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 Posted: Tue Jun 28, 2011 10:23 pm
CH0Z0 yeah and told me to stop even trying. Whuh... Why? D':
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Posted: Tue Jun 28, 2011 10:34 pm
Foam-Dome CH0Z0 yeah and told me to stop even trying. Whuh... Why? D': because she is not interested nor will be
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Posted: Tue Jun 28, 2011 10:37 pm
CH0Z0 because she is not interested nor will be That's kind of unusual. I thought she felt the exact opposite for the past while?
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Posted: Tue Jun 28, 2011 10:39 pm
Foam-Dome CH0Z0 because she is not interested nor will be That's kind of unusual. I thought she felt the exact opposite for the past while? /shrug emo
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Posted: Tue Jun 28, 2011 10:41 pm
Well, I can't explain that. D: I guess the only way to find out is to ask.
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Posted: Tue Jun 28, 2011 10:42 pm
Foam-Dome Well, I can't explain that. D: I guess the only way to find out is to ask. we had a 3 hour long conversation, I know all I need to know, even if it's not backed up by logic.
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Posted: Tue Jun 28, 2011 10:45 pm
CH0Z0 we had a 3 hour long conversation, I know all I need to know, even if it's not backed up by logic. I still find it kind of odd. But then again, my information pertaining to the situation is rather limited. Nevertheless, I hope you feel better. D:
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Posted: Tue Jun 28, 2011 10:50 pm
Foam-Dome CH0Z0 we had a 3 hour long conversation, I know all I need to know, even if it's not backed up by logic. I still find it kind of odd. But then again, my information pertaining to the situation is rather limited. Nevertheless, I hope you feel better. D: I do too, I got close in that conversation when I backed her into a wall with logic of why we should just say it's official when it practically already is, without the title. Then she pretty much just says she's scared to go steady and that I should stop trying, she just wants to flirt around and date lots of people. I won't.
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Posted: Wed Jun 29, 2011 12:15 am
•○♣☼♣○•
You're kidding... things were going so well, or they seemed to be from everything you told me D:
Well she might be freaked now but if you give her some time and space hopefully she should calm down. I mean all the past months can't be just nothing.
/pets ears
There there kitten I know it's not ideal but don't feel like it's hopeless <3
•○♣☼♣○•
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Posted: Wed Jun 29, 2011 2:07 am
Jennivieve I feel like I'm invisible and/or a failed copy of my younger sister, and I'm sick of it. I'm pretty much just average. Dark hair, dark eyes, average height, weight, and build, and myopic. Even my "talents", for lack of a better word, are common. There are millions of people who have a voice and do crafts. I'm not really noticed as more than a space-taking body, even with my own family. The only reason people recognize me at church is because I have a role during Mass. Sometimes I think the only one who notices me is the dog, and even there I have my doubts. Does she see me for me, or just someone who will give her attention, and anyone will do?
And then there's the whole twin thing. Yes, we both have the same brown hair, though hers has blonder highlights, while mine are redder. She's two inches shorter, has interesting grey eyes, dimples, 18 moths younger, and is mostly slimmer, with a notable exception. Not to mention a job, a boyfriend, lots of other friends, and [had something else, but forgot it]. We've been called twins a number of time by strangers, and now even apparently our mother. Today, she was saying how I should cut my hair a few inches so we'd look alike. Never mind that that was my hair length this time last year. Or that I should go outside and sunbathe with my sister, even though she knows our skin reacts differently. Even in academics. She's on track with a double major, while my schooling got messed up with a single one. And Mum doesn't realize this, doesn't realize that the comparisons hurt, or that her naming my hs classmates who just graduated and have their names in the paper just rubs in the fact that not only am I behind them, but I'm even behind my damned sister. Or a number of other things.
So yes, I probably do use Gaia as a way to compensate for this lack of individuality. OK, scratch the "probably". It's the reason why my avi almost always in in some sort of dress, since I'd like to wear them, but rarely have a reason to. It's the reason why I used first the centaur base, and now the purple elf one. To have some sense of individuality, even if it's a pretense. In a odd way, I'm glad that I've stayed on, stuck it through, while she's slid mostly off, that I have been able to get a comfortable cushion gold-wise. It's little things like that that make me feel like I've accomplished something. There have been several times where I've mentally referred to myself as Jenni. (Which is technically fine, as Jennivieve is my Confirmation name, but that's not the point.) I've had to stop and ask myself, "Am I Jo or Jenni?" Which might be an indicator to how important this site, esp. the zCB and USPT have become to me. Anyhow, I truly am losing myself.
Yes, I know I have esteem issues. It's pretty obvious. To be honest, I sometimes want to throw something. Not a stuffed animal, either, but more like a rock or clay pot against a tree, just to get a solid whack, just to know that I do exist. The worst part? I can't even tell this to my family, can't even know how I feel. I'm an emotional type, and I know that if I try, I'll just end us with tears flowing down my face, and so being called a crybaby, being ignored, or both. I've tried it before. And so, I end up silently sobbing in my room when no one is around, and occasionally writing these same types of things in this thread, just to vent. To know that they'll always be here, but will get washed away in the torrent of posts, hidden so they won't be a constant reminder. I don't mean to have this be a cry for attention or anything, just to know that someone might care.
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Posted: Wed Jun 29, 2011 3:21 am
Girl: I'm from Rowland Heights.
Me: Oh, that's a nice area.
Girl: ...Not really.
Me: What, really? My sis says it's a nice area, and from what I've seen from driving around there, it doesn't look that bad.
Girl: I just... don't really fit in.
Me: Oh...
Girl: Yeah, it's like... Asian invasion over there.
Me: ...
Girl: ...
Rest of people at table, all white/Latino: ...
Me: ...I guess that's why my sis said it was a nice area, then...?
Oh college, how you show me how well I fit in already.
I hope I can at least add an Art major eventually... Sucks to be double-majoring while sick, but ******** it, they apparently won't let me major in art unless I double-major, and I have yet to see a single English job I've liked the sound of.
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Posted: Wed Jun 29, 2011 3:40 am
"Just more s**t I don't give a ******** about"
I couldn't have put it better myself. Reddit, y u always say the things I can't put into words?
3 weeks 2 days
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Posted: Wed Jun 29, 2011 3:51 am
Jikoniau epic-writer42 More stuff: Apparently what I'm looking for in a relationship is a romance with a friend...a girl who isn't just some object of my undying affection. But a best friend...besides you can't spell girlfriend without the word friend...but with women...this is almost a 100% guaranteed road to getting sent to the friend zone it seems for me...Just my observation in my specific cases...nothing more.
I need to find a guy like you irl epic. Too many guys seem to want to jump right into a relationship, I want a friendship first a relationship second. I want to know the person before I consider dating them, unfortunately at that point they think they're in the friend zone and I get scarred to approach them. Either that or they stick me in the friend zone... it happens with both girls and guys that you can be stuck in a friend zone.
@Cho: *hugs* you're an awesome person, and I'm sure you'll find someone eventually. I'm sorry that relationship didn't work out for you... *hugs again* I simply don't know. I wish I had a strategy guide for this sort of thing. The closest I have is a birth chart that could even tell I've been hurt in the past.
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Posted: Wed Jun 29, 2011 5:50 am
Well if that wasn't the most ******** epic waste of my ******** time ever.
Lets get called in for a job interview that nobody at the place seems to know about. Have the interview and then be told, oh we've already hired 4 people but they have training this week and are working at the weekend, but if any of them drop out we'll be in contact.
WHY PHONE ME IN NOW ******** sake
At least I got to hand in my CV to one other place. I'm running out of options here.
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