So I wrote a review of the most epic of all tools that every man should own.
The WJQ-308 Chinese Entrenching Tool. Review written Billy Mays Style.
IT WILL ******** SAVE YOU FROM DROWNING IN A DAM!
IT WILL ******** SAVE YOU FROM THE RAPTORS IN THE LONG GRASS!
THIS b***h CAN TURN A TENT INTO A CASTLE! A MOTHER ******** CASTLE! NEED A MOAT?! THIS ******** WILL DIG YOU ONE!
STARVING TO DEATH WITH NOTHING BUT CANNED SPAM AND THE WJQ-308 AND THIS ******** SHOVEL WILL SAVE YOUR ******** DUMB a** FROM STARVING TO DEATH!
NEED TO GET OVER A WALL AND DON'T FEEL LIKE GOING ALL THE WAY AROUND? FOLD IT OVER AND IT'S NO LONGER A SHOVEL; IT'S A GRAPPLING HOOK! THROW THAT b***h UP AND DON'T GET IMPALED ON THE WALLS SPIKES! EVEN IF YOU DO YOU CAN SAW YOURSELF RIGHT OUT AND KEEP GOING! FEEL NO PAIN MOTHER ******** THAT STOPS YOU, DON'T BE A b***h! BUILD SOME STAIRS IN THAT WALL!
IT WILL ******** SAVE YOU FROM TREES! BARBED WIRE! ZOMBIES! SPIES! MOTHS! SPY MOTHS! YOUR MOTHER! YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW!
IT'S THE WJQ-308! IT'S NOT YOUR DAD'S SHOVEL! IT'S THE CHINESE COMMUNIST'S SHOVEL! YOU KNOW THOSE CHINESE COMMUNISTS, THEY ALWAYS MAKE GOOD STUFF!
IT WILL DO JUST ABOUT ANY TRIVIAL TASK YOU ASK OF IT! NEED A SHIELD TO FEND OFF A VIOLENT RETARD WITH A METAL POLE? THIS ******** WITH BLOCK IT AND THEN SOME WITH IT'S HANDY SHIELD FUNCTION!
WITH THE FLICK OF THE WRIST IT WILL TURN ITSELF INTO A MOTHER ******** AXE! THAT'S RIGHT! GET BERZERKER ON HIS SORRY a** AND CUT HIM DOWN WHERE HE STANDS!
THE WJQ-308! THE ONLY TOOL A MAN WILL EVER NEED!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b60OZhrTB6o 
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