|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2006 1:07 pm
InternalHardDrive Once hatred and stuff builds up over a long period of time, when every action you make gets questioned, when people start putting you down, and when you start feeling like you can't do anything to change the situation, it starts to get to you. I'm not totally stable mentally due to RL stuff right now, and it's not helping me deal with this. *agrees*
Meo is half-tempted to go onto a long disccusion on something very personal, but she wants it white text'd, because she thinks it will make her feel better to write. But please, Meo asks that if you reply directly to it, please white text'd it as well, Meo is very weird when it comes to talking about this.
Alright. White Text wants to have Meo tell her story.
Take it back to 7th grade, a few years back. Meo had only recently joined Gaia. She found herself falling into a bit of depression, as she felt like she was always being hurt and her parents were always making her feel worse about it. She would sometimes be crying in her bed before sleeping, because she would be so bothered by what had happened. She began to feel simlar to what IHD said, like she couldn't change anything. And fast forward a few years, and the feelings return. 9th grade. Last year. Meo begins to feel worse and worse, and begans to *sighs* scratch her skin with saftey pins, and latter cutting herself. It made her feel better, if only for a little while. (Please do not bash me for this, I'm only telling the truth) Her mind began to lean against suiside, and she was trying to climb oout of the hole she had dug for herself. Soon enough, she began to find a way out, and stopped hurting herself. Meo is now one year past hurting herself, and is doing just well.
The reason Meo felt the need to share was it might prove as an example. I could find my way out, and just because it all seems like a big mess of things, the guild can as well. Just because the overwhelming feelings and mess ups can seem impossible to get out from underneath and live life like before, it's possible. Meo's done it. Even if it means nothing coming from me, a new person to the guild.
And please Do not bash me for what I mentioned. I did what I did, and I cannot change a thing.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2006 1:10 pm
heart
I seriously feel like I've been hit by a firetruck @__@ But im ok.
I dont know about Meru though sad We started feeling better and then we were finally calming down but then we were on skype because we were scared to leave each other for a minute but then she dropped but then she came back on and her skype was on away so I figured she had to be ok if she changed her skype status but then she didnt come back and then I went to bed...
cry Siamese was soo close to having a asthma attack and panic attack last night and I was so scared she would be really, really, really badly hurt. But then we got ok. But then she disappeared. But we were ok? So she CANT have an asthma attack and get hurt because we got ok. Right?
cry
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2006 1:12 pm
Chibi-Meower InternalHardDrive Once hatred and stuff builds up over a long period of time, when every action you make gets questioned, when people start putting you down, and when you start feeling like you can't do anything to change the situation, it starts to get to you. I'm not totally stable mentally due to RL stuff right now, and it's not helping me deal with this. *agrees*
Meo is half-tempted to go onto a long disccusion on something very personal, but she wants it white text'd, because she thinks it will make her feel better to write. But please, Meo asks that if you reply directly to it, please white text'd it as well, Meo is very weird when it comes to talking about this.
Alright. White Text wants to have Meo tell her story.
Take it back to 7th grade, a few years back. Meo had only recently joined Gaia. She found herself falling into a bit of depression, as she felt like she was always being hurt and her parents were always making her feel worse about it. She would sometimes be crying in her bed before sleeping, because she would be so bothered by what had happened. She began to feel simlar to what IHD said, like she couldn't change anything. And fast forward a few years, and the feelings return. 9th grade. Last year. Meo begins to feel worse and worse, and begans to *sighs* scratch her skin with saftey pins, and latter cutting herself. It made her feel better, if only for a little while. (Please do not bash me for this, I'm only telling the truth) Her mind began to lean against suiside, and she was trying to climb oout of the hole she had dug for herself. Soon enough, she began to find a way out, and stopped hurting herself. Meo is now one year past hurting herself, and is doing just well.
The reason Meo felt the need to share was it might prove as an example. I could find my way out, and just because it all seems like a big mess of things, the guild can as well. Just because the overwhelming feelings and mess ups can seem impossible to get out from underneath and live life like before, it's possible. Meo's done it. Even if it means nothing coming from me, a new person to the guild.
