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 Posted: Sun Sep 26, 2010 3:33 pm
Status: Complete Vlad  I don't think coming from a large family could have ever prepared me for my own. Maybe it is because I never pictured having kids... and it just being Keeta and me for the rest of our days.
But, now here we are with a house full of kids... all girls. Victoria, Lucifel, Enyo, Harley, Hannah, and Amelia. Aside from that it is kinda like we adopted a couple more as much as Lily and THING are here. I am no complaining in the slightest.
I am actually coming around to having a large family. What I am not coming around to is the lack of sex and the extreme amounts of temper tantrums. Heaven help me if we make it past diapers and dating... I am not sure I look forward to marriage. There isn't going to be any man good enough for our daughters...
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Posted: Sun Sep 26, 2010 3:49 pm
Status: Complete Victoria  It has been a while since I've been back home and a bit longer than that since I have taken time to write out my thoughts. Wow, life has been such a whirl wind. Just when I thought things were going to be okay, suddenly they aren't okay again.
I'll start somewhere at the beginning... and probably end up no where at the end.
In hopes of making myself feel better I decided to catch up with my friends that I hadn't seen in over a month. The first of course was Kay. We hit it off again like I hadn't been gone at all. I was a little surprised when he accepted my cash in of having a good time. I don't think we ever got to talking... and if we did we were half asleep.
I spent the next couple of weeks catching up with my immediate friends: Faiya, Evari, Carina.
Evari has become one hell of a fire cracker. Wow! She aged amazingly well not that I expected differently. Something about her. After a bit of a 'tennis match' we clicked together very well. She spend the night and I am hoping she'll spend more nights with me... I am not going to push it on the just in case side of things. I don't want her doubting herself again. Also, I think I best wait till things sink in about what I told her as far as me goes... Then again she wants to pretend that nothing happened.
Carina... It's personal. And, seeing as how this damn journal ends up in hands it shouldn't I am not going to write out my feelings about her. But, I will say that she still holds me as close as I hold her despite the age gap.
Little Faiya is just as cute as ever. She doesn't seem to even notice that I've changed. I don't think she ever will. I think I will always be 'her Tori'. I kinda like it. I feel like a mom...
Mom... yeah I am going to be a mom... a for real mom... I still want to snap that woman in half that approached me and told me that I was pregnant. I don't think I'll ever, ever like her. Sadly I have to deal with her. She insisted on being my midwife. Not really knowing much of this to do I accepted her offer.
Me a mom... Kay a dad... I just have a feeling that when I tell him it will be close to the last time I see him. I cannot explain the feeling. Maybe I am just over worrying about things.
Back on track of getting me on track... I ran into Quint- shark boy. He's really something. Very impressive. I kinda like him, but not in a attraction sorta way... I really think I misjudged him before.
I made a new friend. Lily's THING came to life. No surprise there as the 'doll' was form the Curio Shop. He's very cuddly and cute and very calming. I like spending time with it. THING doesn't judge me... and right now that is what I really need.
The Song's have expanded to include a little unicorn girl named Amelia... I don't think dad was all to happy about it at first but she's growing on him. She's growing on all of us... She is very very different. She likes to spend most of her time as an Equine.
Anyways... pregnant.
Note to self: Kill Joy after she helps me birth this baby.
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Posted: Sat Oct 02, 2010 8:45 am
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Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2010 3:49 pm
Status: Complete Victoria Over the course of the past month I've been letting my friends, and those that I am close to know about my pregnancy. Some received it better than others...
Kay of course was the first to know besides Joy, and myself. He took it slightly better than I thought he would. But, then again... not so well. I don't think he wanted kids or me to have the baby. I don't know. It is just a vibe, and a strong one. But, after assuring him I didn't need his help and that I had a plan he seemed on board. He only made one request... that he could see his kid. I don't see a problem with that. I just don't want to go through this 'alone' and then all of sudden he decide that he wants to be a completely and total functioning part to all of this. That would really screw with my head. I think it is just best I stay away for now... forever.
