|
|
|
|
|
|
|
bittersweet and evocative
|
 Posted: Wed Aug 12, 2009 9:19 pm
Wolf, you should feel special >< haha just kidding!
You're right about our ages - I'm 17, too! I do have an injured foot. That's where my journey with chronic pain began 53 months ago, and it's now spread into my calf, knee, thigh and more recently, my hip. All on my right hand side, so balance is not my strong point at the moment. My school year is half way through. We finish in late November, and I'll have summer holidays until March, when I'll start university. Oh joy. lol I am actually quite excited about the thought of going to uni, but at the same time, I'm worried how disadvantaged I'll be with all my physical disabilities etc. I'm planning to have a meeting in the next few weeks with the disability co-ordinator up at the uni to register me and all that jazz.
Anyway, I should go and finish that English assignment I mentioned yesterday. I'm so proud of myself - I wrote in the 2 hours I worked on it over 3,000 words!!! Lol It's only meant to be around 700...
xx love Ailsa xx
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Aug 13, 2009 8:16 am
Ailsa, overacheivment is good! (Sorry if I mispelled that....) I kinda don't wanna go to college... eh. I'm going to a veternarian school. (Okay, I know I can't spell big words...)
My injuries usually consist of broken bones, shattered elbows... etc. And one time I got run over by some kid on a bicycle... boldie knows about that one...
Have a nice day!!!
~SAVE A WOLF~
|
|
|
|
|
|
A_Wolf_Drowning_In_Blood Crew
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Aug 13, 2009 10:52 am
I think it does help writing in bigger font, for those of us that our eyesight is going. It's not just you guys either. I'll be 45 in a few weeks, and to me, I really think my eyesight is going. I need to get in to see an eye doctor because I think my script has worsened.
Well, I wanted to tell all you guys that I went to the doctor on Tuesday, and I am now off Lortab 10mg. I've been on it for 5 years. The doctor put me on Oxycontin, I take one in the am, and one in the pm. They're all pre-counted out, so I cannot take more than one, and I shouldn't. It's like an extended release, so I have to be sure to take them at the correct times. Usually around 8:00 both morning and night. On one hand, I'm pleased they changed my meds, but on the other hand, I have to get used to this one. I've reduced my Fentanyl patches by 50 mcg, because of the high dosage of the oxy, so we'll see if I can get by with it this way. Doctor does not know I reduced my patches. I want to see if this dosage is right, because I know I am on a high narcotic pill AND it's (from what I heard) a highly potent pill. So, I don't want to give myself an o.d. or anything like that. lol Strange, but true.
My left hip/leg has been hurting for the past 2 days, ever since I went on this pill, and I don't know if the two correlate, but the pain is pretty severe, especially if I just sit down, and not sit gradually. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's very painful.......So that's what's new with me. God Bless...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Aug 13, 2009 12:25 pm
Here's some true pre-pubecient humor that happened to me in the 6th grade:
Once in 6th grade something was I though something was seriously wrong with me because when i would sit down and try to get up my tailbone area would hurt reaaly bad. I would tear up every time the bell rang to go to the next class because it hurt that bad to get up.
My mom and i though i fractured it.
Well, my mom took me to some doctor and he took like a million xrays,
He came to the conclusion that my Bum was getting bigger, and my hips were getting wider (that's exactly what every 11 year old girl wants to hear, NOT!). And he also said no rough activities.
He told me to take alieve and i'll bbe fine. i was like WHAT!?!?! all that and it's beacuse i'm a growing kid? how out rageous.
ohkay that story may not be that funny, but i was thinking about all the random stuff that has happeend to me before and that was the only one i could think of that dealt with pain. And I thought it would be some nice light humor, (not saying pain s funny) The pain was excrusating. i can never imagine pain like that all over my body!
my prayers go out to everyone.
