she was doing that, and sat down on the couch. "It's a nice place."
Neith sat on the armchair nearby. "Yes, it is. It'll be home once you've made the rooms yours. The kitchen has no food but I guess you... well, you know what to do."
"Yep. I do." Elle yawned a big yawn then. SHe was tired again. "I guess we'll have to move the stuff out of the inn?"
"You can do that tomorrow, if you're tired, we don't need to..."
"No, today. Let's get it done." Elle stood up. "Then I can sit in my own house and relax."
They went out to Neith's car.
Two days later and she felt like crawling into her new bed to sleep for the rest of the day. It had been such a long day. Nausa, the end of several exhausting lessons, hiding what she had been doing from her mum... well, okay. That wasn't that much. But it was exhausting to Elle. The hiding part was made much easier by Elle's new location, thankfully, but she still needed to sink down in the back of the taxi the two days running when they passed Neith's house.
She had just spent the past two days learning how to use a moterbike.
Elle hadn't wanted to tell her mum. Neith wouldn't approve, for one thing, and she wouldn't want Elle doing anything like driving or riding lessons while she was pregnant. She wouldn't even let her ride a horse!
But Elle thought it was the right time. She'd put it off, she'd saved a tiny bit more, put it off, saved a bit more, and now she had to do it or it'd be too late. They wouldn't let her learn if she looked pregnant. And she'd looked it up on the internet- babies could ride in sidecars!
Yes, it was bloody risky. Elle had thought of that everytime she got onto the training bike. At least the training moterbike had a guard thing, and even with that her heart was in her throat. The people teaching didn't ask beyond a warning of 'if you feel sick, if you have the flu, pull over before you throw over.' and didn't ask about pregnancy. They probably didn't think anyone was stupid enough to try it.
But it was only two days, and then she'd have her learners, and she'd have it. Elle couldn't even buy the bike yet- the gear itself had cost her most of her savings. Gear that she hoped she'd fit after she was pregnant like the beautiful jacket she'd bought and the pants. The helmet was harder to find and more expensive- Elle's headwings were a pest. But she'd even found one of those that suited her head.
She'd felt so guilty after spending the money on herself! But, Elle reasoned, this money had been saved for this purpose. After Spock came- and she was still having periods of disbelief over the entire thing and hightly expected him to be a hormonal mistake or one of those phantom pregnancies that she'd read about- after Spock came she wouldn't have much for herself to save. It made sense to try and buy some of what she needed now. And if it were a phantom pregnancy then she'd have nothing to worry over.
Elle sat there in front of her new gear. It was beautiful! She couldn't help but wipe a speck of dirt, or adjust clothes to a more perfect fold, or move the boots closer. An open faced helmet, she'd researched it online first to check it was good, that was much more forgiving on her wings than any other helmet. A beautiful leather jacket with a high collar.
It all sat on her bed, brand new, shiny and promicing something she'd lacked- Total freedom. The ability to go anywhere without a bus, or a mum, or a friend, or her feet! Maybe not so much now with a baby coming, but if she got a sidecar she and Spock could escape together.
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Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2007 7:27 am
Jonathanness here: http://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?t=6955245&page=2
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Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2007 7:30 am
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Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2007 7:37 am
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Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2007 7:56 am
Dear Diary
I don't know why my Mum does this. Things are still interesting here, those Elves are still around and so is Mum, but I've pushed her to back down a bit. She was bad for the first week after I got home... not so bad now. But a baby... a baby is the scariest thing I've had to deal with! He's so weak and small and pathetic, he can't hold his head up, barely manages to move his limbs, cries...
It's not that I don't feel affection for him. I love him more and more as I get to know him. And I take a bit of pride in that no one else can quieten him like I can. And I notice things. Like... he likes his tail stroked, and his wings stroked, they make him calm down. And he likes my tail. I don't know if it's because he thinks it's his... can babies see colour yet?... but it works. And he gets very tired and upset quickly if he's around everyone too much. Spock/Jonathan and I spend a lot of time upstairs where we can relax. So I suppose that part isn't bad.
