|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Tue Dec 29, 2020 7:05 pm
“I… it’s just an expression Jace. I was trying to be clever.” He shook his head. “I didn’t mean invite Q over, I am selfishly hoarding this time to myself if you’re ok with that! Not that I mind Q at all. I k…know you like her too, and stuff. But this is my time with you….and I mean to enjoy it.” It was probably not deliberate snuggling, but he was going to take what he could get and he was going to enjoy it gosh darn it. Because how often did you have such a cute person to crush on? Really, it was just a harmless crush… he could keep telling himself that at least. It wasn’t even like it was new. They’d probably have to talk about it eventually, but not yet. He thought for a moment and then offered his partially drunk coco. “You drank yours so fast, do you want to share?”
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Dec 29, 2020 7:43 pm
Trying to be clever? Holden didn't have to try, Jace had always know how crafty and witty he could be, when he wanted to.
As he moved closer, leaning back against the pillows and drawing the blankets up a bit more around them, he looked at the cocoa. A part of him said no, decline. Give it to Holden, who would enjoy it more. Jace didn't even like sweet things, and he'd already had so much today. But, Holden was offering, and he found that he missed the warmth he'd had when his arm had been wrapped around him.
It was a good excuse to get close again, to sap that body heat--or, maybe, share it.
"Maybe just a sip. If you're really willing to share." He leaned close, almost bumping his temple against Holden's as he looked into the cup. "Or are you just trying to get rid of it so you don't have to hold it anymore?"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Dec 29, 2020 8:08 pm
“No!… I can hold it one-handed, but then I have to put my other hand …somewhere, to stay warm.” He said ‘diplomatically. “If I wanted to keep using both Hands I’d have to like… sit in your lap.” He pulled it back and stuck out his tongue. “So if you want it, you may have some, but if you don’t I’ll finish it, and you can tell me if I have marshmallow on MY lip.” His cheeks were so warm, but Jace felt the good sort of warm, the kind he just wanted to stay there with. Someday, he hoped… Someday they could do this without fear of… Of well, retribution or shame. If Jace wanted.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Dec 30, 2020 5:47 am
Oh, that was one way to get warm. And it made sense. Holden had fallen backwards into it. He probably still hadn't thawed, and Jace's clothes were dry, but were they warm? Had they done anything to help?
...Or was this about the scary movie? Was Holden really so prepared to be afraid that he wanted to know someone really had his back?
He was surprised, at least distantly, that in all the time he'd been gone--exclusively with his brother--that he hadn't picked up more of Callan's traits. Whenever Jace spent too much time with Xander, he found himself mimicking some of his brother's antics.
Xander was so annoying that he had to make Jace annoying too.
...But Xander wasn't here. No one was here.
No one would have to know that he wasn't scoffing at Holden, teasing him for being so scared, nagging at him to take better care of himself.
Jace could keep a secret or two.
"You're red," he noted. "I don't want you getting sick, your brother will kill me. So, we should warm you up. The pizza won't be too long, so I guess we have to do this fast." He crossed his legs and drew the blanket up, taking Holden's mug from him and holding it off to the side so it wouldn't spill. "Hurry up. I'm giving up blanket warmth for this."
And he knew Holden would be cold. Knew it. So, he braced himself for it, thinking that must be why his heart was beating so erratically, and waited for the cold.
So he could warm Holden up. And keep him safe.
That wasn't weird.
He was just being a good friend, after all. And Jace knew he was ornery and cantankerous and hard to be around.
Who could blame him if he knew he had to try a little harder to keep someone as good and wholesome as Holden around?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Dec 30, 2020 11:33 am
If his face could have somehow gotten redder, it would have. He didn’t argue, couldn’t have formed words to say he was kidding if he’d tried. Was it flirting? or was it just kindness? he wasn’t sure, but he tucked in, curling against the taller, warm body with his own heart hammering so hard in his chest he thought surely, that it would soon be visible lone one of those old cartoon paramours. “Thank you.” He said quietly, hesitant before leaning back like maybe he could feel how Jace was feeling by the press of ribs to his back. “It’s sweet.” He added. “Your sweet…I mean, It’s ok to be that too… sugar can be quite…hard. Oh gosh.”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Dec 30, 2020 12:04 pm
"What's hard?" he asked defensively, as if scandalized by some insinuation. He scowled and almost drew away. Instead, he took a split second to collect himself and then readjusted, shifting positions carefully, trying to make sure he wasn't jamming any bones into him. He wasn't. He knew he wasn't. "If you don't like it, you can move," he huffed, but he was already moving his arms to be more comfortable, wrapping them loosely around Holden's waist. It seemed like he had some purpose for it, at least; he moved the mug back into Holden's hands, and once it was firmly between the two of them, he put his hands atop of Holden's.
Sandwiched between the warmth of the cocoa and the warmth of Jace's hands, there was no way Holden could complain about being cold.
He rested his chin on Holden's shoulder, because where else was he supposed to put it?
