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A Naruto role-playing guild using the d20 system, for semi-lit and above RPers. 

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Mazokai

PostPosted: Tue Oct 23, 2007 5:55 pm


BOOSH BOOSH BOOSH BOOSH BOOSH BOOSH BOOSH thank u so much
PostPosted: Wed Oct 24, 2007 2:56 am


.(.Kitsune_Masakazu.).
Devil_Kenpachi
Ryu sat against the wall of the academy reading a scroll showing how to perform a copy jutsu. He had been reading it for some time so he decided so try put what he had seen into practise. he fumped on to the roof of the academy and waited for somebody to pass by. After a few minutes he spotted a girl passing by.
He quietly chanted the jutsu and made the hand sign, he concentrated as hard as he could...poof...he looked down for a second and noticed a new pair of breasts. He held back a laugh and quietly jumped down behind the girl he had copied. Ryu walked quietly up behind her and tapped her shoulder, when she turned around she realised she was looking at herself, she stood with a stupid look on her face just staring until Ryu suddenly said "boo." The girl jumped and screamed at the top of her lungs

Is this better?

Practice is spelled wrong, as is Realized. I'm also assuming that you mean he Jumped onto the roof...but, other than that, it's fine.

Pass.


Sorry to butt in, but this is just my British education talking! But they are spelt right! In Britain, anyway. Practise is the verb, and practice is the noun. In the UK XD

But anyway.. just saying XD

kouri-chan_xx
Vice Captain

Noob


Rocking Reaper

PostPosted: Wed Oct 24, 2007 3:35 am


Even though i do live in the UK i still dont think i can get away with 'fumped' lol but thanks for passing me ill just work on the grammar and I should be ok
PostPosted: Wed Oct 24, 2007 12:30 pm


Yes, well, I'm American, not British, so I'm going by what I know.

And, really, I could've nitpicked that a LOT more than I did.

.(.Kitsune_Masakazu.).


Rocking Reaper

PostPosted: Wed Oct 24, 2007 2:22 pm


hehe sweatdrop
PostPosted: Wed Oct 24, 2007 10:57 pm


Well, I'm Kotouru Kurinae,and I have no idea what village yet so here we go sweatdrop
RP Example:
As Kotouru Kurinae entered the ramen shop on the edge of the village she felt a faint breeze against her cheeks,it was mid August and the sakura trees were in full bloom,tomorrow was to be her first day as a "real"ninja.

The day tomorrow was also the anniversary of her father's death and to be exact her mother's birthday as well.So many things happening on one day,she felt excited and overwhelmed by all of this, but she also felt saddened. It was only a year ago her father had died,she still remembers the day she found out, the memories flood over her as if everything happened yesterday.

Kotouru looked into the sky and a tear fell from her eyes, hoping no one saw her, she quickly wiped it away and walked out of the ramen shop.

XxSakura_Ninja_GirlxX


RawrsFearMe

PostPosted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 5:44 pm


Rp Sample!!!:
Kiro walked throughout Kohona. I'm so freaking tired, maybe I should have slept longer... He walked into the Ramen Shop, "Maybe something intresting will happen..." He sat down, "I'll order... whatever, you choose." He didn't care what he ate all that much, he didn't wouldn't eat a lot of it anyways. He was just staying there to eat up some time. "Nothing much has happened over the past few days..." complained Kiro. Day One, Boredom. Day 2, Boredom. Day 3, Boredom. He sighed, "Something will happen sooner or later. Right?"
_____________________________________________________________
If I did something wrong, I apoligize a whole bunch, and I'll fix it right away. ^^
PostPosted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 6:03 pm


Okay so I post my rp sample here!~

Rp Sample:

A slender girl jumped out of the river a large fish in her hands. A deep frown was etched on her face while she trudged back to the camp. Her long blonde hair was matted down to her back, and she just knew that it would be a pain to get through later. Letting out a sigh the girl arrived in camp to see her teammates gone and the elderly lady sleeping off to the side. Groaning she smashed her palm into her forehead, achieving a resounding smack sound. She had no idea that they would actually leave a defenseless old lady alone for any amount of time.

