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 Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2009 3:41 pm
l e m 0 n - s q u a r e__ BockiBear @ Lemon: Your story was good. Although the only thing is, as I was reading it, it sounded a lot like a part in "The Phantom of the Opera". The part where Madame Giry finds the Phantom and rescues him. That is the only thing I can really find wrong with it. Otherwise this, your story is very good. I liked reading it. @ Stasi: Your story was good as well. I enjoyed it very much. It needs more detail however. I didn't really get too into it. I'm not saying it's bad, but it just needs a little more. I liked how you ended it though. It makes me want to hear more about what Sidney exactly does. @ Subtle: I liked your story as well. It was nice reading a story with your interpretations of Greek mythology. I was a little confused at times, but this is because on my own free time, I study Greek, Roman, Egyptian, and Norse mythology. I thought it interesting that Icarus was the holder of the Earth, rather than the Titan Atlas. That's what I love about the creativity of writing. Good job.
As you might see from my signature I do love the Phantom of the Opera and it tends to be my muse.
I'm a little upset that just because my "Living Corpse" child [which I did borrow the name from the movie] happens to look like Erik, and the narrator is a young girl [who has no connection to Madame Giry at all] causes my story to lose credit.
Edit:: I also forgot to ask...I have some of my poetry posted on a blog...I do have a link to Gaia that has my username in it...and the blog link also has lem0n-square in it spelled the same way. lem0n-square.blogspot.com
Yes, you may enter poetry that's posted on your blogspot. I mean, how many people could possibly be using the username "lem0n square" for anything rofl
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Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2009 3:44 pm
Julia-Roseblood So since it has to be PG-13, I'm guessing detailed gorey violence is not allowed? sad
That's too bad 'cause I have an old short story kicking around from school that I really liked and wanted to enter. Ohhh well.
Dude... Have you seen the type of violence that PG-13 movies, & even freakin' network TV shows, contain these days?
I'd say go ahead & enter it. Chances are it's alright. Besides, your school accepted it. [Then again, my school accepted & totally embraced writing of mine that had "The F word" in it countless times... but, whatever.]
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Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2009 8:50 pm
Poetry Contest 1st Entry This is a poem I wrote when I was 15. It was intended as a sort of group message to people I cared about, all of whom had in some way contributed to the state of depression I was in at the time. I codenamed them: Juliet, the Prince, the Baron, the Huntress, and His Grace.
I posted it in my MySpace blog at the time. Yes, the Ossochanter/Erika E on there is me. You could message me to confirm this, though you'll have to warn me since I haven't gotten on that site in like two years. Too much teenage angst, and I was not helping. XD
Edit: Whooops, fixed.A Note I hate you I want to touch you, I want to taste you; I want it to hurt, I want you to burn I want you to feel the past third of this life Do you have any clue how much the dirt is choking me? You buried me alive and I’m still clawing my way out They’ll see my scrabbling and call me an actress They’ll tell me what to do like a little wind-up toy Because you made me your little wind-up toy And you wound me and wound me And then you let me go But I don’t know where to go Because I’m just a toy That didn’t come with instructions And all I want is to be wound up again Even though I know That if you ever did, if I let you wind me up You’d just let me go again And then where would I be? I can’t even see my face anymore Because the dirt eroded it away And I try and I try And I try and I try To fix my face To fix your face To fix her face To fix the world’s face And all I do is shatter things Because I’m a clumsy little toy You probably think I’m an actress Looking at this scrabbling But really all I want to say to you Is I’m sorry; I love you I hate you; I miss you I want you It’s not your fault, really And I’m winding down
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Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2009 4:23 am
hmm I'm new to this guild but I think I'm up to a writing contest blaugh I'll have something by the end of the school day, I hope. I'll do a short story, not good on poetry lol
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Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2009 4:35 am
Alrighty. I'm new to the guild and all.
But I do write.. Quite a bit now.
POETRY; This is called "Death Is.."
Death is when your loved ones must depart,
Death is a sharp pain to the heart.
Death is a feeling of permanent sadness and pain,
Death is when your loved ones have forever gone away.
Death is a call to heaven or hell,
Death is an eternal mansion or cell.
Death is a lesson to learn about,
Death is a loss, without a doubt.
