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 Posted: Sun Aug 19, 2007 6:54 pm
To correct on what Yana and Aiodhan wrote earlier, the growths in Yana's ears were not tumors. They act in a way similar to tumors, and they destroyed the malleus in each middle ear. However, they were not tumors. There is a chance of recurrence, which is why she is having another surgery in a few months. They'll make sure the growth hasn't occurred again and put in the prosthetic mallei. Yana isn't thrilled by the prospect of another surgery and hospital stay, but she wants to hear again. Can't say I blame her.
I also can't blame her for going stir crazy in the hospital. They finally gave up and released her. Once they got a peek inside her ear and saw that her eardrums didn't rupture post-surgery, nor was there an infection inside, they were eager to get rid of her. Yana may be a doctor after all; she makes a lousy patient. According to the nurse, she got exceptionally cranky and started curling up in her hospital bed and wrapping her blankets around herself, sort of like a nesting bird. In any case, she's home now and is resting in bed. She is supposed to be low-key for another few days, but will she listen? Likely not.
She was talking online to Rich while she was in the hospital. I think she's going to keep that up here at home, using the computer she shares with her sisters. Kayce and Eowyn rarely use it, and Tanith is only on it every few days. Yana will like having some way to talk to Rich, though I'm still a bit nervous about the whole thing. I know that Rich and Greg wouldn't hurt her by choice, but after the biting incident and the fact that Yana is just too curious, I'm really nervous about letting her be alone with Greg. Rich, I trust to a degree. Greg... not really. I gave him the password to get onto the property, and apparently he forgot it. Alinta admitted that she trounced a vampire who strayed onto the property several nights ago. From her description, it was Greg. Perfect.
~Amyla
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Posted: Mon Aug 20, 2007 9:05 am
Tanith is letting me use the computer as soon as she finishes her homework. It's kind of weird, her being nice to me, but it's nice too. I used to think she was just a brat, but she isn't so bad. She just has nightmares a lot. She misses her family a lot. They died in a war a long time ago. She and Rajni and Hiroko and I are going to play outside as soon as I can get out of the house. I really want to go out, but I'm still too tired. Mum says I lost about ten pounds in the hospital, mostly because I was too drugged up or my ears hurt too much to eat, and I was just lying there. I feel better being home, even if I can't walk around much.
Hiroko is lying next to me here on the family room floor with her head in my lap. She missed me a lot. Mum said she kept whining and sitting at the door, waiting for me to come home. She hasn't left my side since I got home yesterday. It's nice, knowing that her and Tanith care.
I have to go have another surgery in a few months to check if the growths came back and to put in prosthetic (that's a COOL word!) earbones so I can maybe hear again. It's all such a long time to wait. At least I get to go back to school soon. That'll be nice.
Mum thinks it's funny that the nurses were glad to see me leave the hospital. Dad says I must be destined to be a doctor since I'm such a lousy patient. I think I'm just destined to be stubborn, which is fine by me. I hated being stuck in that stupid room. I'd rather be home. At least I don't need the earplugs in anymore, just the bandages right behind my ears to cover up the stitches.
~Yana
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Posted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 12:26 am
Meeting Isis After several days of recovery, Yana found herself finally able to escape the chaos that was her household. She loved her family, even the more aggressive members of it, to the utmost, but sometimes, a girl needed a little peace, even if she couldn't hear the noise that made up the house. Strolling along down one of the paths through their massive, forested backyard, she sighed quietly. It had been some time since the surgery, and her mother had finally stopped fussing over the sites. The stitches had dissolved, leaving only thin scars behind each ear, which were normally hidden by both ears and hair. Yana didn't care about the scars that much, but being still weakened by the surgery and the hospital stay grated on her nerves. She was active by nature. She liked to move!
Just walking now helped, and she took a deep breath, enjoying the way the air filled her lungs. It was so wonderful, to be out in the outdoors again. The sunlight on her face, the breeze in her hair, the smell of cat in her nose-
Wait, cat?
She blinked and looked about, nostrils flaring as she sniffed, trying to catch that there-and-gone scent of 'cat' she had just picked up. When her sniffing yielded nothing, she continued on her way, unable to shake the feeling that something was watching her now.
