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 Posted: Sat Oct 05, 2013 7:23 pm
C.J. just calmly pushed Big Bertha aside. "This may be a shock, but two of those mooks down there shot me through the heart. TWICE. If THAT didn't kill me, I'm not sure what will . . . plus with the invisible two spirit-taker-thingys, I pretty much got a few extra lives from the mooks I greased. HOWEVER . . ." he said, faking thinking.
"I can offer you ALL THE CASH HE'S GOT. Seriously. I just want the porky dweeb to leave me an' my girlfriend alone. Could care less about the cash. I get my buddy Dun' in here, type-type-type and wham. Fisk's broke and you're a multi-gazillionaire. It's kinda how Arell, Dun' and I used to rob banks. But if you just kill me, Fisk is only gonna give ya a small cut. What's it gonna be. Kill me for a LITTLE bit . . . or help me ruin his life so he wants to kill HIMSELF, and be loaded for the rest of your life and then some?" he offered. Some nerve, using your last breath to bribe her, ********. If she doesn't get this, then I'm out. I'll probably come back as a new-52 me . . . or better yet! Get Arell, Dun' and I back when we robbed banks!"
((We robbed BANKS?!?))
"That's what I told Liza at school. Kinda think it fits, since y'know, we're not your average heroes."
I think the two floors of ******** could tell you that!!!
((I mean Christ! That's like the damn Punisher!))
"He's here, too?!?"
*Sigh* We're gonna be here a while, aren't we?
((Y-ep.))
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Posted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 4:57 pm
Wanda stared at CJ silently for a long moment... then slowly turned her head to the side. "He has a point..." she replied flatly, looking towards a very large desk sitting towards the end of the room. An equally large bald man wearing a white suit was sitting behind it. "He's not going to die just yet, so even if I lop off his head, his body might still be kicking and shooting. And since we are the only two in here that can't really die... I could squeeze some more money out of you..."
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Elmira of Elkwood Captain
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Posted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 7:33 pm
C.J. smirked. "A LOT more than Boss Hogg over there would offer for ME." he said with a smirk as he turned to where the Soul-taker fella was and winked. He turned back to her and smiled. "So it's settled then. Invisi-dude back there gets his soul, you get his sawbucks and I get peace a' mind. We got a deal?" he asked, sticking out his hand. The moment he knew he had a deal, he'd finally have a target big enough . . . Fat-boy Fisk dead in his sights!!
"I'm gonna grease the Kingpin!!"
If she don't first.
((You DO realize that Batmom MAY have wind about this? And how badly she wants to beat ALL THREE of our brains in for borrowing the Batmobile?!))
So what?! We didn't specify WHICH one we borrowed!
"Yeah! Batman could give Jay Leno and Billy Gibbons a run for their money!"
((I don't know about that. Billy Gibbons has sweet cars.))
"Well DUH! He's part of ZZ TOP!! They're the epitome of badass!"
True . . . wait, isn't Jay Leno IN this RP?!
((That's the Crimson Chin. What ever happened to him?!))
I dunno. I wanted to get his autograph!
((Me too. Same with what's her name . . . y'know, the two-faced lady!))
"Malaria Terri?"
Tall, Dark and Scary?
((I guess that means it's . . .))
TYPHOID MAREH!!!
((I STILL question your motives about asking her to lunch.))
"I needed a distraction, okay!?! God!!"
*Thunder* I HEARD THAT!!!
Uh oh . . .
((Damn! I didn't know he could do that!!))
"YIPE!! Sorry, man!!"
It's chill. Kinda used to it from you three at this point. *sigh* It doesn't even make sense for ME! And y'know, being God, that's KINDA HARD!!
((You have NO idea. I write for these clods.))
Whaddaya talking about?! I'm the real C.J.!!
"Excuse me?! I think you're WAY off, bub. I'm the real C.J.!!"
Then, while he was waiting, C.J. listened to the radio babble above him. You damn screwheads, I'M the real C.J.!! he thought. Well, okay then!! But I'm telling you, I'M the real one!!
((Bullshit. I'm the one typing!))
LIAR!!
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Posted: Tue Oct 08, 2013 1:09 pm
Wanda looked at CJ's hand, but didn't shake it just yet. She looked back at Kingpin to see if he was going to try and make her an offer. Not that she thought he could offer her a better one... but the big man DID have a nack for turning things around at the last minute.
Fisk, meanwhile, was quietly staring at CJ. A deep sense of concentration etched on his face. This WAS a bad situation for him after all. This was a bad situation all together... and he needed to figure out how to get out of it.
"Well?" Wanda asked.
"I suppose he does make a compelling offer. Though... if you do simply kill me, seventy-five percent of the money you're expecting to get will simply be gone. I do have back up plans and fail safes for events where I might be killed. Your friend COULD try to unlock my accounts, but by the time he does, the money will have been scattered throughout various secured banks all over the globe."
