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 Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 7:43 pm
"Hey little one..." she whispered softlly to Ruli now that Karma was out of the picture, tickling at his chin, "Aura will be back soon, but for now you're with me, alright cutie?"
She took him over to the makeshift sink they had. It was a wonder why they had no bathroom, yet they had a dinky little sink.
"Do you want a bath?" Baniru smiled a genuine smile- one where her teeth didn't flash and her black tongue didn't fork, one where there was lights dancing in the pit of her iris.
Light was flowing in quietly from the midnight blue curtains and the window- the old window- where all of this mess had begun. Where the boy had broken her window, where the shard came, where Karma came...
It took her minute to realize- when exactly did Aura get a shard herself? She remembered vaguely meeting Ruli- but he seemed so much older now, so much more capable then he had then.
Karma, on the other hand, was pouting and sniveling against the toilet seat, playing with his long hair. He wished harder than ever now that his mom would stop yelling for once- for even though he might spite her as he must, being Karma- it still hurt him.
He wanted a hug, too.
He wanted to be cradled, and bathed in the sink, and tucked into bed with a soft story.
He wanted love... but perhaps that was asking too much.
Karma scrubbed at his face furiously, hiccuping. She didn't understand him at all- he didn't purposefully WANT to spite her... but he couldn't go against the greater will, and that will was telling her to get what was coming.
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Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 8:00 pm
Ruli found himself trusting her. Still very confused, he let himself listen - and to his very great surprise, he could understand her clearly!
Typically, Ruli couldn't understand people. Especially grown people.
But she was clear as crystal. Clear as Astrum.
"Aura?" He repeated with interest. "She no Aura. She Astrum Aura. She no she, she he. "
Perhaps Astrum hadn't gotten the nerve to really explain the name and sex change. Ruli could know his hesitance - to him, it spoke volumes, much more than Astrum ever said. He could know it, even though he didn't really understand it.
And Astrum was shamed, now. Somehow. Shamed?
Shame?
Shame?
What shame?
"Bath?" He asked, recognizing the other question. "Bath?"
He thought about it. He wanted Astrum to come back to explain the horrible shame, but Astrum was away. Probably with scrubs.
"Bath okay yes!" He said in a stream, hoping she could understand him as well.
Astrum scrubbed the dirt off. It took a while for him to note what was a bruise and what was dirt, since bruises lined and were under all the grime.
Finally, things began to look up for him. He felt much cleaner after the third or so scrub down, and he didn't have to worry about shaving - the lingering female hormones, plus the incomplete hormone treatments, had stopped all body hair growth. He scrubbed his feet and palms extremely hard, then stood.
Hygene taken care of, he waited out the last of the shower, cleaning off the soap and the shower and loving the clean feeling. And worrying, and thinking too much, and being too anxious.
As Ruli would try to point out.
He hoped Ruli was okay.
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Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 8:25 pm
Baniru chuckled at the bluntless of the toddler, getting a soapy spunge and beginning to softly scrub him down.
"You're right," she said softly, "Astrum Aura is a he."
The woman guessed that her friend had taken on a second name when she changed genders, supposing that she must have found it fitting.
Tickling up Ruli's stomach and down his back, her mind began to wonder.
And think, and churn, and... wonder.
No one on Earth new Aura as well as she did- though people were able to change in the blink of an eye, she knew her friend was not that way.
Aura took pride in being a woman, she took happiness in her form...
Cancer?
Beginning to dab the toddler's face, the woman's mind wandered to her friend's words.
Aura had never lied to her, not once. Though she said she did lie an aweful lot, never once did she to her.
Cancer?
Baniru sudsed up Ruli's hair, scritching his head lightly with her nails.
How did Aura come across cancer so quickly? Well, she supposed that Aura was indeed the fragile type to get cancer- so that fit into the slot.
Shame?
As the woman began scrubbing the toddler down a second time, she mulled over that last part. Ruminating over her friend's actions and words.
Her eyes.
Oh, her eyes. They were as they always were, yet lacking in something.
