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Fractured Moonlight Captain
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 Posted: Sun Jul 02, 2006 9:19 pm
"I was there a lot...but not really there as well. I'm sure you understand." Funny, he wasn't liking this conversation yet he proceeded in it still. He should of shut down before this now shouldn't he? Then a blink of her at her comment on pretty things. "Isn't that what they are meant for? To only look at...when you touch them, things do go as planned. Something often breaks."
Piper gave a chuckle, blowing a breath out to make the hair in her eyes move from her line of vision some. What with it getting longer and her bandana off to not hold it back, it got in her place. "Last night? I don't recall being in this position in quite a long long while. You must have been having a quite fine reverie then." Thus off was pulled the shirt and then boots and socks...letting them all drop in the dirt just to mess with him and then she started tugging at his pant legs. "Or you had yourself a nice time last night and it didn't involve me."
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Posted: Sun Jul 02, 2006 9:51 pm
Well that was true, she couldn't really argue with that one because pretty things tended to be delicate and fragile. "I suppose. I just...not everything that's pretty is fragile and out to hurt you. Sometimes edges aren't as sharp as they seem and softer objects don't have those jagged edges that will so easily cut skin and draw blood." Eloquence, the very thing that makes an elf an elf aside from their pointy ears. "I do understand why you have no desire to go back to Andal. I have no desire to go back home either, too much cruelty and bad memories abound in that place. Especially with Lloth gone, things are probably in turmoil over there. I do wonder sometimes if my sister finally got what she wanted...." oh look, she was sharing things, things she never shared.
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Picking Up Stars Vice Captain
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Fractured Moonlight Captain
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Posted: Sun Jul 02, 2006 10:12 pm
A blink at her as she once more twisted his words to make them not so harsh and have a better meaning. Contradict him if you will. That was intriguing too how she would contradict him without second thought and perhaps spur another sentence out of him. "With Lloth gone...you are free. With Lloth gone...her lesser Andalian Goddess holds a tigher rein. If Lloth is even gone from that plane...Gods work in mysterious ways after all." Though he still wasn't free was he? He should of cared more.
Then another small shrug. "Sisters usually do get what they want...all depends on how old they are. Though sometimes that doesn't matter either." He wasn't surprised that Zahara had a sister, they were drow after all, that was a common thing to have. He was one of eight after all. "And what did she want?" Damn it, he did it again!
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Posted: Sun Jul 02, 2006 10:35 pm
Another genuine smile bloomed on her face as she realized for the first time how right he was. With Lloth gone she was free. There would be no reason to come back after her and now there was no goddess to sacrifice her to. She was finally free of that entire life, of all that fear that someday she'd be discovered and dragged back home. Her eyes closed for a moment and she folded her hands letting the truth sink in. Of course his question pulled her from her moment of silent exaltation and she blinked, her smile instantly fading and her voice took on a softer quality as though she wasn't even there with Sevilin but back in some nondescript memory. "To be the favored. To finally measure up in her eyes. I would have gladly traded places with her so as not to be the one she was always coming to see. Jealousy was a big motivator for my sister, jealousy of me..." Of course the 'she' that Zahara spoke of was her mother but now that she'd met Fianna and knew the way a mother could be, she was loath to apply that term to Fianna's antithesis in every way.
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Picking Up Stars Vice Captain
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Fractured Moonlight Captain
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Posted: Sun Jul 02, 2006 10:42 pm
He watched her a moment...as apparently she was going through some acceptance. Acceptene that her goddess was gone or of something else though. But he figured it was something else...seeing as she hadn't gotten on his case when he mentioned her free from Spider b***h. Zahara apparently was pleased with that fact when others would be infuriated.
Sevilin sighed lightly and leaned back against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest in almost protective manner of himself. "Sometimes...it is best to not be favored and to not measure up." A scoff. "To think, you want my life and I would of given anything for your sister's...to be the one faded into the background and overshadowed by someone else." Damn it, damn it, damn it.
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Posted: Sun Jul 02, 2006 10:54 pm
Zahara forced a laugh though it came out bitter and unfeeling. "She could have had it with my blessing. That's the thing she never understood, while she was jealous of me, I was just as jealous of her." A small pause and she forced her way on. "She could have been the one that garnered all the favor, the prodigy child. I would have gladly stayed back and let her have all the glory, all the attention, and she could have been the one who was used." A small shake of her head, "She could have been cursed with the off color eyes and I wouldn't have been jealous of her one bit. But I was the lucky one, I was the one who was blessed and so were you it seems." She watched him closely, sensing that he was alluding to things he'd never actually spoken of before. Many things about him slowly began to become much clearer as though the glass had been cleaned and she could see clearly through. His adamance about not being used again, much the way she felt. "You're just like me but worse...you went through so much more, didn't you?" she asked softly, careful in her wording and ready to stop at any point. She didn't want to push him and force him into anything then have him hate her for doing so.
