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Stuck In My Head

Inebar

She's Dead...

The truth refused to sink in. He had dismissed himself as quickly as possible from Gamell and made his way home. It didn’t seem right that Nameera was gone.

He had almost asked how and why, but his own tortured mind had stopped him. He knew why, the how didn’t really matter. Whatever pain it was, it was what he was feeling this moment while she was gone, knowing that he was the reason she was gone. Gone forever…

He’d never told her how he felt, how after he had saved her and watched her grow…he had grown to love her. It had felt wrong, he had practically raised her, but it was the truth. She was the only thing he had ever truly loved besides for his children. She had taught him to love and by loving her, he had grown to understand how to love his own family even if he didn’t show it.

But he had never told her. She had loved him, but he was too old for her, too evil…too…inferior to her. He had power. He had lied to protect her. But yet, he could not tell her he loved her.

He had been afraid of losing power, but what was that now that she was gone? It was empty.

Power still allured him but differently. It wasn’t fun anymore, it was a game to be played and won but nothing else. He’d never thought that it’s heady power could disappear from him…

He’d imagined love like chains, like slavery. Worshipping someone like an idol, bowing to their every command, all will gone…But that wasn’t true. There was a distinct difference he’d learned too late. Love was submission, not because one had to but because one desired too. He could have had power and Nameera, but not now….Even Fanta couldn’t bring her back without a body.

And now living wasn’t the same, nor was power. It was empty, it was futile. He was imprisoned not by her love, but by her memory. That was the true slave! Slave to memories of one gone, forced to relive each moment wishing it’s outcome different or merely longer. And as the memories flowed, he rested in his swim back home. Leaning his head against a rock, he wept.

Trust in Me

Autumn woke up in his arms, this warm, fuzzy feeling throughout her body. It was actually more tingly than fuzzy…It was a sleepy blissful feeling. She didn’t have to think or do anything, she just kind of was. It was like…having champagne, you felt all bubbly and warm. Only it wasn’t quite that feeling. She could see her self looking at him.

What was his name? Inebar, yes, the love of her life. But it was like watching someone else move, someone else speak. She could see herself talking to him, moving with him. She could feel his hair on her tingling skin, but it was as if she was watching rather than participating.

Which obviously must have been a trick, she thought. Because she was very obviously participating.

Yet, she couldn’t quite shake the feeling that she wasn’t exactly in the doing. It just…Her mind drifted hazily, and she didn’t really think anymore.

***

Inebar looked at the girl, Autum. It was a lovely name. She was passed out again, her hair splayed out beside him, no troubled look on her face.

He wondered what it must be like for her to experience his mind control. He’d often wondered…

She didn’t seem to be in any pain. She didn’t even seem to mind, in fact, she seemed quite pleased and happy. Although, she did appear a bit confused. But what had he expected? It was mind control, not control of will.

Maybe she had an inkling that it wasn’t’ her carrying out her actions, maybe she had no idea. It wasn’t really hurting her was it?

He was lonely…She was warm and affectionate. It was wrong of him to do this, but he couldn’t stop himself. He needed someone to play house with, someone to love him…This was a close as he could get. He’d have to take it.

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