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Hinote Tosatsu Vice Captain
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 Posted: Tue Nov 23, 2010 8:23 am
No more until I have these done!
I'll try to be done with them by the end of the day. Following the example of others in other areas, I shall be updating this post as I go. Don't post asking if I missed you until I've reopened the thread, because if I haven't gotten to you by then, I did miss you. Akura:
Kurisutarurirīsu: Ookami getsuga, Crystal release: Wolf Fang:#1. No on the single seal. This is a pretty powerful jutsu, so, despite the fact we have no actual system for seals, I'm not gonna let you complete it with a single seal so you can claim a faster attack. #2. No to crystallizing any part of your opponent. That basically makes this two attacks in one, and even makes it possible to godmod a painful amputation of your opponent's legs. #3. Why does this take another seal in the middle of the jutsu? You can keep that, but it's a bit strange. #4. No on the wolf having any sense of smell. That just makes it a really easy to get summon. #5. You summon this wolf, and then give it the ability to either withstand weak ninjutsu, or smash a defense? No. The ninjutsu part is already built into it by clan benefit, and you already have a wolf, and you're adding the ability to smash defenses with it? I'd just build on the fact that it's a wolf honestly. Don't give it smell, hearing, stuff like that. It's not real. Give it more physical things, like claws, or maybe a really pointy mane of hair. The main thing to remember when making jutsu for the crystal clan is that crystals can be very sharp, but usually aren't that flexible. They also can't really mimic the biography of something the user knows nothing about. Kurisutarurirīsu: De~yuaru ōkami sutoraiku, Crystal Release: Dual Wolf Strike: Denied. For one thing, it's just the previous jutsu making two wolves, so basically you're evading the limitations set by the previous jutsu. For another, you should never make a sequel jutsu before the original is finished. Kumo:Hyoton: Rose Creation: Two things. Most relevantly, I believe you meant aesthetic touch. Anesthetic is pain killer. I'd assume you were not trying to prevent your target from having pain by attacking them with a thorny object. If you were, that would be very cruel and ineffective, although it does bring back amusing memories of a game I used to play. Quote: Tosatsu has been attacked with the First Aid Kit! Tosatsu has been attacked with the First Aid kit! Tosatsu has been knocked unconscious! Tosatsu has been attacked with the First Aid Kit! You get the picture. It got even better when they tried to attack you with pain killers or a canister of anesthetic gas. Second point, seeing as this is a D rank, that at the moment gives you the equivalent of one very very cruel senbon, I'd be willing to let you have it make multiple at once. Maybe, five or so? Kay: Please PM another mod. I can't seem to make a decision, and don't want to be stuck on this one with so many pending. Nerd:Kemuri Shindou (Smoke Impact): Needs more description overall. I'd like to at least see a better description of how it's formed, and how it causes the end result. I have a good idea on how it'd work, but it shouldn't be left up to the reader/user to figure that out. When you have something vague, people go wild with it. Nenshou Kemuri (Burning Smoke): Same as the last really. It obviously explodes, but should really be mentioned more clearly. Is the explosion violent, or enveloping? Also, how large is the resulting cloud? Kemuri Hebi (Smoke Snake): Exactly, how large are these snakes? Length and width please. I'm gonna say the force req should be removed. That's kind of making it say unless you're a jounin level taijutsu maser you're stuck. Not exactly, but still. Kemuri Ranchā (Smoke Launcher): First of all, if your lower half is completely blown off as stated in the RP sample, you need to describe that a bit better in the jutsu. If this works the same as in that video, you'll also be leaving a smoke trail behind you wherever you go, so that needs to be clearly stated. Also, you can't use this to simply dodge the katon jutsu, for the reason stated in the previous sentence. You're leaving a trail behind, so if that trail is lit, all the smoke goes up in flames. Just figured I'd point that out, it doesn't need to be mentioned. Zin: If you want a time limit like in your second note rather than adding a use limit to the weaker versions, you'll need to mark down the exact number of posts it takes. I'd still like to see a use limit though. Actually, rather than limiting the weaker ones to a number of uses during battle, I'd like to see it limited according to number of actual posts. As a rough estimate, being unable to use it within say twenty posts of the last use. Auggie:Dominate: By completely ignoring any strange implications this could bring up, I believe it is Approved.Cobra: Please never do that again... Bakuton: Me o kuramasu no jutsu (Blast Release: Blinding technique): Approved. Though it could have used a bit longer of a description. (No, you don't need to make a new description. I'd rather you didn't at this point.) Bakuton: Bakuhatsu Todokohru (Blast Release: Delayed Blast): Very amusing implications. Approved.Bakuton: