Welcome to Gaia! ::

[x]

"My name is Creyassa del Torvirr, dalharil de... yeah, you know. As representative for the Monster Raving Loony Party of Riverview, the things I can do for you if you elect me far outweigh all the other parties put together. Whereas the other politcians promise and never do, I shall do and never promise. Therefore, by simple logic, the useful things I shall do outnumber theirs by many. Firstly, I plan to make tiny dogs illegal. Awful little hyperactive rats they are. Secondly I shall make drag hunting a compulsory part of primary education. I believe that teaching children how to properly seek and destroy a person wearing a dress will provide them with valuable life skills, especially for those who later go into business. Thirdly, drivers will be allowed to drive directly over roundabouts if there's no one around, just to make things more interesting. All men with a full erection that measures less than five inches will be culled from the herd."







[x]

"WHAT?! That's... that's HORRIBLE! What would happen to the world if a horrible person like you were in charge?! I need to stop this! I'm running for senate, too! Vote for me, everyone, if you value your lives and liberties! I WON'T raze your homes to the ground! I'll give you cookies!"

"Impertinent neko brat! Fine, we'll just see who wins in the election, won't we?"







[x]

And thus ensues an epic battle far too epic for me to document in its entirety. Here's the summary of events.

"I need to become more charismatic than the elf to make sure that I win!"

"HAH, in your dreams! I maxed out in like two days!"

"What?! Where are you? Why can I... hear your voice in my head...?"

"Because I have MIND CONTROL!"

"What...?! That's not possible!"






[x]

Oh, but unfortunately it is. I downloaded the magic mod, which allows sims to level up a whole new skill - magic! There are two kinds - good and evil. I bet you can guess which reward Cressa's worked her way up to...

"That's right, bitches! I'm a warlock now! So everyone who dissed me up until this point had better watch out, or I'll be breakin' in and burnin' down their houses! Muahahaha!"







[x]

"Not if WE have anything to say about it! We're gonna learn magic too, so we can take you down!"

"Uhh, I dunno, Fel... taking on a warlock doesn't seem the best of ideas... especially seeing as she's kind of my on-off lover..."

"It'll be fine! You work on light, and I'll work on both! We can't lose! But we've gotta hurry, before that crazy elf goes and takes over the world!"






[x]

*Training music*

DUN

DUN DUN DUN

DUN DUN DUN

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUN






[x]

"We've finally amassed enough power to confront you in your dark and evil lair, you dark and evil sorceress!"

"...Uhm... we haven't... gone anywhere..."

"MUAHAHAA, you'll NEVER have enough power to defeat ME! I shall rule the world, one easily-possessed human voter at a time! They'll be queuing up in spades to vote for my nice hair, stylish wardrobe and breasts!"

"OMG, she's like a black Sarah Palin!"

"Surely Sarah Palin is the antithesis of black? That statement is an oxymoron!"

"No it's no- whatever."

"Uh, hello, evil wizardess waiting to do battle here."







[x]

EN GARDE!









[x]

"Blast! She's too powerful!"

"I know! And she's wearing an AMAZING dress! Hey, Cressa, where'd you get that from?! I love it!"

"Oh, just a little place on the high street. Nothing special."

"We totally need to go shopping again sometime! You find the best deals!"










[x]

"It looks like this calls for my ultimate move...

WIIIIIINNNNGGGGGEEEDDDD

SHIIIIIIINIIIIIINGGGGG

PRETTYYYYYYYYYY

RAAAAAAAAY

OFFFFFF HAPPINESSSSSS

AND LOVINGGGGGG

PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEACE!!"








[x]

...







[x]

"What... the hell... was THAT?"

"Blast, it didn't work! Get her, Rika!"

"What?! But I only know white magic! What am I supposed to do, clean her to death?!"









[x]

"Tough luck, kittens! Looks like I win today, muahahaha!"

"OH MY GOD, CRESSA! YOU JUST SET THE HOUSE ON FIRE!!"

"And I'd do it again, muahahahaha!"






