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"Okay." Ilroché sighed, still a little reluctant. He forced himself to begin.
"I won't bore you with the details of my childhood. My bloody past began when I was only ten. I'd lived with my adoptive mother for about a year. I loved it and was as happy as a child could be. Until a particular night." He paused and began stroking the back of Alexis's hand, keep from breaking down uselessly. "I don't know why she tried to kill me, and I'm sure I'll never know. She tried to drown me, in a bathtub of all places. My survival skills must have reacted, because I shadow traveled out of the bathtub and behind her. I pushed her in and held her under the water until she stopped struggling. I assumed she was dead, but one could never be sure. I grabbed a pair of scissors and stabbed her with them for a while, ensuring her death as justly as I could.
"I left through the window and snuck away into the night. It was then that my other personality came into my knowledge. He taunted me and scared me by telling me that he was the one who killed my mother. He also told me I could never get rid of him. I ignored him as best as I could, learning to steal to survive and to fight if necessary. I began stealing all sorts of weapons to use against my enemies. Unfortunately, I was seen one day and was offered a position that paid well. At least that's what he said. I had no idea I'd be killing people.
"The next few years are bit blurry. The side of myself that speaks to you now fell dormant for a while, being entirely unaware of the crimes I committed. He took over our mind and became an assassin, as was our job for our boss. He enjoyed it and still does. He cuts me up just to see the flow of blood when there's no one around to kill." Ilroché pulled up his shirt sleeves, revealing the many deep scars he had on his forearms.
"I came to my senses after 3 or so years, taking control of our mind and body. I was a wanted man in France so I chose to come to America. Changing my appearance once I got here was the hardest part. I got my hair cut and dyed. Bought new clothes..." He moved his hand from Alexis's and traced the scar across his blind eye, "And gave myself this. I can no longer see from it... That's basically all of my past. To the point, at least."
Ilroché looked down and met Alexis's eyes.

"You're sorry? Why should you be sorry? You aren't at fault. I was hoping you'd freak out and tell me to keep away from you. As anyone should. Then I could effectively squelch these odd feelings I have for you." Ilroché paused and laid his hand atop hers on his arm. "I guess that won't be possible now."
He flushed a light pink, but kept eye contact with Alexis.

"What?" Ilroché asked as his heart rate skyrocketed. He hoped Alexis would reciprocate his feelings, but he was filled with doubt.
There's no way she'd possibly like a freak like you... he told himself, resignedly. His heart would break, but he could deal with it. Hopefully...

"You know, I actually had a dream about something like this." Ilroché said. His heart felt like it was in his throat, trying to keep him from speaking, but he continued anyway, being much more forward than usual. "It was much like this." He mimicked his dream self and traced his finger along her jawbone, gently caressing her chin, bringing her lips toward his. He stopped when their lips were only centimeters from each other. "It can't be that embarassing, can it?"

Ilroché kissed her back gently, moving his hands to her shoulders. What am I doing? It's not like me to be like this... Feelings or not. I've never been so distracted from a mission. For a small moment he was disgraced with himself. Disgraced for letting himself fall for someone. Anyone. If his other half were around, he'd never quit ridiculing him. He pushed those thoughts from his mind. He did have sincere feelings for Alexis, but he knew he shouldn't act on them. He felt his heart rip as he released his mouth from hers, quite breathless. "I... I don't know what came over me. Please, forgive me. I don't deserve your affections." He couldn't tear his eyes from hers as he let go of her shoulders. He bit his lip, nervously, hoping his eyes wouldn't betray his heartbreak.

((I know what you mean... O8< This is horribly out of character for him, but I have a surprise jammed up my sleeve for later xD))

Ilroché felt on the verge of tears, and he couldn't fight it.Crying... he thought, a single tear searing down his cheek, Such a girl-like characteristic. You're so weak and worthless. He felt ashamed doing so. He grasped Alexis's chin once more and spoke: "I wish there was all the time in the world to explain, but there isn't. It's impossible to explain my choice," another tear cascaded from his face, "We can never be." He said with finality, kissing her once more, poignantly and sincere. As if to prove his feelings.
Ashamed to continue in her presence, Ilroché broke the kiss and shadowtraveled from their room to the roof of the hotel.
Once there, he broke down completely, crying with his face cradled in his arms. His knees hugged to his chest.

Ilroché felt Alexis's hand on his arm and was a little comforted. Only a little. His despair felt endless. He knew love to be impossible because of his other half. He'd killed the only person he cared about years ago. In self preservation, of course, but the wounds still hurt as though he'd killed her out of cold blood. He refused to put Alexis in harms way like that. If to keep her alive was to push her away then so be it.
He whispered an almost silent 'thank you' to Alexis for the comfort she gave and placed his hand on hers, stopping his childish flow of tears.

((I think i'm going to get rid of the fact that he can't open his blind eye. It really bugs me x.x He'll still be half-blind though... Just throwing that out there...))

Ilroché sighed and put his head up, wiping the remainder of his tears on his sleeve. "Sorry you had to witness that. A childish moment of mine. It won't happen again." He promised with a solemn smile at Alexis. He looked to the east and noticed a few rays of sunlight making the sky lighter. "Are we going to try and find your mother?" He asked Alexis, still a little anxious about their quest.

((I don't even remember exactly which eye it was. As of now he can open open it! >.> Cauz I say so...))