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Elmira of Elkwood Captain
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Posted: Tue Oct 08, 2013 1:30 pm
"We can get those too, fatass. I have connections. LOTS of 'em!" C.J. said as he sauntered over past Deadpool (with a quick mention of "Be right back!") and put the gun right up under one of Fisk's chins.
"For you see, Fat-boy. I've had it up to HERE with you and your ********' cronies trying to have a go at Misty and myself. Quite damn frankly I'd just as soon skip the formalities and . . ." he said and the all-too-familiar c-click of the gun being cocked. "and send yer a** to hell myself." he growled. However, he decided instead to have a little fun.
"But instead, we're gonna play a little game. Rules are simple. You're gonna stop bothering Misty Gallay, release her IMMEDIATELY and forsake your criminal ways. Or, we could go the fun ways. We find out the banks where your cash goes while I slowly blast your limbs off one . . . by . . . one. OR . . ." he said with a smile towards Wanda.
"I convince Lady Deadpool here to slice you up like Stir-Fry. You promise to leave Misty and I alone from here to eternity, then I'll let you go. Hell, I'll even run myself outta town! I never wanted to be in New York City anyways, much less deal with having to butcher some porker who wants to kill my girlfriend!" he growled.
"So, what'll it be, Fisky? The good way? Or the fun way?" he asked.
Dude . . . C.J. . . . you're freaking me out!!!
((Me, too dude!! I mean holy smokes!! You're gonna do this? Like actually . . . *drags his finger across his throat*))
"Y-ep!! If I may, Rosie?"
Oh, God. I can't look!!!
((Jeez! This is gonna SUCK for him!!!))
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Posted: Tue Oct 08, 2013 1:53 pm
Fisk didn't even flinch when the gun was put under his chin. He didn't flinch when the gun clicked. Didn't even sweat. Just stared calmly back at the younger man.
"Fair enough..." he said calmly. "Though there is one problem with your demands. Miss Gallay escaped our custody nearly the same time you arrived outside our building. Though with the amount of blood that was left behind in her room, I'm not sure if she escaped or was stolen from us."
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Elmira of Elkwood Captain
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Posted: Tue Oct 08, 2013 2:09 pm
C.J. smirked. "I think I know what happened. Kinda the reason why two soul-takers have hired ME to help fill a quota, as crazy as that sounds." he said with a smirk. However, he looked at him funny.
"I gotta hand it to you. For a man on the verge of getting killed, you sure don't seem scared. When Arell does it, they're usually pleading for their lives! You got a lotta nerve, fat boy. Still gonna kill ya if you don't leave us alone, but you earned my respect." he said.
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Posted: Tue Oct 08, 2013 2:36 pm
"I know that killing me would result in far more trouble for you than it would be worth. I also know that I am not the only problem that Miss Gallay has at the present moment." Fisk began. "This is also far from the first time I have had a gun in my face. Or someone doing so right in front of my desk..."
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Elmira of Elkwood Captain
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Posted: Tue Oct 08, 2013 8:47 pm
C.J. shrugged. "Yeah, but one LESS problem if I do bump you off, Porky. However . . ." he said as he looked over to where he THOUGHT the spirit was. "Mind making yourself visible for a Teeeeeeeeny moment? Just in case this doesn't work, we gotta negotiate something!" he mentioned.
"Funny, isn't this the part where Batman would take him into the authorities and they haul him off to jail?"
I think so . . . yet we're about to KILL this guy!
((NO NO!!! Not Kill. Killing would send the ratings WELL over where they need to be . . . they're ALREADY close to a rated R film from our language alone!!))
"So if we go back and lift the curtain that happened the other night the-"
The mods will KILL us.
((Et tu, narrator?))
Sorry, writer. It's kinda what I do!
"Serious question this time . . . are we the GOOD guys? Or we the Bad guys?"
How the hell do I know?!
((I think we're good! I mean, we're TECHNICALLY fighting the bad guys. We're ALMOST about to blow a hole in Fisk.))
Yeah . . . that makes us Chaotic good!
"I like that answer!!"
((You would! You put the "Psycho" in Psychobilly!!))
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Posted: Wed Oct 09, 2013 4:07 pm
The spirit smiled a bit and shook his head. "Unfortunately I can't just make myself visible and unvisible any time I want. Think of me as something of a ghost. You can see me because you should have died, but we let you live. She can see me because... well I'd classify her powers as that of a seer or omnic. But he's neither hanging onto life or a seer." he said. Then his grin grew just a little wider. 'But... we can negotiate. Before the man activates whatever I'm sure is out of your view that will open the trap door under your feet. I can see a vent of sorts thats open under you and leads out the side of the building."
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Elmira of Elkwood Captain
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Posted: Wed Oct 09, 2013 6:09 pm
"That dirty little . . . !" *darts off, coming back with a big anvil* "I'll do it myself!!"C.J. . . . we talked about this. Besides. Don't we have a GUN?! "Oh yeah!"C.J. smirked and just pointed the gun at Fisk. "Trapdoor, huh?" he asked as he stepped off where the trapdoor was and then pointed the gun at his legs. "Patience lost, backslider." he said and opened fire at Fisk's legs. RATATATATATATATATATATATATATAT!!!!!!!
