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 Posted: Fri Dec 08, 2006 10:48 am
Uncle Vilden mentioned it would be a good idea for me to write down my experiences with another entity sharing my mind.
Her name is Liechi. "Her" is a very subjective term; her race is androgynous. But since she is in my mind, she is she. She prefers it that way.
She is as new to this as I am, though her training has spanned a much longer time than mine. Their aging and flow of time is very different, and I admit I'm having as much trouble comprehending hers as she is adjusting to mine. This is like slow motion to her.
At first, it was very strange with her. She would frequently assert herself over my body, forcing me to speak and lose control of myself. This was accidental. Simulations and actually being in a body are two different things. Things have calmed down a lot since then; she's now a voice in the back of my mind. Almost like a conscience, in a way.
She is constantly in contact with the others from her race, so any orders the Agents are given are relayed through the network. The information I need to know is filtered directly to me, so if I need to be in a specific location or do something specific, I'll know. And if I'm delayed for any reason, they will know.
It's a little disorienting, but her greater efficiency in filtering information and my acclimating to her presence is diminishing the disorientation greatly.
I haven't yet been trained on how to handle energy discharges and the other abilities her race will give my body when they "take over", and I won't be trained until after my maternity leave ends. So right now, we're simply getting used to each other.
It's getting easier.
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Posted: Fri Dec 08, 2006 5:10 pm
Luna and Liechi had a system. All Agents mentioned having a distinct relationship with their "Gods". For example, when Vilden was being called into action, he would distinctly hear the song "Eye of the Tiger". It was the easiest way to get him into the correct mindset, he always said.
With Luna and Liechi, it was a bit different. But it worked.
And that was why, in the midst of soaking in a luxurious bath that smelled of ginger and calmed her queasy stomach like nothing else, Luna groaned audibly.
Chirp, chirp, chirp!
Chirp, chirp, chirp!
The sound of a sweet, pleasant cell phone that literally said "Chirp".
Her attention gained, Luna glared at the ceiling as the order came in.
Word on network is Zurg code cracked. Briefing best seen. Instructions for entry to follow. Get to terminal.
Dripping and wet, Luna grudgingly wrapped a towel around herself as she trudged back to her bedroom. Right, right. Keyboard. URL. A... zurg webpage? Were they stupid? Or cocky? Or both?
Password is urmothership.
Taptaptap.
Passwords are foo, bar, baz, quux
Takkatakktaptakkatap.
http://avatar.gaiaonline.com/gaia/members/ava/04/7f/289bf9fc4f7f04.png. RedBino. Lotus Elise. Blue. Creep.
There is no cow level. zurg1234. delta. What do you see?
Luna stared at the screen, and the plans that followed. Something that was going to go down on the eleventh of December...
And what was this? Was it....?
A portal. And taking a santa through.
Santa? As in Santa Claus?
Things just got weirder and weirder.
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Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2006 3:45 pm
"See? I told you that it wouldn' take too long, Kaja!" Grinning from ear to ear, Remington bounded into the waiting room of the GMFC, for once not making a beeline to the toy area. This visit was special, after all. This time, instead of his mum bringing him, he got to have Kaja bring him! And that was truly special. "See?"
"What do you mean, see? You are such a silly kid, Remmers, if you didn't realize that there's no way Mom would have had me bring you if this place wasn't within a decent walking distance." Hands in the pockets, Kaja followed her little brother into the clinic. Though in typical teen fashion she tried to look bored, at the same time she was looking around the place with interest. She herself didn't see any of the doctors here, and this was her first time scoping the place out. Still, it had enough of a repuation...
It was about that time Luna emerged from Dr. Haladet's office, arm elevated and her fingers pressed against a bandage and roll of gauze on the inside of her left elbow. She was wincing, muffled waves of discomfort being projected in all directions.
>_
She was so wrapped up in the feeling of "ow" that she didn't even notice Kaja... or Remy.
Glancing around the room as she was, it didn't Kaja long to notice Luna; rather, she noticed almost as soon as the older girl appeared. However, since she didn't know her, it didn't seem quite right to approach...that, and the fact that Kaja was almost rabidly antisocial. Instead, she went over to a chair and flopped down, pulling her knees up to her chest and settling in to watching Remy.
However, Remy has also noticed Luna; unlike his sister, though, he wasn't bound by shyness or lack of recognition. "LUNA!!!!" Grinning, the little boy all but catapulted himself at her, latching onto one leg and beaming up at her. "Hi hi, Luna! You don't look very happy, did you know that?"
Luna smiled weakly, patting Remy on the top of his head as best as she could considering doctors' orders. And though she normally spoke in telepathic projections, now, she was speaking in empathic ones; conveying vague senses of what was going on, but no specific words.