[x]

"WHAT THE HELL?! We go out for the day and you blow the place up?!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FIIIIIIIIIIIREEEEEEEEEEEE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"








[x]

"Don't panic, I'll call the-"

*Ping*

"...?! Why am I shirtless?!"

QUICK, FIGHT THE FIRE!

"But I'm half naked! I'll get burned!"

JUST DO IT, YOU SEXY PIECE OF a**

"FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE"

"Oh my god, would somebody shut her UP so we can watch the sexy firefighter in peace!?"







[x]

"...Whatever... fine..."

"Wooooooooooo! Work that hose, baby!"

Ohhh yeah, Jessie knows how to work it. ;3

"I should probably find this to be a travesty of administration... but mmm, dat a**..."

"AHHH FIRE AH- ahh... .......d-dat a**... x////x"

"Hey, Jessie! Your girlfriend just hit puberty!"

"D-DID NOT!!!"

"Hah, man I love these long, pointy ears of mine."

>3>; Should we remind her...?







[x]

Sooo... anyway... after that uh, epic... battle thing... let's return to our regularly scheduled mundanity. How goes your job at the spa, Rika?

"...Oh... you know... same old..."

Hmmm. Why do I not trust you?

"...Sigh, I've actually been skipping work to stay home and write/procrastinate. If I do it much more they are DEFINITELY gonna fire me!"

Yep, poor Rika hasn't even gotten a promotion yet. =<

"Screw them, though! I'm gonna master my skill and then I'm gonna churn out romance novels like nobody else's business! And then..."

And then?

"And then I'll have enough to BUY this place! THAT'LL show 'em!"

It most certainly will. o3o









[x]

I left Jessie standing around on the lawn after the last shoot - yeah, aaaaall the way at the end of last chapter, ROFL - and when I looked back he was being accosted by this random old lady.

"And then ya take the corn and ya mix it with the beans, but the cat gotta put on the socks before that, then you put the socks on the ceiling... are you keeping up with this, boy?! I'm only gonna say it once!"

"Uhhh, yeah... carry on... (this woman reminds me of my mother...)"

You know, she actually looks a little like a drow. Maybe that's why she's being all open with describing her malicious plots.

"BAGELS, I TELLS YA!"







[x]

"Leeny, a weird old lady just spent twenty minutes ranting to me, I could do with some snuggles. Can has?"

"Can has <3"

And that's the biggest smile I've ever seen on Coline's face. =D

"8]"







[x]

How ya feelin', Leeny?

"Happy 8]"

We honestly couldn't tell!

I think it's seriously cute how happy she is when he's around =]







[x]

....wooooah.... perhaps a little TOO happy! SERIOUSLY, Coline?!

"I-it's not what it looks like!!"

Oh, I think it is EXACTLY what it looks like! People, in case you can't see for whatever reason, our dear friend Coline Faintington has gone and-

"NO DON'T SAY IT SJHGFSJK"

Rolled up the want to-

"NOOOO I DIDNT MEAN IT I CAN TAKE IT BACK HONESTLY"

WOOHOO with Jessie!

";33333333333333; IZ NOT FAIR, YOU SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO READ MY THOUGHTS!!"

Your dirty, DIRTY thoughts! I always knew you were a secret slut - well, here we have the proof!

"... ;333; W-well... now that you know, maybe you can help me..."

Help you? How?

"W-well... I don't really know how to... you know... *blush*"

Well, why don't you start with talking to Jay-jay about it? Communication is everything in a relationship!

"B-but...! That's... that's... embarrassing! D8"

How so? o3o

"I can't just TELL him I want to... I w-want... I... want to..."

Take a ride on the disco stick? Play hide the purple sausage? Shove the ferret down the rabbit hole? Bonk his brains out?

"...yes... all of that... x///////_////////x"








[x]

"...Jay-jay?"

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"Um... um... well... uh... you know we've been... kind of... sleeping in the same bed for... a long time now..."

"...Yes...?"







[x]

"Well... um... I k-kind of wanted to know... if... you ever... y'know... thought about... um..."

"*smirk* Thought about, um?"

"Th-thought about... um..."

YES COLINE GET IN THERE! BE FORCEUL!

