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 Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 4:10 pm
If anyone felt awkward right now it was Veyes as he sat there and listened to L'thor ramble on about which way he hoped the flight would go. He was envious but he understood why it happened. He wouldn't let himself sink to jealous because flights; not if he wanted to be a rider. He wanted something more than what a flight offered something more warm and substantial.
"Ah, Oh...I'm fine, L'thor." but he kept his head tilted picking up the water skin wishing it was wine something that might take the edge off his desire. "You know the water really wasn't the right thing for the crabs...do you have any wine left?" He couldn't just say, I need a drink. That was paramount to saying something was wrong. He glanced over at Mine trying to find a way to collect himself and discovered that the tiny flit had huddled in between the legs of River snoozing against a Rust's foot. Seemed like Mine pretty much had found his place with the bigger flit brothers all in a pile of happy flitdom!
Veyes used that moment to smile and take a breath. Something to distract him from the other more intimate wishes. He grasped a few sticks and tossed them into the fire staring at it as L'thor spoke. He bit his lip trying not to show too much as his hands fidgeted with the water skin, "Sometimes I dream about nights like this." He avoided saying yes because the L'thor would want to know 'who'. He wouldn't say no because that was just a lie. But often he had dreamed about just holding L'thor staring up at the night sky anywhere in the world; anywhere his dreams could take them.
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Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 4:24 pm
"Mmm? Wine?" L'thor shook the skin before shaking his head. "No, there isn't... at least not yet! V'kain should be back in our weyr by now, I'll send Rust to him with the empty skin. Rustie!" He tickled the brown under the chin and pressed the empty skin towards him. "Home," he accompanied the word with a picture, "V'kain," he thought firmly of his friend. Rust accepted the skin and gave a soft croon; he understood. Pausing only to firm his grip, the firelizard launched himself into the air and vanished between.
"That's that taken care of," L'thor said with a half-stifled yawn as he flopped over backwards in the sand again. "We have some wine up in our weyr, so as long as 'Kain doesn't dither over vintage we should have some more to drink soon..." Veyes hadn't really answered the question, had he? Hu. Maybe Raith was right; oh yes before she said it, she was always right. "You have so many wonderful dreams," the rider said absently, "I'm sure there are plenty you've never shared with me... Everyone needs their private dreams though, right? No need to tell me them all if you don't wish to." What were his private dreams? Did he have any?... Not really. He was happy. Content. Life was good. He had Raith, he had good friends, it was easy to find willing partners for sex... What more could he want for? Nothing that sprung to mind, certainly, other than maybe some nicer food and less crowding.
It was then that Rust reappeared, clutching a bottle tightly. He seemed very glad to pass it to L'thor; while it was not so very heavy it was awkward and slippery to carry. After a moment of lazily inspecting the label, L'thor sat back up, his eyebrows raised. "Hello 'Kain," he murmured aloud, "what's this then? We were saving it for a special occasion... Ahah!" he turned to grin at Veyes, "We have a special occasion!" the bottle was ready opened, so he took a quick sip before passing it over to Veyes. "To Mine! Congratulations on your first pest!" But how had V'kain known a nice wine would be appropriate... Did his roommate think something was going to happen?
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Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 10:11 pm
His eye drifted over to watch the flit take off for the wine skin and was hopeful that Rust would be fast returning because he needed something better than water to calm what he was suppressing within. "Yes, ah...everyone needs a few of those. I suppose private ones are everything desired but so hard to obtain. That's why they are rarely spoken." he admitted even without saying what those wishes or dreams actually were. "But sometimes I like sharing the ones I can with you. The ones I think you'd like to hear." If he were to speak of the ones he held back he didn't know how L'thor would react. He didn't really know how L'thor felt about him other than a 'good kid' or a 'good student'. But even so, those two things weren't even in the ball park of any feelings beyond friendship. "I'm sure you've many dreams too."