She shouldn't have been surprised at that, she figured. After her mother and father had explained her dear friend's precarious position, she'd had the nagging feeling that there was someone--or something-- keeping a close eye on her. Poor Greg... being fought over by the magicians and the vampires and gods-only-knew who else. The poor vampire was probably a mess, and Yana felt for him, despite his bad-tempered tantrum previously. She still cared, no matter how badly he acted. She couldn't help it. His good, caring moments far outshone the bad ones, even if they were particularly heinous in nature.
After taking a few more steps, it became plainly obvious that her instincts weren't just paranoia. There was something watching her, and it was on the move. First in front, then behind... then above, then to her right. Everywhere and nowhere all at once, and Yana was mildly peeved to find that she couldn't put her finger on what it was. Gods, she hated being deaf at times like these!
She wished that she were older and better trained in combat. She knew some self-defense, true, but she wasn't allowed to do much weapons combat yet. Her father didn't want to teach her until she got older and less gawky, despite her protests. It would've been nice to be able to keep something silver around, in case one of Greg's not-so-nice brethren decided to pay her a visit. Since that wasn't the case, she just made sure to keep a nice, sharp piece of wood nearby. A branch was enough, and she picked up one without breaking stride, fussing over it as she walked to strip off the excess twigs and make it into a nice, footlong stake. There. That ought to give them second thoughts.
She suddenly felt something against her ankles, and an unfamiliar presence brushed up against her mind, which made her drop the stick out of pure shock.
//Helloooooo, ngoc. It is nice to finally be able to meet you...// the presence fairly purred against her mind, and Yana felt herself suddenly completely at ease with whatever-it-was, though she dare not look down to see what it was that was touching her ankles. //I see you escaped the house. I've been waiting for you to get out here.... so we could talk alone.//
Yana blinked. So, she hadn't been imagining the eyes on her. She finally chanced a glance downward and was surprised by what she saw, surprised that the powerful mind-presence came from such a small being.
The being was feline, and Yana faintly recognized it from the pictures she'd been studying. Paintings had been done of felines like it on the walls of Egyptian tombs, and the feline moved with a fluid grace that made her seem like a painting come to life. Her vibrating purrs could be felt by the girl, even though her pantlegs. The feline was silvery in color, spotted with grayish markings along her whole back, sides, and flanks, even down her long tail.
//Egyptian? Seeeeeeee... I knew you were smart, ngoc. I am Isis, or that is what you can call me. I've had many, many names before. Isis is good enough.// the feline said, rubbing around Yana's ankles. //You can pick me up, you know.//
Still mute with shock, Yana obediently bent and scooped the feline up, rewarded for her efforts by the cat winding around the back of her neck and lying across her shoulders, still purring. The girl wanted to ask what was going on and why Isis was present, but her mind could only formulate one question:
//What's 'ngoc'?//
The feline gave a mental laugh that sounded very strange. //It means 'precious stone' or 'jade'. It's what I call you, since you're very green in places and very precious as well. It suits you, yes?//
Yana managed a faint nod. "But-"
//Mind, ngoc. I can hear you fine this way, and it's easier on the both of us.// Isis replied sensibly, nibbling gently on one of Yana's ears. //And pet me, while you're at it. I like being scritched behind my ears.//
Not sure what else to do, Yana obeyed, scritching at the now-madly-purring feline with one hand while she picked up the forgotten stake with the other, only to have Isis nix the idea immediately.
//No need, ngoc. There are no vampires out here today. I was watching you. Sorry for the secrecy. I wanted to get ahold of you and chat before your parents could interrupt. I have a feeling they might not like me much at first. You and I are going to spend quite a bit of time together, I'm afraid.// Isis continued, sounding all too cheerful about this turn of events, if somewhat repentant for the necessary secrecy. She did, after all, feel sorry for worrying the girl.
Yana nodded mutely and left the stake where it lie, continuing on a stroll down the path, still speechless and scratching at the contented feline's ears. This was rather... unexpected. Why did she need Isis here all of a sudden?
//Oh, ngoc, they kept you in the dark. You and I.... well, let's just say you're in the middle of a bit of a mess, you see. And unfortunately, you haven't got a clue what's going on, so I'm here to play teacher. I don't mind. I've had my eye on you for awhile. Why pick a magic companion when all they do is fret about their own powers? You, I like.//
The feline sounded so smug with herself that Yana was momentarily disturbed. It was gone the next moment, though, as she realized the feline was probably gods-sent. With the whole mess with Greg, Isis was likely going to be of great aid. And besides that.... it had been awhile since Yana felt comfortable talking with someone heart to heart. Isis, however, seemed very comfortable with any sort of discussion. The girl grinned broadly. This would be rather nice, not to mention useful.