"Sh-shut up! X///////____///////X I'm doing my best here!"

Oh! Sorry! *retreats to her closet to film in secret* >=3







[x]

"I don't know, Coline. Losing your virginity is no small deal. I'd honestly like to know that you feel ready before we try anything."

"I-I'm ready!! I'm SO ready! I'm 18! I can SO do it!"

"...Are you sure? I mean, what if I'm not the right guy for you? Don't you want to save it for your husband?"

"...I think you're the right one for me. I trust you."

"...Well... if you're sure, we can try. Let's just take things slowly, okay?"

"O-okay! Slow is good! I can handle that!"






[x]

"Okay. Gonna touch a thingie. I can do this. I can SO do this! I'm a big girl now! I can... t-touch... a..."





[x]

"TOUCHING THINGIES IS UNHYGIENIIIIC"




[x]

Wow, Jessie, having a lady run screaming from your bedroom must be a blow to the ego.

"Meh, most of our conversations end like that. I'm used to it by now."

Aren't you gonna go comfort her...?

"She'll come back, once she's done crying and flailing."

But maybe you should...?

"Trying to hug Coline when she flails is like trying to wrap your arms around a sack full of angry kittens. I do not advise it be attempted."







[x]

"Okay, love. Let's try this again, slowly."

"Yes! Slowly! I c-can totally do this! I can... I... *twitch* u-unhyg-gienic..."

"I assure you that my, uh, 'thingie' is about as hygienic as they get."

Hmm, maybe you're doing it wrong. Coline, why don't you go lie down on the bed and -

"Or if you're so worried about hygiene, we could always take a bath together, or -"

"NO NO I CAN DO THIS!! If I can touch the th-thingie the rest will come!"

"Sigh, we aren't in kindergarten, love. Do you think you could try and use the proper words?"

"...Sure! Sure I can!! I'm gonna touch your p.... your p... your ppp.... pe.... thingie. ;3;"

"*facepalm*"






[x]

Some time later...

"P"

"E"

"N"

"I"

"S"

"There we go! We did it through collaboration!"

"Heh...heheheee! I DID IT! I SAID PE- *twitch*"

"*facepalm*"






[x]

Coline, do you even KNOW how this is going to work?

"O-of course I do! I'm not stupid!"

Explain it to us, then. (This should be good.)

"W-well... um... *ahem* He's going to put his thingie in my special area."

Yeah, one of them.

"...I... have more than one special area?! @____@"

Let's hope he goes for the right one, eh? Wouldn't want any a**l prolapsing at your age.

"...a....ana....l...."







[x]

"a**l PROLAPSING IS UNHYGIIIIEEENIIIIC"

"You're a cruel, cruel woman, you know."

Pff, she's just too easy!








[x]

"Sniff... sniff..."

Aww, it's okay, Leeny! Don't cry!

"I messed that up SO badly! I wish I could just be normal and do it properly! But... I don't know how! I'm not pretty, I'm not sexy. I'm not anything. I'm surprised he even wants me at all ;333;"

Daily emo time with Coline!

"I'm not being emo, it's the truth! T___T"

D'aww, Coline, don't worry, hun. People have messed up WAY worse than you.

"Sniff, sniff... how? How could that be possible? T__T"

Well, I heard of this one thing with a sausage grinder...

"...."






[x]

"If only I could LEARN how to be sexy like the other girls... Mrs Cow, do YOU know? Could you teach me?"

Uhhh, not only is she made of wood, but she's a cow. Cows, by definition, are not sexy.

"But what else can I do...? Hmmm..."








[x]

Oh my god

I never thought I'd see the day

Coline, are you... CHECKING YOURSELF OUT?!

"I-it's not what it looks like, I swear!"

Jeeze, if you're THAT worried about how Jessie sees you, maybe it's time you...

"...Time I...?"

...Consulted the Master.

"No! NO! ANYTHING but the Master!"

The Master knows all in the arts of seduction.

"But... but..."

Do you really have a choice?

"...Well... I... *sigh* I guess not."







Who is this mysterious Master of Seduction?

Find out next time in ATETS3! Fzam~




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