Jace wasn't used to this closeness, but he liked this warmth. It was comfortable, and didn't feel any different than sharing a bed with Xander. He wasn't afraid to breathe, at least.
There was a faint tickle in the back of his nose but it was fleeting, and the tension that suddenly built up with the thought left easily now that he wasn't afraid of blowing cold snowflakes into Holden's neck.
He relaxed a bit more, drawing up the blanket with one hand before returning it to rest over Holden's.
Jace was tense with uncertainty, but there was something easy about this, something that let him ease into being relaxed the longer he held the position. It was better than stooping over his computer, and he didn't have to worry about Holden seeing the lingering red on his cheeks when they were in this position.
And, Holden was warm. Warm, and inviting, and soft.
...And if he pretended like Holden was a pillow, there was no way he could be embarrassed about anything.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Dec 30, 2020 12:11 pm
‘Sugar! They use it in scrubs! You’re very comfortable.” He assured Jace, still feeling like surely if he could blush any harder he would probably just turn into a blush. No more Holden, just a walking warm glow of flustered red. He felt hands settle around his waist, a chin at his shoulder…so he leaned his head gently back against Jace’s so his hair wouldn’t tickle, and so he’d be comfortable in turn. His hands… well… He gently rested them, and the mug just in front of Jace’s own, not holding but maybe encouraging these small moments he hoped. “If…you’re uncomfortable let me know, and I’ll move.” He added. “But you’re very comfortable, I promise,” he murmured.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Dec 30, 2020 12:55 pm
Jace was quiet for a few seconds before he uttered a low grumble and seemed to completely settle. "...No. I'm good," he said, and meant it.
"...Sort of wish I'd waited to get so comfortable, though. I'm not going to want to get up to get the pizza."
No, he sort of wanted to stay like this forever.
He was ambitious. He was going to be the best of the best, by someone else's standards more than his own. He had work to do, work he should be poring over. He could have been trying to cram more information, trying to do something surprising to win over his mother, something surprising, to win over his father.
He liked working, and pushing himself. He liked the challenge. When it was on his own terms. What he'd been doing to himself for years now was pushing and pushing and pushing, and more often than not he was one page turn away from burnout.
Little things like this were cherished, though he wouldn't admit it.
Such complete breaks from the norm that he could forget about working himself half to death were rare, and even if it felt wrong, if he could hear his mother's voice nagging at him to go study, to go work, to go do this or that, he melted into it. He settled against Holden almost immediately, deflating against him, relaxing against him.
No one was here to see. Even Holden couldn't see, not really.
Most of his social outings were carefully curated by his mother to tailor the perfect image--a persona he had maintained since she started parading him around as her little protégé.
This, now, was a side of himself that shouldn't exist. Too soft, too complacent, too gentle. This was the side his mother wanted to carve out and make room for all the fierceness, all the belligerence, all the fight she demanded he have in the courtroom.
She would push the persona until it enveloped every facet of him, and he was embrace it because that's what she wanted.
Except for now, because this was too nice to give up.
Yet.
He leaned his temple against Holden's and groped for the remote, trying to press play so he had an excuse to stop thinking and just relax. To just enjoy this warmth.
Except, he wasn't very good at relaxing and taking it easy, because he had to say something stupid or weird any time he got too comfortable. Like, "Your hair smells nice."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Dec 30, 2020 2:11 pm
“We can do this again.” He offered quietly. it seemed like that was something important for Jace to know. That this was an option that was open to him for lack of a better word. “And, I can get the pizza, it’s easier for me to settle back in, and we can just … kinda eat this way.” He offered. “That way we all stay warm and have tasty food…. and um…also you, you smell good too. He wanted very much to cradle the soft piece of Jace in his hands like a wild bird. A thrush if he had to be honest, dangerous when it needed to be, but not all the way hard either. Not a person made of flint and sharp edges. There was something precious and fluttering in him, caged by those sharp corners. Things he couldn’t say because somehow it seemed like it would make it back to Jace’s mother, and she’d drag that small feathery softness out of him by its pinfeathers.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Dec 30, 2020 2:43 pm
He needed little time to consider the suggestion and nodded. "Yeah, all right. If mom keeps getting cases like this, maybe we'll even have a chance to, I don't know. Finish this whole show. If we time it right."
Or start new shows, even.
"...But, yeah. All right. You can get the pizza. And then you can come back. But if you're going to be sitting in my lap, you might have to feed it to me. I'd feel bad if I dripped sauce or crumbs on your--well--my sweater. On second though, no. I'll do it myself. I don't want a mess in my bed and that's just asking for trouble. I like to keep it clean."
They'd have to do some gymnastics if he were going to feed himself. He'd probably have to wrap one arm around Holden, across his chest, just to get the food up into his mouth.
It'd be weird.
Almost even like a hug.
His heart was pounding again, in that strange way that he thought he'd gotten past already. In that way where he couldn't figure out if it was good or bad, but he wanted it anyway.
