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A Naruto role-playing guild using the d20 system, for semi-lit and above RPers. 

Tags: Naruto, roleplay, d20 system, semi-literate, literate 

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.(.Kitsune_Masakazu.).

PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2007 9:33 pm


Caleo
EDITED RP SAMPLE:

"I'm going be late again. This will be the second time this week." Calo mentioned to himself as he ran thorught the streets and allies. As he was running, he tilted his head to notice a man and his cart coming right at him. With enough time and luck, Calo jumped backwards barely missing the cart. The man quickly stop his cart and shouted at him, "Hey, watch where your going you brat!!" Calo shouted back, "Look who talking idiot!!" Before he can continue to yell, he suddenly remember about his classes. "O s**t, I need to hurry!!" he shouted as he ran around the cart and started to run like his very life was on the line.

Only a few minutes later, he arrived to his destination. "Now lets just sneak in here without being seen and then I'll be home free" he thought as he slowly started to practically tumbling from tree to tree. From tree to bench, wherever he can hide.

He managed to sneak his way to the door. "Hehe, I'm home free now" he thought. But before he can touch the door knob he heard a familiar voice behind him.
"Your 30 minutes late to class Calo, care to explain?" Calo immediately jumped and turned his head behind him and said back, "Hey there Taro-sensei, I can explain about being late. This is kinda a funny story actually you see..." But before he could actually say anything else Taro shouted,"I don't want to hear your excuses now get into the classroom!" Calo jumped up in the air like he seen a ghost. When he landed, he immediately threw the door open and ran into the classroom and sat in the closest seat to the door.

Thanks for the editing. X3 Pass.
PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 5:03 am


Rping sample

when I talk = Dark blue
My thoughts = Blue
When others talk = Cyan
My actions = Dark red

Mujin walks in to his class on his first day of school. Wearing a white Gi and black ninja shoes. Aw man why'd uncle make me wear these stupid clothes, everyone else gets to wear normal clothes.Mujin walks around the class looking for a seat, then signs and pulls up a chair next to some weirdo with blonde hair and an orange and blue jumpsuit. Hey, I'm Mujin. Haha, Mujin?! What kinda name is that! Mujin slams his head on his desk. Great I have to sit next to this jerk. There were no other seats so Mujin sat in class all day with his head down, because the jerk next to him was a total clown and wouldn't shut up while the teacher talked. Please day, just end for me.

Mujin Inusukoshi


Sardonic Waffle

PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 1:18 pm


Rping sample
(from another rp...I'm lazy I know sweatdrop )

Alexander finished off his last apple and sat back up. "Ah, nothing like drama to get you fed up with a place." He said as he started walking towards the stable and had a stable boy get his horse ready. HE walked up to his horse. "Ah Cysi your the only one I can get along with truly it seems." He said before jumping on him. He made his way out of the castle, stopping next to the guard. "If there is an emergency I'm at the tavern." He said before trotting off.
PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 3:08 pm


Mujin Inusukoshi
Rping sample

when I talk = Dark blue
My thoughts = Blue
When others talk = Cyan
My actions = Dark red

Mujin walks in to his class on his first day of school. Wearing a white Gi and black ninja shoes. Aw man why'd uncle make me wear these stupid clothes, everyone else gets to wear normal clothes.Mujin walks around the class looking for a seat, then signs and pulls up a chair next to some weirdo with blonde hair and an orange and blue jumpsuit. Hey, I'm Mujin. Haha, Mujin?! What kinda name is that! Mujin slams his head on his desk. Great I have to sit next to this jerk. There were no other seats so Mujin sat in class all day with his head down, because the jerk next to him was a total clown and wouldn't shut up while the teacher talked. Please day, just end for me.

A few things- you don't need colors to roleplay- usually they're only used to designate a certain character (like I have Tai in blue, Mat in green, and Kisoku in gray). The way you use color makes it confusing to read- I had to keep referencing the top of the page, which made it harder to understand because my reading thread was broken so much.

Please, please, PLEASE only use one color for anything. Maybe use quotation marks for speech with everyone, and make a new paragraph or a tag (he said, "___" or "____," she replied) for new speakers. Thoughts can be put into italicsm too, or ended with the tag 's/he thought/pondered/mused/etc.

And it would probably be best to refrain from using yellow, cyan, or neon colors...they're a lot harsher on the eyes. Also try to refrain from colors that are really close together (blue and dark blue, red and dark red, etc.) or that clash (green and red, yellow and purple, blue and orange, etc.)

Can you redo this post with not as much color? And don't forget to look back for mistakes- I also noticed a few runons and spelling errors.

.(.Kitsune_Masakazu.).


.(.Kitsune_Masakazu.).

PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 3:10 pm


Naked_Superhero
Rping sample
(from another rp...I'm lazy I know sweatdrop )

Alexander finished off his last apple and sat back up. "Ah, nothing like drama to get you fed up with a place." He said as he started walking towards the stable and had a stable boy get his horse ready. HE walked up to his horse. "Ah Cysi your the only one I can get along with truly it seems." He said before jumping on him. He made his way out of the castle, stopping next to the guard. "If there is an emergency I'm at the tavern." He said before trotting off.

