Welcome to Gaia! ::

Family is really the only people you can rely on in tough times, they're stickier than friends and a bajillion times stickier than boy/girlfriends. By stickier I mean the stick by/stick to like glue thing. XD

And that's exactly why I don't agree with the death penatly, well other than I think it's wrong to take lives at all whether or not the guilty person was a mass murder/evil. I mean a death penatly for G.B.I. that wasn't premediated, and brought on by great emotion turmoil, seems just plain ridiculous. Man, legal stuff takes so long to get done with. ^^;What do you mean by prison material? I don't really understand XD.

yes you understand completely.......ever since i came back from court i have felt on edge and panicky......like i could have another panic attack at any moment. it's like i had prepared myself to go in THAT DAY and this was such a shock. now it's all in emily's hands.......whether she thinks i deserve 4 years or the 90 day evaluation thing. i will be seeing my regular doctor this coming week to get some better meds for the anxiety.....



thanks mojo! heart



i also agree.....whether the person was a murderer or not NOBODY deserves to die. whether they were the victim or the victimizer. and 2 wrongs just don't make it right.

what i meant by "prison material" is this.........before i went to my sentencing i had to meet with a probation officer. they compiled a report about my case by talking to me, my dad, and reading tons of letters i submitted from family and friends. when we got to court on friday (expecting to go in for the 4 year deal) my lawyer pulled me outside and told me that probation didn't agree with the 4 year deal. they recommended....ummm a 3390 i think it's called? some weird legal code......anyway what that is, is i go to the prison for up to 90 days, they interview me, have me meet with a psyche and review my case to determine whether or not i am "prison material" or if i am the type of person who could survive prison. if they don't think i am, then i will get sent out and put on probation instead.

the problem is, we already took a deal with the DA for 4 years. unless the DA agrees to the evaluation thing, the judge won't reject the deal we took. so my lawyer went and talked to the DA before our case was called and he said "no way 4 years is a GOOD deal" so he's not backing down. so at this point....the judge COULD reject the deal if he really felt strongly.....but it wasn't likely.

so we call our case up and i go up there all crying my eyes out because i'm thinking i'm going in. and the judge decides he wants to have some proof of what emily (the victim) wants. the DA had brought up a letter he had from her stating she wanted the death penalty, but that letter wasn't in probation's report. (which any comments from the victim SHOULD have been in that report, as the probation officer was supposed to contact all sides as a mediator.) so the judge granted a continuance, and during this time we are supposed to get in contact with emily and see how she feels now.

so it's basically all up to her.....if she tells the DA she thinks 4 years is too severe, and can calm him down.....then maybe the judge will reject our 4 year deal and give me the opportunity to be evaluated. oh and BTW...if they evaluate me and decide i AM prison material then i get the 4 years. just like that. but if meeting with the probation officer convinced HER that i didn't need prison.......then i think meeting with anyone will. we had even asked her at the time if there was anything she could do about my sentencing and she said "only if she felt VERY strongly against it could she do anything about it". so apparently she felt strongly enough to say something........



ohhh thank u so much for thinking about me like that......i do have a friend that will be logging into my accounts for me though. razz but thank you for the offer!

okay well.....i hope that long a** post has been intelligible.......my ativan is starting to kick in and i'm having a hard time knowing if what i'm typing is easy to understand.........anyway let me know if u understand it now issie.....or if u have any other questions.....

xd You are so silly 4laugh



Exactly, emotions are running high during the fight, it wasn't planned; and you didn't kill her. Basically the death penalty is for premeditated murders or mass murder or other brutal crimes. Her asking for that is just a bad joke, and wastes everybody's time.


I'm glad to hear that your family is behind you. I'm glad to hear you have good family bonds and people who will fight for you, aswell as put up money for you. 3nodding

it is very hard to understand if you weren't there. and its embarrassing and hard for me to explain it over and over again to people who have no clue. all i can say, is this happened over 2 years ago and she has recovered but i am still suffering terribly.......it has been a constant, ongoing battle these past 2 years...........and now it's being drawn out EVEN more........i just ******** hope that this last continuance was not for nothing. i was ready to go in then and there on friday. it must mean something if probation thought i didn't deserve 4 years.......it's just going to suck if after all this they just put me in for the 4 years......

::huggles tightly:: I'm so sorry all this s**t is happening to you, panic attacks are so scary, i have them all the time aspecialy when i'm forced to get up and talk infront of people and i make a mistake. yea 4 years was so not fair to you, gah the victum wanted the death penelty.. and all you did was like stab her??? ok i don't know the whole story but i'm guessing she lived and is ok now, death penelty and 4 years in prison is so not fair ::huggles:: i should give your avi something nice to wear, I don't know how pixels could make you fell better but oh well, i can try ::huggles again:: you should treat yourself to a ben and jerry's ice cream cup thingie from a gas station

I'm so on your side ::crosses fingers on you getting out sooner::

i hope everything works out for the best!!!!!

also, because when it first happened....it was after i had eaten dinner, and i thought i was having a heart attack from eating too much greasy/fastfood/bad for u food...........i feel very scared to eat any sort of greasy or bad for u food. just trying to eat a hamburger or something freaks me out so much. i know its not a heart attack now, but i feel subconciously i am conditioned to fear eating these types of foods.......

do you have anything like this emilie? any situation that u try to avoid because u are scared u will have a panic attack........and how do u get through it and the panic attacks in general?

AWWWWWW!!!!!! Thank you so much liz!! I'm really glad you took the time to read the whole thing........it's such a long story and it's hard for me to tell it over and over again. it's also hard for me to tell it to new friends.......it's exposing myself and making me vulnerable. it's scary every time i tell a new person i meet. and it's not like i can't tell them because everything winds down to it......."so are you going to school?" (no because i haven't known when i was going to go in)....."what do you do all day?" (sit at my computer and count down the time till i go in)........."why are you not looking for love?" (because it's not a priority and it's the last thing on my mind........it's hard enough to make regular FRIENDS let alone a BOYfriend).........so it's hard for me to open up to new people for fear of their reactions. And i really am very very lucky to have everyone behind me like this. i love everyone in this guild and all my friends on gaia and i took a risk in telling them (and you liz wink )and it just proved that they are true friends. heart