And please Do not bash me for what I mentioned. I did what I did, and I cannot change a thing. Aw...;-; heart I know what you mean. I've had an awful year. My grandmother's been bedridden since Feburary or so, and it broke my family apart...between that and some other things, I ended up in yet another deep depression, my parents aren't making anything better at ALL...I've had a couple nervous breakdowns, and I very nearly tried to kill myself. I practically DID, except I stopped it. I've had recurring thoughts of suicide whenever I get down, and it's really not fun. It's only recently that I've gotten better and more mentally stable, but it's not totally better yet. This is one of the big reasons why I can't handle this guild stuff right now. ^^;
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2006 1:12 pm
`Nymphie heart
I seriously feel like I've been hit by a firetruck @__@ But im ok.
I dont know about Meru though sad We started feeling better and then we were finally calming down but then we were on skype because we were scared to leave each other for a minute but then she dropped but then she came back on and her skype was on away so I figured she had to be ok if she changed her skype status but then she didnt come back and then I went to bed...
cry Siamese was soo close to having a asthma attack and panic attack last night and I was so scared she would be really, really, really badly hurt. But then we got ok. But then she disappeared. But we were ok? So she CANT have an asthma attack and get hurt because we got ok. Right?
cry ;-; heart Happy thoughts happy thoughts, yus?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2006 1:15 pm
`Nymphie heart
I seriously feel like I've been hit by a firetruck @__@ But im ok.
I dont know about Meru though sad We started feeling better and then we were finally calming down but then we were on skype because we were scared to leave each other for a minute but then she dropped but then she came back on and her skype was on away so I figured she had to be ok if she changed her skype status but then she didnt come back and then I went to bed...
cry Siamese was soo close to having a asthma attack and panic attack last night and I was so scared she would be really, really, really badly hurt. But then we got ok. But then she disappeared. But we were ok? So she CANT have an asthma attack and get hurt because we got ok. Right?
cry ._. *hugs real good* We love you, Nymmie, and it's all gonna be okay.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2006 1:20 pm
`Nymphie heart
I seriously feel like I've been hit by a firetruck @__@ But im ok.
I dont know about Meru though sad We started feeling better and then we were finally calming down but then we were on skype because we were scared to leave each other for a minute but then she dropped but then she came back on and her skype was on away so I figured she had to be ok if she changed her skype status but then she didnt come back and then I went to bed...
cry Siamese was soo close to having a asthma attack and panic attack last night and I was so scared she would be really, really, really badly hurt. But then we got ok. But then she disappeared. But we were ok? So she CANT have an asthma attack and get hurt because we got ok. Right?
cry ^^ Glad to hear you're doing better. I hope Meru is just resting or doing something that's keeping her busy meaning that she's ok since she would be able to do those things. Things should hopefully get better now.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2006 1:27 pm
... I wish people would get their heads out of their... the sand already. (YES I CENSORED THAT, SUE ME FOR IT!) This was not a one-night problem, I don't care if they were asleep last night, last night was the death blow, but there are masses of small cuts and bruises from the past few months since the VCs first tried to make a useful decision.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2006 1:38 pm
