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The funniest thing I can remember is when my band director said to Nathan the Tuba player:

"Nathan, move into the arc more. You've become a n****e in the arc."

No one was paying attention so when he said that everyone turned to Nathan and was like "wtf Nathan?!"

Mrs. Cordio (she left us! crying ) would throw shoes at kids who wouldn't shut up. Once, she was teaching us (middle school chorus), and the high school chorus was in the audience, making a ton of noise. She stopped playing, took off her shoe, and threatened to throw it at the next person who said anything. They were silent for the rest of the period.
She had red hair, and when people weren't looking to the front she be like "Hey! Look at the big red beacon right infront of you!"
Also, once, instead of saying back to zero (to get the high schoolers to shut up), she said "back to onion."
Oh yeah, this one's kinda gross. If she saw anyone chewing gum, she'd have them go up to her and spit it in her hand. Then she'd put it into a little bowl on her piano. I wonder what she did with all of it? ...O.o
She was such a funny teacher. I really miss her.

my band director always tells us to think of three things. whether it be tonal energy or tonguing or subdivision, what not. well, one day, he said.
"subdivision, match your neighbor, and whispering creek."
everyone's like, "what?!?!?"
since he has young kids he was like, "oh c'mon... dora the explorer?"
xD

I have two directors, (sorta. xD)

First we have Mr. Pardee, he's the funniest. xD He says so many funny things. xP

We were practicing our marching show, and the drill team had to carry these flags with happy faces on them.. Well, one girls flag was upside down, and Mr. Pardee noticed this. So he was like "Haha, everyone look. the anti flag. Everyone point and laugh."

He likes to use examples to help show what he wants done and stuff like that. So one day, these trumpet players were sounds awful. So he looked at them and said "You know, you play how you look, and right now, you look like you're taking a dump"

There was a plane in the sky doing sky writing while we were on the field practicing our marching show, so everyone looked, and so he was like "You don't know how attractive you guys look standing there with your mouths open."

To help get the point across for dynamics in each individual section, he decided to use this: "Okay. Playing is a lot like a hamburger. This section over here is like the actual burger. You guys over here are the mayonnaise. They have have the melody, so they're all the tasty stuff, like the tomatoes, lettuce, and the burger. You are the mayonnaise, you are important, just not like the burger. "

Then we have Mr. Waters... He's our main percussion instructor.

We were practicing out in the grass, first week of camp and everything, and he kept staring at this pile of dog poop. Well, we went to move, and he looked at it again, and just blurted out "Okay, who stepped in the poop?" It was just completely random. Then he walked by our best snare drummer, looked at him, and said "You're a towel." Nobody knows why. xD

Okay, I swear I'm done. xD

Mine hasn't said anything too funny, but nearly everyone in my class agrees that he looks like Peter Parker, from Spider Man. :]

we have a senior sax who gets all the solos and stuff but h's well the band b***h. We were praticing marching and we were doing really good and in the middle of the song our band directors stops us. We all look around, we were all perfectly fine then he says. "Sean, your in the wrong spot. Now take a step to the left...now to the right...perfect." we all busted out laughing.

best one is indoor pratice and onceagian he stops us. "Some one messed up in the flute section...I think it was....Sean."

Or homecoming pratice. We were pratcing the homecoming queen song and he's like u play until they are about to meation the homecoming queens name. so we play and then he tells us to stop and says. "the homecoming queen is...SEAN!!!" we all scream it with him cuz we seen it coming. Then sean got a crown in his pshyc ups.

we still crak on him though he's in pshycis while we have band .