Luna just had blood taken, and it still ached. Did Remy understand that? She had to keep it up to help it stop bleeding.
And she really didn't feel all that well up in the head right that moment, and with all that extra weight on her leg, she may end up falling over and not being able to get back up. @_@
Remy might not have exactly understood what Luna was trying to convey, but Kaja could definitly tell that Remy's attentions weren't completely welcome at the moment. Rising to her feet, she trotted over and gently unwrapped Remy's arms from Luna, patting him on the head as she finished. "I think that your friend might feel a bit better of you didn't leech onto her, Rems. See that?" Pointing at Luna's arm, Kaja drew his attention to the bandage. "Looks like she was bleeding."
Following the direction of Kaja's finger, Remy's eyes got huge as he finally realized that Luna had a bandage. Luna had a bandage? That meant that she had to have hurt herself! No wonder she looked sad, if she hurted! "I's sorry, Luna; I didn't know you'd gotten a hurt." Looking up at her anxiously, he reached up and patted her arm near the bandage, a worried look in his eyes. "The bandage makes it feel better though, right?" That's what he'd always been told, at least. "Luna's arm'll feel better?"
Luna smiled gently, making her way over to one of the waiting room chairs and sinking into it gratefully. Finally, she was able to collect her thoughts enough to be able to project properly.
Dr. Haladet needed to take some blood out of my arm to make sure everything was fine, Luna explained, patting her knee to let Remy know he was welcome to sit on her lap if he wanted. And yes, the bandage DOES make it feel better. That wasn't entirely true, but she did remember a time when it WAS.
She couldn't help but weigh the options of explaining just WHY she had to have blood taken out of her; would Remy understand? Would she have to explain the birds and the bees? Would she be lynched by a parental unit for it? With Jokeph getting a checkup of his own, she didn't think she was ready to risk a LYNCHING...
Instead, for the moment, she turned her gaze to Kaja. Are you going to introduce us, Remy?
The worried look in Remy's eyes gave way to pleasure as once again he felt the strange sensation of Luna's head-talk; it never got old, being able to hear words straight inside his head!
And it was also nice to know that Luna felt better. Bandages were sure nice things to have around, obviously.
Taking advantage of her offering, Remy scrambled up onto her lap and hugged her. He didn't understand why she'd had blood taken, but it didn't seem a nice thing to do. And Dr. Haladat had done it? "H'come she did that, Luna? She told me that blood needed to stay INside the body." Even if she wanted to see if things were fine, there had to be a better way! 'Specially since taking blood seemed to be a good way to make you NOT fine. Even if Luna HAD gotten a bandage, taking blood seemed mean.
Still, it took Luna's query to remind him that Luna didn't know Kaja! And Kaja didn't know her, either...which meant that Remy got to introduce someone for once! "Luna, this's my sister, Kaja; Kaja, this is Luna. She can head-talk!"
Up until Remy's last little bit of introduction, Kaja had been completely in the dark. She hadn't heard anything, but seen Remy ask about something that seemed to be an unknown; but once he mentioned 'head-talk' it all clicked. So this was the telepath her mother had mentioned Remy meeting.
Running a hand nervously over one black horn, she nodded a greeting at Luna. "Nice to meet you, Luna; like the kiddo said, I'm Kaja, resident sister, sitter, and encyclopedia."
Luna nodded at Kaja, smiling as warmly as she could manage. "Ihh maice oomee chyuu." It's nice to meet you. The smile faded to something more apologetic; Luna's one spoken statement was proof enough that she couldn't verbally express the thoughts she projected, no matter how hard she tried.
She turned back to Remy, furrowing her brow. That's why you have to be careful when you take blood out. She explained. You go in with the smallest needle possible, take oooooooonly as much as you need, and then bandage it up right away. She tapped the bandage, wincing slightly. Dr. Haladet needed to make sure I was all right inside. And that's why I had to have a blood test. Her smile grew weak.
And I have to get this done a lot more times until...
Okay, she'd risk it.
...Until my baby is born.
Nodding her head at Luna politely, Kaja nevertheless felt distinctly left out of the conversation; she couldn't hear a thing. Well, Luna seemed like the type she could trust with her brother, so giving the two a slight wave Kaja soon had returned to her chair from earlier and sat down to read a magazine.
His attention focused on Luna, Remy barely noticed when Kaja slipped away. Instead, his green eyes were fixed on Luna's face and his head cocked slightly to one side as he tried to make sense of what she was saying. How could you tell stuff from blood, after all? And why would you take it out if you weren't supposed to do anything to let it out? Wouldn't it be easier to look in someone's mouth to see if they were ok inside?