He's also funny with messing up his diapar. He'll be very happy to sit there all dirty and won't get upset till someone goes to change it. Then Jonathan will be fine again.
I finally got back to work quickly with the help of some carefully wrapped bandages to keep stomach from being strained. It's like wearing a tight corset and I feel pain still even with the restriction. But it works. Mum gives me lifts to work and I can't use my bike yet but when I heal and she moves back home, I'll get back to that.
And the neighbours are ...are... they make me want to tear my hair out! The look on the woman's face, the one who lives a few doors down with all her spawns and plays housewife, when I said I was glad to be back at work... you would think I just said I like to toss Jonathan around while I juggle swords and firesticks. Or that I leave him with my drug laden boyfriend and his dealer while I work! I wonder what she'd say if she knew my pale complexion had nothing to do with the lack of sunlight I get during winter? She'd probably call Child Services and tell them he was for blood harvesting through living genetically created slave donors, bred specially for their taste and docile nature?
I wonder if Spock will bite her kids when he gets older? She has another Spawn on the way.
Actually... there is something like that. I found it by accident on the internet. They fidn out your tastes and blend them together to create a great tasting portable meal. A living, breathing, walking slave type. 'It' lasts five years. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I should be disgusted by the idea but I'm not, not when I've been drinking cold muddy crap or popping pills. But most of all, it makes me wonder just what my Mum has been sheltering me from. Elves, elf lifestyle, elf food, elf everything, what about my other half? What goes with that? I also read that there were so many different types of Vampires. Just like how there are different types of humans, elves, ect, and nearly every culture has mythology about a blood sucking humanoid. The Government just doesn't advertise it too much.
Well anyway. I think that just proves I read too much on the internet. I'm happy to be back working and I'm getting into the study of magic while I can. Mum has been giving me lessons on cooking, Lara won't reveal name even now, Nes is teaching me some magic when Mum isn't looking and Jonathan... he's getting stronger. When no one else is looking, I lie on my stomach in front of him (with effort) and we raise our heads to look at each other. Mum hasn't seem him raise his head like that and thinks I'm making it up.
Plus I show him little magics. I made the hanging thing above his head dance around and sparkle. They're easier to do now but they are good practice.
There's new cinemas! I'm going to go see one tonight while Mum babysits. She shoved money in my hand and made me go with Nes and Lara, so how can I argue? I guess she wants time alone with Jonathan. Cavewomen or something. It's supposed to be funny. We'll see.
Elle.
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Posted: Sat Nov 24, 2007 1:58 am
"Trick or treat!"
Elle didn't open the door. There was the sound of more eggs hitting the house and she sighed.
That stupid vampire and human battle. It had made her afraid to go out the door, for fear that she'd smile too much, that she'd lift her lip a bit too much and someone would shout 'vampire!' and she'd be staked or something.
Elle had never known much about any of that vampire hatred. She could barely remember the other mother, had lived all her life on her mum's estate for elf-blooded people and if Neith was good at anything, it was keeping the outside world out and the inside world inside.
When Elle did go out often they'd look at the fangs, then see the tail behind her and decide that she was part dragon. Elle never did anything to convince them otherwise, and even liked to enhance on this appearance with her scales showing, or jewellery that was sparkly. Dragon was a much less frightening image to put out than vampire.
Recently though, as those vampires had started to move and fight, things had been a little different. Fangs were suspicious, no matter what hung out the back end, and she'd often been ignored, shunned, people had made a point to move away from her or to not sit next to her. And the day before yesterday, she'd gone out to buy Spock more baby food and had been refused entry into the shop altogether. She'd eventually asked her mum to make some babyfood.
Elle knew she was probably being paranoid. Neith's estate was shut off, her neighbours assumed that she was half dragon or something and that idea had been helped with Spock's gwee appearance. But with that battle thing happening... and it was a serious one, it was as big as the alien invasion last year...she'd rather be paranoid for Spock's sake. She was willing to put up with eggs on her house. The rain forecast for the next morning would wash them off.
