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 Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2012 8:41 am
Pink Peppercorn
I'm working on a contest right now. Hoping maybe that will get people posting or something. Will post updates and an announcement when it's ready.
I'll admit that even I only check this place about once a week... contest sounds fun, though, depending on what it is.
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Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2012 9:57 am
Song of the Century Pink Peppercorn
I'm working on a contest right now. Hoping maybe that will get people posting or something. Will post updates and an announcement when it's ready.
I'll admit that even I only check this place about once a week... contest sounds fun, though, depending on what it is. I'm trying to work out something fun and original. I don't want it to be any old "bump" contest. If you have any suggestions or ideas, I am open to them.
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Posted: Sat Jun 23, 2012 1:57 pm
Sorry I haven't been on in while, I've been super busy. Been working really hard on leaving my apartment, little by little. Was pretty successful on Monday, my fiance and I went to a party at his aunt & uncle's. He had family in town from Arizona so they had a get-together. His cousin had her baby there and she was so precious. She is six months old and I got to hold her for a bit and feed her. She kept looking at me a smiling. Made me ache. I want to be a mommy so bad but I'm terrified by this anxiety that I will fail. Not to mention, my fiance and I just set a date for the wedding after five years so it's a bit too busy to even be thinking about that. Ugh, lots of stressful stuff going on lately. Thankfully, in roughly fourteen days, I get to go out of town to my grandparent's. It's just an hour and a half away but I don't care, I am stoked. I love it there. It's so peaceful and relaxing. I get to lounge around and bake, both of which I love to do. The only downside is that my mom may have to have surgery. I hope not but it doesn't look good.
Okay, I have typed way more than I intended but I needed it. Had to get all of it down. I have been doing fairly decent with my anxiety and panic attacks. Have had a few here and there but it's going as good as can be expected. Alright, I'm off.
Also, before I go though, I have been working on the contest ideas so hopefully, by July, I can have the contest thread up and running. Considering hosting a mini "test" contest/give-away just to see what type of participation we'll get. Will keep you all updated.
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Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 7:16 am
I had a wonderful/annoying weekend all at the same time. :/
My girlfriend was here and we went to the city nearby and such to hang out, and she spent the night. My mom walked in on us sleeping naked in my bed at 3 AM, like she woke up specifically to barge in see what we were up to... which y'know.. we were sleeping till she came in and woke us. Ugh... so then in the day time she would have to leave soon so we just wanted to relax and watch a movie and wait it out. But my mom kept coming into my room to ask me dumb questions and keep my door open.
Then at one point Anna was crying because she was going to miss me, so I was holding her and trying to cheer her up, my mom comes in and sees us all close to each other and she got all pissed and told us to "sit normal".
Pissed me off so much. I wish I had a job, so I could get the money to move out already. I can't stand being here anymore. My mom like this, and my dad and I argue everyday to the point of really raising our voices a lot, and I even cuss, which I've never done to my parents in my life till now. I can't be in this house anymore and I feel so trapped, there's no where to escape to.
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Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 10:26 am
And I guess everything I'm thinking about is stressing me out 'cause I'm having heart palpitations and freaking out so bad. ;__;
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Posted: Sat Jul 14, 2012 2:35 pm
Sorry for my recent absence and delays on the upcoming contests. I had some family emergencies and have been out of town for about a week now. I will be retuning home tomorrow so hopefully, I will be more active over the next few days. Thank you everyone and I hope you're all doing alright.
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Posted: Fri Jul 20, 2012 3:16 am
I dunno if I'm even supposed to be here (this forum) or another place, lol. I have some anxiety issues like being in a crowded place for to long. I think of crowded as 8+ people. It's hard to go out and do stuff. I never had this problem till i had verbal harassment my last two years of high school. The councilor said it would just blow over basically....yeah...and ive had severe depression since. It was a funny joke the girl who started it thought. Now....i don't know how but...some girls still have her same views...except they're actually scared because they think i am what she has spread out to make me be and this is now in college. I guess maybe the same girls go to my new college. It was hard my first year of college because mom kind of forced me to go. I kept hearing the word i got verbally harassed before in high school with in the halls at college. I stopped going to classes and just flunked out kinda....i also had to take medical leave..i was to depressed to stay and i was crying that last day because virtually there was no place i could go to be alone. It was everywhere in the building it felt like. I just eventually started walked around the grounds instead of being inside even if i froze to death. I knew...if i went inside id get even more depression and my mind would start thinking of ways to die again. It was found out that i have low thyroid and it caused some of the depression. I'm on meds for it now and its working okay. They want me on depressants too..but i don't feel that i need them..but...I know if i go back to college...there's no way i would survive without them. It's actually kind of odd...still being able to type. I thought id be dead by now. Being..dissed by most girls, has made me feel like an outsider. Maybe even foreign to most people here one can say. I have tried to find solutions for...not hearing this word but i don't think that's..even possible. I know people say ignore it but when you hear it almost everywhere you go than yeah...that's not possible anymore. I also wonder..will i be haunted by it forever? If so..i kind of have to go don't i? If so...why am i waiting? I have gone to the colleges councilor but she said to go to a therapist. I have been going to one for a year but...i still feel like that same issue i have at college won't change even if i go to my therapist. I have tested my anxiety in movie theaters and vacations and i've come to learn that its basically the same there to. Hear girls talking about me behind my back and in food places too. Its why i hate restaurants now. I have to sit in a place long and hear it from time to time, It's that girl right? and i know their talking about me because im the only one with the pink glasses or short brown hair or black sandals...apparently anything im wearing has to be mentioned. I don't get it...i just don't get it.