Grumbling to herself Nikki looked at the dying fire and picked up some of the last of the old and crackly wood throwing it into the fire. Picking up a longer stick she pierced the fist and held it over the fire. She didn't want to skin it yet, it seemed like to much work to do while she was still soaking wet. Shaking her head and sending water flying she only heard a few cracking branches before a large bird swooped down and cawed loudly waking the older women.

Growling Nikki jumped up and whipped out a kunia. Bounding over to stand protectively before the frightened older woman. Putting on a grim face of determination Nikki flicked her wrist automatically sending the sharp projectile flying. And to her pleasure dead into the side of the bird. As it spiraled to the ground Nikki sighed and rana hand through her hair. Well they had some more food to eat.

Watching as the old woman sat down on her bed mat Nikki sighed. She hated being left behind to watch the people when they had escort missions. And of course being the only female member on the team she was expected to cook. But all things considered she was the only one who could cook. Outside of Lie being able to fry a fish with a fireball. But they could never eat said fish afterwards.

NikkiUzumakiHyuga


vee-13

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 26, 2007 8:22 am


Well its my turn i guess

RP sample

Veeyato awoke bright and early to the sunrise coming through his window. His spicky black hair was a complete mess, one side was up and the other was down. With a quick shake, his hair his hair became perfect. After finishing everything at home he went out for some breakfast.

On his way he noticed some girls looking at him. He had a big grin on his face and waved at them, they just started laughing, he thought nothing of it. Veeyato had on his yellow school shirt, his black school pants, and his side bag while he was on his way to get breakfast. Of corse he went to his favorite ramen stand like he does every morning. The shop keeper was looking at him kind of wierd, still veeyato thought nothing of it. After finishing a big bowl of Chicken ramen soup he decided to start his way to school.

On his way in, some kunoichi were standing outside the school building. They were older than he was and higher ranked so he didnt look at them out of respect but they were staring pretty hard at him. After Veeyato got into the classroom he sat down in the back. He tipped his seat back and reflected on his morning.Thinking to himself "I've had a wierd morning, everyone has been looking at me. I guess I'm just getting better looking thats all". While he was thinking Veeyato's friend Ken came up. "VEE!" he yelled out,

Veeyato fell right out of his chair and onto the floor. Nobody really noticed but Veeyato still felt embarassed, Veyato stood up got in Ken's face and said "Whats your problem?". Ken didn't answer, all he said was "uhhhhh, Vee. look down.....", Veeyato was confused but he looked down anyway. His face just dropped, Thinking to himself again "Well this explains my morning.....". He turned around, zipped up his pants then sat back down and got ready for the rest of his day.
PostPosted: Fri Oct 26, 2007 1:28 pm


Eureka_7_girl13
Well, I'm Kotouru Kurinae,and I have no idea what village yet so here we go sweatdrop
RP Example:
As Kotouru Kurinae entered the ramen shop on the edge of the village she felt a faint breeze against her cheeks,it was mid August and the sakura trees were in full bloom,tomorrow was to be her first day as a "real"ninja.

The day tomorrow was also the anniversary of her father's death and to be exact her mother's birthday as well.So many things happening on one day,she felt excited and overwhelmed by all of this, but she also felt saddened. It was only a year ago her father had died,she still remembers the day she found out, the memories flood over her as if everything happened yesterday.

Kotouru looked into the sky and a tear fell from her eyes, hoping no one saw her, she quickly wiped it away and walked out of the ramen shop.

Alright...to be completely honest, almost all of your sentences are run-ons. That being said, can you please go through and make sure that you have periods where they need to be? I'll pick at it a bit more if needed after that, but except for a few spacing and capitalization problems....

.(.Kitsune_Masakazu.).


.(.Kitsune_Masakazu.).