Maybe that was what had fooled her?
Gently Baniru scrubbed Ruli's tail, and handed the sponge off so he could scrub places she shouldn't touch himself.
Love.
Love?
They were lacking love.
Oh, and how it hit her all then, as she stood there with one hand on her head and the other on her hip, biting her lip.
Aura didn't like herself now- thought she wasn't of the Earth anymore. She was beaten and guilty, and felt no need to live for herself anymore.
Had she pinned the tail on the donkey? Had she hit the nail on the head?
The woman hoped it so.
Baniru began to absentmindedly rinse Ruli off, digesting it all.
Well that was silly why she was shamed of herself- she was still the same Aura, was she not?
They were still best friends, were they not?
Perhaps...
Baniru thoughtfully looked down at Ruli, letting her forked tongue flick out much like a snake's would.
She would make Aura live for herself- yes, she would. She would make it so through womanly charms- though her mind wandered to if Aura still thought like a woman, even if she were to be seduced...
No, no. Plotting, plotting now. Aura would live for herself, if Baniru had to marry the man to do it.
"Are you all done, little one?" she coo'ed to Ruli softly, curling a wisp of his hair around one of her fingers.
She figured she should check on Karma soon.
Sigh.
The woman hoped the toddler wouldn't try to murder her.
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Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 8:51 pm
Ruli could tell when Baniru was thinking deeply, because she got all turned in. He couldn't really describe it well, even to himself. But Astrum Aura got that way too.
He laughed, a giggling sound that was such a strange normality coming from his lips that it alone made it unreal.
He was washed down, the nasty sticky dirtyness giving way to his skin, which he loved to see.
He washed himself carefully, and was rinsed off.
That deep-thoughtness was hanging around Baniru like a cloud. It reminded him of a stomach going through food.
Ruli heard the familiar euphamism, and nodded, a little smile playing on his lips. He liked to smile. Astrum liked to smile. Aura liked to smile.
It made him happy. "Yes am, Baniru."
He made sure that he pronounced her name just so. Just as Astrum pronounced it.
Now he remembered! Astrum, this place was the place Astrum was talking about for so long! They were safe. They were safe with Baniru, the friend!
Astrum dried himself off, taking great care around the scars of surgery. The towel was fairly clean, as he was clean, but he wrapped it around his shoulders as he put on his pants, which were still very dirty.
He didn't belong here anymore. He didn't belong anywhere, anymore. Not on earth, and not dead. Why, he thought miserably, tears coming to his eyes, why did I have to choose this? Why couldn't I be strong enough to be a fake woman, or to die?
He wasn't sure what he had. He could have ringworm, or any number of bodily diseases. He didn't want Baniru to get them, after being so kind as to let him use the shower.
He sighed as he stepped out, his feet raw a little from the harsh scrub-off, and began his weary trek back up the stairs, rubbing his wet hair with the fuzzy towel a little.
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Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 9:02 pm
"Aren't you just the cutest thing ever to grace the Earth," said Baniru with a smile, poking Ruli's nose and giving out a soft 'Boop!' noise.
"I'll be right back, alright little one? There's a towel behind you, if you want to be dry."
And she stalked off to the bathroom, a little ways away and around a wall.
"Karma?"
The boy didn't reply, staring at the ground in a guilty manner.
"Karma, are you ready to come out?"
At hearing his name the second time, the toddler slowly looked up, his eyes brimming with tears. He picked up a small roll of toilet paper he found behind the toilet seat and threw it at her in a hurl full of anger and resentment.
Baniru managed to put her hands infront of herself just before the roll came to hit her- and deflected it lightly, deciding to walk closer to her little toddler.
"Karma..."
Her voice sounded threatening.
The toddler stuck his tongue out at her before turning away with a slight hiccup, to glare at the wall.
The woman unclenched her teeth and gave a weary sigh, picking up the boy against his flailing attempts and being put down... and held him close. She cringed at the newly formed bruises on her arms- those could be healed.
This, she figured, was a moment of ungaurded tenderness that could not be replaced.