I'd like to see a bit more detail, but this is fine. Pass.
PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 3:35 pm


.(.Kitsune_Masakazu.).
Naked_Superhero
Rping sample
(from another rp...I'm lazy I know sweatdrop )

Alexander finished off his last apple and sat back up. "Ah, nothing like drama to get you fed up with a place." He said as he started walking towards the stable and had a stable boy get his horse ready. HE walked up to his horse. "Ah Cysi your the only one I can get along with truly it seems." He said before jumping on him. He made his way out of the castle, stopping next to the guard. "If there is an emergency I'm at the tavern." He said before trotting off.

I'd like to see a bit more detail, but this is fine. Pass.


Usually they are better...and quite a bit of the detail comes from other people...I can't work well with one liners...T-T

Sardonic Waffle


.(.Kitsune_Masakazu.).

PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 7:44 pm


Naked_Superhero
.(.Kitsune_Masakazu.).
Naked_Superhero
Rping sample
(from another rp...I'm lazy I know sweatdrop )

Alexander finished off his last apple and sat back up. "Ah, nothing like drama to get you fed up with a place." He said as he started walking towards the stable and had a stable boy get his horse ready. HE walked up to his horse. "Ah Cysi your the only one I can get along with truly it seems." He said before jumping on him. He made his way out of the castle, stopping next to the guard. "If there is an emergency I'm at the tavern." He said before trotting off.

I'd like to see a bit more detail, but this is fine. Pass.


Usually they are better...and quite a bit of the detail comes from other people...I can't work well with one liners...T-T

We all get that. It's part of the reason why one-liners are TECHNICALLY banned here, but are alright once and a while in the case of writer's block.
PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 8:48 pm


((heres my sample, i am a veteran RPer, i focus on bieng semi lit to literate. i only have problems with capitalization, and the occasional typo.))

Bane hid in his misty trap, awaiting his prey. The lone ninja from hidden in the mist knew what he was doing, as this scenario had played out a thousand times before. Ninja walks into my mist trap, and finds out just how sharp my sword is, bane though to himself cheerily.all of the sudden, bane heard the crackling of small leaves behind him, and he saw the flash of a kunai as it was brought to his neck. "Dont move or your dead you dirty mist ninja!" a steely cold voice muttered from behind him.
bane trembled with anticipation,as the adrenalin pulsed through his body. with a flash, bane reached for his sword and turned to attack his opponent......

((i paraphrased a bit from my application, i just didnt have a creative spark at the time i posted this. i tried to be descriptive, but if it isnt up to the guild standards, let me know >_>))

[superbob]


Bromisto

PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 9:17 pm


[superbob]
((heres my sample, i am a veteran RPer, i focus on bieng semi lit to literate. i only have problems with capitalization, and the occasional typo.))

Bane hid in his misty trap, awaiting his prey. The lone ninja from hidden in the mist knew what he was doing, as this scenario had played out a thousand times before. Ninja walks into my mist trap, and finds out just how sharp my sword is, bane though to himself cheerily.all of the sudden, bane heard the crackling of small leaves behind him, and he saw the flash of a kunai as it was brought to his neck. "Dont move or your dead you dirty mist ninja!" a steely cold voice muttered from behind him.
bane trembled with anticipation,as the adrenalin pulsed through his body. with a flash, bane reached for his sword and turned to attack his opponent......

((i paraphrased a bit from my application, i just didnt have a creative spark at the time i posted this. i tried to be descriptive, but if it isnt up to the guild standards, let me know >_>))


Pass
PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2007 6:02 pm


Here's my sample:

Dontae crouched down hiding in the tall grass to avoid detection from his enemy, he had been on the run for several days now without rest and his clothes were soaked with sweat and completely filthy. His black jeans and coat hung heavily on him as if they were weights made to restrain him and his scarf normally providing protection from winds, now seemed more like a choke chain around his neck. Dontae sighed and tried to think of tactic that could get him out of this situation, sadly though his brain seemed to be failing him at the moment, he thought mostly likely due to fatigue. A second later Dontae's body felt heavy, he felt the back of his neck and realized there was a dart. "Dang" he said as his body gave out and he feel into a slumber.

Dontae Black


.(.Kitsune_Masakazu.).

PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2007 12:20 am


Dontae Black
Here's my sample:

Dontae crouched down hiding in the tall grass to avoid detection from his enemy, he had been on the run for several days now without rest and his clothes were soaked with sweat and completely filthy. His black jeans and coat hung heavily on him as if they were weights made to restrain him and his scarf normally providing protection from winds, now seemed more like a choke chain around his neck. Dontae sighed and tried to think of tactic that could get him out of this situation, sadly though his brain seemed to be failing him at the moment, he thought mostly likely due to fatigue. A second later Dontae's body felt heavy, he felt the back of his neck and realized there was a dart. "Dang" he said as his body gave out and he feel into a slumber.