Kasai Hara (Blast Release: Fire Field): First, it should be B rank. I'm not too sure on the range, but I can let that pass, since range doesn't really seem to mean much anyways. I don't like the fact that your RP sample suggests the RPC sets the trap, and then runs while it's still operating. Does that mean this jutsu can operate on it's own? Or am I just misreading the sample? If it's the former, you can't do that, because I'd assume the user would have to manually ignite each spout, which can't be done if he's not there. If it's the latter, well, that's fine. Bakuton: Enkou Kabe no jutsu (Blast Release: Flame Wall technique): Approved. I have to ask though, would you rather redo the jutsu, and have the user able to shift it's size? Keeping the original dimensions, but sliding them around a bit? Say, making it 100 ft tall, and 15 ft wide instead. Something to think about. Bakuton: Tsuin-kaen Tatsumaki no jutsu (Blast Release: Twin Flame Tornado technique): The description says a Bakugan explosion is used to ignite it. Does that mean this jutsu uses one of the clan's eye damaging explosions? Also, because it looks as if this jutsu works best as a use and forget technique, how long do the tornadoes last? Bakuton: Jirai Hara no jutsu (Blast Release: Mine Field technique): A bit of an oddity here, I'm going to ask you to assign this jutsu a custom cost. I'm going to say... 15 points. Reason being, it's pretty powerful and widespread, but still not quite enough to be labeled S. Honoh Arashi no jutsu (Blast Release: Flare Storm technique): I think I'm starting to wear out, cause this one confused me for a few seconds. If I am reading it correctly, the explosion area is 200x200, starting at the near end, and working towards the far end in a wave of explosions? I'm going to say this deserves to be S rank. There's probably more to that one, but I can't tell right now, so make that one edit, and I'll look at it again tomorrow probably. Bakuton: Meruton Shippuu (Blast Release: Meltdown Gale): Quite honestly, I think this deserves to be SS rank. Jump it that high, and it should probably be fine. Though I ask that the video link be left in it, as as odd as it may seem, that video helped me understand it better than the description. Probably a sign that I should stop for the night. Thankfully, this was the last of the jutsu! Yay! Those I have commented on may now re-post if they are more than one page back.
Anyone else, please wait until all or most of these are done before posting new jutsu.
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Posted: Tue Nov 23, 2010 9:15 am
1) It wouldn't work like that cause it's not a direct battle technique... It's more as a back up move.
2) The crystalizing part is only for the creation of the jutsu, and even if the opponent get's hit, it won't do much cause it doesn't even hurt...
3) O-o
4) Fine crying
5) What??
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Hinote Tosatsu Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Nov 23, 2010 7:26 pm
Alright, I'm done.
Akura:
1. You still need to remove the single seal part.
2. No means no. You can't crystallize your opponent with a jutsu intended to do something else entirely. Hell, you can't do it at all. It'd have to be a damned impressive jutsu for me to pass one that could.
5. Remove the part where you can make it strong against ninjutsu or break a defense. It's a wolf, not a battering ram. You should also take the advice at the bottom there, cause the right stuff could make creating a crystal wolf pretty awesome.
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Posted: Tue Nov 23, 2010 7:45 pm
Hinote Tosatsu Cobra: Please never do that again... Bakuton: Me o kuramasu no jutsu (Blast Release: Blinding technique): Approved. Though it could have used a bit longer of a description. (No, you don't need to make a new description. I'd rather you didn't at this point.) Hinote Tosatsu Bakuton: Kasai Hara (Blast Release: Fire Field): First, it should be B rank. I'm not too sure on the range, but I can let that pass, since range doesn't really seem to mean much anyways. I don't like the fact that your RP sample suggests the RPC sets the trap, and then runs while it's still operating. Does that mean this jutsu can operate on it's own? Or am I just misreading the sample? If it's the former, you can't do that, because I'd assume the user would have to manually ignite each spout, which can't be done if he's not there. If it's the latter, well, that's fine.
I guess if you don't like that, it's one thing, but do you think I could make it work that way somehow?... by changing the description perhaps?Hinote Tosatsu Bakuton: Enkou Kabe no jutsu (Blast Release: Flame Wall technique): Approved. I have to ask though, would you rather redo the jutsu, and have the user able to shift it's size? Keeping the original dimensions, but sliding them around a bit? Say, making it 100 ft tall, and 15 ft wide instead. Something to think about. Hinote Tosatsu Bakuton: Tsuin-kaen Tatsumaki no jutsu (Blast Release: Twin Flame Tornado technique): The description says a Bakugan explosion is used to ignite it. Does that mean this jutsu uses one of the clan's eye damaging explosions? Also, because it looks as if this jutsu works best as a use and forget technique, how long do the tornadoes last?