"You're a real pain." Elle softly told the sleeping baby, flopping across the normal sized sofa and resting her feet up over the edge of the armrest as she reached for the remote, "You'll want to do that next Halloween, won't you, go ask people for their sweets then come home and eat them so that you get your experiences with dentists early."
She grinned a little at the idea of taking him to his first dentist. Elle still wasn't sure what kind of teeth Spock would have. She could remember dentists fidgeting nervously around her fangs, as if they were afraid that she'd sink them into their hand, and Elle had used to think when she was younger that it was hilarious to twitch her mouth a little. If Jonathan got fangs, he'd have to share her dentist.
THe sounds of eggs crashing into the windows startled Jonathan awake. He sat up, looked around for Elle and crawled over to the couch. Elle lifted him up and moved so that they could both lie there comfortably.
Not much was on TV tonight. Some silly Halloween movies. Elle decided they'd bore her from just their first appearance, one was black and white, one had a terrible actor, one had an entire cast of terrible actors, one would be bad for Spock to see...
"A real pain. I should be out with friends. I don't even know where they are at the moment... Luna has Caroline. Maybe I should contact her. Caroline is probably your age still, right?" Elle lifted her head to look down at Spock who stared back with his wide black eyes. He reached up to grab at her hair and to pull it into his mouth. "Who knows with genetically mixed babies? She could be an adult by now, for all I know. I wonder how aliens age. Are they faster or slower than us?"
He just continued to chew on the hair.
"Or if they grow teeth older. Or younger." Elle regarded the baby sitting on her stomach. She really didn't know anything about Spock or what to expect from his future. He'd been a baby for a long time. Elle was tired of nappies. She felt like maybe he was slower at growing than others, but then, maybe he was perfectly normal and time stretched out for the first part of a child's life? Elle knew that soon he'd be a toddler. And then she'd suddenly find out that she had to find a school for him. Elle was NOT going to home school. She'd teach him a bit, of course, or else she'd come home one day and find him in her magic books with no idea about how to use them. Elle liked the idea of him knowing a bit about magic, just in case, ignorant people casting spells could be a lot worse. Not just for himself, for the sake of the neighbours too...
The neighbours. They would be interesting in the future. Elle still got asked about the father, she still hadn't admitted that there wasn't one, and there was also the problem of the kids with Spock. Would they tease him? Be afraid of him? Probably a bit of both- he just needed a few good friends and the others wouldn't matter. Elle hadn't been taking him to work. She wondered if she should start. There were a lot of good kids there. Mixed blood kids, maybe not like Spock, but less likely to tease him than the mixed human breeds around her neighbourhood. And the GMFC would be a good place to go too. Elle really hadn't gone there for social things lately. It was into the doctor's clinic, out again, Spock got a few shots, a few blood tests (they were probably bursting with curiosity about his future too) and the general 'Looks good, keep it up!' encouragement for both her and Spock.
What, exactly, she was supposed to keep up, Elle wasn't really sure. She just followed her 'baby feeding chart', it instructed what types of foods and at what age, bought the appropriate babyfood, and fed Spock at the right times.
"Trick or treat!"
Elle pretended to have not heard them. Spock twitched his head in the direction of the door, his wings trembling a little on his back and his tail swishing gently, listening as the kids knocked and tried a few more times before they walked off.
"You'll do that next year." Elle told him lazily, reaching up to play with his soft brown hair. "Mum will freak out about it. But I'll let you do it next year anyway. Next year, I'll have found you a small army of friends, you might even be in school depending on how fast you grow, and you will get your own motorbike. Toy motorbike."
He was still looking at the door. No... the fridge. Or the door? Elle couldn't tell. She wasn't sure what went on in his head, just that it was a lot.
"I should probably put you to bed. Come on, Spock, you've got Mum's attentions in the morning and you'll need the rest." Elle carefully sat up, shifted Spock into her arms for carrying, and stood up. After a quick glance to the door, more eggs?!, Elle started up the stairs.
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Posted: Sat Nov 24, 2007 2:41 am
Dear Diary
Seeing as everything seems to be about Spock in my life I'll start with him and then get onto the other things as soon as I've written about him.