Carina I believe is going to turn out to be my biggest asset. She is as true of a friend as they come. She, I think, is about like me as far as emotions go. Excited and shaky all at once. She is a thick and thin type of gal. I really love her... I respect her... I think I can go as far as to say that I'm going to need her strength. I just don't feel strong enough to do this 'alone'. She's so much and more to me.
Evari is iffy. She's a little pissed that I won't tell her who the dad is. I just don't want to tell anyone who the dad is. I am not ashamed... but he wants no part so I am not going to drag him in. Also she seems a little grr that I am willing to go with this and have this kid. Or, at least that is how I think things stand. She really didn't have too much to say. Really, I think I just shocked the hell out of her with the news. Perhaps when she has time to process this she'll have more to say. She is supportive overall... I think...
Faiya... Oh Heavens lil Faiya... My lil Faiya! She is the least on board about this. She is very stubborn. She doesn't want to share me with anyone. This is going to be a very big adjustment for such a little girl. I really hope my decision doesn't damage her or or relationship. I love her so much.
THING I'd say is just as supportive as Carina. Then again it is here just about every other night. I really love that lil stuffed THING. So soft, squishy, and cuddly. THING also chances all my nightmares and worries away. It is also very considerate of the kid and wants what is best for the baby.
My mom was a mess when I told her. More or less the fact that I broke my abstinence promise but once she listened to me she seemed to think I didn't really have a choice... what ever. She is a mom who is going to be a grandma. I think I made her sick with joy or something... maybe she is getting my morning sickness. She said she'd do her best to help me out but it was time I grow up and move out... Dad was about right there with her... After he woke up from fainting with the news. He really didn't want to hear any more about it... at least not right now.
My sisters are very curious as to how life will be once the baby is born. More or less I think they are mad that I am going to be moving out and won't be around them all the time. I really don't foresee me being around them any less... It wasn't like we hung around enough other twenty four seven. I am still going to help home school them. They also each offered to baby sit... It was a kind gesture but really they aren't old enough. I love them!
For some strange reason I haven't been able to get a hold of Faris. Perhaps I miss dialed or wrote down the wrong number. I really hope that is the case. I have a lot of planning to do. But as soon as possible I want to get in touch with her. I miss her.
I hope I am as ready for this as I think I am...
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Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2010 3:53 pm
Status: Complete Tori decided she'd clean up the bloody house. Sure she could have picked the cafe but she just couldn't... it felt more like a hand out. She wasn't about hand outs. She said she could do this, and she was going to do it.
She walked the isles of the grocery store and loaded up on cleaning supplies. Mops, brooms, powders, sprayers, bleach etc. There wasn't a think that she didn't grab. She knew what she was up against but at the same time she didn't.
She had called Murrey ahead of time to let him know her decision. She was glad that he had offered to stick around the house in case she had changed her mind about not coming back. So now at least she didn't have to worry about a cab or purchasing a car. That was a big huge relief. Money didn't grow on trees.
She waited impatiently for the lady to check her out. It seemed to be taking for ever. But, really it was just a few minutes. Tori was just all nerves about doing this. She wished she had a remote where she could just fast forward through this task.
Finally she had her things and was heading out to the parking lot. She didn't know why she was surprised but there was Murrey waiting on her. He quickly opened the door for her and collected her bags.
Tori smiled and then climbed into the limo. This would take a lot of getting use to.
She watched out the window as they made their way to the house. She was a bundle of nerves. She wasn't sure if it was that or the pregnancy that was making her nauseous and ill feeling. But in case she decide to roll down the window and enjoy the fresh air.
Murrey pulled into the horseshoe shaped drive way and stopped the car right in front of the door. He helped Victoria into the house. making a soft tisking noise when he saw the outside before signing. It could easily be noticed just how hurt he was despite how strong he was acting.
After getting all the bags into the kitchen he excused himself to leave Victoria alone in the house. This was about the time when Tori started to panic, to feel closed in. It was like waking up all over again and not know what was going on. She drew in a breathe and started to run the sink water.