PostPosted: Fri Oct 26, 2007 1:30 pm


RawrsFearMe
Rp Sample!!!:
Kiro walked throughout Kohona. I'm so freaking tired, maybe I should have slept longer... He walked into the Ramen Shop, "Maybe something intresting will happen..." He sat down, "I'll order... whatever, you choose." He didn't care what he ate all that much, he didn't wouldn't eat a lot of it anyways. He was just staying there to eat up some time. "Nothing much has happened over the past few days..." complained Kiro. Day One, Boredom. Day 2, Boredom. Day 3, Boredom. He sighed, "Something will happen sooner or later. Right?"
_____________________________________________________________
If I did something wrong, I apoligize a whole bunch, and I'll fix it right away. ^^

Alright. There's a grammatical problem with throughout- did he walk every inch of Konoha? If so, then it would be fine. If not, it has to be through only, otherwise...yeah. Ehm...what else...Interesting is spelled wrong, and there's a run-on or two.

Can you please make some corrections? I'll pass you after that.
PostPosted: Fri Oct 26, 2007 1:34 pm


NikkiUzumakiHyuga
Okay so I post my rp sample here!~

Rp Sample:

A slender girl jumped out of the river a large fish in her hands. A deep frown was etched on her face while she trudged back to the camp. Her long blonde hair was matted down to her back, and she just knew that it would be a pain to get through later. Letting out a sigh the girl arrived in camp to see her teammates gone and the elderly lady sleeping off to the side. Groaning she smashed her palm into her forehead, achieving a resounding smack sound. She had no idea that they would actually leave a defenseless old lady alone for any amount of time.

Grumbling to herself Nikki looked at the dying fire and picked up some of the last of the old and crackly wood throwing it into the fire. Picking up a longer stick she pierced the fist and held it over the fire. She didn't want to skin it yet, it seemed like to much work to do while she was still soaking wet. Shaking her head and sending water flying she only heard a few cracking branches before a large bird swooped down and cawed loudly waking the older women.

Growling Nikki jumped up and whipped out a kunia. Bounding over to stand protectively before the frightened older woman. Putting on a grim face of determination Nikki flicked her wrist automatically sending the sharp projectile flying. And to her pleasure dead into the side of the bird. As it spiraled to the ground Nikki sighed and rana hand through her hair. Well they had some more food to eat.

Watching as the old woman sat down on her bed mat Nikki sighed. She hated being left behind to watch the people when they had escort missions. And of course being the only female member on the team she was expected to cook. But all things considered she was the only one who could cook. Outside of Lie being able to fry a fish with a fireball. But they could never eat said fish afterwards.

There are a lot of places missing comma's, but this is my nitpicking again. Spelling is fine, except for Kunai and there ought to be a space between 'ran' and 'a'. There are also one or two run-ons, but nothing to worry about.

Can you please edit this?

.(.Kitsune_Masakazu.).


.(.Kitsune_Masakazu.).

PostPosted: Fri Oct 26, 2007 1:42 pm


vee-13
Well its my turn i guess

RP sample

Veeyato awoke bright and early to the sunrise coming through his window. His spicky black hair was a complete mess, one side was up and the other was down. With a quick shake, his hair his hair became perfect. After finishing everything at home he went out for some breakfast.

On his way he noticed some girls looking at him. He had a big grin on his face and waved at them, they just started laughing, he thought nothing of it. Veeyato had on his yellow school shirt, his black school pants, and his side bag while he was on his way to get breakfast. Of corse he went to his favorite ramen stand like he does every morning. The shop keeper was looking at him kind of wierd, still veeyato thought nothing of it. After finishing a big bowl of Chicken ramen soup he decided to start his way to school.

On his way in, some kunoichi were standing outside the school building. They were older than he was and higher ranked so he didnt look at them out of respect but they were staring pretty hard at him. After Veeyato got into the classroom he sat down in the back. He tipped his seat back and reflected on his morning.Thinking to himself "I've had a wierd morning, everyone has been looking at me. I guess I'm just getting better looking thats all". While he was thinking Veeyato's friend Ken came up. "VEE!" he yelled out,

Veeyato fell right out of his chair and onto the floor. Nobody really noticed but Veeyato still felt embarassed, Veyato stood up got in Ken's face and said "Whats your problem?". Ken didn't answer, all he said was "uhhhhh, Vee. look down.....", Veeyato was confused but he looked down anyway. His face just dropped, Thinking to himself again "Well this explains my morning.....". He turned around, zipped up his pants then sat back down and got ready for the rest of his day.