Death is an unhappy feeling to have,
Death is unpleasant on anyone's behalf.
Death is something we all will go through,
Death is a storm waiting to brew.
Death is a lingering crow always overhead;
Death is a soul, done being fed.
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Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2009 4:37 am
RickyRampage Alrighty. I'm new to the guild and all. But I do write.. Quite a bit now. POETRY; This is called "Death Is.." Death is when your loved ones must depart, Death is a sharp pain to the heart. Death is a feeling of permanent sadness and pain, Death is when your loved ones have forever gone away. Death is a call to heaven or hell, Death is an eternal mansion or cell. Death is a lesson to learn about, Death is a loss, without a doubt. Death is an unhappy feeling to have, Death is unpleasant on anyone's behalf. Death is something we all will go through, Death is a storm waiting to brew. Death is a lingering crow always overhead; Death is a soul, done being fed. I'll be going to work now, be back later!
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Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2009 2:30 pm
I have a question about the short story, can I post my story here or should I post the title? I have the story in the arenas, so just let me know^^
Just in case my story is called: A Hatchling's Tears
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Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2009 2:43 pm
Why not give this a try, since I'm new.
I wrote this poem a year or so after my parents were divorced. I think I was thirteen when they were officially divorced, I was fourteen or so when I wrote this. And I'm ninteen now, so that would put this poem at the five year mark. I wrote this in both the perspective of my mother and myself. The difference is that my dad is the one that left. In this case though, it's the woman who's leaving of her own volition. Well...I guess you'll find out as you read
POETRY CONTEST
1st Entry
"Foolish"
What makes you think I am yours?
What made you think that I was your woman?
I am my own person and I was not yours to be owned!
I'm not gonna stay for you,
Because I got dreams too.
I'm not gonna waste my life waiting for you,
Ive got things I gotta do.
You know that I have a heart
And I stood by while you tore me apart
With taunts and words of pain
And my tears would fall like rain
I love you, it's true, I do,
But I have to love me too.
You don't care for me, you never will,
So I'm leaving today,
I'll be happier this way.
You could've tagged along behind me,
You could've stayed and walked beside me,
But you shouldn't have tried to lead me,
What made you think I'd follow?
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Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2009 4:03 pm
poetry contest<33DRUNK
Went to a party,
And remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mom
So I had a sprite instead.
I felt proud of myself,
The way you said I would,
That I didn't drink and drive,
Though some friends said I should.
I made a healthy choice,
And your advice to me was right,
The party finally ended,
And the kids drove out of sight.
I got into my car,
Sure to get home in one piece,
I never knew what was coming, Mom
Something I expected least.
Now I'm lying on the pavement,
And I see the policemen say,
"The kid that caused this wreck was drunk"
Mom, his voice seems far away.
My own blood's all around me,
As I try hard not to cry.
I can hear the paramedic say,
"This girl is going to die."
I'm sure the guy had no idea,
While he was flying high,
Because he chose to drink and drive,
Now I would have to die.
So why do people do it, Mom
Knowing that it ruins lives?
And now the pain is cutting me,
Like a hundred stabbing knives.
Tell sister not to be afraid, Mom
Tell daddy to be brave,
And when I go to heaven,
Put "Daddy's Girl" on my grave.
Someone should have taught him,
That's it's wrong to drink and drive.
Maybe if his parents had,
I'd still be alive.
My breath is getting shorter, Mom
I'm getting really scared.
These are my final moments,
And I'm so unprepared
I wish that you could hold me Mom
As I lie here and die.
I wish that I could say, "I love you, Mom!"
So I love you and good-bye. this poem means a lot to me since one of my loved ones got killed by a drunk driver...
Matthew Park R.I.P
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Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2009 5:41 pm
hippolove94 poetry contest<33DRUNK
Went to a party,
And remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mom
So I had a sprite instead.
I felt proud of myself,
The way you said I would,
That I didn't drink and drive,
Though some friends said I should.
I made a healthy choice,
And your advice to me was right,
The party finally ended,
And the kids drove out of sight.
I got into my car,
Sure to get home in one piece,
I never knew what was coming, Mom
Something I expected least.
Now I'm lying on the pavement,
And I see the policemen say,
"The kid that caused this wreck was drunk"
Mom, his voice seems far away.