Happy Thursday,
AS 8b
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
A_Wolf_Drowning_In_Blood Crew
|
Posted: Thu Aug 13, 2009 12:33 pm
boldie: I'm sorry you hurt sad
I myslef have gotten new meds. I went to my specialist since I have asthma, and for YEARS (Ever since I was 5...or was it four... no, it was 5) I've been taking the kids dosage of singulair. A round, pink, chewable pill. Just now he decides that I am no longer a kid and that I can have the adults dosage! GEEZ! It took him that long!? So know I am up a dose and now the pill is non-chewable and its SQUARE. It's kinda difficult to swallow a square pill... stare
Well... I leave in a couple of hours to go to Herndon Virginia to my cousin's cook-out... Get well!!!
~SAVE A WOLF~
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Aug 13, 2009 8:33 pm
I'm going to have to make a list of the many things I want to contribute here! I'm not at a point that I can read back too much but the couple of pages I read sure made me aware of how involved each of our lives can be and that making time for one another here helps living through our individual health hurdles a little less high. A friend once shared that she cannot always see the brightest or happy moment nor does she want to be cheered up but, knowing that there are others who will listen gave her the gift of feeling less alone with what she's going through. This is the gift of Hug Soft, Love Strong. Thank you for being so honest, trusting, and supportive of one another. The fact we can share our lives without forcing another to see things exactly as we do is a gift.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
bittersweet and evocative
|
Posted: Thu Aug 13, 2009 9:34 pm
Firstly, welcome back Madralyn!! It's so lovely to have you back on this thread >< I missed you!! I truly love that image of Pon and Zi that you included in your last post. I find that one always manages to bring a smile to my face, no matter how weak or forced it may be.
Next, Boldie, I'm glad that the font change is helping other people too!! It's making such a difference for me - I read the latest posts and by the time I start replying (like..where I am now) my eyes are still able to focus a little on the computer screen. Before I was having to go away and have a break, trying to remember everything I just read, and I would then come back and reply. So thank you very much for starting up that trend!
Wolf (is it ok that I've shortened your name to that?), you got run over by someone on a bike? That's intense!! Have you fully recovered from that injury? I've only broken my arm twice. The first was just a regular break, but the second was something special. It was after I injured my foot, so I was on crutches. In short, it was night. I was hopping up my stairs to my house. I got dizzy. I rolled backwards down 13 concrete steps, to land on my wrist. They couldn't put it in a cast, because I needed it to use my crutches and wheelchair!
On to medication. Gosh, I totally understand, Boldie, and wolf. I always worry when I get changed because then I'm not sure if new symptoms are from the medication or are just my regular unusual occurrences. Do you know what I mean? My doctors have learnt with me they can't change more than one thing at a time because it's inventible that something is going to happen!! Boldie, I'll be praying for you that your new medication does exactly what it should, and nothing more. I'm currently on Ketamine, which is more commonly used as a street drug. It's Class B here in New Zealand, making it illegal without a prescription. Highly addictive and dangerous, as the slightest provocation can react with it, resulting in me potentially falling into another coma. Hard part is, without it I can't move or do anything. I hate being stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Oh, and as8b, thank you for your story!! It's awesome to see other people posting their own stories here. The way I see it, pain is pain to the person feeling it. What I mean by that, is that pain may be horrible to one person, and may be a small amount for someone else. BUT that does not make it any less painful for the person feeling it. It's not coming out right *grits teeth* I hope you can get the general gist of that!!
xx off to baby sitting now - don't have enough spoons but it was an emergency and i couldn't bear to let them down. *sigh* love to you all, and my prayers are with each and every one of you. xx
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Aug 14, 2009 9:22 pm
Oh dear, I do love how I come here late and then.. reply to things, anyway.