I guess when you put it that way, the tornadoes should perhaps last for 2 posts?... and seek the enemy during those posts?Hinote Tosatsu Bakuton: Jirai Hara no jutsu (Blast Release: Mine Field technique): A bit of an oddity here, I'm going to ask you to assign this jutsu a custom cost. I'm going to say... 15 points. Reason being, it's pretty powerful and widespread, but still not quite enough to be labeled S. Hinote Tosatsu Honoh Arashi no jutsu (Blast Release: Flare Storm technique): I think I'm starting to wear out, cause this one confused me for a few seconds. If I am reading it correctly, the explosion area is 200x200, starting at the near end, and working towards the far end in a wave of explosions? I'm going to say this deserves to be S rank. There's probably more to that one, but I can't tell right now, so make that one edit, and I'll look at it again tomorrow probably.
...perhaps I should just rework this entire jutsu to create more of a "Meteor" like jutsu, which drops compressed spheres of air from the sky, which the user then embers to create huge explosions. then, we could call it S.Hinote Tosatsu Bakuton: Meruton Shippuu (Blast Release: Meltdown Gale): Quite honestly, I think this deserves to be SS rank. Jump it that high, and it should probably be fine. Though I ask that the video link be left in it, as as odd as it may seem, that video helped me understand it better than the description. Probably a sign that I should stop for the night. Thankfully, this was the last of the jutsu! Yay!
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Posted: Tue Nov 23, 2010 8:02 pm
Fire Field has been re-worked... the description updated and the RP Sample changed to match. Let me know if it's more to you liking now...
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Posted: Tue Nov 23, 2010 8:05 pm
Flame Tornado description updated. (Just the last line).
- Added a 2 post duration and a note that gives the tornadoes independent control (seeking out the enemy at all times)
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Posted: Tue Nov 23, 2010 8:23 pm
Merton's description has been completely revamped. Please let me know if this creates a more vivid and descriptive picture of what's going on.As to it's rank... we can make it SS, but we don't have costs for that as a guild. However... considering that the Jump between A-rank and S-rank is 11 points... I think we can assume an SS-rank jutsu would normally cost somewhere around 30 chakra points. whick would make this one cost 45... making it the most expensive jutsu the Guild possesses... (excluding jutsu which cost a percentage of someone's chakra pool)
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Posted: Wed Nov 24, 2010 7:14 am
descriptions....there for the weak xD lol jk
Your Rank: Jounin
Name of Jutsu: Kemuri Shindou (Smoke Impact)
Rank of Jutsu: B Rank
Jutsu's Element: Smoke
Description: This sphere is about the same size as Rasengan, but unfortunately, is much weaker than the attack. The user concentrates their chakra/smoke to create a smoke ball which can be held. The smoke comes from around them, since most smokeshifters let out a smoke in battle. The orb of smoke takes a few seconds to form, at which it remains intact for about a minute. It can then be rushed up to the victim similar to rasengan. It explodes not with fire, but sheer force. It is practically taking a large orb shaped fist and hitting your opponent with it, though much more stronger. It acts a lot like rasengan, but instead of sending the victim swirling around, it pushes them back. It is essentially pure brute force in the form of smoke. Instead of appearing to be swirling, smoke chakra radiates from the palm, enabling someone to see the unique movements of the smoke. The smoke is powerful enough to cause a sizable mark into a tree bark.
Rp Sample: Ryuji opened up his palm. Smoke began spiraling in his hand, seemingly forming a globe of chakra enhanced smoke. His eyes were intent, not wanting to let up an inch. Come on.....come on! Within a few seconds, the globe was about the size of a soccer ball, a little smaller. Grinning, Ryuji charged at a tree nearby, using all of his leg speed to attack the trunk of the plant. Upon impact, wishy wishy noise (xD) could be heard. When the dust and debris cleared, a large crater could be seen embroidered in the trunk, causing Ryuji to smile once again.