//See? I knew you'd see my wisdom. Now, keep walking. You and I, we have to discuss much, starting with that gods-awful beast that plays your ears...//
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Posted: Fri Aug 31, 2007 11:10 pm
I can't wait until next week. I got my first job, and I'm going to be working with some kids from the school I used to go to. Most of the kids are handicapped or are disabled somehow, so it'll be nice to help them out. When I get my surgery and maybe can hear a bit, it'll be even better to hear them. I start Monday. It'll be nice to get some money to start buying stuff, and I like the little kids. I know how they feel.
I got a new friend too. She has a special name for her kind, but she's an Egyptian Mau, and her name is Isis. She teaches me quite a bit, but she gets really snippy sometimes. She doesn't like male cats for some reason. I don't know why. We talk a lot about history and learning lessons and things. It's nice to have someone listening in and being there for me always. Hiroko is nice, but she isn't intelligent like Isis. Isis can mindspeak with me. She calls me 'ngoc'. She's weird, but I love her, even if she does get into trouble.
Oh, I finally learned how to properly make-out with a guy. My friends and I had a party, and we played spin-the-bottle. It was loads of fun. I kept having to kiss Ethan, and we ended up making out in the closet. That was the rules. Third time you landed on a person, you had to go make-out with them in the closet for seven minutes. Fourth time was ten minutes. Fifth time, and you were pretty much in there for forever. He was really nervous, and so was I. We kept bumping heads and everything, but we got it right eventually. It felt really good. Why can't Greg ever do that to me?
~Yana
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Posted: Thu Sep 13, 2007 4:01 pm
My job is going really well, and everything else is just a giant mess! Somehow, I got myself another vampire, Raliegh. Stupid Greg got himself drunk and went and slept with Raliegh. Then Raliegh ticked off his master, Messer. I kicked Messer's butt, and now I've got Raliegh and Greg! And then Greg proposes to me and expects me to forgive him! I don't get it! He says he's done hurting me, and I really want to believe him, but it's just hard to. He's never been there when I needed him, but I still want to love him. I just don't know. It's all just too much.
I found out something's up with Rich too. He's pregnant, and he says it's his boyfriends' kid (well, kids. It's twins, but he doesn't know that, apparently), but I talked to Corey and Asher, and they don't know! Poor Haydn. I guess his and Julian's engagement is off, and he is so broken up. I feel so badly for him. I need to stop by and see him again.
My surgery is soon, but I'm sort of a mommy now. Mom and Dad took custody of Lea and Vio from the orphanage, since the clinic is closing down. They let me name them, and I pretty much take care of them both. Good thing school is out for a bit. Lea is now Leah Racelle, and Vio is now Kali Morana. They're both really attached to me. Kali is always picking on Lea, and I have to pull them apart. I set up their cribs to share the nursery with Lex and Donnie. They sleep better than Lex and Donnie do, really. It's kind of nice. I need to start them both on baby food soon, because they're getting way too old for bottles.
Mum is reading this over my shoulder, and she says I sound like an old mother already. Thanks a lot, Mum.
Gods, I hope Haydn is okay.
Yana
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Posted: Sun Sep 16, 2007 7:27 pm
I can't believe how noisy my life is! But it's a GOOD noisy! My surgery was yesterday morning, and I still feel foggy from all the painkillers, and my head hurts pretty badly, but I hear things! I can't hear everything. A lot of stuff is still too hard to figure out, but I can hear Mum's voice. I can hear Dad. I can hear Leah and Kali call 'Nana, Nana' for me. Their little voices are just so cute. I still can't hear much, but it's something. I hear footsteps and the telephone. Mum has been explaining all of the sounds to me since yesterday. It's weird to hear my own voice. I don't remember hearing it before.
Kali and Leah are doing well. They're toning down a lot of the fighting. Mum says they seem to understand that I'm not feeling well. They both want to cuddle against me and just stay. They don't even want to play as much. Kali made a screeching fuss when Mum tried to take her downstairs for a feeding, so Mum had to bring the food up here. I managed to get them on baby food for a little bit of their meal, but they still have their bottles too.
I'm so tired. I'm going to rest again.
