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Wow you guys, I love all of you...and I'm sorry you're having a rought time. Cory, y'know if ya need a friend, I'll soon be just blocks away! domokun Or maybe you should hide...

Anyways, I also feel I should explain my absence in full...not a good excuse compared to the life issues others are having, but still feel like I should explain

Starting last semester (Spring semester of 2007) I could tell my grades were horrible and I couldn't bring them up. I couldn't consentrate in classes and I just couldn't make myself do the homework. No motivation. I wouldn't even study for my favorite classes. My favorite class was Public Speaking...until March when my boyfriend broke up with me, I sat next to him in that class and it was the only one I could pay attention in because he motivated me a little. Well when we broke up that grade started to slip too because I was too nervous to go up in front of the class and him to talk to them. I have self image problems, I know that.

Well the semester passed without too much trouble, got charged two hundred bucks for holes in my wall, stupid RA. And failed two classes, sadly. Well as anyone would guess, my parents were pissed that their money was wasted on failing grades, so I began working the late shifts at work and coming home around one. And then a few weeks later I stopped coming home at all, stayed at friends apartments. Started dating a guy that I worked with. Made some mistakes. Broke up with the guy. I'd known him for three years and it just didnt work out. But we decided to still be friends because during the week we were dating we went to a funeral of one of our coworkers. It was very sad because I had seen her just like six hours before she died.

Well we all hung out and I still wasn't going home. I'd tell myself everyday "I'll go home today" but I was having too much fun, and didn't wanna face the wrath of my parents, especially my step dad. So I stayed out. I made friends, and went to have parties at the exboyfriends house, where I met his younger brother, Jeremy (cue VU character Jyrmee, lol) well, Jeremy was 17 at the time, and I was 19...and at first we despised eachother. We wouldn't talk to eachother and wouldn't even look at eachother. but soon we began talking and hanging out and we went with a group of coworkers, the exboyfriend, and Jeremy to laser tag and thats when we clicked, y'know. Well anyways.

We started dating, and he made me go home and face my parents. That wasn't pretty and my parents and I haven't gotten along well since. and then soon after I had to go to college. Well living three hours apart isn't life crashing but it's kinda hard when we were used to seeing eachother everyday. I was stressed because I knew if I messed up this semester it'd be my last one, but I messed it up, failing three classes, and miraculously passing one I never went to. Well while I was on campus my computer and life problems didn't do well. My laptop decided to explode on my lap one day, like literally started smoking, piece of crap. And I started going to the computer labs. Until one day I started noticing this guy that was always in the computer labs at the same time as me. Then he was at the cafeteria, then at the Grocery Store, and then in my dorm hallway, that was the last straw. I got his license plate number and went to the campus police. They told me to go to class and to my dorm for the rest of the semester, no more computer lab...so that was the end of my computer days.

Now I'm home, fighting with my parents constantly and trying myhardest to get an apartment and get out of here. I'm not going back to college because I can't afford it now, and I'm working at WalMart now. Forgot to mention up there, I got fired at the end of the summer because I was framed for stealing. Yeah, life kicked my a** last year.

SO I'm planning on this year being better for me, and I don't really have one reason for being gone, and I don't really have a point to this forever long post, just thought someone would like to know

Jezz, my heart broke when I read that. I'm happy and proud of you for putting up with it all. Some people I know would just collapse under the pressure, but you've survived.
And don't worry about the long post, it's understandable. Sometimes, when you're about to crack or are under a lot of pressure, it really helps to tell someone.
I can totally relate to some of the things you're feeling. At the last six months of last year (2007), I totally abandoned school work. Quite literally. I just couldn't be bothered doing work or my tutoring or just about anything. At the start, I though I was just procrastinating, but recently I realised that I had seriously crossed the line.
As for the lack of motivation, that was the event that started my procrastinating. I honestly felt like crap, and for no apparent reason. I guess that I just had so much expectations from my mother and family. My father looks at me at the same level as s**t, and was verbally abusing me every chance he got, since he couldn't hit me any more. I really wanted my mum to step up for me, but when I was little, he totally tormented her life. I remember falling asleep by her crys at night. The thing is, once their marriage started, my father thought of my mother like a stick. You can kick it, hit, break it, basically do whatever you want to it, simply because you know that no matter how hard it tried, the stick would never be able to fight back.
Once my mother finally mustered enough courage to call the divorce, she was so weak, like a broken feather.
I realised that she'd worked so hard for me; went back to med school, got me a tutor, toke me to all these places hoping to lighten my mood, basically she did a lot.
But with that came a heck of a lot of expectation. Being born in a successful Indian family as the eldest child on my mother's side, I was expected to shine at everything I did. And I do, but sometimes I feel as if it's not enough. Whatever I do is never enough. I could save the earth from ultimate destruction and my grandparents would still complain.
I soon realised that all they really wanted was for me to be strong, unlike my mother (bless her). They want me to be successful and happy, and never put in a situation like that again. Here, I also realised that my father really hurt my mother and her relatives. He rode on our coat tails, literally, and now we're a fraction of what we once were.