Mum is a nightmare. Who is an angel. Gah. I work, so she babysits... and while that's good, it's also a little annoying. If I wasn't so paranoid about how he'd be with other kids in daycare I'd probably tell her to stick to the times we originally agreed on. She nags me about his food, his clothes, his transport (you should have seen the look on her face when she saw him in the sidecar)... and I have the HUGE urge to just give up on this estate, these sheltered walls and head out into Gaia with just me and Spock. I'm tired of Mum trying to ...trying to...well, be there all the time! I want to go out into the world and figure it out for myself.
That was about Mum and not Spock, wasn't it. But it's true. This estate is good for people who choose to live here. It's well protected, the walls keep Gaia out and the world on the inside, we even have our own farm now. If we wanted, we could shut the doors on the outside world and survive in here quite well for a long time. Just like how Mum wants it.
I'd like to go out there. I work out there, I go to places out there, I spend all day there, and only recently did it seem like a bad place to be. With the Vampire/Human battle. That shook me up a bit. I never really let myself think about ... about... well, about that conflict. There's nothing like that in the estate. Most people here are here because they have some elf blood.
They all act like one big happy happy joy joy community and I'm a person with elf blood and some other blood, by chance, thrown in. Hooray! Let's have another frolic under the moonlit trees, followed by a meal of flowers and sundried fruits, and then get drunk on elven wine so that we can roll around in the dew-strewn grass like a bunch of horny teenagers. (Although... some of the males in the estate really -are- handsome. I'm sometimes tempted to go with them.) Then we can sing, and dance, and shun the outside world that we apparently left our own elf homes to be in.
I sort of feel attracted to that but I don't know them and I feel shy about it. How stupid is that? I can't believe I admitted it! Maybe that's the elf blood talking...? But it sort of repulses me too. I can't live like that all the time. Maybe on weekends... but not all the time. I can't believe I admitted that maybe I'd enjoy it. Urgh.
Anyway, what was I saying? Oh. The battle. There's no conflicts like that in here. I heard about it but you don't really think about it seriously till you experience it for yourself and I have had some close calls over the past month because of it. Its really stirred people up. I didn't want to tell anyone, it'd worry them, but it's true. There really are people out there that hate vampire-anything, hate it enough to want to stab it a few times over to make sure that it dies, and I think I'm lucky that I don't react to silver things and that I know a bit of healing. It'd be really hard to explain this to people in the clinic or to my Mum. 'I was out a few nights ago and got stabbed. Hehe! Heal me now, please.'
She'd have a heart attack and I'd never leave the estate again.
It wasn't as bad as it sounds. I was out at the movies one night, Mum wanted Spock for an Elf thing for the babies of the estate (good luck turning him into a pointy eared frolicer, mum!), and apparently they saw the reflection of the teeth when I laughed. There was a small group of them out there after, they must have been drinking a bit, and they tried to 'destroy' me with a sharp stabby bit of silver. Then they decided to go away, with a little suggestion on my part with some magic. ********, it hurt. Really. I still ache a bit, and it's been a week, but the healing spells seem to do something.
But that's what I mean, I mean that the battle thing has really gotten people stirred up. More than normal. They don't ask questions- just get violent pretty quick. I know it's only because they're afraid. I want to attack them back... but a nice horror spell does the trick just as well. It is VERY satisfying to send them fleeing with their faces contorted in fear, just from a spell, very satisfying. It'll wear off eventually.
I sort of miss the GMFC people. They aren't like that. Sometimes I think I'm not lonely, I do like having time alone, but sometimes I really miss them. But then... I know Luna's a soldier or something now, but I'd feel bad if she was there when those morons decided to 'vanquish' me. Or Damien. Or anyone. I'd feel bad if they were around me at the moment, with all the morons around, so maybe it's a good thing. I'm afraid enough for Spock alone in his bedroom!
Anyway, now that the battle apparently is over, things should calm down. There's a lot more vampires around now. My 'supplier' of blood is running a little low so those pills are great at the moment.