All those questions vanished at Luna's last comment, however. "Luna's gonna have a baby? Wow, when when when??" Eyes widening once again, Remy looked up at Luna in awe and wonder. A baby? Babies were cool alright, and so small! He'd seen the neighbor's cat's babies, and they had been little and cool; never seen a human baby, but they had to be cool as well!
However, the realization Luna was having a baby made him think of something else. "Luna, if they're pokin' you with needles, won't they poke the baby, too?" That wasn't nice!
I don't know, Luna answered truthfully. Not for a while, though. See? You can't even see the baby in my tummy yet.
At the mention of the needles poking the baby, Luna couldn't help but laugh. The baby isn't in my ARM, silly!
She WOULD have to have an amnio, but tastefully left that part out of the conversation. After all, no point worrying or confusing Remy any further.
...Well, doctors used really long needles. Just beacuse Luna didn't think that mightn't not reach far enough to poke the baby didn't mean they COULDN'T.
Still, Luna probably wouldn't let them poke her baby. She was too nice to poke anybody, so 'specially not her own baby!
Tilting his head again, he looked down at Luna's stomach, gently touching it. No lump. Was she sure there was a baby in there? "Are you sure you have a baby, Luna?" Maybe she was mistaken...maybe they were trying to take her blood for something else! eek
Luna nodded resolutely. There's a baby in there, all right. I probably will start showing soon when it grows big enough, but right now, I just have a hard time fitting into some of my old clothes.
Frowning at Luna, Remy scrathced his head. "But if you can't see that the baby is there, how do you KNOW it's there?"
Well, Luna would have to learn to field these questions sometime. Why not practice now? ...Without warping the poor child forever? THAT would be the ultimate test.
Well... Delicately, delicately. See, when a woman's body prepares to have a baby, she can tell. And there are medical tests -- not the blood taking one -- that can find out if there's a baby in there.
So far, so good.
Like, one of the machines is called an ultrasound. It uses sound waves that we can't hear, and they bounce the waves off the baby. And machines can pick that up and make a picture of the baby! It doesn't hurt the baby or the mother, either.
Leaning his head against Luna's shoulder, Remy listened patiently to her explanation. He supposed that those things made sense. Doctors helped babies be born, so they ought to know when they needed to start getting ready to be born...but they didn't explain how they knew to USE those machines.
"But how do they know to take pictures of the baby if you can't see it's there?" He could be very tenacious when he wanted to know something, after all. As far as he knew, his mama and aunts didn't go have pictures taken like that, so it must not be something you did unless you were gonna have a baby, but if you needed the pictures to know you were having a baby... @.@
They don't do that until they know there's a baby in there. And there are other tests to do for that. And that would be a potential gross-out that perhaps young boys would find amusing, but she didn't think the mother would find her young son learning these things at this age to be such.
It's a mommy thing.
....he hated that answer. It was one his mother used often enough, chalked right up with things like 'you'll understand when you're older'. Being little was really not fair sometimes!
But he'd figured out over time that when you got a vague unexplanitory answer like that that asking more wouldn't work. So he'd have to wait...and maybe hope that Kaja would tell him sometime. Maybe. "So, you learned you had a baby inside and then they took pictures? What does it look like?" Safe question. Hopefully?
Luna smiled apologetically. She could understand Remy didn't like the answer, but maybe she had a chance to redeem herself.
The smile grew mischievous.
Like an alien.
An alien. AN ALIEN? Instantly, Remy's eyes got huge and he was blinking owlishly at Luna. "An alien? Like the kind with a big head and green skin and big buggy eyes and-" Suddenly he broke off, narrowing his eyes at her suspiciously. People didn't have baby aliens! She was teasing him again!
"Really, Luna! I want to know what it really looks like!"
I'm serious! Luna burst out laughing. I don't know if it's green, but it looks like an alien right now! With a tail.
Thank you, biology courses!
It really does, you know. You know how tadpoles don't look anything like frogs until they grow up into them? It's the same thing.
...Still looking at Luna suspiciously, Remy looked down at her stomach again as though expecting a magic viewing window to open up. When none did, he turned has gaze back to Luna's face, not totally convinced. Still...
"My sister has a tail." Pointing over at where Kaja was involved in her magazine, he indicated the furry tail that was flicking boredly against the chair. "I don' think she's an alien, though. Mama said she's somethin' different, but I don' know what."
He wasn't sure he believed Luna yet, but he could give her the benefit of the doubt.
I don't explain it too well, Luna admitted. It's one of those things that is easier to understand... And he'd probably hate this part... ...When you get older.
