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 Posted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 11:58 am
Ambrose swallowed, and scooched closer to him. At least he didn't have the manic smile plastered to his face anymore - he was scared and letting it show. THat was good.
"I'm sorry, Julian. I know how hard it is to deal with everything that's going on... "
He scratched the back of his head, and then patted Julian on the back. "If... ah... you ever want to talk about anything, I'm here.. but... uhm.... it sounds like you might have... uhrm.... a .... multiple personality... issue." He winced, hoping not to scare him more.
"And... to be honest, what little I know of the Cheshire Cat comes from Disney a loooong time ago. I can barely rememer much of the book..... how... er... how bad of a thing is that?"
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Posted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 12:20 pm
"Multiple...personalities...." He gave Ambrose a look of numb horror, then looked down.
When asked about the Cheshire Cat, a visible wince seemed to come over his expression.
"...The Disney film wasn't very true to the book...." His voice lightened a bit - he was talking about Alice. He KNEW Alice. Unlike psychology, unlike the Island...he knew Alice.
"...But it's a fair inkling...the Cheshire Cat is self-described as being...quite...mad. There have been quite a few versions of the story, of course...some more...twisted...than others...." A gulp. He REALLY hoped this Cat wasn't collecting all his knowledge...comprising himself of all the different Cats he knew.
"...But the book one wasn't particularly...violent...intelligent, and of a fairly good nature...." He gulped again. His throat had again gone dry. "...I'm just worried...if he's going...beyond the book."
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Posted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 4:52 pm
Ambrose rubbed his hand on Julian's back a bit to try to calm the poor boy.
"Well..... you have to think of it this way, Julian... no matter how ... well... different it seems... somehow, this... persona, isn't another 'he'... it's you. I... well... I can't pretend to know the details about why this is happening... but if you don't let it take on the darker aspects, then... maybe it won't." Ambrose kept to himself, once again, his thoughts that the literary cheshire cat wasn't the only one who was mad...
Ambrose sighed. He felt bad for Julian... he did. He was terrified, and he could certainly sympathize with that. Hell, Ambrose had his own share of unexpressed emotions regarding what was going on on the Island. But... on the same note, he was also concerned for Julian in a very different way. He didn't know him that well - the man had always been very withdrawn. And he sure as hell didn't want to see someone he was so close to go stark raving mad. He... would have to talk to someone about this. VERY much so.
"Julian... I wish I knew what more to suggest.... but I really am no psychologist... Other than to try to express what you're feeling - even the things that you may not want to admit. And if you're not comfortable doing it to another person, than write it down like I suggested.... I... I'll see what else I can try to find out for you. But hang in there. I know it's damn scary, but there are a lot of others of us in the same situation you are, and we're here to help support you."
He slowly stood up. "I... should see what I can find out for you.... and as much as I hate to admit it, my appetite has been damn demanding recently, and I really need to get something in my stomach before I think about something this ... weighty." He frowned. "If you feel like talking to someone - I'm right downstairs."
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Posted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 5:41 pm
It was a long moment before Julian stood up, wobbling a bit on his long legs. While Ambrose was talking, he had simply watched and listened in silence...and even when he did speak, it was rather muted.
"All right...thank you." He staggered a few steps to the door, opening it for Ambrose...the whole time with his eyes on the floor.
"...I'm...sorry...if I'm adding to your own burden. I've...I've...broken before. I don't want to go back there again...and I certainly don't want to drag anyone down with me...."
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Posted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 6:11 pm
Ambrose frowned. "I... You're not alone here, Julian. There are a lot of people here, myself included, who would be glad to talk or help you out however you need. Don't think of yourself as a burden."
He sighed, nodding again to him, not sure what else to say, and gave him a small smile and a wave.
"Take care, Julian. I'm sorry about everything."
He turned and headed out, down the stairs, and towards the cafeteria.