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Picking Up Stars Vice Captain
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Fractured Moonlight Captain
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Posted: Sun Jul 02, 2006 11:10 pm
"Much more and much more perfect...the perfect male speciment, in looks thanks to my father, in powers thanks to both my parents...and of my sisters' makings." His voice had gone a bit distant...why was this happening? This was something he never talked about, refused to talk about, refused to acknowledge that it even happened to him. He had made two Sevilin's of himself, why did the one who was locked in the closet speak through the crack under the door now? Where was the other that held the keys?
"I think I would of liked having the 'off color eyes' as you put them. After all, drow favor the red. The color of blood." He shook his head lightly, this wasn't fun, why continue? For some reason he felt compelled to. "Prodigy a foul word in both our cases it seems." Though his was a far less noble application of the word. His was a mockery. "But we differ in a way...you wanted to give the glory to your sister...I wanted to take it from my brothers." There was a contradiction, or perhaps a veiled statement to stomething more. A swallow and shake of his head, perhaps not aware of how vulnerable he looked, huddled into himself, back against the wall and head slighly bowed, eyes unguarded.
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Posted: Sun Jul 02, 2006 11:20 pm
His voice took on that same sound that meant he was getting lost in his memories, not even aware that she was there any longer. Throughout his words she could hear the thinly veiled anger and bitterness the thought of his past evoked in him and it called to the same emotions that nestled deep within her own soul. She slowly stepped forward, compelled by something that she couldn't name and didn't want to. His eyes betrayed the pain, the vulnerability and the fear revealed clearly in the clouded blood red pools. Her steps continued forward until she was in front of him, gazing directly into his eyes as she'd bent her head to lock her gaze with his. For a moment she was afraid that he might be so deep into his musings that he thought she was one of his sisters but then she lightly reached up and stroked his cheek, lifting his chin. "It's alright to talk about it Sevilin. What do you mean take it from your brothers? You can tell me, I'll never use it to mock you or hurt you in anyway, I promise." Her fingers continued their soothing stroke and she dropped her hand and reached out grasping one of his and squeezing it lightly. It didn't matter that his hand was bigger than hers, she could squeeze his fingers and without words tell him it was okay. She was in turmoil herself, half of her body was telling her to pull away and the other side urging her to stay...
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Picking Up Stars Vice Captain
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Fractured Moonlight Captain
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Posted: Sun Jul 02, 2006 11:41 pm
His eyes shifted to hers as she had looked at him, yes he was still there, perhaps how he may of not wanted to at the moment. Though he let her hold his gaze until the touch to his cheek to which his eyes sideglanced to as she had more or less lifted his head. Her words were barely filtering through his mind, as he grasped at them and tried to make sense of them...he knew the words, yet didn't believe them.
But his attention was brought down to thier hands, to which she had taken hold of one in what one could call an actual comforting gesture. Why was that so good? Not even in the sexual tension way...it was just...nice. Nice when touch was something he wanted nothing of...yet found himself wanting it. And here was Zahara, giving it. He swallowed hard again.
"Talking doesn't make it better...they're just words. Words can't make the past better." Yet he felt he was wrong somehow...like telling a secret long held always made one feel better. Then a look fully to her again and he shook his head lightly. "You wouldn't understand...After all, it makes no sense...wanting the one thing I loathe more than anything else." Wanting to take from both his younger brothers what was intended for them...perhaps a righteous, rebellious act...that had indeed worked...yet at a price that was too steep and unforgiving.
But he didn't pull from her touch, nor made motion that he was going to anytime soon for whatever reason. More or less glued to his spot, and probably prime target material for a malicious act.
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Posted: Sun Jul 02, 2006 11:49 pm
"It's not the words Sevilin, it's sharing the pain, the burdens that you've carried for so long. It's being able to talk about the things that hurt and you've kept bottled up inside for so long. No one else was ever willing to listen...but I am. Don't shut me out..." Her voice began to tremble and she swallowed slowly, searching for the words that would be what he needed to hear. "I may not be able to understand but I can listen and I can feel. As strange as that may sound, I can feel your pain Sevilin, it speaks volumes through your words." She kept her hand right where it was, still locked around his fingers and said softly. "Tell me about your brothers....what happened to bring out this much pain?" There was so much hidden beneath the surface. She longed to pull him into her arms and just hold him while he spilled his soul but the chances of that actually happening were not very good. He seemed to be alright, there was no conviction in his statement at the beginning and she was ready, ready for whatever horror stories he had to tell. Prepared to share his burden with him. "If it doesn't help I'll never ask you to tell me another thing again, but please, just this one time, try talking about it..."
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Picking Up Stars Vice Captain
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Fractured Moonlight Captain
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Posted: Mon Jul 03, 2006 12:02 am
Move away, push her away from you, shut her out before she gets any deeper into you than she has Sevilin. Though his mind chided the words, it seemed for once he wasn't lisenting to it for once, sometimes aches were so deep that it made themselves forced to attention. This was one of those times it seeemd. Of course there was the anger at himself...being so obvious right now to her apparently, her seeing through him almost and it made him feel all the more vulnerable.