Omigosh... Sorry to go on like that. I was supposed to reassure you, not give you my own burden sweatdrop .

But anyway; just remember that every cloud has a silver lining. In my case, after the treatment I got from my father, I'm as tough as a rock and and often descibed as a rose by my uncles. "Don't touch me; I have thorns!"

Jezz, you really can't believe how proud I am of you for putting up with all of that for the last year. You really can't. As for you're boyfriend; let him do as he wants. I can just tell that you're a great person and he obviously doesn't know what he's missing out on. Since I haven't met your parents, I'll just say that they'll have to understand that you can't fulfill thier expectations of you, and except you for who you really are. A lovely young woman. That is very important.
And don't worry about your image. The only person that you need to impress is youself. Other people have no right to judge your image. Don't judge an book by it's cover. Inside it's filled with life and dreams and a whole world of it's own. That's all I have to say biggrin

It's not over yet, IK, keep trekking on. Have you ever tried talking to you mom about you classes? I know that can be difficult, so if you don't want to talk to a parent try talking to a teacher you trust, your councelor, or someone you know is looking out for you. I garuntee you your teachers or your mom doesn't want to see you fail, none of us want to see you fail either!

It can be difficult finding an impetus to get out of class work done. I know I had a lot of depression issues during middleschool and as soon as I got better I still wouldn't do my school work because I had no motivation. My teachers were going to put me in special ed classes and I decided that I wanted better for myself because I knew I could achieve better than what I was. It's never too late to pull yourself out of habits that are damaging your grades and effectiveness in school.

Sometimes you just have to find what works for you and what makes you happy and more dedicated. I know someone mighyt say, "What homework makes a kid happy? That's ridiculous," but you have to think about what you get out of it in the long run. It's all perspective.

You may feel like your in over your head now, but if you continue to seek help and devote yourself to at least trying you'll get better and get back on track, you get what you give. It's very good that you want to get back on track and I admire you for doing so. So many people I've known have just given up.

*points out he himself is in the lazy bucket as well...well...kind of sitting on the edge of the lazy bucket* Yup. I'm kinda lazy. But, since I'm half lazy, have motivated to get into a good college, I kinda know both sides of the issue. Though I don't know laziness to that extent, or motivatedness to the extent of taking all AP, I know a little of both.

On the side of Laziness...yeah. Sometimes I jus can't get started, and/or put it off until it's too late. But eventually, you jus gotta say "Screw it, I'm gonna at least get a start." And hopefully, once you get a start, you build up a little momentum, and can keep going, though it's not guaranteed. Sometimes you'll get that start, and roll through till the end. Sometimes you'll get a start and then leave off there for another bit of work later. But Starting is prolly the biggest thing for most people... (Though for me, keeping going through repetition is the hardest.)

On the side of motivation...well...it's basically the same concept. Gotta get that start. It's jus the "motivated" people seem to be more used to getting it.

Though I'd like to note...I could easily be wrong in your case. I know how different it can be for different people.

Finally, I'll jus let you know, I'm a special ed kid, and I take AP. Not saying you should take AP, especially if you're not up to it. What I AM trying to say is "Yeah, Laziness is hard to get over, but keep trying. Eventually you'll be able to pull out enough."


And Sou's got a MAJOR point. VERY, VERY few teachers want to fail kids. Most are much happier watching them pass, and if a kid shows any sort of want to do better, they'll almost definitely help. *nodnod*

First off, I know this problem is...NOTHING compared to all the others being discussed here...but I need a little help.

Alright, I've already got one opinion on this, but besides that, I have never shared this with anyone.

So basically, I've been feeling lonely on and off, ever since...about a month or two after I got over Pocky. Now...this wouldn't be so bad...as in, I'm not so incredibly lonely it's hard to bear, in fact, it's quite the opposite, I'd have no problems... If I didn't have a girl I liked.

This girl...she's pretty, funny, and smart. She's into Japanese language and culture almost as much as me, including anime/manga. She's even a gamer, at least, to an extent. And I do really like her...

But there are a couple issues...
A) I'm not sure she's even interested in dating...
B) I REALLY don't want to screw up the friendship if she says no
and C) She hasn't decided on a college...beaning even if she says yes, it may last less than 6 months.

I almsot asked her out today, but she was feeling sick, and I figured it would be better not to bother her...

What do you guys think? Should i ask her out?

Hmmm...Alright... The thing is It's not like we're really good friends...I mean we're friends, but we don't really hang out outside of school. Thanks though.