Your Rank: Jounin
Name of Jutsu: Nenshou Kemuri (Burning Smoke)
Rank of Jutsu: C Rank
Jutsu's Element: Smoke
Description: This jutsu utilizes the ability to control the temperature of the smoke. The user is capable of creating super heated smoke, launching it at their opponents in a similar matter to a smoke grenade (so, its basically like a smoke and, when thrown, explodes with the burning smoke). The smoke is concentrated around the user's body. There, it stays stationary, not moving until the commanded to. When ordered, the smoke compacts into a grenade shaped object. This objects, upon contact with any material, explodes like a smoke bomb. The bomb does not release a force or recoil, but a smoke (i'm sure we've all seen a smoke grenade at use) This smoke then begins to rapidly heat up, until finally, it burns at the heat of a burning flame. The smoke can cause up to second degree burns and reduced visibility as well as sweating, nausea, and just plain being too hot. However, suiton and fuuton techniques c-rank and above can cancel out this jutsu. The smoke lasts for 3 posts. It covers a 100 ft radius when exploded.
Rp Sample: Ryuji gathered the smoke around him, ready to send it into the village when needed. Even around him, Ryuji could sense the smoke rising in temperature, slowly causing him to sweat. When the signal was made clear, a little bird flying past the gate, Ryuji outstretched his arm, the smoke orb in his hand being thrown into the gate. Immediately, Ryuji could hear the screams of pain inside, numerous low level ninja yelling out that they were burning. Ryuji entered, making sure to avoid his burning hot smoke.
Your Rank: Jounin
Name of Jutsu: Kemuri Hebi (Smoke Snake)
Rank of Jutsu: C Rank
Jutsu's Element: Smoke
Description: The user creates a small stream of smoke the size of a large snake. The smoke then launches at the opponent or stays hidden until it snatches the opponent, wrapping and binding them. The user is able to create multiple snakes as well depending on the user's rank. When C rank the user is able to create up to 5 snakes of smoke. Once B rank, the user can create 8 smoke snakes. Once A rank, they can create 12, and when S-rank, they can create 15. However, like all other smoke jutsus, fuuton techniques can disperse the snake. The snakes can only wander 100 ft before dispersing. However, if binding a victim, they have no limit as to when they are destroyed. The snakes are about 5 ft long each, a couple of inches wide (no more than 12) and are pure white in appearance. These snakes are able to bite, but seeing as they are pure smoke, if opponent counters, they are dispersed.
Rp Sample: The three objects made out of smoke stalked the chuunin, who was a nara. Ryuji grinned. Staying in one place fot the whole battle was a rookie mistake, and this chuunin would have to learn. One of the snakes attacked first, wrapping itself around the ninja's arm. This way, he would be prevented from using any jutsu, which would result in a much easier task for Ryuji. Another snake charged also, but the ninja was too fast. He jumped up, struggling to break apart his arms. The last snake, who had been waiting all this time, sprung up, capturing the ninja's legs. The ninja was soon bundled on the floor, looking in shock at his captor.
[[oh yea, i forgot about the trail. ok, if the trail is lighted on fire, the user still gets affected. the user's lower half is completely smoke, so they can stay stationary, but always a few feet above the ground. they can also travel, but not as fast as found in the video. since they have a trail behind them, they are easily spotted and are an easy target for katon users. the weaknesses mentioned for fuuton and suiton jutsu still apply. anything else?]]
EDIT: actually, you can forget about the smoke transformation jutsu. i'll take it out ninja
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Posted: Wed Nov 24, 2010 9:20 am
Akura Bashirou Rpc Name: Tensa Zangetsu Name of Jutsu: Kurisutarurirīsu: Ookami getsuga, Crystal release: Wolf Fang Rank of Jutsu: B Range of Jutsu: Jutsu's Element Crystal Description: The user makes a series seal placing chakra on to the floor using his/her feet. The 5 feet of earth directly in front of the user then crystallizes. The user then makes another seal as he/she places his/her chakra on to the floor once more, crafting a single wolf made of crystal, the wolf is the desired size of the user, as long as it is under five feet and it uses ALL of the crystal formed by the user at the begging of the jutsu. Only one wolf may be active at any given moment. The crystal wolf has a small mane running along the neck, the user can command the wolf to send the senbon-like hair on that mane to shoot out toward the enemy. (( I didn't add the claws/ fangs cause well... it's a wolf... if already has fangs/claws. )) Rp Sample A torrent of rain fell on the same field where Tensa had made his first kill, even though a long time had passed from that. He reached for his back pocket and put his anbu mask on with a sigh. He reached for his back pocket once more and took out a piece of clothing which, with his other hand he made a seal forming crystals on to the ground, crystallizing a few weeds that where in the edge of the area. He then made another seal as the crystal contracted together forming a three foot tall wolf from the base of the legs to the top of the head, he then gave the wolf the piece of clothing which he held on his mouth. “ Find that person for me please.” He