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Posted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 10:41 pm
As soon as the door was shut and locked, Julian leaned heavily against it, staring into his empty (and now messy) room. A few fresh tears ran down his pale cheeks, falling unchecked to dampen his shirt.
"Poor thing...look at him cry."
"He has a right to cry. No one will look at him the same way again!"
"Of course they won't. He's mad."
"Stop it...you're...you're not real...." He slid into an awkward sitting position, hands clamped over his ears.
"We're as real as you are, Julian."
"You're the one who is slipping OUT of reality!"
"NO...." He choked, shaking his head. "No, I'm NOT...."
'Come now, Julian...shh. I can help you again...I could take the helm again, and you could just-'
"NO!" He screamed, dashing across the room and diving into his bed. Taking the pillow, he held it over his head, trying to block out the world.
"No...no...never again...you came out because I am broken...they took me before when I was broken...." His tail gave an inadvertant lash, and he winced at the sensation.
"I'm not broken...I'M NOT BROKEN...."
'...Julian. You're not broken yet...that's what THEY want. When they see you are broken...the Queen of Hearts will cut off your head.'
Curling up, he pulled the covers up over him, shutting out all the light.
"...But...I....?"
'Hush, Julian...sleep. I will silence the voices while you do...I will protect you.'
Out of energy to argue, he shut his eyes...slipping into a fitful sleep.
Silence, for the time being.
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Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 12:39 pm
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Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 2:48 pm
Attached to the front of your duplex door is a handwritten note with the Feral Labs logo in the top left corner.
In a flowery script, the following message is written:
The Invitation You are cordially invited to a meet and greet Halloween costume party to take place Halloween night. The staff will be setting up a tent just for this occasion and will be catering, of course. We know that you most likely did not pack costumes, so if you will just leave a message with the staff (through the intercom) to let us know what you would like to dress as, we will be able to procure a costume for you. ~Aubrey heart
((OOC: The Halloween party will take place in a separate thread in the guild that will be made for the event. The event will last in real time from Friday Oct 28 till the end of actual Halloween, Monday the 31st. Feel free to come and go at your leisure. If you would like to get artwork of your character in costume, we can post it in the first post or two of the event thread - PM the art to Sabin Duvert and he will collect it to post when he builds the thread.))
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Posted: Tue Oct 04, 2005 12:23 pm
Julian sat exhaustedly in his chair, holding the invitation in his hand. A PARTY? As in...a party...with people? It was true, he needed to meet people...and Halloween was one of few times when he could loosen up...hide behind a costume and be someone else for a while....
...But wasn't being someone else his PROBLEM IN THE FIRST PLACE!?
"Besides, what would I be?"
'Julian, dear boy...I think you would do well to go to the party. You can't hide from the crowds forever...and besides...you DO enjoy Halloween. What is your alternative? Staying in to listen to the crowd in your head? As to a costume, I know you would have something in mind....'
He sighed a bit, tapping his lips with one claw. The cuts in his forehead and cheekbones were still there from the other night - but they were healing.
"...Well...I guess...I could go...." He sighed, standing up. "...But I'd better shower...make myself look a little better. I have...er...somewhere I have to go today...."
Inwardly, he cringed. He had fought the idea...and he still DID hate it, even as he wandered into the bathroom and shut the door.
But he NEEDED HELP. Even if that meant going to...to....
'I can't believe you are doing this. Going to one of THEM...don't think I didn't hear your voice shaking when you made the appointment.'
Julian pulled off his shirt, grimacing at the sight of his thin, furry chest in the mirror.
"I...I...want to. I mean...maybe...maybe I could find out, then, how to...."
'...Get rid of me? Is that it?'
The water started running, and he stepped into the tub, letting it hit his pale skin and run through his fur.
"...Not...so much...you. I mean...the other voices. The mean ones."
'But I have already quieted them for you, Julian. They haven't talked nearly as much, have they? I'm rather hurt that you are treating me this way....'
