Welcome to Gaia! ::

Aww. My fat lizard knocked his hammock down again. XP.

._. poor Jesus.... i'd be his friend. he kind of deserve sit after all the times i said no to worshipping him! xd

anyway, we're getting fishies.... i filled the old tank we had for years up this morning at 5 am.

that i could say may at least be a very close thing to what those whohave gone insane and strengthened from it would have learned from their spells of minr insanity. ... after all, what causes teh insanity is the mental damaging from not being able to accept what you learn when it completely contradicts what you believe is truth. these thoughts can open up your mind to possbilities, but also destroy your faith that anything you think you know is true. it causes paranoias, and delusions... that is the definition of this kind of insanity. but one can learn to accept some things, even if it means that everything you know is still in question. *shrugs.* sometimes it's better for an indivdual to just not know. to just believe he has "common sense", no matter whether such a thing realy exists or not. it's comfortable, and healthy, for them to remain ignorant...

trust me, i've been through it alot.... iii-_- *sighs.* ... i used to be very afraid of change, i'd rebel and deny when things woul change in my life. as a result, each time, i became displaced. and when there was nothing left of the way things were before i would be flung into a world where i was completly incompatible. this happened time and time again, and i never understood back then that i could be ok if i just went with the flow. this caused me all kinds of anxiety and depression... which eventually developed into manic depression, phobic tendecies, and other highly disturbed thoughts. i was also raised in a way that was unhealthy to my own wild nature. i, like my stepdad, have alot of trouble controling my temper, or dealing with my emotions. i've gotten a little better in the last couple years, but still... you see, when i made the transition from atheist to pagan i got into some realy deep occult stuff... and my experiences where as world-shattering as could be. though ihave to say, when i met a god in the astral BEFORE i believd such beings coul exist, it caused a real change in my world. i suppose you can call my conversion a smptom of insanity by this definition.

*shrugs.* .... i believe that i still have a duty to myself to continue seeking higher knowledge and wisdom... though a believe that some things are not meant to be touched, and are chilling for me to even consider.... i still feel the need to learn those forbidden things. suchlore will certainly be dangerous, but i just feel that i hav eto... though i would not suggest it to anyone. in fact, i highly discourage it.

should you be? even without teh Necronomicon, or the Satanic Bible, or other such books, i have already entered occult lore and metaphysical lore that has brought me to the point of schtzophrenia, and fits of rage that cause me to black out. even an alter ego, simply so that my mind can function without damaging itself further! my personalities are faceted! one minute i am ripping live animals to shreds simply because it makes me feel good, it's lik sex, i don't wanna stop and i am reveling in the bloodrush! the next even just hearing someone talk about blootletting and torture cause me to puke and shivver and fall into a sobbing mess! this is not something to be proud of!

you have no right to hold an opinion of thes ethings, to exalt or condemn them, because you have not experienced any of it!