That works. Key points:
*Punctuation: Everyone messes up punctuation while posting and few care, but when you don't even get it right in the intro, people assume you don't care about that, either... or worse, you just suck that bad at being literate.
*You're writing like you're Steube. Stop it. His stuff is confusing and too abrupt to flow well, to the point where people who don't know him generally don't want to attempt it. (No offense, Steube, but it's true...)
*Saurian: You just threw a language barrier into an rp. More importantly, you did it in a mass general rp area where the players are not expected to already know the language. That's a big turn-off right there for any casual rper, even though it's actually more realistic if some people are speaking a language that not everyone can (or wants to) understand... gotta keep in mind that people hate it when others speak around them in a foreign language. It's as true online as it is IRL.
*Lists: You have a long list of weapons and then a long list of ammo, and not a pic to break up the monotony in the bunch. Then you have a link to a list of monsters. Lists scare people, but more importantly, it makes your intro post too long. Either break it up so each list has its own post after the intro, or just have links to all three, so people can browse at their leisure. It may simply not help you to have lists... lists of what is allowed are very restrictive to roleplay. However, if you really want to have them, my suggestion is to do what you can to make them more appealing. Pictures are a huge plus for that, more than anything else is.
Hope this helps.