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Posted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 5:36 pm
The Desk, unfortunately wasn't much of a match for the automatic gun. It held up as long as it could before the bullets went through. When the crime lord began screaming out in pain, three side doors to the room burst open. And in ran what had to have been the security for the entire middle section of the building.
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Elmira of Elkwood Captain
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Posted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 5:52 pm
C.J. laughed as the horde came in. Like seriously. Laughing his a** off.
"Hola, assholes! Wanna surrender, or wanna see your boss DIE?!" he asked . . . his mind slipping. Congrats, Fisk. You sir, yes, YOU have unlocked a GOD-DAMN MADMAN!! Leaping up on what was left of the desk before pointing the barrel right at the fat man's chest.
"I . . . am SO glad y'all could come witness this. Your douchebag Boss has finally ******** with the WRONG sumbitch!" he crowed with an evil-sounding laugh. "In thinking he pulled one thorn out of his side, he got ME. A crazy, redneck, PISSED-OFF vigilante who has come here to chew bubblegum and KICK YOUR a**!!!" he shouted before turning around and kicking Fisk in the head, using it to propel himself INTO THE AIR, opening fire before landing in the middle of the crowd.
"And unfortunately for some of you PRICKS, I'm all out of bubblegum." he crowed before opening fire again, screaming like a demented, sadistic b*****d.
On another note . . . holy ******** know. I mean . . . Jesus Christ . . . he was a pacifist before!))
"Now . . . I'm past the point of no return. YEEEEE-HAWWWW!!!!!!!!"
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Posted: Sat Oct 12, 2013 5:26 pm
I'll say. Glad he liked me enough not to shoot me.
Why would that matter? You'd live.
True.....
...why don't I like they tone you just used?
.... just thinking....
I don't think I wanna know- OH sh- nope. I was right. Didn't want to know.
Too late. My mind's made up...
Wanda watched the other man go on his rampage. A small, wicked little smile crept it's way across her red and black mask as she watched. Moving Big Bertha, she used it as a prop to lean on as she watched him. She wasn't about to get in the guy's way. He was having fun. And as odd as it sounded... because she usually went for the more buff and handsome sort of figure.... he looked DAMNED good having fun.
Maybe she'd be letting him go home to his little Miss Mommy... maybe she wouldn't. Wasn't often a girl found someone THIS crazy, gun happy, and able to break the 4th wall.
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Elmira of Elkwood Captain
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Posted: Sun Oct 13, 2013 12:42 am
"Yo, Wanda! I'm single in the reboot! Wanna swing by for lunch?"C.J., how'd you know about that? I mean s**t. You're all over the damn place, ain'tcha? "Omnipresent, dude. Om-nom-nomnipresent!!"Fair enough . . . just . . . is that a crawfish & cheesesteak sub? "Yep, with extra slaw, hot sauce and a little lettuce, tomato and onion. Want some?"Hell yes!! ((Dude! That sounds delish! Behind the scenes, you mind handing me some?)) "You got it, boss!!"C.J. was letting loose, sending mooks down in a hail of bullets. In the meantime, he decided to crank up some tunes as he was fighting, singing along to something that (no surprise here) matched his lack of sanity. Sing along, kids!! "The old archduke with the Death Rattle Blues
Sat hacking up a lung.
And in his grief he grit his teeth
And bit off half his tongue.
He called for the coppersmith to come
And ten able-bodied men
To craft a contraption to patch him up
And this is what they sing:
“Hasten ye fellows! Fasten the bellows!
Pump him til he’s dead.
Oompah til his eyes pop out
And the guage is in the red.
Sharpen, ye fellows, the dark mandocellos
Send soldiers into town.
Sound the sousaphone-fare
And let out with a shout,
Iron Lung Oompah! Glockenspiel und Tuba!
Join the funeral march and chorus,
A Grim Hymn from the deep Black Forest.
Take a long deep breath and sing your
Iron Lung Oompah!”
The old archduke in his tinman suit
turned fire engine red.
From a purple hue to a still-born blue
Indicating he was dead.
The rivets started poppin’ out
His monocle cracked in half.
His head spun and the clockwork drum
Blew off in a blast.
The regicidal maniacs
stood round in a ring of fire.
Left abaft by the copper shaft
Not knowing “what now” or “why?”
"Hasten ye fellows! Fasten the bellows!
Pump him 'til he's dead!
Oompah 'til his eyes pop out
and the gauge is in the red!
Sharpen, ye fellows, the dark mandocellos
send soldiers into town!
Sound the sousaphone-fare
and let out with a shout
Your IRON LUNG OOMPAH!!!
Glockenspiel und tuba!!
From the funeral marching chorus
a Grim Hymn from the deep Black Forest
take a long deep breath and sing your
IRON LUNG OOMPAH!!"" ((All rights to the song belong to J.D. Wilkes and Th' Legendary Shack*Shakers. The greatest band in the 21st century!)) "HELL YES THEY ARE!!!"
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