"I love you~" she whispered.
While Karma didn't understand what that meant, it calmed him so. He relaxed in her arms and just stared, entranced, enfixed, barely noticing as the linoleum melted away into the warm rug of the main room.
"Now please be a good boy."
Gently the toddler was placed near his toys, but he paid them no heed.
What ever did she mean by that statement?
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Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 9:15 pm
Ruli giggled, and grabbed the towel in ackward hands as Baniru went to do... something? It had to do with the other voice, but he didn't know anything else.
Astrum wandered back into the room with soft padding feet. Ruli was sitting there, fairly clean with a towel around him, and Baniru nowhere to be seen.
He rushed up to the child in a strange swing of affection, and gave him a very close hug. Ruli returned it with his thin arms as best as he could.
"Oh, Ru," the man said hoarsely. "You're alright."
His face puffed up slightly as he began to cry again. He was still very tired, and still mood swingy, and everything just seemed so wrong when everything was supposed to be okay.
"I okay. Yes. Don' cry, please." The little boy's tiny voice peeped out from under the hug.
Astrum let go, and looked deep into the boy's eyes. He was okay. He was okay! He was going to get all nice and healthy again, and...
Wait. Where were they going to stay?
Astrum hadn't though about that.
He had no money. He had no job, he had no home. The only people he knew in this whole city lived here, and weren't very well off.
He couldn't mooch off them.
He would bring harm to Baniru and her little child, being the change-gender that he was.
Perhaps he'd... leave. And maybe he could make money, and get enough to get an apartment.
But he couldn't bring Ruli! Ruli needed to be cared for.
But wasn't that the whole reason that he had become a man in the end?
Astrum was crying very hard. It was the wrong kind of crying, the kind you choke inside but it's like a dam bursting and you just don't know how much longer you can hold onto it.
He wasn't sure if he could leave Ruli.
No, he couldn't. But Ruli...
Why must life be so ******** hard?
Ruli was touching his cheek with tiny fingers. "Don' cry. We safe, yes? Yes."
Astrum could only nod, slowly, biting a weatherbeaten lip and wondering what safety was.
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Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 9:46 pm
Baniru watched from afar as the two seemed to bond, before she let out a meek, "Fu, will you come here please?"
Fu was what she always called the man when she felt the need to be endearing- and she tried her hardest to be.
Sheepishly she smiled, walking halfway, waiting to meet the man half in the kitchen and half in the main room.
The woman wanted them to stay- there was no doubt in her mind about that. She'd work another job if she must- Fu would get a job as well. They'd be able to support each other, all would be better.
This would just be a funny memory to look upon in the past.
Karma crashed his two toy planes together, and then into the assortment of pillows that made up his 'playpen'. He loved playing with his planes- they were the best things ever, in his humble opinion- one red and one blue, just like his own eyes.
"Brr-ro-ro-rooem~!" the toddler babbled out, making the two chase one another and then land in a soft mush of 'low. He giggled a little, in his own little world.
"Brooooem broem!"
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Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 9:58 pm
Astrum jumped, nearly sending Ruli tumbling off the counter onto the floor. He placed Ruli down with a kiss to the forehead, then turned around.
He had not been expecting Baniru to talk so kindly. It blew him back about ten years, back before he moved, back when he had happy, female memories...
Back when they had been Mu, and Fu.
Fu.
He - she - hadn't been called that in so long. It was almost like a longing for old times that filled his chest now; mixing in with the fear that he'd leave his child and the deep loathing and weakness he felt about himself now.
And the look in her eyes. Mu's eyes, not Baniru's eyes. She - he, damnit, he! - had only called Baniru by her full name when they were mock-scolding.
Now it was natural to think of her as Baniru.
But Mu. Wow.
He walked up to her after this second-hestitation of mindblowing euphoria and gave a half-hearted attempt at a smile. It looked sickly and fake - but underneath there was a glimmer, and in the eyes, too, of days long gone, and happy memories, and smiles that she - he, damnit. HE. - had always smiled.