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Posted: Wed Aug 29, 2012 1:59 pm
Ugh. I'm sorry I have been so inactive. I fail as a guild captain. "/ I tend to forget that I even have a guild when I do sign on.
Things at home have just been...less than good, to say the least. My mom has gone off of her anti-depressants due to the cost and has just lost her mind. She's bi-polar so you think she'd give me more of a break seeing as she also suffers from a mental health problem but no. She puts herself above me because she does take medication for it and I don't, therefore I essentially "choose" to be miserable. Needless to say, she has been extremely emotionally and verbally abusive to the point where it is no longer beneficial for her to live here with us. My fiance has requested that despite the issues I will have with the separation, that she leave. I agree because I'd rather conquer my fear than live with her literally screaming at me everyday for there being crumbs on the counter or my fiance forgetting to push the trash down in the trashcan. It is just so draining and actually cause me more anxiety and panic. I know that she can't help it at times and it's just her mood swings but the things that she has said to me are so hateful that they cant be ignored. Not to mention, that I go away from her to my room to avoid confrontation but she just continues to talk, knowing that eventually she will say something that will strike a nerve with me and I will respond. Then she yells at me for fighting with her and tells me to be quiet.
In spite of that, I still have my good days and bad days, more good recently. I'm continuing to use breathing and self-soothing, coupled with intense prayer, to get through all of this. I plan on little by little, starting to do the things that scare me so I can get over my fears of touching things and so on. I have done it before and, although it was tough and slow-going, it worked so I know I can be successful. However, I need to surround myself with supportive people who will help me build my confidence, not family members who berate me and use my illness to attack me. My fiance has been absolutely amazing and he is literally my main support at the moment.
I would love to say that I am going to have the contest thread up and running soon but I don't want to make promises I can't keep. I would love it to be done before Christmas and I'm going to try my best but that's all I can give you at the moment. I hope you all are doing better.
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Posted: Sun Sep 02, 2012 9:31 am
Pink Peppercorn Ugh. I'm sorry I have been so inactive. I fail as a guild captain. "/ I tend to forget that I even have a guild when I do sign on.
Things at home have just been...less than good, to say the least. My mom has gone off of her anti-depressants due to the cost and has just lost her mind. She's bi-polar so you think she'd give me more of a break seeing as she also suffers from a mental health problem but no. She puts herself above me because she does take medication for it and I don't, therefore I essentially "choose" to be miserable. Needless to say, she has been extremely emotionally and verbally abusive to the point where it is no longer beneficial for her to live here with us. My fiance has requested that despite the issues I will have with the separation, that she leave. I agree because I'd rather conquer my fear than live with her literally screaming at me everyday for there being crumbs on the counter or my fiance forgetting to push the trash down in the trashcan. It is just so draining and actually cause me more anxiety and panic. I know that she can't help it at times and it's just her mood swings but the things that she has said to me are so hateful that they cant be ignored. Not to mention, that I go away from her to my room to avoid confrontation but she just continues to talk, knowing that eventually she will say something that will strike a nerve with me and I will respond. Then she yells at me for fighting with her and tells me to be quiet.
In spite of that, I still have my good days and bad days, more good recently. I'm continuing to use breathing and self-soothing, coupled with intense prayer, to get through all of this. I plan on little by little, starting to do the things that scare me so I can get over my fears of touching things and so on. I have done it before and, although it was tough and slow-going, it worked so I know I can be successful. However, I need to surround myself with supportive people who will help me build my confidence, not family members who berate me and use my illness to attack me. My fiance has been absolutely amazing and he is literally my main support at the moment.
I would love to say that I am going to have the contest thread up and running soon but I don't want to make promises I can't keep. I would love it to be done before Christmas and I'm going to try my best but that's all I can give you at the moment. I hope you all are doing better. Wow, that sounds horrible to live with and hard to work out... I'm glad you've got some support. I'm sorry I haven't got much to say, but you have my sympathies. On my end, with college, depression and OCD have been better during the day but worse during the night, and my self-harm's gotten worse and more frequent as a result. Nothing really going on though. Parents still argue with each other all the time and yell at me on the occasions that I see them.
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