Still nothing about Spock! I said I'd write about him first, but oh well. Spock is doing great. Growing normally, I think, he's able to crawl now. He's inquisitive and so adorable and playful. A few days ago I found him under a self made pile of autumn leaves, so I've been outside for hours with him, raking piles, giving him great castles of leaves to play in. He hides in his castle and then attacks whatever moves past (normally my foot.) with a sort of crawl-pounce thing. Enid, (our Kreature), is teaching him well as far as stalking and hunting goes.
And now that he's a bit older I'm looking into getting a Gwee. I think I can get one- they're just not very cheap so it may take a while. I've also gotten some of those other things for him. A Fausto bottle (which I carry around) and a scaly egg. I don't know what'll come out of them but whatever it is, Spock won't be lonely.
He hasn't spoken any words that I understand but he speaks his own words. And we've been teaching him sign language for the past few months. It works so well! Spock tells us something, we don't understand, so he tries to tell us with his hands. Half the gestures he makes up, but he can make the hand gesture for food, hold, yes, no, drink and outside. And he points. I think he's clever... but that could just be me.
Summer was great with him! He hates the ocean but he loves rockpools. I got sunburnt daily because of him, we sat there for hours while he crawled around in rockpools, poking poor shells, splashing, paddling, he can already swim (with floaties) which I'm happy about. Swimming before walking! But I guess swimming is easier.
There's this great big rockpool down on the beach that's always warmed by the sun, like a bath but as large as a pool, and we often went down there to swim together in the water. He had the floating gear at first... but I decided to let him try swimming (with the floaties) when he apparently got the hang of kicking his legs so that he could move the floaty thing around the surface. And it took a few tries, but he got some sort of swimming going, his wings folded tightly and his tail on the surface. I only let him do it for a short time.
He's probably going to be better at swimming than me if he keeps it up. I can only doggy paddle. But now that summer's over he has to stick to the bath. It's getting too cold out there for the ocean.
Uh. Other things that Spock has done. He had his first hair trim. I did it, trimmed the hair over his eyes, just so that he can see better. But I didn't cut much off. And he's still a bit of a mystery as far as what happens later... but I like surprises.
So that's about it. Work, idiots, and Spock learning to swim while I turn bright red. And no summer romance for me! Maybe next summer.
Elle.
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Posted: Sun May 04, 2008 7:04 am
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Posted: Sun May 04, 2008 1:10 pm
Dear Diary
Letter from Luna! I was thinking about her. And apparently Caroline is older. That is so strange, diary, really strange. Caroline talking and walking while Spock's ...well, he's crawling and he can stand on his own now. Urgh. I don't know what to expect. Maybe I better talk with a doctor in the GMFC, we were just too content to sit around and wait. Spock might need a prod. Cattle prod. ...well, maybe a doctor prod.
Maybe I'm just not feeding him right.
Elle
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Posted: Sun Oct 19, 2008 1:52 pm
Dear Diary
So let me make this really clear...
Libraries are not sitting around reading. They are hands on, walking all the time, never sitting down, never getting to read hard work and I am exhausted.
Spock has been there the entire ride though. He talks his head off now, copies everyone, knows how to climb onto the coffee table and then the TV unit to reach the light switch, knows how to glide back down with his wings (and give me a heartattack!), knows where the sweets are kept...
And I swear, if we have to watch
He's not a baby anymore. Toddler is a better word for it. Probably even getting past that.
I need to be more social. Bleh. I think I'll take him out back to the clinic soon...
Elle
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Posted: Sun Feb 08, 2009 12:01 pm
Quote: Dear Diary So tired. No, really. Working all day, sometimes on the weekend, and then taking Spock here and there and everywhere, and then cooking for him, and cleaning (he's walking!) I feel like I've lost contact with everyone! Spock is walking now. Spock is talking. He's past the shy stage and is all charisma, quiet charisma but still... strangers don't bother him. I need to contact Luna... or someone. And I need to date! I need romance! Sex! I have to try sex! Elle.
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Posted: Sat Sep 18, 2010 11:11 pm
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