Welcome to Gaia! ::

So yeah, I kind of died and don't use the internet much anymore. I'm still here though...which is good, I guess... o_O

I took a weekend hiatus from the net... Did some volunteer stuff. Earned myself a sunstroke and a lovely burn. I slightly resemble a lobster. It hurts to smile, and scrunch my nose. Next time I'm outside all weekend, I'm wearing sunscreen.

My kitty bit me so I set it on fire.(I'm talking about my avatar... xd )

I got a job. w00t.

Congrats again. smile

*sigh* Yesterday was horrible but so wonderful too. You see, I have a slight problem that will pass soon. Clark my ex bf is a very wonderful person. I can go on forever about him because I love him more than the moon and the stars put together.

But I have to hide my feelings because I'm with someone right now. Andrew is a wonderful person too, but he is pessimistic, sometimes childish, and gets angry easily.

Last night I was talking to Clark and IM'd him saying "Hi how are you?" He replied Shitty, and I said oh? Me too. From there, I talked to him for about an hour and a half. I started crying because I still love him very much but I cant show it without hurting someone. He asked why was my life shitty? And I said "I still love you, but I'm with Andrew, and I'm sure the whole Andrew relationship is going to blow up. I still care for you, I still want to be with you. I didn't want to end our relationship etc." It went on like that. I told him how my mom seemed to only want the money from my book, and how she was a strong influence in my decision to break up with clark with her whole "Aw you and andrew are perfect together, I like him he's such a great guy, He's so laid back and nonchalant he's wonderful." If he's so wonderful to her why doesn't she date him? That was his reply. At 1030 I told him that it was high time I get off the computer and go to sleep. He said "Can I call you?"
"Idk its late..."
"I miss hearing your wonderful voice please can I call you?"
I let him. It was so wonderful hearing his voice again. So so wonderful. We talked and I fell asleep. Eventually he did too. I hung up the phone at 517 am... which is 717am his time. No one has any idea about how happy he makes me. It's like... he's the person I'm supposed to be with. I think about him non stop, I dreamed about him last night. THe emotions I felt in that dream were real. He was out here for a little bit, and he kissed me. All I remember thinking was this is a real kiss, this has an entire heart behind this kiss.

I don't feel that with Andrew. He says he loves me, but I know it's not the kind of love that I feel.

I want to meet Clark over the summer because when I broke up with him, it was only until we meet.

Such a funny thing love is. It can make and destroy all in one blow.

Katie, and Sterfo, arent too fond of Andrew. THey have no influence in my decision however. I know that most likely every bf I have will piss my friends off in one way.

Those that now me irl, do you remember how I was always smiling when I would talk about clark? Remember how I always would laugh and never be sad? Remember how the day could be dark, depressing and rainy but I was still so happy I didn't care? I don't feel like that anymore. I want to feel like that again. That was my bliss.

Yeah... I beleive I'm done... if you have a reply don't quote this it's too long... xd or just randomly PM me.

yeah I know he did. I didn't fully understand the conversation that was going on at the time but... yeah... *sigh* my mom will be devestated if I break up with him... but if it's what's best for me then I should do it right? I know I should though... it wont work... esp if I still have such strong feelings for clark still.