Wince!
Why did adults always say that? Huffing a bit, Remy crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back against Luna. "Everyone always says that, but I AM gettin older, Luna? When will I be older enough, hmm?" He was older than he'd been yesterday, but no one ever said EXACTLY when he'd be old enough to know anything, and that just wasn't fair ><
Luna sighed. She'd definitely have to learn how to dodge questions more artfully when her baby was born.
You see, Remy... there are a lot of things that we can't understand when we're small. We know the sky is blue, and if we ask, we know it's because light is bouncing off the atmosphere in a certain way. But the how and why of it is something that will be more confusing.
She paused to collect her thoughts.
And that's why we go to school. We learn small things first, not because grown-ups don't think we can understand bigger things, but because we need to learn the small things first. And when we go into higher grades, we get to learn the more important and complicated things that are easier to understand because we learned the smaller things.
She didn't know if this was getting through, but she couldn't really stop now. So she took another breath to steel herself before continuing.
Like babies! I knew babies came from mommies when I was your age. When I was in the fourth grade, I learned why mommies have babies. When I was in the sixth grade, I learned how everything works to make a baby. And when I was in the tenth grade, I learned how a baby grows and develops in the womb, and what happens when.
And now, the finale! And that's why grown-ups say you'll learn things when you're older. Because before you can get the BIG answers, you're going to have to get through all the little ones, first. She poked him on the nose. Get it?
Even though he'd been listening very hard throughout Luna's explanation, the only thing that Remy truly understood was the fact that he wasn't going to be 'old enough' for a long time. He was bearly in kindergarten, after all, and school lasted a really really long time, like forever almost!
But at least Luna had tried. It wasn't as bad as telling him again that he'd know when older was because he'd actually BE older; how was that supposed to make sense to anyone at all?? "Bein' litle is no fun. Or fair. You got it better, Luna."
It seems that way, doesn't it? Another poke. When you're as old as I am, you're going to want to be little again. That way you can run and play and not worry about what other people think, and you can ask a bunch of questions and people won't think less of you for it. Luna winked slyly at Remy. If I were to ask those questions, everyone would ask me "Shouldn't you know that already? Didn't you learn it in school?"
When you're big like me, you have to have all the answers, even the ones you don't know. It's not very fair, either.
From the way Luna was talking, it sounded like being big wasn't really that much fun either...but he knew better. This was the same sort of thing that his mother had told him, but Remy could see right through it. Adults SAID that it was better to be little, but if it was really so good to be little then they wouldn't do half of the things they did that made being little so evil. Apparently it was some sort of defense mechanism against little kids trying to make things better...
Still, it wasn't Luna's fault. She probably had to listen to the rules that even older adults told her, cause she didn't seem very big anyway. Like a really old kid, but still an adult. Or something.
That made him wonder, though... "Luna, are you a real grownup?"
Luna had to think about that. She was eighteen. A legal adult. But she didn't FEEL very old, either. She was going to be someone's mother, but here she was, still living at home because she didn't feel comfortable in her own place yet. Not wanting to leave her parents yet. She was supposed to be one of the Neilani elite, but here she was still clinging to the folds of her mother's skirt, so to speak.
...I don't know.
Well, that didn't help anything! If Luna didn't know, that had to mean that she realy wasn't, right? Cause you knew when you were an adult, or so he thought. Then again, maybe she wasn't? Or maybe she just didn't understand what he was saying.
"Cause you don't act really old like the doctors or mama, and you played with me before. But you talk like an adult, and I think that only adults can have babies. So...I wanna know, Luna!"
Well... THINK, Luna, think!
Physically, I'm a grown-up. My body's done growing. It's finished. Sure, I'll be growing when the baby grows, but it'll go back to normal when the baby's born.
But mentally...? I still FEEL like a kid. And I like talking to kids. And I like being with kids. You're easier to understand, and you don't make things more complicated than they have to be.
Eighteen is the age when people here are considered to be full adults. But going from seventeen to eighteen doesn't automatically mean we'll feel any different. Do you feel any different on your birthday than the day before?
...18 was really old. Like, REALLY old. No wonder Luna was so tall!
Still, what she was saying kinda made sense. He'd just turned 6 and a half recently, and he still felt like he was only 6, and when he had been 5 it seemed the same way. Age made no sense sometimes. "So...you're an adult, then? But you THINK like you're a kid?"
Luna nodded. Pretty much!
...Adults officially made no sense. That was all there was too it. Sighing Remy flopped against Luna, trying to figure out why it was that they got to decide everything when they couldn't even figure themselves out!
Luna smiled and shook her head. The world was just funny that way, wasn't it?