Yana
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Posted: Mon Oct 01, 2007 10:35 pm
Thinking "I don't know what's happened, Isis. It's like a bad dream that I can't wake up from, and it keeps repeating over and over again."
Yana's tear-roughened voice broke the chilly calm of the fall evening, overriding the creak of the tree branch as the teenager sat on the swing hanging from it. Leaves rustled in the breeze, a few falling around her in what seemed like a pathetic parody of confetti, celebrating yet another upheaval in what was already a rather strange life. A few strands of dark red hair flapped in the breeze, whipping around Yana's pale-skinned, tear-stained face.
In her lap, the fluid mass of black-spotted silver fur turned its head to gaze up at her with eternally wise eyes, and Isis gave what seemed to be a sympathetic mrow. //I know it is difficult, ngoc, and you have held up well so far. But there is still much left to be done.//
"I know... I know. I have to be strong and continue to be there for all the people in my life that need me." Yana's tone turned to bitterness as she mimicked her mother, and the young woman hiccuped a quiet sob, her hands more firmly clutching the ropes of the swing on which she sat. "I just feel like that's all I do: provide a warm, comforting shoulder for people to cry on. I like to make things better... to see people be happier. But... I just want to feel cared about for once. I want to matter."
//You matter, ngoc.// Isis affirmed, purring softly. //I know that you are distressed, but try to be patient. You know things are going to change soon.//
"They already are," Yana said quietly, casting her glance over toward the back porch of her house, a hundred yards or so away. From this distance, she couldn't hear the argument going on, but she knew it was about her and her blood siblings. On one side was her mother and father; on the other was a seven-foot black dragon anthro, clothed in blood-red robes. He'd arrived in his true form, as a massive black dragon that had sent even Kayce scurrying for safe haven. He'd landed in the backyard and then shifted to his more human form so that he could talk to her parents.
She'd heard the beginning stages of the arguments before her parents had asked her to step away, and she knew who the dragon was. Apparently, it had been his bone marrow that her father had been injected with, which made the mysterious dragon her third, previously unknown, parent. He had seemed reasonable--and interesting-- to Yana, but her parents were more than a bit nervous about letting a strange, well-armed being near their brood.
Gwrtheyrn--that was her third parent's name, and Yana found it to be an excellent name-- had apparently been unable to have offspring, which was why he had asked his bone marrow to be evaluated at the research clinic. Unfortunately, the bone marrow switch had caused his DNA to be implanted into cancer-ridden Aiodhan instead, and Yana was surprised that her father had survived, much less been able to reproduce. As it was, Gwrtheyrn had no interest in being aggressive toward her family. If anything, he was simply interested.
Her third parent's arrival was only the latest in a host of adventures (or misadventures) that Yana had experienced over the past few weeks. Her relationship had Greg had disintegrated into nothing at the announcement of his pregnancy by Raliegh. Brokenhearted, Yana had retreated in tears. She had the ring in its box up on her dresser, and she planned to return it soon. She couldn't handle another heartbreak from him.
Haydn, her constant friend, had held her in comfort after the truth had come to the surface, kissing her gently in an expression of feelings she'd never thought possible. Then he'd pulled away as Greg had, telling she was too young, that he couldn't touch her yet. Feeling the situation was very familiar, Yana had agreed, albeit reluctantly, and then, only earlier that evening, Haydn too had abruptly become the single parent to an infant.
Having been through nearly the same thing once before, Yana had retreated while Haydn and her mother had gone shopping, Amyla assisting since it was obvious Haydn had not played parent before. She'd hung back, during the whole shopping spree, only gifting Haydn with a quick good night hug before rescuing Isis from the attentions of his two kittens and fleeing back to her mother's car. Her mother had sensed something was up, but she hadn't pressed, and Yana was grateful. She would've broken otherwise, as she had broken now, sitting on the swing and trying to reconcile all that had gone on. She felt unnaturely jealous of little Liam, who now had Haydn's full attention, and of the unborn child of Greg and Raliegh, another little vampire she was going to have to look out for. It seemed that fate didn't want her to have a relationship, and much as she didn't like it, Yana resigned herself to that for the time being, head hung low. She simply couldn't win. It was selfish of her, she knew, to want so much from the males in her life, but she just wanted once for it to work out.
But, it wasn't to be.