My own blood's all around me,
As I try hard not to cry.
I can hear the paramedic say,
"This girl is going to die."
I'm sure the guy had no idea,
While he was flying high,
Because he chose to drink and drive,
Now I would have to die.
So why do people do it, Mom
Knowing that it ruins lives?
And now the pain is cutting me,
Like a hundred stabbing knives.
Tell sister not to be afraid, Mom
Tell daddy to be brave,
And when I go to heaven,
Put "Daddy's Girl" on my grave.
Someone should have taught him,
That's it's wrong to drink and drive.
Maybe if his parents had,
I'd still be alive.
My breath is getting shorter, Mom
I'm getting really scared.
These are my final moments,
And I'm so unprepared
I wish that you could hold me Mom
As I lie here and die.
I wish that I could say, "I love you, Mom!"
So I love you and good-bye. this poem means a lot to me since one of my loved ones got killed by a drunk driver...
Matthew Park R.I.P You should send this to Dear Abby, Ann Landers, and every newspaper Letters to the Editor and Op-Ed column you can find an address for.
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Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2009 5:42 pm
@ hippolove94 -- unless you happen to be connected with MADD, then you copied and only changed parts of your poem. I received this in an email not too long ago. I know I'm not judging this contest I just thought I'd say that...
EDIT This is a website talking about the chain letter than it was in. Unless you created the chain letter, then I doubt that you wrote this. Mothers Against Drunk Driving Chain Letter
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Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2009 6:59 pm
POETRY
Lady In Wrinkles
A girl went and fell down the well.
Tried as she might to climb out, she failed.
She sat there, moaned and groaned and cried.
But none came to save her from demise.
She cried until she can't cry no more.
And she sat waiting for her paramour.
But her beau never did appeared.
'Cause he's kissing one girl right near.
And she sat there until she crinkled.
And she became the Lady In Wrinkles.
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Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2009 7:28 pm
POETRY: 1st Submission
The Broken Lives
We see the war we’re in and turn our face away and say,
We can fix this hate tomorrow,
Tomorrow is another day.
And tomorrow we stop the war and leave with a smile,
Satisfaction at a job well done,
And in our minds the broken lives are just another file.
We don’t consider the dirty children,
The grieving mothers,
the weeping girls and,
the families knowing that their loved ones are never coming back.
We leave with satisfaction at a job well done,
Because our conscience is resolved,
Although our actions have damaged them a ton.
We propose to leave the ruined country,
And that may be the best choice,
But listen to the orphaned children,
For they too, have a voice.
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Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2009 8:32 am
POETRY CONTEST
2nd Entry
Beautiful Tragedy
Such beautiful tragedy,
Sitting alone in her corner.
Knowing she is different,
with no way to explain why.
Look away,
Her eyes are filled with tears that
Plead for another chance to repent.
But her strangeness is not to be forgotten;
Never to be absolved of our own regret.
Nevermind that she only needed
The protection that We failed to give.
Such a simple misconception,
That We withheld her the protection,
We had no right to steal.
In her eyes, We see our guilt,
Our own need for absolution,
So We have shut her out.
Alone in her corner,
Hidden from the web of lies
That Our righteous tongues built.
So look away.
Never look too closely,
For the tears in her eyes,
Only poison Our hearts,
To have compassion
For a broken creature such as she.
But this is not the truth as I see
Because the tears lingering in her eyes
Are pleading forever more,
To give Us Our only chance to repent
Such beautiful tragedy,
Sitting alone in a pool of Our regret.
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Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2009 4:47 pm
POETRY >> 1ST ENTRY
((So we had a kid from our school die in a rather bad car accident. Not wearing a seat belt, tsktsk... He's the third death in just as many semesters, so it got me thinking on my own mortality, and this is the morbid crap that popped up.))
Mortal
The burning black snakes
Twist and coil in a dance of death
Fangs piercing like stakes
And mortality rushes out in a single breath
Lives and loves fading with milky eyes
And the transparent desires become black.
Cold yet caring, Death comes in his dark guise.
Collecting souls in his pale white sack.
Others watch in morbid wonder, and wait
And are reminded of their own fleeting life
A mortality that no science can abate
Yet a need to be remains, causing no end of strife.
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