Fresh rag, fresh bucket of water she sat it down on the floor. She got on her hands and knees and pulled the rag out. She sloshed some water onto the floor and began to attempt to wipe up the blood. All she could see in her head was a reply of her nightmares and the moment she had found Philip's head... She started to cry.
She just couldn't do this... just couldn't. She needed help!
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Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2010 3:58 pm
Status: Incomplete Link: [PRP]Fade into Grey (Tori and Carina)Status: Complete Link: [PRP]'Idiotic' Brother (Tori and Quint)Status: Incomplete Link: [PRP] Sewn in Support...(Faris & Victoria)Status: Incomplete Victoria Carina has been and continues to be a blessing. She helped me clean up the bloody mess. I don't think there are many others out there that would have done such a thing and with a straight face at that. Most I think would have opted to do what I wanted to do first choice... burn the damn thing down. But, she gets me. She understands that I don't want handouts. I am all about carving a path and doing things my way. She supports me. I hope one day I get to repay her and help her out in a way no other can... I think though I've damaged her. As strong as he made out to be I don't think any one can be strong facing a situation like that. I know I wasn't strong. I just hope we both make it through this alright...
I found out that I am having twins! I was little pissed off at the doctors office but was it sank in I was pretty excited. I don't know how I am going to make this work, but I know I am.
On the way home from the Doctors appointment I ran into Quint. He may have a tough outside but on the inside he is a real softy. I am glad that I know him and that we are getting closer. He feels like a brother to me. I don't have any brothers... so it is kinda strange at the same time. I am glad that I gave him a second chance and that he gave me one too that night we ate dinner. He seems fairly excited about becoming an uncle... Although, at the same time he seems ready to smack some sense into Kay. I really hope I haven't caused a rift between the two brothers. Quint told me that if I needed anything to let him know and he'd do his best to help out... I think he is actually looking forward to being an uncle.
Finally, I caught up with Faris! It the strangest of places too, completely coincidental. It wasn't that place itself was strange it was just that I would never have thought to run into her there. We met at a sowing class. (More to come on this).
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Posted: Fri Oct 08, 2010 7:29 pm
Status: Complete Tori was quick to smack Joy's hand away from her face. Sure she was hot, sweaty, and in a lot of pain... but the last thing she wanted was that damn woman trying to pat her forehead with a damp cloth. She let out a vicious growl as she gripped the sheets again. She was doing her best to try and remember to breath during these contractions to help manage the pain... but damn did the pain make it hard. And, there was Joy beside her breathing like a pro... But, that was only because she wasn't the one in an immense amount of pain.
"Like this..."
"Yes, woman I ******** know how to breath like that... I am ******** trying," Tori screeched. "Sorry that I am not..." she bit down on her bottom lip before she could cry out in pain. She, if possible, gripped the sheets even tighter.
Joy, who was at a loss for how to help Victoria refused to give up or quite smiling... even though it seemed to piss her off even more. She scooped up Tori's hand and untangled it from the sheets.
"I'll break it," Tori hissed as she felt another contraction coming. Considering her strong dislike towards the woman, simply because she was the one who told her she was expecting, she was strongly tempted to just because... But, in the end she decided to just warn her, she was after all just trying to help.
"Well if you makes you feel better... But, really you shouldn't," Joy said as she blinked rapidly in surprise to Tori's comment. "But remember I have to be down there to catch them, cut the cord, clean them up... and I don't know how well I'd do one handed."
Tori's eyes narrowed and she growled towards the woman... Damn her for proving her point.
----
"Good job Tori," Joy said as she collected up the few towels that were near the edge of the bed. "Just one more good push... Deep breath and push."
Tori was weak and starting to feel like she couldn't take another contraction or another push... and this was only the first baby. So, when Joy told her to push she couldn't but help to narrow her eyes and growl at the woman as she had done so many times previous when she felt discomfort or ill will towards her.
Joy was right there with the towels the moment the shoulders slipped out from the opening. It was all down hill from here, for now. Just a couple more soft pushes and there would be a baby.