Padme Potter of Hobbiton I really have to say matter how much I don't always like Dukes, and no matter how often I disagree with the things he does, I have nothing but complete respect for him right now. You guys. Because of you, Meru and Nymphie had serious mental and physical healt problems lasting THREE HOURS. You directly caused two people to have a breakdown. What if Nymphie's arm didn't get better and she had to go to the ER? Or- what if she HAD taken a shower but because he legs weren't working, banged her head and fell onconcious. In the shower. She lives alone. She could have drowned. What if Meru couldn't have found her inhaler and had an asthma attack? They both could have been hospitalized because of what you all said. AND you all seriously ******** worried Dukes, myself, and a few others. That isn't a game. That's serious s**t. It's s**t that deserves you to be yelled at. In real life if you caused someone to have a breakdown, people wouldn't be like "Oh whatever, just don't try to be that harsh again." In real life you'd get yelled at by everyones parents and all the friends who you worried. And then when you come in here and ******** flame the person who's yelling at you. DID YOU NOT ALREADY SEE WHAT FLAMING PEOPLE WHO ARE TRYING TO HELP CAN DO? OR IS IT THAT YOU DONT FEEL BAD FOR WHAT YOU DID AND ARENT SORRY FOR SAYING A THING YOU DID? OR MAYBE THAT BECAUSE DUKES HAS DONE THINGS YOU DONT LIKE OR AGREE WITH IN THE PAST, YOU ARENT GOING TO TAKE HIM SERIOUSLY NOW. If it's any of those, I can assure you, from the bottom of my heart, that I really really ******** hate you. Agreed. I sent pms to Nymmie and Meru a little bit ago, apologizing and stuff, I feel so bad. 'Specially since, when they were all made into VCs at first, I was real rude about it. Granted, I apologized, and that was the last time I was rude to them (I hope). And Dukes, I know you said 'if you were online, you should've posted and helped them out' and all, but I didn't know what the hell was going on. This past week, I've been soooo busy that I hardly have any time to post in the Sniped D, nonetheless get involved in any drama. I feel sooo bad about this all, because I've been through virtually the same thing before... About two years ago, when I was still pretty new on Gaia, I was a semi-prommie in the GD (back when that was east to get), and got invited to a guild. That guild was like...woahz for me. I had so much fun there...But eventually, I realized that the people there were just downright mean when it came to drama at times. I had three friends who quit just because one of them hid the fact that they were actually a girl with a guys avatar (a tomboy, so it was easy to hide her gender), and the others were friends. So I left for a bit, came back after a bit, and was modded. About a year ago now, I had been pretty much a Gaia-recluse. Sure, I logged on every day, but I didn't post in any of the guilds I was in or anything. So, one day, I went back and was all 'I'm back guys! <33 you miss me?' and they all just started attacking me, being jerks about the choices I made, when finally I'd had enough of the personal attacks and had a break down. I just sat in my room and cried, eventually hyperventilating, before I calmed myself down, quit the guild, and pmed the captain telling him that thanks to him and the people who were VCs and mods and who shouldn't have been, I'd had a nervous breakdown and he'd just lost one of the best mods he'd ever have. So like, that's why I feel so bad for them. ;-; For ALL of the ex-VCs, really. My love to them. D:
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2006 1:53 pm
...I reiterate that this was not a one-night thing.
And Nymphie and I have figured out why nobody else seems as angry as I am over this situation, so I shall tell you guys something.
Padme's estimate of three hours is conservative, they were upset for something much more like SEVEN HOURS. And guess what, I was sitting there, talking to them, supporting them via IM as best I could. Observing how insensitive people and people too scared of public opinion to stand up for the VCs had destroyed their happiness. I know Meru and I have had our differences, but both she and Nymphie are GOOD PEOPLE, and nobody here came to bat for them. So I apologize to anyone who thinks I overreacted, but YOU weren't sitting taking to them until nearly SIX AM while they broke down and cracked. I watched two people I respect fall apart under the combined stress of being told by seemingly everyone that they are s**t, and all that they did was s**t, and having nobody come to bat for them.