"Are you -" he choked, clearing his throat, eyes now overbright "- you going to kick me out?"
Ruli shook his wise little head. Of course she wouldn't.
That just wasn't how Baniru would do things.
But who was Fu? For that matter, what was a Fu?
Ruli sat there, puzzled, and wondered what those other noices were, coming from the other room.
Who?
What?
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Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 10:14 pm
"Shh..." Baniru strutted up to Aura in a soft way, wrapping her arms gently around him and leaning into his chest... breathing in the crook of his neck.
"Of course not," she whispered warmly, nuzzling, "I.. I love you, Fu."
Oh, and she knew those memories, as she rocked with the man- she knew them well. But unlike Fu, she had control. Too much control one might say, that they cannot be truly free of themselves, but that double edged sword had it's pros as well.
"I love you... please- please don't go."
Gingerly she pressed herself against him, the warmth of her body mingling with his own. The woman had to stand on the balls of her feet to get where she was now- she guessed that the treatment had made Fu alot taller, as well.
Karma looked over curiously at Ruli.
"Hay!" he babbled out, waving an arm, "Calaa hay!"
The toddler offered a plane in return if the boy were to come over to his 'playpen', something that one would think the toddler wouldn't do.
Oh, but Karma was an angel to everyone else, remember.
"Calaaaaa...!" he called out again, waving his planes, wiggling his body, hoping Ruli would notice him and crawl over to play.
He loved to play. There was never anyone to play with but himself.
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Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 10:30 pm
Astrum stood, in a kind of stunned state of suspension for but a moment.
In one fell puff of a fan on a dyiing fire, need, longing, sadness, guilt, joy, and so many other feelings - so many, many other feeling, the next stronger than the first in an infinite loop - rushed through Astrum's core, through his heart, into his soul.
"Mu -" he got out before his arms had wrapped around her - a very male position, one arm around near her waist and the other near her neck, but it could have been on her shoulders for his weakness - a move on intimacy that the broken, emotion ravaged young man needed so badly.
He was sobbing, breaking down. He had no control, not like Mu. He never had control. This lack of control was bad in short term displays like this, but usually let Astrum feeling very content.
An odd longing was surging through him, one that he was not really paying attention to yet but would become a problem soon. He was almost disgusted at it. Almost, because he really wasn't paying attention yet.
His life poured out in tears, many tears, tears that spoke of loneliness and pain and sorrow and the lack of love.
"I love you," he gasped, before he even knew his mouth was open. He found himself ready to protest it - but found that he couldn't, because it was true.
Ruli clambered down to the floor, the towel fluttering off him uselessly.
He wobbled over to the other little boy.
There was never anyone to play with at the white room.
Only Aura, but she was gone now, sorta.
"Ruli," he said in a polite sort of his own mannered introduction, pointing one swirling finger toward his bare chest.
"You?" He quieried, confusedly wandering around the playpen, looking for a way in.
This little black-haired child - he could almost remember him. But from where?
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Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 10:43 pm
Baniru grinned inwardly like the succubus she was, before she leaned deeply into Fu and took a long kiss as his mouth was open, slipping her tongue between his lips and across his teeth.
Her eyes were closed in happiness, yet her hands were stroking his back, strumming it- as if she wanted more, needed more from him.
"Shh.. " she whispered as she took a breath from the kiss, taking a hand away from his back to wipe his tears away, "... hold me, love."
The woman breathed in his smell, nuzzling deep into the crook of his neck, licking at his skin- pressing herself more and more into him, running her hands through his short hair...
Karma blinked, cocking his head to the side, before he stood and stepped over the playpen and said solidly,
"Kah-ma."
He slowly handed Ruli both planes, indicating for the other toddler to pick one so that they could play. There was a bright smile on his face and in his eyes, one that swirled around his body and made him glow if you looked at him right.
"Pyay?"
Karma thought about the many things him and this... this- well, he looked like a boy- could do. But first...
