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 Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2005 11:22 pm
She admired the way their hands fit together when he interlocked their fingers. It was so funny how different they were. Not their fingers, but just everything about them. He was a large black man, her a petite white girl. He was from the ghetto, she the richer side of town. He had always had to be tough and fight, she never faced such challenges and was quite weak and soft.
How different they were... but she was admiring their fingers because it seemed to embody their relationship. So very different, yet so very the same...and fitting perfectly together.
"Yeah....I'm likin' it."
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Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2005 11:32 pm
"Good," he murmured. "Otha'wise I figger I must be losin' my touch." He settled his deep brown gaze onto her violetesque one as he let their clasped hands fall at their side.
Jamal didn't think so abstractly as she did, but he could agree they were opposites in many ways. He wasn't so concerned with that, though. He'd been in relationships with all kinds of women. Usually just superficial ones, very-one sided ones, or ones that he (or the girl) kept long enough to get whatever it was they wanted.
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Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2005 11:40 pm
Though it was meant light heartedly something about his last comment made Awen a little uncomfortable. She was brought back to the scenes of Jamal staring and flirting with the other women of the island. Awen remembered how quickly they lost that closeness after they kissed.
She shifted in the bed a little bit. She remembered that nothing they had, as of yet, was serious and for now worried that with Jamal it never would be. The voice inside that was telling her all these wonderful things about Jamal now was put to question. Could he be all these things? Yes. How could it be sure? ... Was he just using Awen to get what he wanted? No. How could it be sure? ... Could Jamal be more than her close friend without Awen being another notch in the belt? Yes. How could it be sure...?
Awen did not like this sudden swicth in moods and just sighed softly shifting again. "Naw...not losing your touch Jamal."
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Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2005 11:45 pm
Unbeknownst to her, he hadn't meant his 'playa' touch...at least, subconsciously he hadn't. Her quickly shifting mood got his attention, being that he was watching her eyes and noticed the subtile change in her expression. Jamal didn't know what he said that came off badly.
"What's wrong?"
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Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2005 11:48 pm
Awen blinked a little and looked right at him. She hadn't meant for her uncomfortableness to reach anywhere near surface. And the way he asked what was wrong with such concern she half regretted thinking what she had.
"Nothing." She said and smiled.
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Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2005 11:51 pm
He regarded her in a cautious manner, searching her face for a clue to what was bugging her. If she didn't want to explain, that was her deal, but it vaguely bothered him that she was put off so easily by something he might have said.
"Ya sure?"
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Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2005 11:59 pm
Her smiled wavered and she looked away, as thought ashamed of something. She sighed softly.
"I... I dunno." She said hesitantly. "Just... I..." She rolled her shoulders a bit. "I really like you Jamal. You're so sweet and caring and everything. You're strong your funny and you are determined. You make me smile and you make me feel strong. But... I'm caught with myself. If...if I should be wanting more...or if I should back off." She drew in a long breath. "Just because you.... well I don't know don't seem the type for a more... serious style relationship and.... I can't really see myself with too much less than that...and...gosh i don't know I'm sort of stupid really.."
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Posted: Sun Nov 13, 2005 12:12 am
He listened to her hesitant admission with a carefully neutral expression; he sort of knew it was coming by the look on her face before she started to ramble. At least he was respectful and let her go until she finally ran out of steam.
"Well," he started, trying to choose his words carefully, shifting so he was partially propped up on an elbow. "I ain't gonna lie 'n say I be the best guy out in da world...but a brotha can be serious if he needs ta be. But maybe yous gotta make some decisions n' thinkin first b'fo you worry 'bout someone else."
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Posted: Sun Nov 13, 2005 12:17 am
She looked up to him and felt ... well less than special as she had before. She hated ruining moments like that... Though there was hope, what he said... he could be serious. Not an open 'will you go steady with me' responce but definately a step in the right direction.
Her brow twicthed at what he said last. She really hand't the foggiest what he meant. "Um... what do you mean by maybe I have to make some decisions before i worry about something else?"
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Posted: Sun Nov 13, 2005 12:21 am
"You gotta know 'zactly what you be wantin' b'fo yous go askin thangs of others," he said calmly. "Yous sounding a lil uncertain or nervous or sumthin'...best ta get yo'self figgered out first." He didn't mean it in a rude way and he hoped she didn't take it that way.
It seemed as the mood was semi-killed, so he carefully sat up and leaned against the headboard, letting Awen's hand go so it wouldn't be twisted awkwardly with his movements.
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Posted: Sun Nov 13, 2005 12:31 am
Slowly she sat up too, but swung her feet back over the side of the bed so her back was to Jamal. She sighed and looked over at the far wall.
"I've just never really been in many relationships.... None that were at all... too advanced either." She said slowly looking down and swinging her feet slightly. "I suppose it's juvenile... But I am uncertain and nervous because I don't know how you'd react, I don't really know how things would or should go... Inexperience with this sort of thing kind of makes me... not so confident..."
She hadn't taken whathe said as rude at all. In fact it was only fair, and he was right. She was the one really causing problems here.
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Posted: Sun Nov 13, 2005 12:37 am
"You ain't gonna learn nuthin' unless you try it out...only way to get experience," he said logically as he too swung his legs over the side of the bed, but continued until he was standing and moved off towards his dresser to pick out something clean to wear. "Gotta trust yoself sum'times, Shorty. Yous doin' jus' fine."
He had some thinking of his own to do though...if he was stuck on the island, shouldn't he at least make the best of it? Apparently new people were showing up all the time...
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Posted: Sun Nov 13, 2005 12:44 am
She nodded a little bit. "Trust myself..." She mumbled under her breath. But soon enough shook her head. She grabbed her shoes from the floor and sat in silence as she was putting them back on.
"Well..." She said slowly as she stood up. "I really would like... to get into a relationship, Jamal... But." She paused a moment to think of what she wanted to say, the first part of it having turned out horribly. "I don't want to ask anything of you that you would really prefer not..."
She has torn inside, her stomach was doing a few backflips with this one. Something about this whole situation just mae Awen... feel like crap. But, she thought that at the very least Jamal's mind would be distracted from his breakdown-like state.
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Posted: Sun Nov 13, 2005 12:55 am
He peeled his dirty shirt off and chucked it in the corner before pulling on a clean white tank, then grabbed his doo-rag off from the top of his dresser. He secured it firmly on his head with a few deft twists of the ties as Awen tripped over her words for a second time. A brow arched in a characteristic Jamal manner as he crossed the room again to join her by the bed.
"You ain't askin' me anythin' I'mma prefer not ta do, but I ain't perfect and ya gotta unda'stand dat. I kin try real hard but sumtimes stupid s**t happens."
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Posted: Sun Nov 13, 2005 1:00 am
Once again she found herself blinking up at him. "Well Jamal.... no one is perfect. I really wouldn't expect you to be..." She fidgetted with her fingers and looked down to them trying to think of something. "I just...." She bit her tongue a moment but finally just let ou the words. "I just don't want to hold you back from anything else you'd want. Any..one else..."
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