told the wolf making its mission clear and direct; find that person even if it gets destroyed in the process. The wolf gave him a slight nod; it then raised its head and began sniffing the air, getting rid of all the unneeded smells. It then ran off signaling that it found the scent. Tensa understood the signal and ran off behind the jutsu. ~ Thirty Minutes Later ~ After the long trek through the forest the wolf looked back at its creator as it dropped the clothing piece meaning that they had reached the destination. Tense looked to the front as he saw a man with something strange on his back and a rack of scrolls placed as if they where machine gun bullets. “Akura…” Tensa growled as the wolf glared at the man. Akura took a step toward Tensa as the wolf darted at the man, it bit Akura in the forearm leaving a deep bite wound on his arm. “You filthy pest!” The Suna ninja growled between his breaths as he formed chakra strings with his good hand, he then attached the strings to the thing on his back, revealing a humanoid puppet, the puppet jumped of his back, cocking back it’s hand revealing a gun made of wood, the wolf quickly let go of Akura and ran back to Tensa, as the wolf went toward Tensa, akura made the puppet shoot whatever was in the barrel, releasing a large number of smashed makabishi pieces toward the wolf, making it shatter by the sheer number of the small weapons. Tensa growled at this and made another seal forming once more the crystal on the ground, the crystal then contracted forming another three foot tall wolf. “Kill him!” Tensa commanded as he remained in the same place while the wolf jumped toward the puppet, as the wolf jumped Akura took a scroll that was on the rack, he opened it and revealed another gun like weapon, this time a machine gun, with thirty senbon as its ammunition, he then made the puppet move it’s hand into the hip and toss five makabishi that where bind together by a paper bomb, but before it could be tossed Tensa used the remaining crystal from the first wolf to bind the puppet to the bomb. Meanwhile the new wolf shoot ten makabishi at Akura as it still ran toward him. “Very well…” He muttered as he opened another scroll summoning a lion puppet, he released the first puppet from his grip as it exploded thanks to the bomb. The Makabishi that thrown by the wolf sliced through the newly summoned puppet but it wasn’t enough to destroy it. Akura made the lion puppet clash with the crystal wolf, but it wasn’t enough to destroy it and with its powerful jaws the crystal wolf snapped the lion’s neck, while this happened Akura ran for the reached the machine gun and began to shoot at the wolf destroying it, Tensa sighed at the destruction of his second puppet as he then resorted to use the Jutsu for a third time, he extended the crystal on to the floor once more and made it into another wolf, this time Akura began to shoot at Tensa with the senbon. “Defend” He commanded as the wolf’s crystal exterior grew thicker allowing it to fend off the incoming attack. Akura growled at this and ran off with a puff of smoke. Name of Jutsu: Kurisutarurirīsu: De~yuaru ōkami sutoraiku, Crystal Release: Dual Wolf Strike * Rank of Jutsu: A Range of Jutsu: Jutsu's Element: Crystal Description: This jutsu may only be learned after using the Kurisutarurirīsu: Ookami getsuga five times. The user makes a sseries of seals finished in ram as two five foot stalagmites rise from the ground beside the user, the user then makes another seal and the two stalagmites bend into the shape of a wolf of the user’s desired size, as long as it’s under five feet. The two wolves have the same attributes as the wolf in the original jutsu. Rp Sample {{ It's the same thing as the first... only with 2 wolves... I don't really think this needs a sample... }} (( These jutsu may only be used by Hinote and Myself ))
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Posted: Fri Nov 26, 2010 8:34 am
I hope im not misinterpreting this, but we can post new custom jutsu now correct?
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Hinote Tosatsu Vice Captain
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Posted: Fri Nov 26, 2010 8:54 am
No, that was me saying I was done checking that set for the day. I might be awhile finishing these up for various reasons, including the rather large annual get together I am hiding from long enough to make this post. When I'm ready for more, I'll say so in big green letters so everyone knows.
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Posted: Fri Dec 03, 2010 3:13 pm
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Hinote Tosatsu Vice Captain
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Posted: Fri Dec 03, 2010 3:17 pm
Because I've been too busy to deal with these, and various other reasons I won't be telling you, Stormold will be judging the ones I haven't finished with. He should have them done sometime in the next day or so, so please be patient a bit longer.
I'll be watching to be sure it's all done well.
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Posted: Fri Dec 03, 2010 3:20 pm
Hinote Tosatsu Because I've been too busy to deal with these, and various other reasons I won't be telling you, Stormold will be judging the ones I haven't finished with. He should have them done sometime in the next day or so, so please be patient a bit longer. I'll be watching to be sure it's all done well.Okay, sorry for bothering you.
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