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It actually did a little more than get on my nerves, it actually pissed me off. I don't like to post unless I'm inspired, and when I feel like I'm being pushed to make a post, or when I feel pressured, it's not fun for me at that point. But I simply post just because I'm going to be left alone until the next time I'll have to post.
I don't like to post when I'm pissed off, because then it influences out of character behaviour, and most of you know that in High School I was a huge Theatre geek / Hardcore Thespian. I was not only Stage Crew, or Set design, but I was also an actor and sometimes the Script writer (see, the high school I graduated from had a small theatre department, so EVERYONE took on multiple roles, but we did a good job). So, staying in character is VERY important to me. It really is. And when my characters get OUT of character, it does bother me. And to be completely honest, Luciano is being out of character. I see it, and I do NOT like it one bit. And it's not just because of the pressure to post, but it's also because of life outside of the Guild. I have been under some stress lately, and I see that it's showing through in my posts- Not sure if someone / everyone caught that, and if you haven't then it's alright. I hate that it's showing in my posts, because this is not who Luciano is. This is not the direction I want him to go in. I don't want him to become some paranoid and delusional a*****e. This is not what I wanted for him, and I feel like I've already taken too much from him; His father, his fiance, he was a POW back in the war where he was tortured and almost had his humanity taken from him. I put him through a lot, and as odd as this sounds I feel bad for the guy. I want to give him a break.
This is why I don't post unless I'm inspired- And it could take a while for me to be inspired. But d'you want a nice, well-thought up post, or something I just shat out and said "Here you go. Do something with this"?. . . I don't like posting just to shut someone / everyone up- I HATE feeling that way. Because I ******** LOVE you people, and you're all amazing to work with. But if I feel like I have to make a post just to keep people happy, I'm not going to do it anymore. I will post when I see something I want to work with. I will post when I am inspired. I will post when I think I've got a good quality post to present to you. Because I do not like showing off s**t-tastic works. That's NOT me. When it comes to my posts, I really am a perfectionist and if my work is not up to MY standards, I will not post.
I promise I'm not pissed off right now, and I promise that I'm fine right now. And I'm not saying that it's 100% your guys' fault my posts are bad, It's mainly my fault because I allow myself to post when I'm not in the best state of mind. It's also outside influences that put me in such a bad state. . But when I say that I'm going to post, I always post. It may not be when you want me to, and it may not be when it's especially demanded of me (actually when people demand s**t of me, that's when I go into a*****e mode and be like "Well, if it's demanded of me. . . . ******** you. ******** all of you. I'll do it whenever the ******** ******** it suits me. Have an AWESOME day!"), but I always post. You've seen this of me, so you know that I mean it when I say it. Once again, I promise that I'm not pissed off right now, but I'm simply just opening up about this because He who cares Shares. And I care enough to want to open up about this, because if I don't talk about something it eats away at me until I do talk about it. It haunts me until I talk it out. So. . . Yeah, last night I was pissed off and because I was pissed off I couldn't properly help out one of my good friends.
I mean, if my post was pretty awesome then I guess it's not TOO bad. . but it's bad in my eyes, and I don't like bringing out bad posts.
So, I just ask not to be Pushed or Bothered into posting- Yes, you can ask me to post. I won't mind if you ask me, I mean more than likely I'll want to anyway unless it's something I'm unsure if I can work with. If I can work with the post, you'll see post shortly after. . if it's something I'm not really sure what to do with then let me figure it out. Don't sit there and nag me until I post (especially DON'T EVER nag me. I watch my cousins every other week and whenever they want to do something I usually turn them down because I really don't want to do whatever they want to do, and they'll ******** NAG me and bother me until I do it. . It's annoying, and it's frustrating). So just TRUST me to figure it out, Please.
Again, I'm not pissed off, I'm not mad, I just wanted to share this while it's still fresh in my mind. You know? And now that I've shared, I do feel better but I'm hoping that I don't make anybody miserable, or feel bad. That's not my intention AT ALL. This is just me opening up and saying how I feel.