Ailsa, I know you posted your.. daily er.. day, a while ago, but I've read it now, and just wanted to say thanks so much for taking the time to type that up! Every post that is put in this thread here helps me to better understand what you go through, which is something I'd really like to do. And just.. wow.. I really wonder how you do it, the fact that you are though, is inspiring itself.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Kira-fightingdreamer Crew
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
bittersweet and evocative
|
Posted: Fri Aug 14, 2009 9:54 pm
Hey Kira,
It was no problem writing that up. Took a bit of time to find the right words, but consider it my therapy homework! *laughs* I think my psychologist would find it rather amusing if she found out I did optional homework for my appointments (I tend to dread them for days before hand). It's not that she's not nice or anything, I think she's lovely, it's just that there are some things I don't want to talk about. And it appears that all she wants to ask about is just those same things! Fate can be so horrid sometimes, don't you think?
Kira, thank you for saying I was inspirational. I have to admit that I find it hard to believe that I can be that, as I struggle every day to find the strength, courage and hope to live through another day. Most mornings, I find those three things impossible to come across. I grudgingly sit up, and shake off the dizziness, the feeling of utter exhaustion and hopelessness. My to do list consists of me: waking up, surviving, going to bed. Anything in between is a bonus. Ok, I'm sorry for all the negativity here. It's been a really long day, and my pain is flaring up. Fast and surely. Here comes a long night.
Love to you all xx
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Aug 15, 2009 6:20 am
Ailsa, what did you mean when you said this (if you go under the Gaia tab.)
"I need you to try and save me. It's ok that we're dying. But I need to survive tonight."
That really bothers me. Do you think you could explain that a little more? It kinda gives me the opinion that you're giving up.~~~~~
Btw, I wanted to ask you how your fingers were doing. I remember you said they got broken when you took a turn? And what about your wrist when you fell down all those concrete steps? Geez, Ailsa, I'm going to have to call you Wolf, because that's what Wolf is. She's alittle accident prone. LOL
Yeah, I understand the changing of medicine. Again, not fairing too well today again. And actually last night, my husband said some (FINALLY) really nice words to me. He thanked me for not complaining and that he was sorry I was going through this pain. WOW! That was something for Rick to say. That day will go down in History!
Well, that's about all. Just that it's going to be another hard day today.
Madralyn, I am SO glad you're back. Maybe we can start planning again for the upcoming months.......
And how are YOU fairing? You just got back from vacation, and I already can tell based on your PM's, that you're just plain exhausted. This is not good. Maybe you should take alittle break from Gaia? Idk..... I'm just concerned for your well-being.
AS8B and Kira and Wolf, thanks for being in this guild and sharing your thoughts and feelings with everyone else. It truly is a blessing knowing that there are friends or people for that matter, who truly wish we didn't have our diseases. People that soon become our friends........ That's cool! Well, I have to go and do other stuff around Gaia, but just wanted to check in. Madralyn, thanks for making that post. If you have time, you really should read all of it. I know Kira was saying she read every single post in here, and it really opened her eyes up that it's not only you that she sees in pain. There's other people out there who also have chronic pain. That was indeed a nice eye-opener for her. Well, I must go now. I wish that everyone rests easily, and has a wonderful, beautiful day.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
bittersweet and evocative
|
Posted: Sat Aug 15, 2009 7:19 am
Boldie, thank you for your concern, firstly <3 It has been a really tough week, pain wise, mixed with exam stress, family issues, and on top of this, horrid teenage girl behaviour. My current status that you quoted is, once again, a line from a song. This time from Secondhand Serenade's Half Alive. In truth, I think a part of me in the last few weeks has given up. The pain has just gotten to the point of feeling too much, and all-consuming. There are moments when I wonder if it's all worth it. If going through all this pain, and having to struggle through each day, has a point in the end. The quote stuck out to me, as it related to a conversation my boyfriend and I were having - how we both needed each other to see ourselves through the next day. I realise that it sounds really negative, but the idea that we're dying is just that each day we live is a day closer to our death, no matter who we are, or if we have any medical conditions or the healthiest person in the world. We have yet learnt how to make our own horcrux or find a Philosopher's Stone. (Thank you Harry Potter!) And the surviving tonight? Unfortunately, that is often my frame of mind as I get to the end of the day. By the time evening comes, I have run out of spoons, and don't know what to do with myself with making myself sick or so flat that I can't find the energy to wake up the next day. Does that make slightly more sense?