He cleared his throat. "I want to try your cocoa, now."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Dec 30, 2020 6:17 pm
“Finishing a whole show sounds like a really good goal,” Holden said with a small smile. “Lord knows I’ll be sad when you’re this busy, but when you have downtime I’ll see about finding other shows we can both enjoy.” Holden considered the food dilemma quite seriously.
What if… I… hmm... I could sit sideways, then we’re not breaching the warmth of the blanket tent, and neither of us lacks the space to eat. I don’t know… maybe that’s foolish…” He was sad at the idea of having to move from this very nice spot and not being able to return to it. It felt… like it might vanish. But… He lifted the coco, offering it so that Jace could guide it to his own mouth. “The Marshmallows just make it -really- creamy when you use the fresh ones. I sometimes use fluff if I can find it and all we have is soy milk. It’s just not the same, I know it’s supposed to be really healthy but... “ He shook his head. “I do have a sweet tooth.” He admitted like it was a guilty confession even if everyone knew it.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Dec 30, 2020 6:58 pm
Jace didn't want to think about the pizza, didn't want to think about moving. He didn't even want hot cocoa, he just wanted Holden's hot cocoa. He leaned forward and had to draw Holden closer so he could reach the mug, sipping at it. He was careful not to get marshmallow on him, out of habit--even if he really hadn't minded Holden helping clean him up.
Liked it, even.
His sip was small but he hummed.
"If we'd planned for this a little better, I'd have gotten you the better stuff. Something really sweet. Something that would curdle your brother's blood to know you were drinking. Next time. It'll be a long winter. Mom's got a bunch of cases she's really excited about. She might even be out of state for a few days. Xander could help me sneak you in," he suggested. "If he asked my father, I know he'd say yes. You could probably even spend the night. If you wanted," he insisted, and then as if to try and sell the idea, "We could get all the junk food and garbage take out your brother won't allow in the house."
He tried not to sound too excited about being an absolute waste of space and just lounging about, lying in bed and eating and resting.
It was a dream. One he wanted, but not one he held onto tightly.
Things were too unpredictable to actually get his hopes up, but it was a nice daydream at least.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Dec 30, 2020 7:41 pm
“I would... love that.” He said after the briefest of consideration. Though if he were honest he would also see about getting Nelson and Xander to have their own unspoken date night. “I would even go so far as to make us one healthy, or well, healthy-ish dish just so we can tell my Brother we ate something healthy. Even if it’s something sort of sinful like, all the rice to go with some beef and broccoli. Or... well no, I’ll ... WE Can make your favorite dinner for the sleep over, cause I am going to hold you to that!” He twisted to make sure he could at least sort of look at Jace. “I hope that’s ok! I mean, I wouldn’t be mean if we couldn’t but...”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Dec 30, 2020 8:07 pm
Jace tilted his head just slightly to make it easier to see Holden as well. "Do you have a mean bone in your body? I can't even imagine you yelling at someone."
Jace didn't know birds as well as Holden, so he only imagined a generic, fluffy little bird with a cute, round little head, just chirping, flapping its wings in an angry fit that too easily passed for pleasant excitement.
Jace wanted to pick it up and hold it. Sort of like what he seemed to want to do with Holden in general.
"If the timing works, we can do that. Make your brother happy. Send him a picture he can gush about on his social media accounts, about how he's so glad to have you, how you've come so far, how proud you make him."
There was no envy.
...He'd have just really, really liked to make his family proud, too.
"...You know, I don't know what my favorite dinner is, though. You might have to surprise me. Or just cook for me until I find something I really like," he shrugged, like it wasn't something he wanted. Something domestic and simple and fun, flitting around in the kitchen with Holden.
He imagined the same bird, only now in a little apron.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Dec 30, 2020 8:54 pm
“I might! I could… I don’t know, I think it would depend on if someone hurt my friends or my family.” He actually thought about that too. He twisted just enough that he could reach around and gently pat Jace’s cheek. “No one had better mess with you…. that’s all I’m saying.” He nodded. The idea of not knowing what a favorite dinner was though. “Well… goodness… I’ll have to suggest you try as many new things as I can smuggle TO you.” He said looking a little dazed and excited. “And we can have you taste as we go…and… goodness you’re so precise whatever we make will be -amazing, I bet you’d be the best baker, like the kind of person who weighs out the ingredients like on those very fancy shows.” Holden was terribly excited at the idea. ‘Ah…sorry!” He ducked his head slightly and felt the blush that had started to subside rushing back into his face. “Oh… goodness I just want to steal you for DAYS now.” He shook his head. “I know that would be SO hard, but now I just want you to try things until I know things you really love to have! Even when you eat healthier foods, ah… if you cook it right it makes the world of difference. If I didn’t have such a sweet tooth I could just… live on a good light stir fry.” He put his hand over his mouth as though that might stop him from gushing about things that they hadn’t even done yet. But the idea of dancing about in the kitchen with Jace, trying and sampling things to see where they agreed on flavors.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