There are a lot of spelling and capitalization errors in this thing. There are also some run-on problems. Can you please go through and nitpick it a bit?
PostPosted: Fri Oct 26, 2007 2:55 pm


.(.Kitsune_Masakazu.).
NikkiUzumakiHyuga
Okay so I post my rp sample here!~

Rp Sample:

A slender girl jumped out of the river a large fish in her hands. A deep frown was etched on her face while she trudged back to the camp. Her long blonde hair was matted down to her back, and she just knew that it would be a pain to get through later. Letting out a sigh the girl arrived in camp to see her teammates gone and the elderly lady sleeping off to the side. Groaning she smashed her palm into her forehead, achieving a resounding smack sound. She had no idea that they would actually leave a defenseless old lady alone for any amount of time.

Grumbling to herself Nikki looked at the dying fire and picked up some of the last of the old and crackly wood throwing it into the fire. Picking up a longer stick she pierced the fist and held it over the fire. She didn't want to skin it yet, it seemed like to much work to do while she was still soaking wet. Shaking her head and sending water flying she only heard a few cracking branches before a large bird swooped down and cawed loudly waking the older women.

Growling Nikki jumped up and whipped out a kunia. Bounding over to stand protectively before the frightened older woman. Putting on a grim face of determination Nikki flicked her wrist automatically sending the sharp projectile flying. And to her pleasure dead into the side of the bird. As it spiraled to the ground Nikki sighed and rana hand through her hair. Well they had some more food to eat.

Watching as the old woman sat down on her bed mat Nikki sighed. She hated being left behind to watch the people when they had escort missions. And of course being the only female member on the team she was expected to cook. But all things considered she was the only one who could cook. Outside of Lie being able to fry a fish with a fireball. But they could never eat said fish afterwards.

There are a lot of places missing comma's, but this is my nitpicking again. Spelling is fine, except for Kunai and there ought to be a space between 'ran' and 'a'. There are also one or two run-ons, but nothing to worry about.

Can you please edit this?


There you go!
Rp Sample:

A slender girl jumped out of the river a large fish in her hands. A deep frown was etched on her face while she trudged back to the camp. Her long blonde hair was matted down to her back, and she just knew that it would be a pain to get through later. Letting out a sigh the girl arrived in camp, just to see her teammates gone,and the elderly lady sleeping off to the side. Groaning she smashed her palm into her forehead, achieving a resounding smack sound. She had no idea that they would actually leave a defenseless old lady alone for any amount of time.

Grumbling to herself Nikki looked at the dying fire and picked up some of the last of the old and crackly wood throwing it into the fire. Picking up a longer stick she pierced the fist and held it over the fire. She didn't want to skin it yet, it seemed like to much work to do while she was still soaking wet. Shaking her head and sending water flying she only heard a few cracking branches before a large bird swooped down and cawed loudly waking the older women.

Growling Nikki jumped up and whipped out a kunai. Bounding over to stand protectively before the frightened older woman. Putting on a grim face of determination Nikki flicked her wrist automatically, sending the sharp projectile flying. And to her pleasure, dead into the side of the bird. As it spiraled to the ground Nikki sighed, and ran a hand through her hair. Well they had some more food to eat.

Watching as the old woman sat down on her bed mat Nikki smiled. She hated being left behind to watch the people when they had escort missions. But of course being the only female member on the team she was expected to cook. But all things considered she was the only one who could cook. Outside of Li being able to fry a fish with a fireball. But they could never eat said fish afterwards anyways.

NikkiUzumakiHyuga


Valis Parn

Interesting Gaian

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 26, 2007 3:38 pm


Well Here it is-


Rp Sample:

Alex looked down at his hands the hands that were socked in blood not to long before. How could this of happend? was the only thing running through Alex's head at the time. After along while nelt down next to a river cleaning his hands of the blood, Alex finally stood and looked to the night sky with a smile coming to his mouth, this smile wasn't like a normal smile but that of releaf.


(( if i spelt something wrong and or need to fix the sample in any way just say the word and i'll edit it))
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