Sighing again, Remy nodded his head at Luna. "People are silly, you know that Luna? And nobody makes any sense." Was it too much to ask for people to make sense? To explain everything and not always tell you you were too young! "When I'm a grown-up I'm going to tell little kids anything they ask. Cause it's no fair to have to wait."
I'd like to see that. There was no sarcasm or teasing in Luna's "voice" at this. Deep down, a part of her wondered how exactly things would work when Remington was theoretically old enough to tell children what adults normally told children.
And another part of her wondered if he'd understand how difficult it could be to explain complicated situations to children.
You'll let me know how it goes, right?
"A'course I'll tell you, Luna. Cause then you'll know that not ALL adults listen to what other adults say to tell kids." Grinning in contentment at his own future plottage, Remy snuggled against Luna, yawning a little bit. He was supposed to be here to get a shot, Kaja had said; cause it was flu season. He wasn't sure what flu was, or really what getting shots did to prevent it, but that was why Kaja was with, he supposed. But boy, waiting seemed to take such a long time all the time...at least Luna was here today, though.
Luna wouldn't be here for much longer, though. Jokeph emerged from the back of the clinic, raking one hand through his hair as he heaved a sigh of relief.
He was finished with his examination, which meant that Luna was just about ready to head home.
Remy was just about to drop off to sleep when a nurse poked her head out through of the doors, glancing down at the clipboard in her hand and then out at the waiting room. "Remington Boetiathe?"
Hearing Remy's name called, Kaja replaced her magazine and got up. "Coming right now, Ma'am." Walking over to Luna, Kaja gently scooped up her brother, smiling at how he clung to her as soon as she started to pick him up. "I guess we missed naptime; at any rate, I think I can take him off your hands for a while."
Yawing again, Remy rested his cheek against his sister's shoulder, but gave Luna a wave as his sister toted him out to get his shots. "Bye bye, Luna; remember, when I get bigger!"
Luna waved tiredly back at Remy, smiling gently. I'll be waiting!
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Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 5:29 pm
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Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 9:22 pm
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Posted: Mon Dec 18, 2006 7:09 pm
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Posted: Mon Dec 18, 2006 7:20 pm
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Posted: Mon Dec 18, 2006 7:37 pm
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Posted: Mon Dec 25, 2006 3:10 am
The Jejune June Café was near-deserted on Christmas morning. After all, why shouldn't it be? It was the only shop open in all of downtown Gaia, and everyone was busy opening gifts at home.
Everyone, of course, except the Keth family.
June had known from experience that the coffeehouse would be deserted on Christmas morning, and that's exactly why she'd called Boyan and asked him to bring his family.
So at eight in the morning, the coffeehouse, though sparse in population, was bustling with life.
Luna, Jokeph, and little Caroline were seated at a safe distance behind the counter; no sense overstimulating the baby at this early hour. Luna enjoyed a fruit-filled pastry, occasionally dipping her finger into the icing that topped it and holding it out for Caroline to taste. Jokeph seemed oddly calm and pleasant, a shy smile never leaving his face as he watched over mother and child.
Ying had moved a few tables and chairs away from the middle of the coffeehouse, giving herself a large enough area to work with to show off her martial arts to an adoring crowd; Arc, Zhen, and Harmony, Boyan's Jumi "Granddaughters". At this point, she was so familiar with the movements that she looked as if she were dancing across the floor. This captivated Arc, as dance, rhythm, and music were her life. And the sheer grace of her movements was what caught Zhen's attention. The sight of a display so beautiful that Arc and Zhen were moved to peace was what drew Harmony, and she watched as well, enthralled by the dance.
Boyan had his arms wrapped around his grown daughter, Melody, his face buried in the top of her head and projecting warm, gooey feelings of contentment. They'd only just finished exchanging gifts; Boyan had given Melody a beautiful stone with a small hole drilled into it, through which a cord of leather was threaded. Melody, on the other hand, had given her father a rubber duck and a bar of strawberry-scented soap, which, judging by the scene that resulted, he received extremely well.
And June sat on top of the counter, watching the store with a mug of hot cocoa in her hands. Her eyes drifted from child to child, and her thoughts were on when all of them were so little. Boyan, the ditzy Porcelain with an oral fixation. Melody, the sweet and adorable baby. Ying, the firecracker of a child who set fires in the bathroom sink. Luna, projecting and making friends while still inside the womb. Jokeph, a faint angelic projection in front of an armoire. And then there was little Caroline, her granddaughter, whom June had yet to become acquainted.
It was enough to make a sentimental fool out of her.
She dabbed at one eye with the back of her hand, and hopped off the counter. "Who wants a cup of cocoa?"