I am really REALLY sorry for such a negative post. I'll try to make my next one a bit more upbeat. I just wanted to explain my status properly, so Boldie, and anyone else who may be interested, can actually see what I'm thinking. Oh, and my journal here on Gaia (you can find it on my profile) explains how I feel some days, too. Along with song lyrics, but you ignore those posts if you want. Just thought I'd let you about that too, because that goes into the sorts of things I've mentioned briefly in the above paragraph.
xx Ailsa xx
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Aug 15, 2009 7:23 am
Wow, Boldie, I forgot to answer your other questions!! My fingers are doing ok at the moment. They're out of plaster and tape, and working nearly as good as usual, but slightly painful. I still can't play piano properly, but that should come back soon.My wrist seems to have healed fine. I haven't had any problems with it since the accident, thankfully. That's the last thing I would need!! lol anyway, have a good rest of your night. Wait, is it day for you now?! xx
|
|
|
|
|
|
bittersweet and evocative
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Aug 15, 2009 9:01 am
Ailsa, I am going to PM you, because what I have to say is not for everyone's eyes to read. I'm sorry, everyone, but this time, you won't see my post concerning Ailsa's comments. I believe some things in life must be kept private and this is one of those times.
EDIT: 8.16.09
And further more? If you feel negative, let it out. It's not good to let things get bottled up. I know that from first hand. Please don't be concerned with how you sound. Or for that matter, you need not apologize for being negative. At times, we ALL are. ok? So, if that's something you need to get off your chest, then by all means, get it off your chest. Bottling things up can cause resentment and regret and remorse all at the same time. Say what you have to say, and we ALL will understand, ok? Love you, honey!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Aug 15, 2009 12:04 pm
Okay so, I was going to make some fabulous post here to everyone, especially you Ailsa, continuing on about how amazing you are to me and how I look at you and I read about your struggles and just, the fact that you keep going gives me my own sort of hope! But, that's about all anyone is getting from that post because...
Well, I found out about an hour ago that last night someone from my Senior class died in a motorcycle accident. I don't know yet, who it is but... I'll be finding out soon I suppose. By Monday at the latest when they announce it to everyone. If.. they even do that. Last time we had a student kill themself and... there wasn't even an announcement saying that we'd even lost someone. *sigh*
So I've just, settled myself down into thinking about it, wondering if they (since, I don't even know if it was a guy or girl who died since we DO have some girls at my school who own motorcycles) even saw the car coming? And just, millions of other questions that.. I won't bother putting here. Whut. mm, that and my most long time friend, excuse my.. fail grammar there, has taken to telling me my uh... what's the word, existance is not tolerable and would much rather see me dead.. mm, it's been a great day and it's.. not even half over yet.
Anyway, I'm done with this little rant in the.. thread.. dedicated to Chronic Pain and such.. sweatdrop
I do hope that everyone else in here is having a semi-better day than I am! Lots of love and hope to you all.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Kira-fightingdreamer Crew
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
bittersweet and evocative
|
Posted: Sat Aug 15, 2009 2:30 pm
boldie64 Ailsa, I am going to PM you, because what I have to say is not for everyone's eyes to read. I'm sorry, everyone, but this time, you won't see my post concerning Ailsa's comments. I believe some things in life must be kept private and this is one of those times. Ok, Boldie. I'll keep a look out for the PM xx 8.16.09 EDIT: Ailsa, I've written the post around 5 or 6 pm. Can't remember which. lol I hope we can talk further on the subject. Thank you for reading it. You're such a trooper! You give us A L L inspiration. Love you much !!!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
