The Potato: 9-13-06 The Final Issue?

[Richard Rider]

The Potato

The truth is subjective


Richard Rider, Publisher
Bernard Dillon, Editor-In-Chief
Roger Cooper, Staff Writer

Week One Cosplay Winner: Kay_Challis as Holly Golightly
Congradulations to Kay for her portrayal of a bohemian escort and sort-of drug mule.

Old Avenger vs. New Avenger
Dr. Henry Pym's fury over Tigra's flirtation with Wolverine boiled over last week and the physicist visited the new Avengers Tower to have a talk with him. The talk escalated and a fight ensued. Pym grew to maximum height to intimidate Howlett, but he didn't budge. Pym then started to step on him, and got his foot torn up his trouble. Pym grabbed his foot in pain, and Wolverine thought it was over. Pym began jumping on his good foot, not paying attention, and landed several times on Wolverine, who couldn't get out of the way. Pym then fell down after most of the fluids in Howlett's body spread out over the ground, causing Pym to slip. Wolverine was pronounced dead at the scene, as his skeleton was mising a great deal of flesh, and his jaw wouldn't work to eat it. Pym was treated for his foot and back, and released. Wolverine came back to life six hours later.

Cosplay Daze, Week Two: Anime
Again, Kapow! is being weird. Now they're dressing up as cartoon characters. Will the madness ever end?
Clark~Kent as Lupin the 3rd (brown-nosing the boss, are we?)
Jimane Szardos as Tiara
Channon Yarrow as Sailor Venus (so what do you take bad guys out with? Love Juice Power? Ewwww.)
Ms. Selina Kyle as Daria
Patsy Walker as your little sister
Dr. Henry Pym as Orphen
Wally_West as Young Fabio Gourry Gabriev
Lex Joseph Luthor as Orko's Apprentice
Ted_Kord as Ototo Toguro (Fight Naruto! Fight Naruto!)
Linda Lee Danvers as the Sorceror's Apprentice (again appropriate)
Peter Benjamin Parker as Onizuka
Virgil Hawkins as Bebe Kid #1
d**k Grayson as Conti
Laurel Gand as Seras Victoria
KittyPryde as a girl from an anime without giant robots
Greta Hayes as Merle (Animedude360 said you're hot)
Eobard Thawne as Tuexdo Mask (dude, what's up with banging your daughter?)
Tad Ryerstad as Casey Jones (We heard you and Raph were going to be in Bad Boys III)
Greer Nelson as Sakura Kasugano (why must you continue to remind us how much you pwn everyone in Puzzle Figher? WHY?)
Mr. Scott Summers as Dib
Victor Creed as Catman
Jackie Estacado as Jane (SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDEKICK!)
Wanda__Maximoff as Haruko
Cassandra Sandsmark as Naomi Armitage
Richard Rider as Ayato Kamina (That means artist of the gods, y'all)
Ms. Emma Frost as the Baroness (That was just wrong of you to do that to Destro's son)
Jake Jordan as Naruto Uzumaki (Fight Toguro! Fight Toguro!)
Ricochet Rita as Aeon Flux
Doctor Harleen Quinzell as the other Haruko
EdmundPercivalChang as Ashley Williams Gattsu
Kay_Challis as Jamie

Nightcrawler Self-Help Book Hits #1
Kurt___Wagner's new book, "The Woman Manual", has reached the top spot on the New York Times bestseller list. Wagner wrote the book after hearing about so many men not being able to have successful relationships with women. "Germans are the best engineers in the world, thus we have a natural knack for understanding systems and mechanics. Women are no different. You must know how a woman works. My book shows you how to identify a woman's traits, and gives the reader the tools to overcome her defenses." The book gained validity when Kansas born-again virgin Michael Scott managed to score. "Dude! It was the first time in years I got to see a v****a up close that I didn't have to tip!"

Captain Atom caught in Sex Scandal
Nathanial~Adam's trouble began the minute he blown into the Wildstorm Universe. He no had money, because he'd left his wallet in his other pants. He was homeless. "It was a bummer, dude. Stuck in some freaky Earth with out a pad." Adam was offered a place to live by the head of the Halo Corperation a few days later. "Thye wanted to to study me, so they offered me a place to crash and some primo Chiba. It was radical." Spending his days being tested and his nights smoking pot, eating Cheetos, and playing Halo 2, Adams felt fullfilled. Then things got even better. "His loins called out to me. I had to answer," said WildC.A.T. member Zealot. Zealot visited Adams in his room one night, and after a few minutes of conversation, a session of lusty love-making commenced. Adams was never the same afterwards. "All the chicas were after me. I was getting laid every couple of hours, day and night." Adams had sexual encounters with Savant, Voodoo, and Nemesis, multiple times every day for weeks. Eventually, Spartan found out about the four women's indiscrestions and confranted the Captain. "He told I had to chose one and stop banging the others. I guess Bogarting the tang wasn't cool." Which WildK.I.T.T.Y. will Captain call home? We'll update you as soon as we can!

Got questions, comments, suggestions? PM our publisher or email us at potato_staff@witty.com.