He perked up a little when the wine showed up via Rust; very thankful for the distraction from dreams and desires. But surprised that V'kain would have sent the good stuff down to them on the beach. He watched L'thor take a swig. His eyes wandering over the man's lips against the mouth of the skin; his imagination replacing that skin with his own mouth. His eyes closed for a moment sucking in the vision, then he opened them and smiled as the man handed the skin over, "Thanks...and yes we do have quite an occasion. To Mine! My first flit!" he responded before downing a slow sip of his own. His eyes closed as he savored the lip of the wine skin - a second hand kiss. The flavors of grape and a hint of spice passed over his palette imagining a deeper sensation even as he pulled it from his lips.
"That's really smooth." he said with a sigh while feeling the rich wine warming his throat and coursing through his body. He took another quick n** before handing the skin back to L'thor pondering the next second hand kiss that might soon follow. Even if L'thor never knew how he felt, his imagination offered a private consolation prize.
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Posted: Thu Sep 24, 2009 6:47 am
"It is, isn't it?" L'thor replied, taking another slow appreciative sip. "Top - well not quite top but definitely high - quality Benden red. I was given this as payment for carrying a message for a rather well off trader about a turn ago. Wonderful stuff," he concluded with a nod as he handed it back to Veyes, "well worth waiting for, but no sense leaving it lying around forever."
Dreams Veyes thought he would like to hear... and what about ones the young man thought he'd wouldn't want to hear? L'thor fussed over his firelizards as he pondered the sudden dilemma that seemed to be creeping up on him. So what if Veyes thought he was attractive? Nothing wrong with that, and the candidate wasn't exactly bad to look at himself... Veyes was young though, and he couldn't help feeling odd about the idea of intimate relations with him. He was the mentor, Veyes was the student... alright he knew that there were plenty of stories about how that kind of relationship turned into a romantic one but... But he liked Veyes. He liked him a lot, he considered him a very close friend but... But emphasis on friend... But it wasn't like he'd never slept with a friend before, in fact he found it to be more satisfying than going with a stranger. You knew one another, you could chat afterward, and if you did it often enough you got to know one another's tastes. To date though none of the people he had slept with had been more than about four turns younger than himself. Veyes was nine younger, yet as he had already thought it wasn't as if gaps like that in the other direction had ever put him off.
He was thinking too much about this, L'thor decided firmly. If Veyes did make a move - if the young man even actually wanted to and he wasn't just reading the situation all wrong - then he would deal with it. Somehow. Really there were only two options; go with it or don't.
"Take care Mine," Raith warned him softly, "it might not just be physical attraction you have to contend with. It's all very well to fly with friends who feel the same way about it as you, but you should think carefully if they have deeper feelings being it. How would you have felt if... if... Oh yes, if D'los had liked you as a friend but been happy to fly with you?"
"Rotten," L'thor replied with a mental shake of his head, "but Raith... Veyes doesn't feel like that about me. I know he admires me, but I'm sure he's not in love with me."
"Oh? Are you really?" the dragon asked, and though her voice was casual and teasing L'thor knew very well when is lifemate was challenging him.
"Well... Fairly," he replied slowly, "I mean I haven't asked or anything but... Why should he be?" Because he had saved the boy, got him and his family out of an awful situation, given him a chance to chase his dreams, because he'd looked after him once he'd arrived at the Weyr, taken an interest in teaching him things, laughed with him, taken him out to a beach at sunset... "I'm not going to leap to any conclusions," he told the green firmly, "especially not when, thanks to you, my mind is less than clear."
"Oh? Me?" the sleek green gave a rumble, her equivalent of a chuckle. "There I was thinking it was the wine."
"You and the wine," L'thor allowed huffily, "just shush will you?" He didn't want her to be right. He loved Veyes, loved him as a dear friend. He couldn't stand to think of the boy wanting something from him that he didn't have to give. "I think I've realized all my big dreams," he said eventually, "I mean... there are other things in life I'd like to have but they're not desperate desires. I'd quite like... I'd like to be a Searchrider perhaps, for real rather than just picking suitable people up when I stumble across them. If they're giving green riders a crack at real power now maybe I'd like that, it'd be nice to force bronze riders to do as I say. I could make them do press ups if they stepped out of line, that would be fun." Did he want to find love again?... Well maybe, if it happened he wouldn't complain but he didn't need it. Raith completed him, he didn't need to search out a romantic partner to do that for him.
