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| Family Guy!! |
| HALARIOUS!! |
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95% |
[ 45 ] |
| SUCKS!! |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| So/So |
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4% |
[ 2 ] |
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| Total Votes : 47 |
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 Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2006 8:50 am
(Peter slowly raises up a comic book into his line of sight while he is driving.)
Peter (to himself): Hehehehehe.....Look at all those hamburgers. You can't eat all those hamburgers, you stupid fella (car veers off the road). Oh geeze! (Peter swerves the car back on the road and then slowly raises up the comic book again). Uh! He's gonna do it! Oh he is SO ridiculous--you hear me, you ridiculous man? (Car crashes into tree.)
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Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2006 8:51 am
(In the middle of the night, Peter wakes the whole neighborhood by yelling.)
Peter: Hey everybody! Meg just had her first period!
Joe: PETER! Shut up its three in the morning!
Cleveland: What the hell is going on out there?!
Quagmire: Damn it! People are trying to sleep!
Peter: I'm just saying! I'm proud of her. She's a woman! Yea!
Quagmire: Yes, Peter, that's very hot, and I'll deal with it in the morning, but right now, I am exhausted!
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Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2006 8:52 am
Peter: You gotta help me Brian. Teach me how to be a gentleman.
Brian: Well, Peter, it's not really that hard. Let's start with polite conversation. For example, 'It's a pleasure to see you again. Lovely weather we're having.' Now you try.
Peter: 'It's a pleasure to see you again. After Hogan's Heroes, Bob Crane got his skull crushed in by a friend who videotaped him having rough sex.' How's that?
Brian: Wow. Perfect. My work is done. But just for the heck of it, let's try it again.
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Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2006 8:53 am
Peter: Pictures are better than words because some words are big and hard to understand.
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Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2006 8:55 am
(Lois comes in through door)
Lois: Hi, Boys.
Peter: I didn' have my hand down my pants!
Lois: Hmm...Good for you. I just bought use some new sheets at Bed, Bath, and Beyond.
Peter: Oh boy, I hope you stayed away from that "beyond" section.
(Cuts to scene where Peter is pushing a shopping cart into a door labeled "BEYOND."
Peter: (Swirling through vortex) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh-- Oh, here are the coffee mugs...
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Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2006 8:57 am
Brian: So, uh, where's your good buddy James Woods?
Peter: Eh, turns out he wasn't so good at catching stuff in his mouth. So where's your girlfriend?
Brian: Same problem.
Brian and Peter: Wooooaahh!! (They both laugh)
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Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2006 8:58 am
Peter: Come on you guys. I gonna buy us the most expensive meal we've ever had.
Peter (to drive-through speaker): Yeah, I'd like 6,000 chicken fahJItas please.
Drive-through Speaker: I beg your pardon.
Peter: 6,000 chicken fahJItas.
Brian: And a so-sahge McBiskit please
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Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2006 9:25 am
(Peter and Brian are watching the Passion of the Christ)
Peter: I cant beilieve that guy is just taking all of that. If that were me I would have done something about it.
(Peter getting whipped)
Peter: OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW!! HEY HEY HEY hey, hey. Stop it. Stop it.
Whipper: Ok.
Peter: OK?
Whipper: Ok.
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Posted: Thu Aug 03, 2006 8:06 pm
Guy on Airplane: Oh great, I always end up sitting next to a damn baby.
Stewie: What did you just say?
Lois: Stewie, stop fussing.
Stewie: Pipe down Lois. (Slaps guy on head.) Hey big man, turn around. Oh you can't hear me now. I was going to watch the movie, but forget it. For the next 5 hours, you're my b***h
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Posted: Thu Aug 03, 2006 8:07 pm
Meg (about Peter being retarded): I can never go to school again!
Stewie: Oh, yes, Meg, yes-yes yes, everything was going swimmingly for you until this. Yes, yes, THIS is the thing that will ruin your reputation, not your years of grotesque appearance, or your awkward social graces, or that Felix Ungerish way you clear your sinuses, no no no, it's THIS. Do you hear yourself talk? I might kill you tonight
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Posted: Thu Aug 03, 2006 8:08 pm
Stewie (to Jeremy, the babysitter's boyfriend):
Ha! I got your hat! Take that, hatless! Now go back to the quad and resume your hackey sac tourney! I'm not gonna lay down for some frat boy b*****d with his damn Teva sandals and his Skoal Bandits and his Abercrombie and Fitch long sleeved, open stitched, crew neck Henley smoking his sticky buds out of a soda can while watching his favorite downloaded Simpsons episodes every night! Yes, we all love "Mr. Plow"! Oh, you've got the song memorized, do you? SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE! That is exactly the kind of idiot you see at Taco Bell at 1 in the morning! The guy who just whiffed his way down the bar skank ladder!
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Posted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 12:20 pm
Stewie's Letter: Dear stupid dog, I've gone to live with the children on jolly farm. Good bye forever. Stewie.
P.S. I never got a chance to return that sweater Lois gave me for Christmas. Umm, I left the receipt on top of my bureau. I'm probably over the thirty day return limit but umm… I'm sure if you make a fuss they'll at least give you a store credit or something. Umm.. It's actually not a horrible sweater. It's... It's just I can't imagine when I would ever wear it you know? Oh I also left a button on the bureau. I'm not sure what it goes to, but I can never bring myself to throw a button away. I know that as soon as I do I'll find the garment it goes to and then it'll… Wait a minute, could it be from the sweater? Did that sweater have buttons? Hmm… Well I should wrap this up before I start to ramble. Again, goodbye forever.
P.P.S. You know, it might be a little chilly in London, I'm actually going to take the sweater.
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Posted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 12:22 pm
Stewie: It wasn't even about the eggs, really. Frankly, I like the yolks. I have no problem. There's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me. And it's not so much that I want to kill her, it's just, I want her not to be alive anymore. I sometimes wonder if all women are this difficult. And then I think to myself, 'My God wouldn't it be marvelous if i turned out to be a homosexual?'
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Posted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 12:23 pm
Olivia: You are the weakest link, goodbye. (laughter)
Stewie: Ha ha ha! Oh gosh that's funny! That's really funny! Do you write your own material? Do you? Because that is so fresh. You are the weakest link goodbye. You know, I've, I've never heard anyone make that joke before. Hmm. You're the first. I've never heard anyone reference, reference that outside the program before. Because that's what she says on the show right? Isn't it? You are the weakest link goodbye. And, and yet you've taken that and used it out of context to insult me in this everyday situation. God what a clever, smart girl you must be, to come up with a joke like that all by yourself. That's so fresh too. Any, any Titanic jokes you want to throw at me too as long as we're hitting these phenomena at the height of their popularity. God you're so funny!
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Posted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 12:24 pm
Chris: Hey little dude, how about some ice cream?
Stewie: Yes I could go for a frozen treat right about now. But no sprinkles. And for every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you.
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