"It doesn't matter...they're dead. Died innocently young. It was for the best." Yes that comforting statement that he had used night after night after night to lull himself to not feel guilty and gain his reveries, only to relive horrors in those as well, never escaping. And no, he hadn't forgiven himself for it yet, and he never would. In fact his tone had a guilty quality to it, but he swallowed again in that upset on the inside fashion, looking to thier hands again. "Some pain isnt' meant to be put on others..."
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Posted: Mon Jul 03, 2006 12:08 am
"It does matter. It matters very much to you..." That much was obvious by the hurt and guilt in his eyes. "No pain is meant to deal with alone Sevilin. I thought the same thing, I believed the same thing for a long time. And then I found Piper and I began to talk to her and she taught me that pain is meant to be shared. You shouldn't have to deal with any of that alone. You're shutting me out, hiding behind excuses and paltry reasons why you can't tell. I can handle it Sevilin, let me be there for you...please." Her hand squeezed again and she stepped a bit closer then let go of his hand and pulled one of them into her own. "Sit down against the wall and talk to me. Tell me what happened to your brothers. Were they sacrificed? Murdered? What happened Sevilin?" That pleading tone in her own voice as she'd heard the guilt and responded to it. Guilt was never good, it implied actions one was less than thrilled with or proud of and she had a feeling she knew what was coming. Tugging him down to the floor with her, one hand in her own, her fingers lightly stroking over his skin giving him comfort the only way she knew how. "Talk to me," she pleaded one last time.
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Picking Up Stars Vice Captain
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Fractured Moonlight Captain
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Posted: Mon Jul 03, 2006 12:28 am
And Sevilin thought he was having an out of body experience, watching this all from another's eyes. Watching as she pleaded with him and even managed him to the floor with her, her holding onto him and asking things of him. Himself sitting there looking like someone was shattering carefully constructed walls...
Then it was as if he was violently thrown back into his body and he jolted a little and blinked looking down to her hand as she held his own, making motions that were gentle and meant to comfort. Why were his ears enjoying the words they were hearing? He never needed comfort before, never needed anyone before, why was it suddenly different.
"I didn't want them to turn into me." Why were the words coming? Shut up Sevilin. "One of me was enough...there didn't need to be more...at least not any that could be prevented..." Shut up Sevilin! "There was only one way to prevent it...to take away from them what was to be put upon them. They had to die." He then pulled his hand away from hers and both took to rubbing at his temples as his mind started to put forth a physical blocker to stop what was happening. I told you to shut up! A shake of his head...no, he didn't want to share.
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Posted: Mon Jul 03, 2006 12:38 am
He had shut her out. She could feel him emotionally backing away from him, his mind tossing up blocks and boundaries, she'd learned all she was likely to learn for one day. Slipping to her knees she moved forward slightly, and gently moved his hands replacing them with her own and rubbing at his temples in a counterclockwise motion, pressing hard to force the pressure and pain out of his skull. "Shh, Sevilin, you don't have to say anything else. I'm sorry I pushed you so hard, I just really wanted you to talk about it." She hadn't realized how much he had kept himself from experiencing over the years. And now his body was acting in the only way it knew how to; throw up blocks and actually make himself physically unable to speak. She hated seeing him like this, hated knowing that he had taken care of his brothers. Oh yes, she'd been left to draw her own conclusions and right now the only thing that went along with what he was saying as well as that guilt was that he either directly or indirectly had killed them. "Just relax Sev...it's alright." Her competent fingers continued their patterns and motions and after a little while she whispered, "Better?"
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Picking Up Stars Vice Captain
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Fractured Moonlight Captain
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Posted: Mon Jul 03, 2006 12:57 am
He opened his eyes, which had closed at his mind's mental p***k and thus throb of pain, to look at her again when she pulled his hands away and move to soothe the pain on her own. There was a new and interesting concept, a woman looking to take away his pain rather than induce it. A woman trying to absolve him of a form of humiliation that was happening, rather than add salt to the wound. Offer a form of comfort rather than snatch any and all of it away from him. For some reason even the shortening of his name was taken in positive notion.
Sevilin watched her for what seemed liked a long moment before he brought his hands up to let his fingers twine around her own smaller hands, pulling them away from his temples as he nodded. Yes, the throbbing had lessened a bit, surprisingly enough. Why couldn't he figure her out? A look down to thier hands, his holding hers...so much smaller in his own. How was it that she could make him act such a child? Act this way. How could she be the embodiment of what he was afraid of, yet what he wanted near because of that soothing quality?
Ever so lightly his hands closed around her own, and then tugged forward a little so she would be off balance as she was on her knees and would fall foward against him, most likely to hit on his shoulder. He wanted it...that comfort, that feeling of security...that ability of her to ebb all that was inside, set the raging sea to calm glass.
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