Tori laid there limper than a wet noodle as Joy finished up the last bits of baby number one. She stretched out her arms in a give me way. She didn't want to wait for a cleaned up baby, she wanted her baby now! She'd worked hard!
"Here you go," Joy giggled as she placed the little boy into her mothers arms. "You did really good," she said as she grabbed the cloth out of the water dish next to the bed. "You should take this moment to rest up before the next one..."
Tori at this point could care less about Joy's actions. It was all about the baby in her arms. Her little boy... with a snake just like Kay. At least that is what she thought because why else would there be an egg like object on her sons skull. "Sanqui Song," she giggled as she ran her fingers over the babies soft skin. She was beginning to cry but not from pain but joy.
----
Tori hardly felt like ten minutes had passed before she was in pain all over again. She hardly thought it fair, but then again she couldn't ask the other baby to just stay in there for another month or so while she recovered from the first... mater of fact she didn't want to be pregnant anymore. That last bit was enough to fuel her to continue as much as she didn't want to due to being tired.
Joy looked up from the crib when she heard Tori start to whimper. Quickly she tucked the lil boy in and rushed to grab the towels and things.
"Couldn't I have had just five more minutes," she said in between pants. This set of pain was enough to make her toes curl. She nearly ripped the sheets when she gripped them. "Oh, Heaven's just get the baby out now..." she screamed. She really wanted to scream out a few swear words and who she'd like to be killing right about now. She was starting to wonder why in the world she had wanted to do this naturally and at home, and not in the hospital drugged up.
"This time should be a piece of cake," Joy winked.
"A ******** piece of cake!" Tori growled. Any bond she might have been forming with the woman got kicked down a few notches. "Sure as s**t you can say that... you aren't the one pushing!" She bit down before she could scream out in pain as another contraction hit. Her eyes clamped shut.
Joy tried to not look offend. She really hadn't meant to set Tori off.
----
And then there were two...
Joy carefully laid the wrapped up, still fresh to the world, little girl in Tori's arms.
"Ixchellia Allura Song," she ran her fingers through the little girls hair and signed softly. As she craddled the little girl she felt the strings on her back. She giggled as she thought of all the trouble the little girl was going to get into. Though she hurt in places she wished she didn't she was content.
Joy knew at this moment Tori didn't have a care in the world except her babies. Carefully she laid the little boy, who had been cleaned up, next to his still freshly birthed sister. "You did good momma," she smiled.
Tori looked up at Joy for only a second and then down at the little ones in her arms. 
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Posted: Sat Oct 09, 2010 2:49 pm
Status: Complete Victoria My dearest Kay,
I cannot begin to tell you how much I've missed you, have wanted to be held by you. Staying away has been one of the hardest things I've had to do lately. I don't know if you'll ever understand my actions but I felt it was for the best. If I had hung around I'm sure I would have expected a lot from you.
I'm sure by now you've got a girl and are going steady with her. She'll have tamed, even if in the slightest, that wild streak of yours. I raise my glass to her... Shame I couldn't have never been that girl but then again I was never one to settle and neither were you at the time.
That, however, isn't why I am writing this to you. I am writing to say that you are the daddy to two beautiful little babies. I promised you that you could see them, and I was figuring that you might be up to doing that. Perhaps we could even do dinner at my place...
Forever loving you,
Tori
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Posted: Thu Oct 14, 2010 12:04 pm
Status: Complete Victoria Milk. Eggs. Butter.
I swear I need more. I just cannot remember what else I need right now.
Also, I cannot remember the last time I had more than a power nap for a 'nights' sleep. Something is going to have to give... I think my schooling. I can always pick that up again when the twins are older and more independent.
Oh, s**t that's right... Diapers! Damn do kids go through diapers. I swear I go through more of them than water.
Bottles, blankets... Everything doubled.
To think I thought I had this... I do have it... Barely, but I do... I really do... Don't I... Yes I do... I do have it dammit!