I know that not everyone treated them like that, but guess how it looked with everyone visibly nay-saying them and nobody coming out to support them. 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2006 9:48 pm
I could've been here to stop all the hate... I guess its my fault this time... If I hadn't been taking another break, I could've defended Nymmie and Meru... I'm useless and pathetic... Can I go die in a hole after someone fills me in? emo
|
|
|
|
|
|
IntermittentShiningLights
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 7:28 am
Turtle_Devil I could've been here to stop all the hate... I guess its my fault this time... If I hadn't been taking another break, I could've defended Nymmie and Meru... I'm useless and pathetic... Can I go die in a hole after someone fills me in? emo
Basic idea of everything was that Meru made a thread saying Zen didn't win fair and square, the game rules weren't fair, Zen shouldn't be looked up to as a winner, blahblahblah, and Monkey came in and backed up Meru. Flaming spread like wildfire, and it grew into more and more threads pissed off at the VCs in general. VCs didn't like it, quit, went HAPPYHAPPY biggrin DDDDD and then they got really sick and shaky supposedly, and here we are.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 3:29 pm
Bullet Rift Turtle_Devil I could've been here to stop all the hate... I guess its my fault this time... If I hadn't been taking another break, I could've defended Nymmie and Meru... I'm useless and pathetic... Can I go die in a hole after someone fills me in? emo
Basic idea of everything was that Meru made a thread saying Zen didn't win fair and square, the game rules weren't fair, Zen shouldn't be looked up to as a winner, blahblahblah, and Monkey came in and backed up Meru. Flaming spread like wildfire, and it grew into more and more threads pissed off at the VCs in general. VCs didn't like it, quit, went HAPPYHAPPY biggrin DDDDD and then they got really sick and shaky supposedly, and here we are.It wasn't "supposedly," it really happened. It started happening to me, too, so if you call them liars, you're calling me a liar, too. And this is starting to offend me. I don't have to prove to ANYONE that I've ended up having yet another nervous breakdown over this/RL stuff. I don't have to prove to ANYONE that I've had several anxiety attacks since then, and I don't have to prove to ANYONE that I'm struggling to get a handle on myself again...and that all the emotional pressure has managed to weaken my immune system, so I've ended up with a bad cold or whatever it is. Maybe the flu. They don't have to prove it, either. I've talked to them, they're telling the truth. Don't call them liars. Unless you're saying I'm lying, too. If you really INSIST that I'm lying, then maybe I could get the friend I've talked to for the last two nights while trying not to have a really bad anxiety attack. Two nights ago, I really worried him. He said I sounded like I was in pain. He was telling me to go sit next to my dad or tell him what was happening to me in case I went into shock. Last night, he was worried that I might, in fact, kill myself. And he made me promise that I wouldn't. What is happening is REAL, whether you choose to believe it or not.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 2:08 pm
InternalHardDrive Bullet Rift Turtle_Devil I could've been here to stop all the hate... I guess its my fault this time... If I hadn't been taking another break, I could've defended Nymmie and Meru... I'm useless and pathetic... Can I go die in a hole after someone fills me in? emo
Basic idea of everything was that Meru made a thread saying Zen didn't win fair and square, the game rules weren't fair, Zen shouldn't be looked up to as a winner, blahblahblah, and Monkey came in and backed up Meru. Flaming spread like wildfire, and it grew into more and more threads pissed off at the VCs in general. VCs didn't like it, quit, went HAPPYHAPPY biggrin DDDDD and then they got really sick and shaky supposedly, and here we are.It wasn't "supposedly," it really happened. It started happening to me, too, so if you call them liars, you're calling me a liar, too. And this is starting to offend me. I don't have to prove to ANYONE that I've ended up having yet another nervous breakdown over this/RL stuff. I don't have to prove to ANYONE that I've had several anxiety attacks since then, and I don't have to prove to ANYONE that I'm struggling to get a handle on myself again...and that all the emotional pressure has managed to weaken my immune system, so I've ended up with a bad cold or whatever it is. Maybe the flu. They don't have to prove it, either. I've talked to them, they're telling the truth. Don't call them liars. Unless you're saying I'm lying, too. If you really INSIST that I'm lying, then maybe I could get the friend I've talked to for the last two nights while trying not to have a really bad anxiety attack. Two nights ago, I really worried him. He said I sounded like I was in pain. He was telling me to go sit next to my dad or tell him what was happening to me in case I went into shock. Last night, he was worried that I might, in fact, kill myself. And he made me promise that I wouldn't. What is happening is REAL, whether you choose to believe it or not.  -snugs IHD-
Don't let them get to you.
They can beleve what they wana. The trouth is out there.
Its there falt if they don't want to lission.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