And as she quickly found herself surrounded by her children, her grandchildren, and her children's grandchildren, June couldn't help but laugh. Not at any one particular amusement, but a laugh of pure joy.
For all her weaknesses, mistakes, and frustrations along her life's path, she couldn't help but feel...
...That maybe, in this place called Gaia...
She'd finally done something right.
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Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 2:22 pm
You know, something has been on my mind for a while.
Namely, I'm sick of therapy.
Seriously.
It was great at first. We'd all go to Neilan for family therapy day, and it actually seemed to help things! Luna went to learn how not to be a cold, emotionless robot. Jo went to learn to stop freaking out all the time. Caroline went to learn to talk since her mother and father figures were mute. And I went to make sure everyone showed up in one piece. And it actually worked! For a while.
But there's only so much time you can spend on a plateau before you start to realize something isn't working. Sure, Caroline's only a little behind most children her age now. And Jo really ISN'T freaking out like crazy anymore. But Luna? Luna stopped improving a long time ago.
She's been communicating exclusively with telepathy and sign language since she joined the agents, and sure, words are all good, but that's all they are. Words. She used to have this infectious smile that had such sincere kindness behind it, and suddenly Commander Haladet comes out and says that she's only feeling that in the first place because we wanted her to.
Then Luna got whisked away to learn how to block everyone else out, do what she's told, and read peoples' minds without them knowing.
Sure, it's for the good of our planet. But it doesn't sit right with me. And it's taken years for me to realize that.
Vilden talks about "the big picture" and "the greater good", but even I can tell this isn't settling well with him, either.
Something is wrong. And it's going to take more than just me to break whatever it is that has a hold on her.
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Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 5:45 pm
Once upon a time, Luna enjoyed the formal banquets that were host to diplomats from worlds scattered throughout the known galaxy. She got to meet so many different people from so many different worlds, and she always felt like she was doing something worthwhile when she would send mental pings toward Lillian to warn of duplicity or treachery.
That was years ago. Now, each banquet seemed to fold into another, with Luna's abilities being used for nothing more than keeping the element of surprise in the Neilani corner.
Delegate, front row, second from left. Plans to assassinate speaking delegate.
"Good work, Keth," Lillian whispered, a bright smile on her face but none of the joy behind it.
Jokeph, sitting next to Luna, subtly tilted his head to one side, drumming the fingers of his right hand on the table. Luna knew that sign. "What's the matter?" he was saying in that simple gesture.
Luna, in reply, tapped her finger on the table twice, as if gesturing to Lillian's departing figure. It was that woman, Luna's fingers said. A long sigh, and then silence. She wasn't pleased with Lillian. Not at all.
Jokeph sucked in a quiet breath, letting it out slowly and evenly. Patience; they both knew that she was doing what she felt was best.
...But both of them hated it. They hated being so closed off from everyone around them. They hated hearing nothing but two-faced lies coming from the mouths and minds of diplomats. And Luna hated the alien in her head, ensuring she was under constant surveillance.
That's what it was, after all. Surveillance. Lillian wasn't interested in Luna, nor Jokeph, nor Caroline. She was interested in Luna's abilities. Caroline's DNA. And Jokeph, not at all. He was simply part of the package that was Luna Edae Keth.
And that was what she hated so much, deep in a part of her mind hidden even from herself. And as the banquet went on around her, Luna continued to stare blankly into the crowd. Fear, resentment, distrust. They were all there in the depths of her mind.
But she didn't feel a thing.
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Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2008 12:29 am
"Haladet! The shutdown isn't working!"
The sirens were deafening; almost counterproductive, Jokeph noted as he rounded a corner with Luna in tow. But then again, with a race of empaths, not being able to hear verbal communication wasn't THAT much of a drawback, he supposed. Even over the din of the siren.
"Go to backup!" Lillian shouted.
Jokeph could hear her gaining on them; he was a fast runner, and even though Luna wasn't, they were still outpacing most of the others. But Lillian... Lillian had an advantage. The quiet hissing noise that steady grew louder was evidence of that; a ring-like apparatus, that, when activated, provided enough thrust for flight. Or, in this particular case, extremely fast lateral movement.
He quickly whirled around, swinging his arm -- and with it Luna -- behind him as he thrust his free hand forward. The orb embedded within began to glow a faint red. When Lillian rounded the next corner, he'd be ready for her.
Surely she was aware of what he was about to do; it wasn't just the Neilani mind she could hear. But what Jokeph was betting on was that she simply wouldn't be able to stop in time. And when he saw her shadow on the opposite wall, he let loose with a blast of acid that would have destroyed any ordinary wall. But the Complex was anything but ordinary.