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Posted: Thu Sep 24, 2009 7:34 am
Veyes nodded in agreement as he watched the man sip the fine red. "Yes, quite good. I've never had Benden Red until now. It better than anything at Ruatha hold." He looked at the skin as it was handed back to him letting his finger slide over the lip in thought as he looked over to watch L'thor for a moment.
He noticed the fussing and wondered if L'thor had noticed his own awkwardness. There was a slightly strange feeling about it all as the man went rather quiet. Maybe he was conversing with Raith or just thinking but usually L'thor didn't take this long to think of anything he just sort of jumped to the next subject with a witty remark or two.
His doubts grew a bit more as he finally heard the man's dreams. They were simple enough dreams the rather settled sort...like an older man might have; one even older than L'thor actually. And none of them even had the remotest connection to romance, love or otherwise. Maybe it was truly an age difference that would keep them apart or maybe...as he thought about it; it was all one sided feelings of his own - dreams of the youth. For Veyes, his dreams were hardly realized always glimmers on the horizon but rarely gaining substance. Even the one before him...just a couple feet to the left.
"They sound like obtainable dreams, L'thor. I am sure that you will achieve them. Except maybe for the push-ups." That was at least a lighter note. He could see that the man might really enjoy that and his mind offered up the images of riders he had seen all doing push-ups in a line as Dark L'thor walked by with a whip in hand.
"My dreams are always far away no matter how close I am to them." He took a long slow drink of the wine letting the warmth of it flow across his lips. It could also have been just the state of being a dragon rider, he thought to himself. They really just didn't need anyone else...well ok...maybe not...D'los had one time been able to fill those shoes that had been apparent.
He handed the skin back to L'thor not sure of what to say. The wine actually warmed his toes - a bonus even as he settled in against the blanket. Then, he thought about it for a moment and asked. "What do you think of me, L'thor?" It was a broader question than too specific but even so, maybe it would give him a clue he could not get from just drinking the wine.
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Posted: Thu Sep 24, 2009 7:44 am
"Well there are other things too," L'thor added, not wanting to seem dull, "like lots of sex and parties, and pulling off record breaking stunts with Raith, maybe exploring somewhere where nobody's ever been before..." He accepted the skin back reflexively as he trailed off, wondering what he ought to say next. "I think," he sipped at the wine, pausing for a moment to look at the bottle, "I think I've had plenty to drink," he took another drink, "what do I think?... I think you're smart for one," he began, "good looking too. I think you're a good person, far better than me. I think... I think your stories are wonderful. I think you're tough, determined, dedicated. I... you've become one of my closest friends. You mean the world to me."
Should he have raised the attractive bit? Well it was true, he was a nice looking young man, lovely hair in particular... He wished this hadn't come up. He didn't want things to get awkward between them. If Veyes did feel that way about him, might it be enough for him to be loved dearly as a friend and found attractive? The young man knew very well that he didn't do anything by half, must be aware of just how much his friends meant to him, probably more than some people's weyrmates mattered to them. Shards. He hoped this all came out alright.
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Posted: Thu Sep 24, 2009 8:17 am
"Sounds like we have at least one dream in common." he returned as the last one was something he wished he could pursue. A dragon would make that possible for him; if only he could finally achieve that dream as well. Why was it that every thing he wanted seemed next to impossible to grasp? Seeing that L'thor took another drink right after saying he had plenty wasn't exactly a good sign considering the wine was Benden Red. "Maybe you should stop now then... " He reached over gently and pulled the skin away thinking he could use another sip and saving L'thor from a hangover from hell.
He continued to listen as L'thor spoke about him - The list seemed fair and well somethings he expected although good looking was a bit of a surprise. It did feel really good to be told that he meant a lot to L'thor but...was it any thing else than just closest friends?