With a little sigh, Julian began to work shampoo through his dark hair...and then into the fur on his face, chest, and tail. He was a bit disgusted, but...how else would he keep it all clean?
"...I'm just...trying...to get comfortable again. I want to prove that I'm not broken...."
'But if I know that...and you know that...then why bother?'
Unable to answer the question, he simply busied himself with getting clean. Really, the fur was sort of...pretty, in a way. He DID like the stripes...and it wasn't that bad.
But...then...why was he...?
NO.
NO, not broken.
In silence, ears twtiching and face a grimace at the sound of the voices, he finished cleaning himself up.
He had an appointment to get to.
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Posted: Tue Oct 04, 2005 3:40 pm
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Posted: Fri Oct 28, 2005 1:14 pm
<>
A soft moan escaped Julian as he stirred back into consciousness, green eyes opening...to the sight of his room. His room?
How had he gotten back here?
Carefully sitting up, he put a hand to his forehead. "...Mm...what...?" He stopped for a long moment...considering something. Then, very softly....
"...Cheshire?"
The voice was swift to respond - he sounded pleased.
'I was wondering how long it would take for you to talk to me...instead of the other way around.'
Julian gave a nervous laugh, swinging himself into a standing position. He wobbled a bit before managing to steady himself, taking a few paces about the room.
"...Sorry about that...um...Cheshire? What...happened...in there? Why am I here?"
A tartness in the Cat's voice made him cringe.
'...Oh, the Queen of Hearts meant to take off your head, Julian. I just let her know I wouldn't have it.'
Julian's stomach churned. Take of his head? Well...probably not...literally. At least, he hoped. "And...then?"
'I left,' the Cat lied, 'And was rather tired. Got myself comfortable.'
"...Oh."
Something felt...wrong...about all that, but he chose to ignore it. He was beginning to realize something interesting. Not only could Cheshire talk to him...but he could start conversations with him as well. It wasn't one-sided. Strangely...this was a comfort.
"...I think...I'll go to the Halloween party." He smiled a feeble smile as he approached the intercom.
'Wonderful, dear boy. What are you planning to be?'
"The Mad Hatter."
There was a very long, very awkward pause. Julian gave a nervous smile - it was now feeling rather as if he weren't alone in the room, so his habits began to shift to what he did in others' company.
"...Is...something...wrong?"
'Well...not that I have any sort of...ego problems, Julian,' he began slowly, '...But don't you think you should go with the more..obvious...Alice costume?'
Julian answered simply.
"...If you mean dress like you...that...wouldn't...really be a costume, would it?"
Another long and awkward pause.
'...Perhaps you have a point.'
Completely oblivious to just how violently the visit had ended, and rather cheered, for reasons he wasn't quite sure of...Julian called in his costume request.
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Posted: Fri Oct 28, 2005 3:31 pm
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Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2005 5:06 pm
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Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2005 5:16 pm
Now that Emerwyn was finally free, for the time being, of her illness, she felt the time was right to go see Julian. Above most of the people on the island, Emerwyn had a strange passionate concern for him. So, she reached into her drawer and pulled out his bookmark, left weeks ago at the cafeteria table. This was her feeble excuse for going to see him. Folded around it, however, was the only piece Emerwyn had written during the past weeks she'd been here. It was for Julian.
She went to his duplex, and suddenly started shaking. She remembered the glint in his eye, and his deranged grin, when the 'Cat' had hold of him. Please, let him be himself she prayed. Though, for some reason, Emerwyn found the Cat to be intriguing as he was frightening. Maybe it was seeing the mad Cheshire Cat materialized out of one of her favorite books growing up. Or maybe she felt a strange... connection to him...
She swallowed hard, and knocked three times.
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Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2005 6:31 pm
"Come in...."
The voice was faint and feeble - Julian, not the Cat. It sounded a bit muffled, as if inside the room he were under or behind something.
Then there was a soft scritching sound - something scraping the door? And the click of a lock.
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