It wasn't a direct hit; even though Lillian screamed, he could easily tell that it was only because she was hit with splashback. That was enough, he reasoned; anything to slow her down was a blessing. And with that, he jerked his arm forward and began running again.
Through it all, Luna remained surprisingly blank; the only expression on her face being one of fatigue.
She wouldn't last much longer; she simply didn't have enough stamina. And they were going to need a LOT of it when they got to the Gate. But what choice did he have? He couldn't simply pick her up and tuck him under his arm. Which meant that he had to pull her forward.
Funny... he thought to himself, boots thudding in the pristine white halls. He'd have thought there'd be more resistance. Maybe guards meeting them from the gate.
Something was amiss.
His thoughts were quickly confirmed when he caught sight of the Neilani entrance to the gate; guarded by a single man.
Vilden Keth.
"Jokeph." Vilden said evenly, a mysterious smile on his face.
Damn that Vilden; that smile NEVER left his face, did it? Even during a time like this...
"You think I'm here to stop you?" Vilden continued. "Even though I know what this is doing to Lu?" He took a step backward, and then another. "I'm glad you thought of it first, honestly. She's suffering here. And that's not what we're about." Another step. "That IS why you're doing this, isn't it?"
Jokeph nodded slowly, glancing nervously over his shoulder.
"Your orbs didn't deactivate, did they?"
That caught Jokeph's attention. He shook his head, a look of confusion on his face. And then, it dawned on him.
It was you. Luna was the one to project that one statement.
"Yeah." Vilden smiled gently. "It was me. I knew what he was going to do, and, quite frankly..." A pause. "I agree with him. You need to get out of here, Lu. This place has turned you into something you're not. I'll keep the Agents off your tail for now; try to convince them to let you go. Sofi called my cell an hour ago; your daughter's asleep in the café."
Even Sofi and June were in on it? Jokeph couldn't believe it. They all knew...
"Go before they cut the power," Vilden urged. "I'll see you on the other side."
With a nod and a faint smile, Jokeph took one last glance at Luna.
That would be the last thing she saw before blacking out.
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Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2008 1:12 am
She's still out. We don't know how long it will be; a few more hours, maybe. A day or two, tops.
I haven't seen Vilden since the plans were put into place, but it's obvious things didn't go as planned. Vilden was going to escort Luna and Jokeph out of Neilan and they'd simply stay here while we attempted to undo whatever it is her time in the Agents did to her.
But as luck would have it, that was when Jokeph decided he was going to break her out of there by force. I'm not sure if we should call this a victory or a defeat; Lillian's going to want them back now to stand for the damage they caused on the way out.
Vilden called shortly before Jo and Luna showed up at the café. He warned me that Luna would be unconscious for a while; apparently just before fleeing the planet, the entity in her mind-- Liechi, I believed it called itself-- simply up and left.
I'd never heard of them doing that. Never.
According to Vilden, it happens from time to time; most Neilani consider the joining to be such an honor that they never wish to be separated. But when the entity senses that it's causing more harm than good...
It would seem this was Liechi's way of helping. Without it, Luna will be worthless to the Agents, especially considering it left of its own free will. She'll be seen as defective, now.
...We hope.
I would never want my own daughter to be considered deficient in any way; I already know the stigma that carries.
But the woman who worked in the Agents... that was not my daughter.
The helpless girl asleep on the couch who projected an emotion for the first time in years; the girl who projected a vague, jumbled feeling of fear... that's my daughter.
Now we can work to bring her back.
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Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2008 1:57 am
The very first thing Luna was aware of was a feeling of crushing emptiness. Like her mind was an open container of water that had a large object placed into it, and all the fluid spilled over the top. And then later, when she had become accustomed to the thing, it was taken out of her. What was spilled in the first place was not returned, and the water level was now low. What was full was now mostly empty.
And Luna couldn't decide which was worse; to have the thing inside her mind, or its absence.
Then, vaguely, she was aware of a flow of emotions she never remembered having. Anger, resentment... they were old, bottled emotions that no longer had a bottle, leaving them puddled and runny, mixing into each other and into other emotions until they became roughly the feeling of mud.
And then a relief that wasn't hers. Familiar love, tenderness, softness, all for her, but not hers. A feeling like being wrapped inside a veil, a jacket, a blanket, a placenta, until she was only a few inches high again, eyes closed and her mind wide open, taking in everything she could feel and feeling the love and warmth of the one she called...
"Mama," she choked out, vocal chords straining. Her eyes fluttered open, and she caught a glimpse of that familiar red hair first, the old green sweater second, and then her mother's blue eyes, glassy with tears unshed.