//Ngoc... your parents call.//
Isis's words resounded through her head, and Yana looked up to spy her parents beckoning to her from the porch. It seemed the argument was over, and as Yana shifted Isis to her shoulders and moved closer, she could see that neither side looked very unhappy. If anything, her parents seemed relieved, and Gwrtheyrn looked quite happy, especially as she drew closer and could see the details of his dark draconic face clearer.
She was to wait, though, so she stood off to the side, watching as Gwrtheyrn carefully took Caleb into his arms.
"He is large... healthy. Breathes fire, yes? Beautiful..." the dragon crooned in his deep voice, running one blunt-clawed hand down the infant's back. He spent a few more moments, simply holding the infant as Caleb giggled and babbled up at him, before returning the infant to Nieva's hold.
He examined Lex and Donnie closely too, admiring Lex's voice and Donnie's instant grab-reflex to the pendant around his neck. "Strong... body and nature. They are fine children too," he had commented before returning them one-by-one to Aiodhan and Amyla. "I thank you for the opportunity to visit them on occasion, to watch them grow. It is not the same as having my own children, but it is gratifying, nonetheless."
Then the dragon anthro turned his amber-gold eyes to Yana, and as his gaze met hers, the teenager felt a chill run straight down her spine. Gwrtheyrn's eyes seemed to pierce her straight to the core, and it made her flare out her wings, put her back up straight.
"A fighter," he crooned deeply, staring at her. "But not with a sword, no. Strong in nature too, like the others." He turned his gaze to Amyla and Aiodhan. "She is easier to read. She has had time to mature... to develop. She knows your world and all in it." He turned his dark head back to Yana, staring solemnly down at her, his tail flicking back and forth beneath his robes, obviously thinking.
Yana felt Isis stirring on her shoulders. She swallowed nervously, feeling a bit unnerved by the intensity of his stare.
Suddenly, the dragon looked back at her parents. "Let me teach her."
Amyla looked taken aback. "Teach her? What... what did you want to teach her?"
"About the past," Gwrtheyrn said, as though it were obvious. "She knows your world. I want to show her mine, to show her what the world was before, when the elderkind were many and prosperous, when there were other races. I want to show her the treasures. She loves the past. I can give it to her."
Yana watched as her parents exchanged looks, and she was torn between jumping at the opportunity for instruction and staying in school, where the classes were familiar and safe. Before she had any chance to voice her opinion, though, Gwrtheyrn interjected again.
"At my home, of course. You can rest assured that she will be safe. She is an offspring of mine by blood, and I protect those of my blood."
Now her parents looked unsure, and Yana, herself, wasn't sure if she wanted to go. To go meant leaving Haydn and Liam, Leah and Kali, and all her family. How could she do that, in good conscience? Then again... this was perhaps the chance of a million lifetimes, to get a firsthand look at real history, real treasure, real tangible pieces of the past.
She then realized that her mother had called to her, and she came back to reality to find her parents, and Gwrtheyrn, staring at her. She swallowed.
"Yana... did you want to go?" her mother asked, and Yana could see her mother struggling to ask the question. Her father looked similarly distressed, and Yana didn't know what to do.
"We can make it for a short time... a week to start with? And if you want to return home, then I will bring you back," Gwrtheyrn added, watching her with solemn eyes.
She didn't really know how or when she began to nod, but she did. It might've been Isis' purring in her ear that encouraged her, but whatever it was, it made her mother's shoulders slump. She wanted to take it back, but Amyla prevented that.
"No... no, Yana, you want to go. And you can go. You need to. It'll be a good break for you... from everything that's been going on," her mother said, and looking into her mother's eyes, Yana knew that Amyla had a better grasp on the situation than Yana had previously thought. The woman simply extended her free hand to touch Yana's cheek, smiling faintly. "You need to go."
Aiodhan looked a bit lost and bewildered, but when Amyla said something, that was generally final. Thus, he offered up no protest but nodded, looking a bit saddened now.
Almost in disbelief, Yana nodded again. Leaving... leaving her family completely for a week. No daily visits or phone calls. She would be alone.
//Not alone.// Isis interjected, and Gwrtheyrn seemed to hear the feline.
"Your companions can come with you too. You'll need them." The dragon nodded his head and then turned to her parents. "When can I bring her to my home? Would tomorrow be to soon?"