Your lines are very long and create many run-ons. Perhaps shorter sentences? Can you edit this to have shorter sentences?
PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2007 7:18 am



My Sample biggrin :
Sugrin stopped meditating to look at the table. ' Erg... It seems awfully quiet in here...' He thought to himself looking around with shifty eyes. He got up and walked down to the front of the classroom. He opened the door to the classroom and walked out. He started to walk down the halls looking for the stairs. He wondered what were behind the doors in the Academy. He’s only been to two rooms in the whole Academy.

He walked to the closest door ' I wonder what behind door number one...' He thought putting his hand on the knob and then slowly opening the door.
Inside where ninjas who looked somewhat higher ranked. They glared at him with evil looking eyes that had a murderous intent. Startled, he quickly shut the door and ran off to the other side of the hall!

He found another door. ' Eh.. Maybe door number two?' He wondered to himself as he opened this door. Inside was ninja equipment. Some he hasn’t seen before... And some that are well known to most ninja. Shifting his eyes he walked in the room. He took a few items and stuffed them in his item bag on his side. Before leaving, He wondered if he would get in trouble for "stealing". Thinking of the consequences he quickly threw the item on the floor of the room and ran out!

Sugrin a little more curious, walked to the closest door. This door seemed to be covered by a dark aura. He took a gulp and a deep breath in. ' Eh... ' He grabbed the doorknob with his hand shaking. Slowly opening the door, He took a peak inside.

Inside, Were Academy Students who just started at the Academy. His mouth opened wide at the sight of little kids running around. He slowly closed the door and walked away. He walked back in the classroom and sat in the seat he was occupying. Took a sigh and then put his head on the table.

(( Is this better?))

SnowLordRoggy


.(.Kitsune_Masakazu.).

PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2007 10:46 am


SnowLordRoggy

My Sample biggrin :
Sugrin stopped meditating to look at the table. ' Erg... It seems awfully quiet in here...' He thought to himself looking around with shifty eyes. (( ninja )) He got up and walked down to the front of the classroom. He opened the door to the classroom and walked out. He started to walk down the halls looking for the stairs. He wondered what were behind the doors in the Academy. He’s only been to two rooms in the whole Academy. He walked to the closest door ' I wonder what behind door number one...' He thought putting his hand on the knob and then slowly opening the door. Inside where ninjas who looked somewhat higher ranked. They glared at him with evil looking eyes that had a murderous intent. Startled he quickly shut the door and ran off to the other side of the hall! He found another door. ' Eh.. Maybe door number two?' He wondered to himself as he opened this door. Inside was ninja equipment. Some he hasn’t seen before... And some that are well known to most ninja. Shifting his eyes he walked in the room. He took a few items and stuffed them in his item bag on his side. Before leaving, He wondered if he would get in trouble for "stealing". Thinking of the consequences he quickly threw the item on the floor of the room and ran out! Sugrin a little more curious, walked to the closest door. This door seemed to be covered by a dark aura. He took a gulp and a deep breath in. ' Eh... ' He grabbed the doorknob with his hand shaking. Slowly opening the door, He took a peak inside.
Inside, Were Academy Students who just started at the Academy. His mouth opened wide at the sight of little kids running around. He slowly closed the door and walked away. He walked back in the classroom and sat in the seat he was occupying. Took a sigh and then put his head on the table.

The paragraph is rather long. Well, the first one. There are also a few run-ons. Can you look over your post and split the first paragraph? pretty please?
PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2007 2:07 pm


.(.Kitsune_Masakazu.).
Dontae Black
Here's my sample:

Dontae crouched down hiding in the tall grass to avoid detection from his enemy. He had been on the run for several days now without rest and his clothes were soaked with sweat and completely filthy. His black jeans and coat hung heavily on him as if they were weights made to restrain him. His scarf, which normally provided protection from the winds, now seemed more like a choke chain around his neck. Dontae sighed and tried to think of a tactic that could get him out of this situation. Sadly though, his brain seemed to be failing him at the moment, most likely due to fatigue. A second later, Dontae's body felt heavy. He felt the back of his neck, only to discover a dart. "Dang" he said, as his body gave out and he fell into a slumber.

Your lines are very long and create many run-ons. Perhaps shorter sentences? Can you edit this to have shorter sentences?


That any better?

Dontae Black


ViciousKira

PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2007 3:49 pm


Example

Saiya raised her head sleepily, eye's stil half lidded. She'd fallen asleep near the river early that morning due to the fact she'd been unable to sleep at home. She was too excited that in the next few hours she'd be in the acadamy with new people to meet. Saiya would have to get used to making friends and not enimies now! Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she yawned and then stretched,raising herself from the cold ground. With the hum of the river beside her she'd slept like a baby, something she hadn't been able to do for about a year. Slapping herself on both sides of her face to wake her up, she put on a smile and skipped off to the awaiting school to learn new things she'd been waiting for since she was small. Making her dad proud enough so that he'd come back home was Saiya's dream and she'd do anything to make it happen! "Time to get started~!" She said happily as she began to run towards her future year!
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