Thank Heaven I have several extra pairs of hands...
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Posted: Thu Oct 14, 2010 12:13 pm
Status: Complete Victoria The weather lately has been dismal. I hate when the weather gets like this because I start to think back... I want to remember but I don't.
I don't want to have another melt down. I hate looking weak...
I need to catch up with Carina. I really owe her big time. She helped me get this house in good shape. I know she didn't have to but she did and I am really thankful, grateful. I thought about going into town and finding her a really elegant tea set or a fancy necklace. I am just not sure which she'd like better. I want it to be something really, really special.
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Posted: Thu Oct 14, 2010 12:21 pm
Status: Complete Victoria The nanny was kind enough to give me a day off. I really, really didn't want to leave the twins. But, like she said I didn't hire her to just sit around. And, there is more to life than just school and work.
So I 'kidnapped' THING for the day. We did absolutely nothing but stroll around town and be lazy at the park together. I know THING is really young, but I don't know... everyone I connect to is younger than me.
I just feel so at ease around THING. Amazingly calm. Carefree.
Not to mention THING is absolutely the most adorable thing around. Soft and cuddly. I could just curl up next to it for hours. Actually there are times I do. THING has a knack for chasing away my nightmares. I actually can sleep when THING is around.
You'd think by now I'd be over these nightmares... Something in me just won't let them go.
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Posted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 7:31 pm
Status: Complete Tori's dinning room table was covered in books, papers, pens. There was barely a free space for a glass of wine. She was doing her best to study for her test and get her homework done. It was one of those spare moments when the kids were asleep and she wasn't exactly tired yet.
Sigh sighed as she ran her fingers through her hair. At this moment she did not have the ability to sit still, or have patience for more than five minutes. Her mind was on what else she could be doing like: violin, house work (and she had a maid!), shopping, babies... everything but school!
She closed the book she was currently studying and picked up her glass of wine. She exited the kitchen and headed to the study. She leaned against the wall and looked out the window. She wondered if she was restless due to being worried.
Having to clean up this place meant that she had to revisit herself from when she had just gotten bigger. When she was frightening alone and scared. When she didn't really know who she was or how she was going to get by. She wished that THING was here. She'd feel a lot better then. Perhaps her restlessness was due to her not being surrounded by her siblings having a million other things to do.
She took a sip of her wine and exited the study to go across the hall to the living room. She plopped down on the sofa that was in front of the fire place. She wasn't cold but the fire brought her another type of warmth. Almost comfort. She sighed.
She sat her glass of whine on the coffee table and picked up the book that had been left sitting there. She flipped through the pages, occasionally reading a blurb here and there but nothing to extensive. Finally she snapped it shut and sat it back down.
She stood up and headed out of the living room, leaving her wine glass behind. She headed upstairs and into her room. She sat next to the cribs. She had yet to move the babies into their room yet. She wasn't ready for that yet, and didn't think they were either.
She smiled as she watched her little ones sleep. And, soon she was content enough that she drifted off to sleep still sitting in the chair without knowing it.
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Posted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 7:54 pm
Status: Complete Victoria I didn't get any studying done last night after I finally got the twins calm and settled and asleep. I was restless for some reason. I finally did settle down myself... to the extent that I feel asleep in the rocking chair next tot heir cribs.
I am going to ask my teachers to please just give me my finals. I'll just cram for a couple of days and take them if they agree. Then I am going to take some time off from College. I can pick it up again when they are older and there is less on my plate. I've got plenty of time... it isn't like I am going to die tomorrow.
Also, cutting out college will mean more time for my babies and my sisters. The nanny is a blessing but it shouldn't be up to her to raise my kids all of the time. Along with her and my friends we are team. I don't know what I would do without them.
Maybe not cut education out completely... just cut back A LOT! My life can no longer be just about me. I have my family to think about. Who would have ever thought me unselfish and non self centered and self serving...
Hell has frozen over folks... Tori is giving into being categorized as one of the dead on their feet moms.
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Posted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 8:52 pm
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