"Sssh, don't talk," June whispered, stroking Luna's cheek gently. "You've been through a lot."
A lot didn't even begin to explain it. The memories of the past few years were a blur to her, but they were a very significant blur. Faces she couldn't recall, names she couldn't identify, but she knew where she had been and what she had done.
Caroline...
--"Is safe." June was ready to cry right there. Her daughter didn't speak; didn't project words directly into her head, but instead the image of a little girl with huge brown eyes and jet black hair.
Jokeph...
"Resting."
Uncle Vilden...
"Still on Neilan."
And Commander Haladet...
At this, June's tone grew icy. "We don't know."
Something in Luna's mind told her to close herself off at the first hint of June's coldness, and gone was the warmth, safety, and reassurance her mother provided. Once again, she was alone, empty, silent.
And that scared little girl in June's arms projected no more, and was once again the cold, emotionless stranger.
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Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2008 4:11 am
He came alone.
That in itself was unusual for the Porcelain; he was usually flanked by between one and three young Jumi girls, or his own daughter, Melody.
But today, he came alone.
Perhaps it was even more unusual that she was alone; her daughter being looked after by her mother, her guardian in another room.
But today, that was for the best.
He didn't speak. He was barely capable of it, for one, but today, speech was the farthest from his mind. Feeling was what was the important thing. And it was something that his big little sister, the Neilani Porcelain, was going to have to re-learn.
She sat by the window, watching the trees outside sway to a breeze she couldn't hear. But her attention was on the Porcelain. The one who was always there to advise her in times of crisis. The one who offered no judgments; just love, as Porcelain did. And suddenly, that was all she could think of. She craved it as the confined goldfish craved a lake, as the caged bird craved the open air and the branches of the trees outside that swayed to a breeze they couldn't hear.
He knew. Of course he knew. The feelings of a Porcelain so removed from what was natural to them... the yearning, the denial... he'd felt them before. Not himself, no, but he'd felt them coming from other Porcelain.
Lucid Porcelain.
It all made sense to him then; the way she shut herself tightly and felt nothing; only obeyed orders without question, pushing her doubts deep into her mind until they were no longer hers. Protected from feeling by an entity that helped shape her into something unnatural; something wrong. Something distinctly not Luna.
She continued to watch the trees and the sky through them, a fat tear slowly rolling down her expressionless face. Porcelain? No. She was no longer Porcelain the day she learned to shut everyone out. The day she learned to fear an overload of feeling rather than learn to tame it. The day she learned how to inflict pain without feeling it herself. The day she allowed herself to birth a baby for science.
But was that really true, he wondered? Is a Lucid Porcelain no longer Porcelain? They have the same wants, the same needs. But to suppress it; that's learned. Something a Lucid Porcelain has to work at. And didn't he already label her Lucid?
So she lacked the third eyelid and possessed a nose that jutted out and ears that poked out of her hair. Did that make her heart any less Porcelain? She didn't think so when she was a baby, when she was a child, when she was a teenager. It was when she was whisked away to parts unknown and taught the way of the Neilani that she began to think otherwise. Or was he mistaken to think that?
Was he? No, he wasn't. But could she go back? Could she ignore everything she was and say that she was Porcelain after all?
Could she ignore it? No, nor should she. But she could learn from it. After all, right now, she was speaking to him like a Porcelain; with no words from the mouth or the mind. And she was doing it without any effort at all. After all, wasn't she more focused on the tree than her own brother?
And it was with that she turned, biting her lower lip to keep from sobbing. With what, she wasn't sure. Relief? Perhaps. But that constant outpouring of that muddy, soggy, sticky sort of love that only he could project... Perhaps it had finally broken her down. Perhaps it finally touched the part of her heart that WAS Porcelain and wanted to BE Porcelain.
She wanted to be Porcelain again. She wanted to love, she wanted to smile, and she wanted to play again without being scolded for being "childish". She wanted to paint her cheeks the way she used to and walk barefoot over the Earth she aligned herself with. She wanted to be the Luna she used to be; the one whose gaze wouldn't frighten others.
She could be that Porcelain, he reassured her with a smile. In a way, she always was. But when she paints her face, she should paint not only her cheeks, but her forehead, as well. She should paint her forehead with the symbol for "Earth", like a Lucid Porcelain. She should acknowledge her struggle; acknowledge that she was still struggling and would ALWAYS struggle. But that she was Porcelain.
And as the Celestial Oracle -- No, as Boyan, the Porcelain who calls a taller girl of another species his sister, he fervently assured her that she was, indeed, Porcelain all along.
She is Lucid.
She is Porcelain.
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