He looked up at L'thor for a moment and pondered over a few things. He wasn't stupid even if he were young. And he wasn't too far along with the wine to lose good judgement even if he didn't have much experience in romance. Sighing just a little, he might just get the thought out of his head at least maybe he'd be better off just getting it out of his system than muddling it over for turns ahead. "Do you ever think anything more of me than just friends?" There he had said it.
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Posted: Thu Sep 24, 2009 8:28 am
Ohhhh shards. He really wished he could just say yes, it would be so much easier if the answer was yes. How had it got this far? Why hadn't he changed the subject? "No," he said eventually with a slight shake of his head, "but don't say 'just'. I'd do anything for you Veyes." Short of obvious things like hurting his other friends and so on but there was no need to add that in. Things were bad enough, he didn't want Veyes to think he was back tracking. "How did this happen Raith?" he asked of his dragon dolefully. "Why did I have have to be so smart funny and attractive?"
"A crippling handicap," the green said dryly as she surfaced for air. "But to actually answer... who knows, love is a strange thing. You were honest L'thorMine, nothing more you can do but wait for his reaction."
She was right. He just hoped it wasn't a bad reaction. Why him? Why? Why couldn't have Veyes liked somebody who felt the same way as he did? It seemed horribly unfair.
In his lap and in the sand close by, L'thor's flitts had gone quiet and still, sensing their master's discomfort. None of them had a clue why he had suddenly started to feel this way, but that didn't matter to them, they just wanted it to stop. For now though he was willing them to keep quiet and out of the way. Though none of them really wanted to listen he usually knew best, and the big green one told them the same so they stayed where they were. Eventually they would be released, and then they could make him feel better.
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Posted: Thu Sep 24, 2009 8:55 am
"Ah...ok." he said feeling his heart stop as the answer sank in. He left his response as such. There was nothing else he could say. It was as he expected and should have known all along but hope and dreams sometimes had a way of seeping in and changing his perspective.
What was the best thing to do now? What should he say? His mind rifled through the options seeking answers to his dilemma and he didn't want the night to end on such a sour note. He certainly couldn't cry about it here even if his heart ached. But...in a way he had expected it. How could he feel so bad even though he should have known? He knew his thoughts were repeating themselves wanting to deny the harsh reality that crushed the ethereal dreams. Sometimes his dreams were merciless masters and this had been one such dream. But reality never bended for them and always left him wanting in the end. Now things would be awkward and that was his fault. He should have kept his mouth shut but now he knew and well, nothing more to it than that. His fingers clenched up briefly on the wine skin as he took one last sip. The wine now didn't have that appeal as it once held only quenching his thirst rather than his heart.
As he sought answers, his mother's advice always offered itself to lend a hand...If you're caught in a uncomfortable moment, change the subject. That's what he do. His words switched tone from night to day as he closed the door on his inner sorrow, "So, do you think Mine is going to get as big as your flits or do you think he'll be tiny? He seems rather small to me but I've not seen a baby flit before."
He capped the wine skin and handed it back to L'thor. He didn't need any more wine...the romantic moment had passed...the celebration was almost over. He'd make his best effort to just return to the idea of friendship and forget he had any other foolish notions about their relationship.
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Posted: Thu Sep 24, 2009 9:08 am
Well. It was over. He almost wanted to go on with the subject, to say he wished that he did feel something more... But he didn't. Best to take the line Veyes had thrown and put it behind. "Well, I expect he'll get to at least River's size," he said, accepting the wine and taking another drink though he knew he probably shouldn't. "He's very small for a blue, and Dusk it quite large so he'll probably be somewhere between the two?... I don't know," he smiled and gave a slight shrug, "it's been so long since the blues were young I don't remember their size... I think they were different sizes, but the difference wasn't anywhere near as big then as it is now. Anyway, point is I couldn't say if he's big or small for a hatchling blue."
He hoped they'd be able to put this night behind them. He didn't want things to become awkward. It wasn't fair, on either of them. Life wasn't fair. If it was he wouldn't have Raith, probably wouldn't have all the great friends he had either. Still, it wasn't fair.
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