The toddler studied Ruli intently, staring at his swirls and splashes of colour. Boy, he wished HE had colour like that! Instead he had these annoying metal things on the cuff of his ears- he HATED them! Plus he had long hair, but he could tell that Ruli had long hair too.
Oh oh! But wait. Karma had markings, he had markings too! On his shoulders-
Well, hell. They weren't colourful at all.
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Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 10:56 pm
Woah.
Hooooooooooly ********, is this really happening? Holy ******** stream of tears slowed down considerable - partially out of shock, and partially because very few people can cry when they are being kissed like that.
Woah. Talk about knocking socks off.
It took him a second, but living in the moment seemed to be very pleasing right now. He moved his own body to her's, almost involentarily. Holding her close in arms that were coursing with something Astrum was sure Aura hadn't felt often, a new strength.
Or had she? It didn't seem to matter.
This felt so good! Good in a way he hadn't felt - ever, maybe.
Love and longing. He moaned, very softly.
Ruli gaped as Kahma stepped over the playpen. Right over it!
Wow!
This shadow was offering a chance to play!
Maybe they both were just lonely.
Ruli smiled up at Kahma. Kahma was a little bigger than he was, older and such.
He picked the blue. It was the same colour as one horn on his head.
The exact same!
So appealing.
He lifted it gently out of Kahma's hand, taking it in his own, and made the engine start a little with his teeth - bruuumbrum! - , eyes still on Kahma, appealing to come and play, too.
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Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 11:04 pm
Baniru only pressed the man farther by letting her hands trickle down to the waist of his pants, dancing along it, across it, against it. She nibbled gently on one of his ears, moaning lightly and softly in return.
"Fu... " she breathed out, hot and heavy, "I... "
The woman felt her charms beginning to run out of tricks- but ah! She could probably use the same ones over and over and Fu would never tire of them.
She doubted Fu was ever held, strummed, or kissed in this way before.
Karma giggled, sending his own plane next to Ruli's, brooeming sound effects of his own. Though the boy was older, he couldn't talk as well- it was a strange, ironic coincidence, being the practical mind that he was.
"Brrrrroem!" the toddler said, "Bibibibi!"
He plopped down and grabbed one of the pillows from the playpen wall, making the plan he was holding crash into it with a soft flop.
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Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 11:13 pm
His head flopped back, his face skyward - what on earth was she doing to him?
It felt so good!
How could anything feel this good?
How could anything make him forget his troubles so quickly, with the brush of a few fingertips across his back - sending shivers of pleasure rushing to every pore of his body?
And how come this had never happened before?
Ruli's own plane did a complicated little twirl, before the "enemy" began to hit it. "Boom! Ban bang! Bibibibi!"
It may have been coincidence at how real the planes jerks and faux-crashes were - but it was disturbing.
Ruli had the plane crash-land safely with a trill - "eeeeeuuuuu!" - onto the same pillow, a few centimeters from it's brother in red.
"We gotta beat enemy!" He said in a hurried playful rush, pointing to the ceiling where the enemy was swirling among the dustmotes and imagination. "Dey gonna overtake!"
Ruli's sentences were choppy, but Aura had taught him much. It was easier for him to talk than listen - unless it was a kid. Kid's like him were easy to understand.
Waaaaay easy.
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Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 11:24 pm
Gently Baniru slipped her hands into the back of his pants, kissing him longingly and pressing against him once more.
Then she began to nibble at his bare skin.
"I love you.." she moaned out longingly.
Nearly there, almost there. He was coming 'round, as all men did.
Seemed that Fu still had the men parts that thought for him, but that was really to be expected at this stage.
Karma gasped and immediately looked up, making his plane fly and begin to shoot at the dustmotes swirling about the light filtering through the window.
"Bibibibi~ Can't ovataek!!"
The toddler buzzed around Ruli with his toy, trying to coordinate some sort of plan to take the motes down.
They would win this battle, the would!
Karma giggled that innocent, childish giggle, running about on the dark carpet and having such a good time in the sun. This was really what the boy needed, after all.
He needed a friend.
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