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 Posted: Fri Jun 04, 2010 10:05 am
Fen is a very useful character because of this. Everybody should have one. razz
I think I'm going to have to survey little things like this past a bunch of friends, and see what's thought - see, I don't want to take it out then have somebody say 'oh, but it was useful!'
Erm... I was as much conveying that Fen was putting more emphasis on that word. Perhaps I should just talk about them as bandits or something previously, then capitalise/italicise 'Raiders'?
You can still call them Karjackers if it makes you happy. smile
Ok, I'm persuaded. Relan's getting a chapter.
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Posted: Fri Jun 04, 2010 10:52 am
....I lol'd. I wish I had a Fen. Rena was sort of one. Bigger parts for all y/y? I thought at first that you might have meant 'bandits' but accidentally put raiders. Italicizing it might also work. =3 RELAN CHAPTER?! YAY! I'm so excited, I must post this gif. 
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Posted: Sat Jun 05, 2010 4:34 am
Y/y?
Haha, that's some excited stuff right there. It isn't going to be ready for a while though, so just read the first bit of chapter three, pretending that Relan's been doing her thing. smile
Also, Rick makes my computer lag razz
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Posted: Sat Jun 05, 2010 8:03 am
Yes/Yes. I'm giving you no option for 'no'.
Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. =3=
Rick makes your computer lag because your computer loves Rick and gets distracted.
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Posted: Sat Jun 05, 2010 10:02 am
Ahh, sneaky!
My computer loves RIck?
MY COMPUTER IS SENTIENT!
Aw damn.
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Posted: Sat Jun 05, 2010 10:07 am
Your computer becomes sentient because of Rick, and therefore loves him.
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Posted: Sat Jun 12, 2010 8:45 pm
Okay here's the quick chapter three thingy what, before the lights go out. 8U I figured out about at Sarri's entry that it was them, so that wasn't too hard to understand. My brain kind of went *whoo whoo* concerning the 'political' parts. What I took away: Raiders=bad, Fen+Sarri=not-ish. Sarri's actions seemed hasty and too unplanned, and not necessarily what I would have pegged her as doing. The whole thing seemed hasty for what would be a secret plan of spies. I get the feeling that Sarri isn't too good at this. Honestly, she seemed kind of stupid to take such drastic actions. Ipeth was random, but I suppose I like him. =3 My complaints really stem from the fast pace. You know how I feel about fast paces. D8 There's little build--I'm sure, though, that Relan's chapter will build a little more. Such a quick time skip combined with equally quick introduction leaves me with very little drive to move on. *critic critic critic* This entry in gifs: Fen 1 & 2:   Vrekdy:  Ipeth:  Sarri:  Barbna: 
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Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2010 2:13 am
Before the lights go out.. You got a curfew or something? razz
Yay, someone got it!
Huh, I hadn't thought it was that political. Was it off putting, then?
I think I explain a bit later on that the job is very much a 'get in, get out, get rid of the Raiders' kinda deal, so perhaps I should move that up to this chapter? ...And for that matter, probably post the rest of this chapter!
Ipeth is a bit of a loose cannon - they have a plan, but he randomly decided to check on Sarri, which broke the plan, hence some of the hastiness. Fen tells him off for it later.
As for Sarri...she's supposed to seem more competent than she came across to you, if still fairly new to the job. Hm...do you think it'd fix the pacing/how she comes across by having Sarri *ahem* dispatch the raider more efficiently, and then slow things down a little with another short exchange with Ipeth, then have her running downstairs?
Critic-ing is good and helpful, so I'm not going to complain.
The gifs made me laugh, but I couldn't see Ipeth's. sad
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Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2010 9:33 am
 Ipeth. Nope, it was storming, and the electricity kept going out. 8V I find whenever it involves government/resistance/that sort of thing I usually just have a vague knowledge of it. Even in real life. It's probably just me. 8U I guess you've set it up so that it seems like Sarri would be very competent--again, like you've skipped over the possible development you could have with her learning everything and Fen dealing with her. So we don't know exactly how new she is to it all. I'm still like 'fast pace fast pace'. No me gusta fast pace. Me gusta slow pace. I dunno. I almost feel like Sarri's scene could be... cut. No, not that. Simply changed a little? I'm not sure. So Fen goes: Rofl, wait, what did she do? And then Sarri goes: I bet you were expecting to cut straight upstairs. Nope, we're just outside and I'm being menaced. Uh, yeah. Me: Wait, what?  
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Posted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 10:52 am
Heh, that is totally Ipeth. If he was female. And a pop star.
Makes sense - there's so much of it around that most people have a vague idea of how things work.
But some people like the fast pace at times!!!
I suppose when I do the Relan chapter, I can introduce the fact that Sarri is going to be trained up - the trouble is that these things have a tendency to almost become a bit like a verbal training montage, which I want to avoid like the cliche plague it is.
Haha! Yeah, my Raiders aren't the best trained - like I suggested, half of them are just low time bandits who've been picked up (mainly because they know the area) - so they don't see anything wrong with grabbing a quick nerve bracer while nobody's looking.
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Posted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 12:16 pm
Um, I suppose. It would be FUN, though, to have Ipeth be a female Jpop singer. =/
I am not one of those people. It may be, "if you're going to go fast, jump into some back story and relationships pretty fast before I get bored''. 8D In simple terms, 'If you do anything fast, let it be catching my interest'. =U
But I LIKE montages! 8C
I love the 'taken aback' gif. And I'm pretty sure that's Miyamoto. I love that guy. *goes to see if it is* OMG IT IS I LOVE THAT GUY
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Posted: Sat Jun 19, 2010 8:47 am
He'd probably enjoy it, in a strange way. After having got over the original omgwtfisgoingonhere!
...I swear this kind of stuff is probably the subject of numerous gender bender mangas.
I'd noticed. XP Fear not, things will move more steadily for a fair while after this.
But...I tried, and I was bored to tears while writing it. Much as I'd love to fit in an Elan-style training montage, anything that bores me while writing is probably best left well alone.
Dare I ask the obvious question? *braces self* Who is Miyamoto? Other than THAT guy.
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Posted: Sat Jun 19, 2010 9:09 am
....Is this how people come up with these sorts of things? Just by thinking, 'that sort of works?' Also, 'COMEDY!'?
As you can tell, ways to catch my interest are: interesting premise and brilliant writing. =/ Both are entirely subjective.
Let's imagine that Earthfire is a tv show, about an hour long each episode.
The first two chapters would NOT fill that time slot. Adding Relan in certainly would, but you've got to find a clean transition for each point: from Relan to the time skip, which I assume would probably be between episodes. And yes, it only gets more complicated then, as you know. =S
Miyamoto is the director behind The Legend of Zelda. He's hilarious.
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Posted: Sun Jun 20, 2010 4:21 am
I should think so. It sounds about right.
Indeed, indeed. Well, with any luck, once I'm back from Spain I'll be able to work on Earthfire properly.
Ahh ok - he sounds cool already.
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Posted: Sat Jul 17, 2010 11:13 am
Are you... WORKING PROPERLY? ...HHMMMMMMMMMMMMMM?
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