Seeing that her father would protest, Yana quickly agreed. "I'll be ready by tomorrow. I don't need to pack much. Just a few good-byes too." Truth be told, only her family and Haydn really needed good-byes. Rich and Greg had been too busy for her. A note and the return of the ring would suffice, and if her stay became longer than a week... then so be it. She could live several lifetimes without seeing Greg again. And to get a chance like this, to get her hands on some ancient artifacts, possibly some scrolls from ancient Egypt...
//The opportunity of a lifetime, indeed. Let's not waste it, shall we?/ Isis reaffirmed, and Yana could hear the tangible excitement in the pregnant feline's mental voice. Gods, she could scarcely wait already...
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Posted: Thu Oct 04, 2007 7:31 pm
I said goodbye to everyone. It was hard to leave. I felt terrible about being so blunt to Greg too, but I had to. He was so cruel to me too, but he has the ring back now. He knows it's over. Good riddance to him too. I felt terrible leaving Leah and Kali with Mum and Dad. I talked to Mum on the phone today, and the girls have been calling for me. I want to go home, but I don't want to go home. The history here is amazing.
Gwrtheyrn is my parent, sort of. He was the dragon whose DNA Dad got years ago. He never had kids of his own, so he asked mum and dad if he could sort of spend some time with me and Caleb and Lex and Donnie. He is really nice. When he's in his more human form, he is dad's height, at least. He lives in a castle too. His whole family has lived here for millenia, and they just collected all sorts of stuff. He has mummies here! He lets me look at anything I want. I just have to be careful. I don't touch the fragile stuff or any of the really old stuff, but he has some books on Egypt in his library that I'm reading through. He has one of the rooms in the underground arranged like an Egyptian tomb, with all of the funerary statues and gifts in it, and it's gorgeous! He needs to catalogue it all, and he says he should donate stuff to museums, but he needs to organize everything and date it first. He just doesn't trust random archaeologists. Maybe I'll go to school and get my degree so I can go through all of this stuff. I'd be happy to do it for ages. It's just fascinating, to see how the people lived in the past and how they made their treasures.
I miss Haydn, and I sort of miss Liam too, even though I really only met him once. I feel terrible for both of them. Life really dealt Haydn a surprise, and Liam is growing up without a mother, unless Haydn has found a new girlfriend (or boyfriend?). I hope he hasn't in some ways, but in some ways, I sort of hope he does. He really deserves to be happy. I know I can't expect him to wait for me to grow up. I wish he didn't have to wait. I wish I could just be what he needs now, but I know that won't happen. I can hope, though, hope I won't lose him like I've lost Greg.
~Yana
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Posted: Fri Oct 05, 2007 7:23 pm
It was only a couple of weeks, but it seemed like ages. I'm glad to be home again. Being gone gave me a lot of time to think. There was so much history to study, but there was so much quiet time to look over stuff. My favorite part about history is that we can learn from it so that we don't make the same mistakes as the Egyptians or the Romans or the Mesopotamians. I was telling Gwrtheyrn that too, and he said that we can learn from our own history as well. I didn't realize what he meant until a few days ago, and then I got it.
All of the stuff that's happened, the mess with Greg and the awkwardness with Haydn and the fact that no decent guys are attracted to me, that's all my fault. I wasn't the friend Greg needed. I should've been more understanding though it all. Becoming a vampire when you don't want to be one is rough, and I didn't treat him very well a lot of the time. I was impatient and snapped at him. I demanded too much attention. And then the whole mess with Raliegh... I wanted to forgive him, but I knew that things wouldn't work out at all. They never did. I think it's the same with other guys too. They're either jerks or they think I'm too bossy. Am I really that bossy? I guess so. The last decent guy I met wasn't interested. I spend too much time reading; I guess he wanted more attention. Maybe I should've given it to him.
And Haydn. I feel terrible now for pressing myself at him. He didn't want that, and he didn't need it either. I feel stupid being jealous of little Liam, but I can't help it. It's just like Greg all over again. Suddenly, Haydn has a kid with another person, and I know that I'm not nearly as important, and it bugs me. Why do I have to be that important to people? You think I'd have learned not to be too pushy and demanding after the fiasco with Greg, but no. Now Haydn has Liam, and I doubt I'm ever going to fit in there anywhere. "No promises from either of us." I always screw things up. When am I going to learn?
I asked Gwr that earlier, and he said that recognizing that you need to learn is the first step in actually learning. Great. Only about ten or so more years of screwing stuff up before I get it.
Maybe.
~Yana
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